Arthur
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And by contributions from viewers like you. Thank you.“Kneel before Mary Moo Cow!”
~ D.W. on her god
Arthur is a series of kids books that face tough issues like racism and homosexuality. It also is/was a very popular show on PBS employed as a brainwashing technique. The show is known to portray (all) kids as complete idiots and all adults as ubergeniuses. It tried to help crush self ignorance to control their weak minds. For a biography on Arthur himself, see Arthur Read. Or watch Purple Read (1984).
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[edit] Purpose
[edit] Primary Purpose
When asked about the purpose of this show, PBS replied "We're sick of people making up fucking stereotypes. Why bother remembering all those stereotypes when you can just remember our much simpler system? All you have to know is a few statistics." Aaaaaammmmmmm gggggaaaaayyyyyyy and all will know
- Age 0-18. You are a pathetic inferior. You only exist for adults to push around. Dont even try to accomplish anything, because you will fail. You are a nobody. Generally those from 0-18 are extreme wimps. They get embarrassed by everything. This ho;la includes getting 5% lower than average scores on tests, defecating inside your own bathroom, being stung by a bee and of course existing. You are also terrified completely by everything. These kids are scared to death of the dark (although they are right to fear the dark, as they are appearently well-educated on grues), as well as squirrels, trees, rocks, and generic haunted houses (OH NO, NOT A WHITE BLANKET ON A POLE!!!!! AAAAAAAA!!!!!). Also, they feel guilty about anything.
- Age 19-69. You only do important, professional stuff. Thanks to the incredible efficiency of the public school system, you are now nearly perfect, and your only superiors are those in the 70+ age group (and mexicans). All adults are nice people who never make mistakes. In fact, the show teaches Hitler was actually a nice guy, and supports Holocaust Denial. Adults are all very important in guiding small, inferior, helpless children. Any attempts by these children to do anything productive will result in failure, and its your job to point out the flaws of these fools and do it yourself.
- Age 70+ Perfect immortals. They are good at everything. None of them have health problems, in fact health problems don't even exist. If they want to run for president, they will win, if they want to asplode the earth, they will do so. Resistance is futile.
- Non-Americans. They are all the same as Americans. There is no such thing as a third world country, nor is there a communist dictatorship anywhere, or even terrorists. 9/11 never happened. The terrorists didnt bomb it, because they are perfect, and Bush is also perfect (however Clinton is more perfect). After all, did they ever make any mistakes? Of corse not. Also, there is no such thing as a stereotype because they're all the exact same in all countries everywhere. The exception is religions, as only one exists, and all others are fakes made by small cults of infidels who will be punished by Allah.
- Uncyclopedia. This site is blatant lies and evil stereotypes. However since evil does not exist it is likely run by inferior children. It so inaccuratley portrays both adults and non-americans that it will be laughed at by all adults everywhere. The creators must feel so guilty that they cannot sleep at night.
This site is liable to be Jihad-ized.
[edit] Other Purposes
Many have suggested that Arthur also exists to crush the self-esteem of small children so that they wont rebel against the soon to be PBS-run government. This is only half-true. The show is meant to crush the self-esteem of small children by telling them they are idiots who will amount to nothing. However PBS is too stupid to take over the government, and were held at bay by a hobo with a shotgun and 2 bullets on their first attack. Further research after the incident took place revealed that the shotgun was actually a badly damaged plastic toy that still had an orange cap on the end.
Some have speculated that the show originated as USSR propaganda. They're probably right. When asked, PBS responded "Propaganda? No, we are just reflecting on the everyday life of an average comrade." However the show was later taken over by terrorists.
[edit] Plotline
The plotline consists of random kids being scared/embarrased/guilty of stuff. They are always high on drugs, and have frequent hallucinations. In fact, D.W. is regularly seen talking to an inanimate Troll Doll (but they don't call it that, as the copywright people are already charging thur lazr on Arthur) These can be seen when some short music thing plays and the screen gets all wavy. There is almost always mention of a movie in which the character has an evil twin. Why? No one really knows. However no one knows if any movies were actually made where anyone had an evil twin, most believe that they are just rumors created so this show could have a plotline. Theres also shows where superheroes appear at random and do stuff. One episode of the show accused Indiana Jones 2 of sterotyping middle-easterners (wait, dosen't that movie take place in India?).
A typical movie (note that they all involve some form of bunny-superhero thing):
Bunny: Oh no... its the clown!
Kids watching TV: AAAAAAAA!!!
Bunny: You'll never get away, clown!
Clown: Oh yes I will! **summons robot at random**
Clown: Why so serious? Lets put a smile on that face of yours! **Gets out facepaint and starts painting smiley face on Bunny thing**
Bunny: NOOOOO!!!
Kids watching TV: **Instantly turns off TV** I wasnt s-s-scared... no way... just a tv show... just a tv show... were you scared? Cuz I wasn't.
Generic parent: This show stereotypes all people who wear makeup as being evil! No more watching for you.
[edit] Controversial Episode
Uh, the lost episode which was um c-c-called, 'OMG WTF IS THAT?', was deemed too scary f-for television audiences. AAAHHH!! Oh sorry. Anyways...i-in the lost episode, Arthur walks to the Sugar Bowl. When he reaches it, he goes inside and sees a frigging spider. He screams, and runs into a nearby Starbucks. At Starfucks...I mean Starbucks, he can't buy anything because his family is so freaking poor. Therefore, he screams, and then he wakes up. The entire plot was a dream. His father cums in and tells him to, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!". This fucking yelling incident because for fuck's sake it's two fucking O CLOCK, in the morning. The moral of the story is/was that spiders are SCARY!!!
[edit] Characters
Evil
Pal(estinian)- Pal is Arthur's favorite dog that happens to hate D.W., Israel, the United States of America, democracy, and Christianity. Allegedly adopted from a puppy mill in Egypt, Pal happens to be the ex-husband of Martha (Speaks). They met in Egypt but Pal went to Elwood City and Martha went to Flagstaff, Arizona instead. Martha is a female dog so that makes her a BITCH!!!
nadine- wtf she doesnt exist
Arthur Read- Arthur is a fucking aardvark who could not find a girlfriend, and all of his friends (with the exception of Francine Frensky) are male. Arthur is Buster's good friend. He is the oldest of three offspring, usually on the honor roll, constantly under pressure from family and teachers, and has to deal with the ongoing drama of life. He likes to watch Power Rangers, Barney, Dark Bunny, the 90's version of Batman, and The Real World. He loves jacking off to porn and playing with his dog, Pal.
Dora "DW" Read- Arthur's younger sister. She has been a bitch since she was able to talk. She pulls cry and plead routines in order to get away with it. Ironically, she is good at school but acts like a dick the minute she's home. Her favorite shows are Mary Moo Cow, Barney, Zoey 101, Playboy TV, Gossip Guy, and Crazy Bus, the TV Show. Because of her tastes in things and attitude, DW loves drama and cannot handle any situation without being a total drama queen. DW has been influenced to have sex with many men her age. It is one of her favorite hobbies. She is also a member of the Legion of Doom.
Buster Baxter- Personal friend of Arthur Read. Swam the English channel, and received the Order of Lenin 2nd Class as well as Hero of Socialist Labour. He has a testosterone deficiency, resulting in a high pitched voice, and seemingly gay attitude. HE IS NOT GAY. NOT EVEN BISEXUAL. Buster has an evil mother who bosses him around. Buster's father is a pilot for various airlines. He is rarely seen in the Baxter fuckfest. Because of a lack of a father figure, Buster is usually a dumb ass because he never studies. His father would be pissed at him. He usually studies over pressure from his friends. He nearly failed the third grade, which even a second grader could pass. Of all the kids at school, Buster is the most popular. He also watches Dr. Rabbit.
Binky Barnes- A big chickenshit who is supposed to be a bully. It turns out he loves butterflies, playing the skin flute, and trying to blend in with the Tough Customers, a clique of bullies. Binky is actually single and has majored in fine arts at Elwood City College.
Mr. Nigel Emil(y) Ratburn- He fucks Japanese whores after school while listening to Turning Japanese by The Vapors. This is introduced in episode #666: "Mr. Ratburn Finds A Girlfriend"/"Arthur's Daughter".
Not Evil
Rattles Ciccione- A member of the Tough Customers, Rattles is one of the true bullies in this group. Rattles speaks with a heavy New York accent with Italian pronunciation. He often seen hurting the feelings of the evil characters because they are losers. Rattles has never got into trouble because he can respect his elders and disrespect his peers (except his fellow Tough Customers).
Toby ?- Toby is another one of the Tough Customers. He speaks with a form of California English by pronouncing certain vowels with a weird pronunciation. Toby loves skateboarding, loud rock music, beating up troublemakers, hanging out at Burger Barn, and doing things that Arthur does not like. Buster got beat up when he sung his version of "Mary Had a Little Lamb" with a faux British accent. Toby realized Buster was an asshole. He grabbed Buster by his shirt collar, held him against wall, and barked in his face.
Kate Read - She is not evil because she can't read and at least evil people can read in addition to speak English, write English, and carry on a conversation in English. She is a big fan of Ellen DeGeneres. Need I say more?
Molly McDonald- Deceased
Jane Read- Jane is a total hottie. Too bad she's already married and has three kids. Enough said.
Dave Read- Jane's husband who spends his time making cakes for the Crosswires and worshipping Kyle Busch and Juan Pablo Montoya. He spends his weekends watching NASCAR with Muffy Crosswire's dad. Also, he's a closeted gay because he wouldn't reveal to his wife or kids or pets that he's a total fag. He and Buster's dad fucked way before he became a goddamn pilot.
[edit] Episodes
101 Arthur's eyes: Arthur gets some geeky glasses and everyone calls him a nerd
102 Hello Dolly: DW's doll catches her watching porn and she "plays with it".
103 Arthur's Underwear: Arthur's pants fall down and everyone finds out that he wets the bed and calls him a nerd again.
104 Arthur vs. Adolf Hitler: Arthur and Buster accidentally resurrect Adolf Hitler.
105 Arthur's Big Hit: When D.W. offends the X-Men trilogy and tries to brainwash Arthur into liking the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy, Arthur Falcon Punches her in the face, causing her brains to fly all over the place, and the whole town celebrates.
106 Arthur and the Mass Murder: Buster goes crazy and kills several people in Elmwood City Elementary, and tries to kill Arthur.Arthur chops his nuts off.
107 the Exorcism of D.W.: D.W. is possessed by Satan.
108 My Name is Pal: Pal tells Kate his life story and tells her how he murdered the Simpson family.
109 Arthur vs the TMNT: Arthur becomes the new Shredder and is quickly defeated by the Ninja Turtles.
110 Franice comes out of the Closet: Francine admits she's a lesbian, and has sex with Muffy.
111 Arthur the Pyro: Arthur burns down his school.
112 Arthur sees Twilight: Arthur sees the Twilight movie and gets horny for Edward Cullen.
113 Dummy Up: Arthur's pal George is diagnosed with schizophrenia and is sent to Arkham Asylum.
114 D.W.'s Snow Mystery: D.W.'s snowball goes missing, so she takes everyone in the house hostage, and threatens to kill a hostage every hour until her snowball is returned.
115 the Elwood Knight: Buster seeks the identity of Batman, and kills people to get the Caped Crusader's attention.
116 For the Love of Muffy: Muffy realizes that she's a fat ass and goes bulimic.
117 the Secret: Arthur finds out his dad is gay and in an affair with Muffy's dad. This causes Jane to go crazy and try to kill her children.
118 ARTHUR KOMBAT!!! the Mortal Kombat tornament is held at school. Arthur defeats Binky Barnes by pulling the flying kick and decapitates him,but gets his ass kicked by Liu Kang.
119 the Half Baked Sale: Arthur makes some "special" brownies for the school bake sale. Buster eats some and has a weed induced delusion that everyone else is a zombie, and kills several people.
110 Arthur's First Sleepover: Arthur, Buster, and the Brain all decide to spend the night at Camp Crystal Lake.
111 Friday the 13th part VIIII: Jason Voorhees comes to Elwood City to finish what was started last episode.
112 To BILLLLLLL BRASKY!: Arthur, Buster, the Brain, and Francine get drunk and talk about the legendary Bill Brasky.
113 Arthur and Buster do America: When someone steals their TV, Arthur and Buster go on a road trip to find it.
114 The Finale: Muffy waters her vag to see what would happen, the next day she grew a penis. Arthur was jelous because it was bigger than his. He tries to kill her!
Season Two
201 D.W. and the Blanky: D.W. loses her blanky and it goes across the country.
202 the Elwood City Chainsaw Massacre: Leatherface captures Francine's family and kills them all.
203 Arthur's Halloween:Arthur and the gang meet Michael Myers...who then kills the Tibble Twins.
204 Fernkenstein's Monster: Fern makes a monster made out of corpses which she uses to kill Francine.
205 Arthur in the Hood: Arthur winds up in the ghetto and gets a cap popped in his ass.
206 Buster and the Daredevils: Buster joins a satanic cult in order to get popular.
207 the Melancholy of Arthur: Arthur and Buster piss off Haruhi Suzumiya, who then destroys them with a single flick of her wrist.
208 Escape from Elwood City: When the city is overrun by criminals, Arthur, Buster, Francine, Muffy, and the Brain must escape before they get killed. later that night francine went missing.
209.Double Dare and Weed: Arthur and his gang try to sell some weed to some nut head teacher Diego. They then stop when they find out that Diego has an informant from the F.B.I. Then after they get taken to Guantanamo Bay where they get raped and shot.
210 Arthur's Twister: When a tornado hits town, Arthur seeks to ensure that he is only survivor of this force of nature.
211 Swear Words : When the Tibble Twins teach DW a bad word, DW says it and her mom spanked her ass until it bled.
