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“Kneel before Mary Moo Cow!”
It was once a very popular show on PBS, and is still often employed as a brainwashing technique. The show frequently juggles such topics as sex, greed, friendship, alien conspiracies and Soviet Russia, and places a strong emphasis on books. Presumably, this is where the show failed, because the show is on television. However, many people state that the show originated from a series of picture books. However, they are the same people who write episodes of Rugrats, so many people just snicker and throw stones at them. The show is known to portray (all) kids as complete idiots and all adults as ubergeniuses. It tried to help crush self ignorance to control their weak minds. The show's main character is Arthur, an 8-year-old anthropomorphic aardvark. Because every 8-year-old has to deal with anthropomorphism. And knows what an aardvark is. Arthur himself attempts to single-handedly tackle every issue that is prevalent in elementary school, including family issues, racism, homosexuality, bestiality, and infertility.
The main story is that everybody can get along and become friends if they try hard enough. In later documentaries, such as Cats & Dogs (2001), Underworld (2003), and Machete (2010), this was shown to be utter bullshit, although the latter was demonstrated with real humans, so it doesn't really count.
Arthur Read- Arthur is a fucking Aardvark who is almost constantly mistaken for a bear. Occasionally, he is perceived as a rabbit, but the idea is revoked after the realization that his best friend, Buster, is a rabbit, which seams to bear no relation. He could never find a girlfriend. All of his friends (with the exception of Francine Frensky) are male. He is the oldest of three offspring, usually on the honor roll, constantly under pressure from family and teachers, and has to deal with the ongoing drama of life. He likes to watch Power Rangers, Barney, Dark Bunny, the 90's version of Batman, South Park Meets Go, Diego, Go!, and The Real World. He loves jacking off to porn and playing with his dog, Pal. Arthur always beats up DW when he is on roid rage. He usually takes steriods so he can impress girls and beat up people. He wears a yellow cotton sweater and a pair of blue jeans, even in the summer.Pal (estinian) - Pal is Arthur's anti-Semitic pet dog that happens to hate D.W., Israel, the United States of America, democracy, and Christianity. He was adopted by Arthur's mom in Season 1, Episode 7 ("My Name is Pal") from a puppy mill in Egypt. Pal is a notorious serial killer despite his adorable appearance; his number of victims skyrocketed into the millions moments before his euthanasia in Season 3, Episode 7 ("D.W. the Picky Eater").
Francine Frensky- Arthur's only real female friend. She is a Jew, which is odd because her family is the poorest in Elwood City. She is also a lesbian and enjoys eating Muffy's muff (her name makes sense now, doesn't it?). Her parents have disowned her because she cannot be buried in the family grave because she had "juicy" tramp stamped on her ass during a night of unbelievable inebriation. Her musical interests include Elton John, Melissa Etheridge, Cannibal Corpse, Blood on the Dance Floor and Sting. She is currently excited about the class field trip to Massachusetts, where she and Muffy will finally "do what feels right."
D.W. Read- Arthur's younger sister. She has been a bitch since she was able to talk. She pulls cry and plead routines in order to get away with it. Ironically, she is good at school but acts like a bitch the minute she gets home. Her favorite shows are Mary Moo Cow, and Crazy Bus, the TV Show. Because of her tastes in things and attitude, DW loves drama and cannot handle any situation without being a total drama queen. It is one of her favorite hobbies. She is also a member of the Legion of Doom. She likes Neo-nazis, KKK, and skinheads.
Buster Baxter- Personal friend of Arthur Read. Swam the English channel, and received the Order of Lenin 2nd Class as well as Hero of Socialist Labour. He has a testosterone deficiency, resulting in a high pitched voice, and seemingly gay attitude. HE IS NOT GAY. NOT EVEN BISEXUAL. Buster has an evil mother who bosses him around. Buster's father is a pilot for various airlines. He is rarely seen in the Baxter funfest. Because of a lack of a father figure, Buster is usually a dumb ass because he never studies, and prefers renting movies, specifically Ghostbusters, from Blockbuster Video. His father would be pissed at him. He usually studies over pressure from his friends. He nearly failed the third grade, which even a second grader could pass. Of all the kids at school, Buster is the most popular. He also watches Dr. Rabbit. Buster always wears blue jeans, even in the summer, since he is a rabbit, and rabbits are often depicted in blue jeans. He has a cousin with the same name on Tiny Toon Adventures, and is the nephew of the evil Nazi, Dr. Rabbit. He and his family are members of the Ku Klux Klan.
Binky Barnes- A big chickenshit who is supposed to be a bully. It turns out he loves butterflies, playing the skin flute, and trying to blend in with the Tough Customers, a clique of bullies. Binky is actually single and has majored in fine arts at Elwood City College.
Muffy Crosswire- A spoiled wich bitch who forces her loving parents to buy her everything. She is also the current Queen of New Jersey.
Mr. Nigga Emil(y) Ratburn- He likes to bang Japanese whores after school while listening to Turning Japanese by The Vapors. This is introduced in episode #666: "Mr. Ratburn Finds A Girlfriend"/"Arthur's Daughter".Mr Ratburn is a child molester.
Alan "The Brain" Powers- The intellectual of the group, he is obsessed with cloning, the potentials of stem cell technology and is very concerned about climate change. Oddly enough he was held back in kindergarten. He is an associate of the medic from "Team Fortress 2" and they frequently exchange notes and collaborate on "the project". He is also a fan of the book "Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde".
Sue Ellen Armstrong- The world traveller airline geek who is the daughter of Neil Armstrong and Natalia Arlovskaya. She is evil and flew to Tibet to stalk her cousin, and said "MARRY ME TENZIN OR ELSE!!", she loves Baba Yaga and tells Creepypastas to kindergartners. She is the only human on the show, but she has a cat face and cat ears. She hates Air India and wants to terrorize Somalians for rice (even though they don't plant it.) She was born in Minsk at 1996.
Rattles Silicone- A member of the Tough Customers, Rattles is one of the true bullies in this group. Rattles speaks with a heavy New York accent with Italian pronunciation. He often seen hurting the feelings of the evil characters because they are losers. Rattles has never got into trouble because he can respect his elders and disrespect his peers (except his fellow Tough Customers).
Toby Hoopshoot- Toby is another one of the Tough Customers. He speaks with a form of California English by pronouncing certain vowels with a weird pronunciation. Toby loves skateboarding, loud rock music, beating up troublemakers, hanging out at Burger Barn, and doing things that Arthur does not like. Buster got beat up when he sung his version of "Mary Had a Little Lamb" with a faux British accent. Toby realized Buster was an sucker. He grabbed Buster by his shirt collar, held him against wall, and barked in his face.
Kate (the bitch) Read - She is not evil because she can't read and at least evil people can read in addition to speak English, write English, and carry on a conversation in English. She is a big fan of Ellen DeGeneres. She is ugly and stupid. All what she does is eat shit and sleep.
Molly McDonald's- Some hot skater bunny. Made for the fringe fetishists. Most likely a lesbian to Arthur's dismay.
Jane Read- Jane is transgendered and a total hottie. Too bad she's already married and has three kids. She is retarded.
Grandma Thora Read - Grandma Thora is Arthur, D.W., and Kate's paternal grandmother. She is a drug addict. She likes porn movies to watch with Arthur. She hates DW.
Dave Read- Jane's husband who spends his time making cakes for the Crosswires and worshipping Kyle Busch and Juan Pablo Montoya. He spends his weekends watching NASCAR with Muffy Cocksucker's dad. Also, he's a closeted gay because he wouldn't reveal to his wife or kids or pets that he's a total fag. He and Buster's dad dumed way before he became a dang pilot.
Arthur enjoyed a three-season run on PBS, with each season consisting of 10 half-hour episodes. 18 seasons were originally planned, until parents started watching the show with their kids to see why it was so popular. The show was quietly canceled by PBS following the massive riot, but continues to be shown as reruns.
|Season||Episodes||First Aired||Last Aired|
|Pilot||September 2, 1996 (as part of Season 1)|
|1||10||September 9, 1996||June 2, 1997|
|2||10||September 22, 1997||May 25, 1998|
|3||10||September 21, 1998||May 31, 1999|
|Title||Original Air Date|
|Pilot||“Arthur's Eyes”||September 2, 1996|
|Arthur gets some geeky glasses and everyone calls him a nerd. Ended with a public service announcement by The Angry Video Game Nerd while he plays Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. This pilot was poorly received, so the show was revamped by the next episode to the masterpiece it is today.|
Season 1 (1996-97)
|Title||Original Air Date|
|1||1||“D.W. All Wet”||September 9, 1996|
|D.W.'s doll catches her watching porn and she "plays with it". Her imaginary friend Nadine joins in.|
|2||2||“Arthur's Underwear”||September 16, 1996|
|Everyone at Elwood City Elementary finds out Arthur wets the bed, and call him a nerd. Arthur's pants fall down, and his underwear is revealed to be soggy and yellow: he wets himself during the day, too. Binky leads the renewed teasing until it is revealed that he still sleeps with a nightlight, and he is scarred for life.|
|3||3||“Brain's Shocking Secret”||September 23, 1996|
|Arthur discovers that Brain is an alien emissary who is trying to force the people of Earth to stop acting like assholes, or his people will blow up the planet. Since this obviously can't happen, Brain gives the go-ahead for the destruction, but Arthur convinces him at the last second to reconsider. Brain's people ask where to aim their Death Star-esque laser, and he directs it at Pluto, explaining why it is no longer a planet.|
|4||4||“Arthur and the Real Mr. Ratburn”||October 7, 1996|
|Arthur's teacher, Mr. Ratburn, asks Arthur to stay after school to help him grade papers, promising extra credit and free candy.|
|5||5||“Arthur and the Mass Murder”||October 14, 1996|
|Buster goes crazy from testosterone over-production and kills several people in Elmwood City Elementary in a bloody rampage, ultimately trying to kill Arthur. Arthur chops Buster's nuts off, calming him down and saving the remaining 20% of the school.|
|6||6||“The Exorcism of D.W.”||October 21, 1996|
|D.W. is possessed by Bob Saget, Satan, and Miley Cyrus. She decides to have a threesome with all 3 possessions, having sex with herself in the process. Arthur secretly tapes the whole thing, and brings in the VHS tape for show-and-tell (Francine in particular watches it with great interest).|
|7||7||“My Name is Pal”||October 28, 1996|
|Arthur's family adopts Pal, introducing him into the series as a new main character. Prior to adoption, Pal tells Kate his life story, including how he murdered the Simpson family and how he carried out the Manson killings. Impressed, Kate selects him to take home, where he can begin plotting his next massacre.|
|8||8||“Francine comes out of the Closet”||November 4, 1996|
|Francine finally admits she's a lesbian, and has graphic sex with Muffy for 25 minutes. The episode ends briefly with Arthur barging in on them and farting in surprise, giving 4-year-old viewers much-needed comedic relief.|
|9||9||“Arthur the Pyro”||November 11, 1996|
|Arthur burns down his school and successfully frames D.W., since it's the sort of act which fits her character. At the last minute, D.W. manages to shift the blame to her best friend Emily, who recently started smoking cigarettes near the school's dumpsters. Arthur and D.W. are spared, while Emily is sentenced to public execution by firing squad. After the episode's credits, D.W. is seen secretly planning her own arson, with the intended target intentionally left a mystery to viewers as a cliffhanger.|
|10||10||“D.W.'s Snow Mystery”||November 18, 1996|
|D.W.'s snowball goes missing, so she takes everyone in the house hostage, and threatens to kill a hostage every hour until her snowball is returned. This episode was intended as an early Christmas special.|
Season 2 (1997-98)
|Title||Original Air Date|
|11||1||“Bleep! A Montage of Swear Words”||September 9, 1997|
|When the Tibble twins teach D.W. a bad word, D.W. says it and her mom spanked her ass until it bled. The Tibble twins try to help by secretly teaching D.W. new words to say instead, prompting another spanking each time. When D.W.'s mom learns who taught her the latest bad word, she and their mom team up to brutally beat all of them.|
|12||2||“Dad's Secret”||September 16, 1997|
|Arthur finds out his dad is gay and in an affair with Muffy's dad. This causes Jane to go crazy to the point of killing her own children!|
|13||3||“The Half-Baked Sale”||September 23, 1997|
|Arthur makes some "special" brownies for the school bake sale. Buster eats some and has a weed-induced delusion that everyone else is a zombie, and kills several people. Arthur must chop his nuts off again to stop the killings.|
|14||4||“Arthur and Buster do America”||October 7, 1997|
|When someone steals their TV, Arthur and Buster go on a road trip to find it. They cross all 50 continental states (teaching viewers about U.S. geography in the process), before discovering it was destroyed in a volcanic eruption in Hawaii. They replace watching TV with surfing Internet porn instead.|
|15||5||“Water On the Brain”||October 14, 1997|
|Brain takes a piss in Muffy's pool and blames Buster. Muffy waters her vagina using the mixture to see what would happen, and the next day she grew a penis. Arthur was jealous because it was bigger than his. He tries to kill her!|
|16||6||“D.W. and the Blanky”||October 21, 1997|
|D.W. loses her blanky and it goes across the country. She goes on a road trip and visits all 50 states, only to learn that an Eskimo lost it while ice fishing in Alaska. She returns home without her blanky and replaces it with watching Internet porn with Arthur and Buster.|
|17||7||“Arthur in the Hood”||October 28, 1997|
|Arthur winds up in the ghetto and gets a cap popped in his ass.|
|18||8||“Buster and the Daredevils”||November 4, 1997|
|Buster joins a satanic cult formed behind the school, named the Daredevils, in order to get popular. Coincidentally, it was the same gang which shot Arthur during the previous episode, straining their relationship until Arthur forgives them and joins as well.|
|19||9||“Double Dare and Weed”||November 11, 1997|
|Arthur, Buster, and the rest of the Daredevils gang try to sell some weed to some nut head teacher named Diego. They then stop when they find out that Diego is an informant from the FBI. They are then sent to Guantanamo Bay, where they get waterboarded, raped and shot. Arthur and Buster manage to escape, leaving their new friends behind.|
|20||10||“Mom and Dad have a Big Fight”||November 18, 1997|
|Arthur's mom and dad beat the shit out of each other during an argument concerning the earlier affair in Episode 2 of this season. They get arrested for domestic violence, while Arthur and D.W. go to a foster home. Arthur hires a good lawyer using leftover drug money from his time with the Daredevils, and manages to pull his family back together. His parents celebrate by getting drunk and beating the shit out of their kids.|
Season 3 (1998-99)
|Title||Original Air Date|
|21||1||“THIS! IS! ELWOOD!”||September 9, 1998|
|When DW tries to convert Elwood City to worship her dark god Mary Moo Cow, Arthur assembles three hundred child warriors from their elementary school to fight her and her army.|
|22||2||“Arthur vs. The Very Mean Crossing Guard”||September 16, 1998|
|Arthur and the Brain are harrassed by a racist crossing guard who calls them mean names, so they get Grandma Thora to run him over.|
|23||3||“Postcards from Buster”||September 23, 1998|
|Buster goes to jail after robbing a Burger King, and writes back postcards to tell everyone to get him out and what fuckers the cops are. Arthur, being the good friend that he is, arrives in a helicopter and busts him out with machine guns blazing.|
|24||4||“D.W. Goes to Washington”||October 7, 1998|
|D.W. is elected President of the United States for a day after winning an essay competition, and makes some major changes to the country.|
|25||5||“Arthur Babysits”||October 14, 1998|
|Arthur is asked to watch the Tibble Twins, but they get killed playing with dynamite, and Arthur is arrested for child negligence.|
|26||6||“Locked in the Library”||October 21, 1998|
|Arthur, Buster, Francine, Muffy, and the Brain are locked in the library while researching for their school report on the Donner Party, and are forced to resort to cannibalism.|
|27||7||“D.W. the Picky Eater”||October 28, 1998|
|Arthur and his friends trick D.W. into eating spinach...which kills her! Arthur pins the blame on Pal, and his parents reluctantly euthanize him (but not before Pal presses a button on a remote control, which triggers the second Holocaust he was planning since Season 1).|
|28||8||“Arthur's TV-Free Week”||November 4, 1998|
|D.W. causes the city to lose its cable, and everyone burns her at the stake. Meanwhile, Arthur contemplates suicide as the only thing of value in his life is now gone, but is saved when Comcast restores the city's cable, for $299/month per person.|
|29||9||“D.W. Flips”||November 11, 1998|
|D.W. becomes addicted to steroids in order to be a better gymnast. Afterwards, Buster uses steroids to win an athletic competition, but then D.W. murders his family for "stealing [her] moves".|
|30||10||“Return of the Snowball”||November 18, 1998|
|D.W.'s snowball magically returns, and actually spends most of the episode educating her, Arthur and viewers on numbers, shapes and the alphabet. However, it concludes the episode by teaching them how to stay healthy by sticking to their vaccination schedules; parents generally started watching the show now and felt it had gone too far, potentially causing their kids to become autistic.|
Riots and cancellation
When parents viewed the season finale to Season 3, they were enraged that PBS would betray their trust in their television sets as a reliable babysitter for their young children. They organized a march in front of PBS's office, but they could hardly contain their collective rage and it escalated into a violent riot. After the deaths of four PBS employees and an estimated $2 million in property damage inside and around the office complex, PBS called for a cease-fire and met with the protesters' leaders for negotiation.
As a result of the talks, the rioters agreed to vacate the premises, and in return PBS would stop airing new episodes of Arthur. However, since PBS has continually lacked the funding to fill the time slot with some better educational show, they decided to keep showing reruns of the earlier episodes that parents apparently didn't object to. The reruns continue to this day while PBS continues searching for a better use of the air time.