Armenia

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search
This article needs love
This article is currently in a bad state, but all it needs is a little love.
Please give some love by rewriting it.
After World War III, Armenia finally got revenge over the Armenian Genocide.
Hayastan
Republic of Armenia
Armenia
(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: "Մեր Հայրենիք" ("Bleed it Out")
Anthem: I Kissed a Girl by Katie Perry (Katie Perian according to Hayastanians)
Capital Van
Largest city Yerevan
Official languages Armenian
Government Presidentilal Republic
 President  Bill Kaulitz
National Hero(es) Roman Abramovich, Joseph Stalin, S.S
Declaration
of Formation
 Most of Armenian lands were taken over by migrating Turks
Currency Dram
Religion 99.9% Christian, 0% Muslim, 0.1% Jew and rest of them are Gypsies
 Population Total about 10 million (Most were forced to live in diaspora by the Turkish invasion and genocide of Armenia)
 Area Very small (30.000 square km) in comparison to what it should be (over 600.000 square km)
 Population density 101 per square km
 Internet TLD .am
 Calling code Armenia rules


The History of Armenia is a long and interesting one.

Armenia was founded in the beginning of time by God and Jesus. They were thinking about making a master race, then they thought of Armenians. So now Armenians rule the world.

Ever since its creation in 254BC, many a Duck has lived there as a holiday home and when the Russians invaded by firing slippers at them the Great Armenian Empire spread from Armenia to the Street next door.

Armenians are commonly called "God's Chosen People", a name recently purloined by Jews , "Born Again" Christians, and people about to be run over by FBI tanks. Even Jesus could see that this was a recipe for disaster when he said, "My dad sure does hate Armenians". More recent translations have expanded this title to, "God's People, who Were Chosen to Leave this Shit Hole and Live Anywhere Else on Earth, Preferably Southern California Suburbs."

In 3001 AJ (After Jebus), Armenia was the last nation to adopt Christianity as its official religion. This is keeping with the Armenian custom of adopting styles roughly 3000 years after everyone else. (In 4971 Armenia plans for Bell Bottoms to be fashionable.) Since the rest of the world had already accepted Cyborg Jesus, and retro Jesii were so annoying all of their neighbours became "haters".

In the 6th century, Armenia experienced a brief period of greatness (about 2.4 seconds, due to Winning the Ancient Chess competition). Then they were invaded by the Laotians, Phrygians, Persians, Greeks, Romans, Byzantines, Arabs, Mongols, Seljuk and Ottoman Turks, Russians. and Laotians (again). All these mighty foes were eventually assimilated into The Armenain Collective, (except the Laotians who left to celebrate Scotchtoberfest and forgot to come back, both times).

Recently Armenia and Azerbaijan have been fighting over ownership of the Nagorno-Karabagh. Even though Azerbaijan invaded the Historical Armenian lands with 40,000 Trained Azeri soldiers, Armenia pwnd their lives with 20,000 farmers who cheated during battles and received help of Angola.So everybody,even Armenians realize that if not 1000000 soldiers from Great Republic of Hannibals of Angola (GRHA)Armenians would have had their asses beated. Armenia now has Nagorno Karabagh, and Azerbaijan, the retarted half brother of Turkey (thats what Hayastan thinks) cries every day. But Azerbaijanian Goverment developed a robot called Arnie Bennington or AB-1000 who (or what)is powerfull enough to return Karabakh by himself without any other support needed.According to Xvalidwek-the holy book of Cyc religion AB-1000 is going to return Karabakh in 2119.

Armenia was once a part of Russia. However, they got bored of vodka and Armenians wanted something different. They ended up with Kazakh prostitutes.

It is common knowledge that Armenia hates every country on Earth as everyone is superior to their little tiny nation which has many slippers and is also home to Margaret Thatcher.

[edit] Transport

Transport throughout Armenia is very small in variety.

-Donkey

-Mutant Donkey

-Proffesor Dufenschmirtz

Each of these limited in supply although, one scientist named Tigran is working on other methods of transport, such as cart.

[edit] How To Become Armenian

Reading up to this point may disappoint you if you are not an Armenian (if you are, you wouldn't be wasting your precious time reading something you already know, and would favor making doing something important, like, say, edit Wikipedia).

But do not worry, my friend! Just read the following steps with care and apply them with precision. You will feel much better.

Step 1: Visit Armenia, decide where you came from sucks, decide to stay (this last part, the staying decision, has a 100% likelihood of happening and is irreversible since Armenia is the place to be). If you can't find the country (which would be strange, because Armenia is also a continent and soon will assimilate all other nations), it'll suffice to move to Southern California.

Commonwealth of Independent States - Former USSR Republics
Russia ~ Belarus ~ Ukraine ~ Estonia ~ Latvia ~ Lithuania ~ Moldova / Moldavia ~ Mordovia ~ Armenia ~ Azerbaijan ~ Georgia ~ Kazakhstan ~ Kyrgyzstan / Krgystan ~ Mongolistan ~ Ghettoistan ~ Tajikistan ~ Turkmenistan ~ Uzbekistan ~ other Stan countries ~ Alaska ~ Israel ~ Lipsonia ~ Soviet Britain


Europa


North West Central East

Scantily-Clad
IKEA
Nokia
Estoned
No Way!
Lithium-Mania!
Bjorkistan
A-Lot-Via
Benchmark (Pharaoh Islands Wasteland)

Bullshit Isles
In-Gland
Scotch-Tape
Whales
Little Tireland
Isle of Woman
just a platform
Tireland

Snails n' Froggies
Frankly
Old Jersey
Andorra
Switchblade-Land


Poirot
Neverland
Bell-Jam
Deluxe-Burger

Lesbirian Penisula
Spayed
Poor-Jew-Girl
Giblets
Adore-Her

Parmesan Penisula
Spaghettiland
Some Mafioso
Vaseline City
Malteasers
Nazis
Germy
Australia
Checked-n'-Republished
Slow-Hockeyia
Pooland
Hungry
Lick-The-Stein


Ball-can Penisula
Albinostan
Grease
Cypress
Churky
Server
Costco (New!)
Boss-Near and Hurts-Her-Governor
Macydoughnia
Vulgaria
Mount-On-Negro
Slovene'
Crazia

Russkie
You're-Cranky
Bellyrub
Mulled-Over
Army-Near
Azure-Beige-Yams
The Other Georgia
Roaming-Near
Cock-Assia (New!)
Borat

This box: view  talk  edit
Personal tools
projects