# Asleep

WAKE UP!!! You might be missing out on some sleep!!!

“I'm not asleep! Leave the light on!”
~ Steven Hawking on Asleep
“I feel asleep!”
~ Soldier on Asleep
“ZZZZZZZZZ”
~ High school girl on School
“Woah. Girl to rape! Score!”

A state of having the eyes closed, the brain relatively inactive, the salivary glands extremely active, and/or being in class, work or parliament.

Sleep is thought to be essential for maintaining a healthy brain. Ergo, class, work and parliament are essential for individual wellbeing. Make sure you attend regularly. It is a state in which your hallucinations are called dreams and considered to be normal, with no need to call in any psychiatrists. Except, of course, if you're already being monitored for your psychoses. However, these "dreams" (also called fantasies) can be a bit too real and for some, can lead to you waking up in a pool of man-gravy.

## editSleep as Fun

Sleep is in fact the most fun any person can have. This follows from the argument that:

$time flies = having fun$

and when

$time = sleep$

then

$time passing = 0$

which implies that

$sleep = infinite fun$

## editFive stages of sleep

There are five stages of sleep:

1. During this stage, only the scientists who devote their lives to watching people sleep and listening to people snore think you're asleep, because your brainwaves have changes a bit.
2. During this stage, your brainwaves have changed even more. You still shouldn't think you're asleep, just "thinking with your eyes closed". Sure.
3. Okay, now you're really asleep. By far the most boring stage of sleep.
4. The deepest stage of sleep (no, duh) in which your brain is operating at its lowest level, giving it plenty of time to recharge for another wild night out partying. If by now your muscles aren't fully relaxed, you're doing it wrong. This is why all sleepwalkers, sleeptalkers, and sleep sex-maniacs are sleeping wrong.
5. REM sleep. No, it's not named after the rock band, the rock band is named after it. REM stands for Rapid Eye Movement, because in this stage of sleep, every muscle in your body is paralyzed but your eyes, which twitch rather frantically. Some scientists would have you believe that eye movement in REM sleep is not related to what you are dreaming. Several urban legends have disproved this theory.

A normal sleep pattern goes a bit like this: Stage one, stage two, stage three, stage four, REM sleep, stage four, stage three, stage two, stage one, stage two, etc. Except once you get out of REM sleep for the first time, the entire process speeds up. Hey, it doesn't make sense to me either.

Sleeping had also produced some nice poetry, except I rather doubt Hamlet would have fallen asleep in the middle of such a dramatic speech about suicide.

 “ To sleep, perchance to dream;Ay, there's the rub:For what dreams may come in that dark sleepMust surely give us pause.Zzzzzzz... ”

## editThe common sleep

Gnroachh... phu phu phu phu

Gnroachh... phu phu phu phu

Gnrachehe. phu.

Zuooooooooooooooooooo.

Gnroach. phu.

## edit Sleep Trivia

• Falling asleep was a very big problem in the shocking video game Garfield: Caught in the Act.
• The Texan revolution was won because the Mexicans fell Asleep in the desert.
• The Texans lost the Alamo because many of them slept through it.
• The first Texas-related war was mostly about sleep.
• People often fall asleep when Dubya makes a speech.
• MIT Students, while incredibly smart, will not be able to be able to comprehend the concept of "sleep." Medical students may also be afflicted by this ailment.

 States of Existence Awake | Asleep | Semi-Conscious | Half Live | Dead (You are dead) | Dream | Dreaming | Dead but dreaming | Bored | Pregnant Drunk | Stoned | Handicapped | Comatose | Undead | Born again