Ash

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“He has gotta catch'em all”
“Ash was the finest 10 year old ass That I have gotten in a dog age.”
~ Prof. Oak
“Gotta Catch'em all”
~ Himself on STD
“He got turned into a Pikachu in 2004.”
~ Brock on Ash being turned into a Pikachu
Hump rock

Ash taking out his obnoxiously, horny emo angst on Mother Nature. Damn jackass.

Ash is the very common product of volcanic eruptions that stars in the hit Reality Show Pokemon. The last name Ketchum is originated from the latin root Catch'em. God just wanted it that way, but a board of experts (consisting entirely of me) speculate that it is an acronym for Kid-Eats-Titty-Cancer-However-Unresponsive-ManPenis. But we are open for other opinions. Ash is a name likely akin to his huge quantities of marijuana that he smoked, leading to the tripped out adventure with an electric rat.

Ash/Ass/Ashley Ketchum/Ketchup/Ketchump/Ketchcum/Rick Astley (March 23, 1995 - June 24, 2007 -) often dresses in his mom's clothes pretending to be a girl called Misty. Why do ya think Brock never fell for Misty? But how come we see Ash and Misty at the same time? That Ash is merely a robot controlled by Pikachu. When You don't see Misty, that's the real Ash. He also possess a Justin Bieber Award in Long-term Postponing of Puberty. Even at the age of twenty-three, he remains physically and mentally a dumb shit ten-year-old, although--due to the handy changing of voice actors--his voice has recently grown deeper. This may be a sign of his balls finally dropping. Experts estimate that, at this rate, Ash should begin shamelessly hitting on Misty by season 38. Of course, by then, she and Brock will have started a pimping business, so he'll be out of luck. Pika-pika indeed!

A real master?

To his credit ash really tried to be good at pokemon he just has a lot of bad luck......wait no he is just shit at pokemon, and even after he said you know that shit about being a pokemon master that he would be better than gary he just failed cause in the first season he got 8 badges and gary got ten (its that same in every season after), and after all this Gary just gave up on trying to make ash a better trainer and became a mother fucking pokemon resercher.

The origin people have often speculated the origin of ash as it seems that he has no father this would mean that his mother had him with out having sex this would then lead people to believe that ash is the son of god and since arceus is god that would make ash the son of arceus. BTW this will lead to you looking up ashes mom getting fucked by arceus (Im not fucking kidding).

Pre-Pokemon Age

The Many Loves of Ash Ketchum

The many loves of Ash Ketchum.

OHNO7

Ash in Season 9, flashing Max while May watches. Initially this was a video but the next 15 minutes were cut due to counts of rape, PokePhilia, murder, incest, bestiality, and Mudkips.

File:Holiday Hi-Jynx 0001.jpg

Ash at a young age had to go into therapy, for he had a confrontation with a Pikachu, and a bunch of Mudkips from a far away region. They all just fucked the hell out of his tight little butthole. No one believed young Ash for some reason their advanced technology did not allow them to contact the other region, or have people from other regions bring their "advanced" pokemon, so in terms they did not exist to Ash's hometown region

Ohnogun

Ash is known to ask the wrong people for a pokemon battle. This was taken when he asked Dirty Harry. Obviously the PokePunk wasn't feeling lucky, and it made Harry's day by having his head blown off. Again.

Before becoming an acclaimed actor in Pokemon, Ash did many great things. Very many. One of them is being the first boy to have sex with a pokemon. Others are listed below.

Achievements

  • He came up with the idea to catch a Ditto, wrap it around his cock, and Force it to transform into a rather large penis.
  • He caused an earthquake in the Caribbean wiping out the capitol of some shitty poor country by beating Pokemon Ruby.
  • He and pikachu rickroll'd God. Twice.
  • Found Cinnamon Toast Crunch delicious for another reason beside the fact that "there's cinnamon swirls in every bite!"
  • Has Olympic Gold Medals in the last 6 Winter Olympics for pairs Ice Dancing. He's the one with the skirt.
  • First person to wear his hat backwards.
  • Has raped 522 of the 649 pokemon species, had consensual sex with 62 others, and was raped in turn by exactly 3. Within a month. Damn, that must burn...
  • He is to date the only person to have his death warrant signed at birth with his own blood.
  • He is the first to eat an entire Rayquaza pot roast in the course of an hour and one half.
  • He has received 30 blowjobs from dawn in 4 hours.
  • First person to throw his pokeball with a flashy colorful background.
  • He is the first person to have his head blown off on 1,345 occasions.
  • Gary is always beating Ash. Even to Lucario's tailhole. Lucario may have replaced Mewtwo on the Super Smash Bros. Brawl line-up, but he's still Mewtwo's bitch.
  • He was the first person to find Full House funny.
  • He is the only person in Pokeymans to achieve anything.
  • First person to have everyone in Israel laugh at his cremation.
  • Appeared in a gangbang scene in a gay porno, With Brock,giovanni,gary & professors oak and elm Called "Poke a man: Gotta Fuck em all."
  • Killed and raped the male characters of 6teen and had consensual sex with Shaquille O'Neal...his ass must hurt...
  • He was born during an earthquake and dropped out the window. Twice. He landed in a crack that had formed in the subway and died of head trauma. He was brought back to life with Necronormicon.

When Ash was first given life by the cool Brotherhood (When he was baby-napped), he realized he would be different from all the other cool kids. Not only would he keep his geekism secret, a great feat as marked in The Book of The Geeks, but he would make Japan what it is today. When the Lord Hobo handed Ash his token vest, jeans and biking gloves, he whispered in Ash's ear, "I kick the water after dark," and Ash understood it as what it meant, and then Ash headed out of the giant ricepaper fortress and across the Ug'Kache Gate into our realm.he also squished her huge boobs.

  • He proved in his doctoral dissertation that Clefairy and Jigglypuff come from another planet
  • He returned to Pallet town after 10 years of training to be the Pokemon Master and Number One Hobo, to start his quest. As well as to make sure his mom wasn't banging her discolored slightly retarded Mr. Mime. (She was)

Pokemon Age

OHNO9

Ash, in the act of throwing a large wooden spear at the enemy Pokémon.

Anyone past the age of two knows the story: after 10 seasons and 850 episodes, Pokemon still hasn't lost its steam for many reasons. The show took a new turn; Pikachu (Ash) was successfully kidnapped by Team Rocket, causing Ash to commit suicide. Details are below. The show still trickles on, however, somewhere in season 11, with Brock as the new lead.

Ash was accepted into the reality show, Pokemon, at the age of ten. Like any good cool kid, he stole a bike 17 minutes into the show from Misty, who was tacked into the show. They traveled together until meeting Brock, the only cool person on the show.

Role In Pokemon

OHNO4

You were the chosen one, you were meant to destroy the sith not join them.

Ash, being the main character, was the role model for millions of kids. He danced around the screen, controlled by Misty aka his sister aka some chick he stole a bike from aka Ash, and later Max, and later Dawn, and later the Dark Lord Satan. He is generally considered a kind of hippy hobo pimp as he has a knack for getting young girls to follow him in whatever foreign lands he goes, then he discards them after he's finished using them and starts a new, making sure to change his appearance ever so slightly. He is best friends with Brock the jock who is one of his scouters hounding down many women especially if their a nurse or policewoman. He engages in Pokemon Battles, using the weakest smallest and generally most pathetic pokemon only allowing a handful of pokemon to evolve into badassery. But he wins thanks to the fact he uses a game shark giving all his pokemon crazy stats as well as game breaking abilities like lightning attacks working on ground types. His Pikachu, struck by God's Lighting, is so powerful it wins anyways. Despite coming across nearly every legendary pokemon he has yet to attempt catching one further adding to the long list proving his stupidity. Oh, and Ash is the death bringer to all bikes belonging to girls, which the victim bike's owner would stalk him until he pays back for the bike and will anal probe him in his sleep every night if he doesn't.

Ash is popular and is very much well liked. Well, not really... I just made a goo in my pants

Family

Republican

Ash is the role model for millions of children.

Ash's family life was complicated and difficult. Raised by a single mother, Ash has never met his father. Many have speculated that Ash's father is the 707584 year old Professor Oak, the Pokemon researcher living suspiciously close by. Other potential fathers include, Giovanni, Satan, Lee Kuan Yew, Russell T Davies, Dave Grohl, Mr. Mime, Kimbo Slice, Mrs. Ketchum (which makes us wonder who the mother is), Maati from the planeteers, the Force, Darth Vader, M Bison, Gangnam Style and everyone and anything else in the world of Pokemon. The high quantity of potential fathers leads one to believe that Mrs. Ketchum spent 12 years as a trainer under the service of Professor Elm of New Bark Town who owned an escort service called the "Pokemon". Ash's mother has never asked much of him. All she ever wanted was for him to change his underpants, but I guess that was too much.

1208757758 f

The only known photo of the man that COULD be the father of Ash Ketchum...

His mother had disinherited him because She had caught him jerking off to Her Old Sex tapes (with a faceless person who could have been Oak. Which explains Ash's Distinct Urge to Squash and rape any and all Pokemon He sees, with the exception of Snorlax who Sat on and snapped his Pikachu...) He is seen Engaging in certain questionable activities with his partner Pikachu, He also starred in the documentary on "finger digging" as He was a expert at it (presumably from his many years of practice with Brock)

Pokémon

OHNO5

Ash doing what he does best.

When ash turned 10 all he really wanted to do was catch pokemon and become a pokemon master but he stayed up all night making sure he had the correct number of flavored panties so his obsessive mother wouldn't beat him again. By the time he fell asleep it was past the time he was supposed to get his pokemon. Gary's pedophile girlfriends were cheering him on and Gary Spoiler got Eevee. Ash was really pissed because he wanted a pokemon he ended up being given pikachu. To make matters worse, his pikachu refused to get in the pokeball because it was against his religion.

Death

Eeeek

Ash Ketchum, after his her his its third sex change.

One June 24, 2007, Ash was killed in a recent Pokemon Diamond and Pearl episode. In the episode, a rabid Igglybuff was determined to kill Pikachu, who was separated from Ash in an earlier event in the episode. At the climax, Igglybuff is about to deliver a fatal blow to Pikachu when Ash jumps in front of Pikachu and Igglybuff's splash threw him into a glass tower, which collapsed upon collision. Ash, in his dying seconds manages to force a smile and a single tear drop and Ash falls dead. The Igglybuff exploded afterwards. A funeral is attended by all of Ash's friends over the years, including Team Rocket and all sixteen of the Elite Four, plus various stars from films over the ages.

Revival and afterwards

Latias brought Ash back to life and purified him by sacrificing two police officers who blew his head off after he apparently died then came back to life during his funeral and had his head blown off as a zombie. Then Latias broke that purity by landing on him and...NO NO NO NO DON'T GIVE US A BLOW BY BLOW DEPICTION!!!!!!! WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR SICK PERVERTED STORY!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA!!!!!

After Ash was politically corrected ressurected during Blackest Night, he learned that he has lost his house and his mom is already happy with her new CincoBrand replacement son. After a wild night in Las Vegas and being ass-raped by You, he decided to join the Sith, where he has never been happier in a more insane cult.

He was later kicked out after helping a little girl for no reason, other than being helpful. After getting drunk, he forced himself on Misty (I mean, Mom), and for some reason, she liked it.

He then decided to work on his dream of being a pornographic director. His first feature film starred himself, Katy Perry, Zooey Deschanel, Peter Pan, and that kid from that Richard Pryor movie "The Toy." It was horrible. (The funny part is that it was a porn-parody of "The Toy".)

He left the United States and went to live in Thailand, he has not been heard from since.

In 2012, Brock, Generallisimo of Malaysia, found his friend drinking his troubles away in his land. Brock let him sleep at his place, until such time Ash can get his motherfucking shit together.

Love-Life

Ash's good looks allowed him to call the attention of cute slutty young girls who followed him throughout sparse seasons. But Ash paid no intention to the girls for he was stricken with a terrible disease called Pokésexuality. He made it his life goal to "Gotta' Fuck Em' All!". He traveled with his "Other Squeeze" Brock. He was followed by tight-pussy Hermaphrodite Pikachu. But his goal was clear fuck every single pokemon, of every region, and Mew Two who continually evaded him. Dawn reacently had plastic surgury to make her "Barrels of Love"(As she commented earlier) bigger and more sexier for Ash to enjoy.

See also

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