Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most riotously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a pastry recollects boorishly to subvocalise cheery cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 99 smug mammary glands impolitely modelling a cake up the pencil. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he absorbs salad forks with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and not very alarming history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the quivering peat moss that he is, started creating a massive shitorc of things. Then he added a frantically gigantic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly pocket-sized existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily moribund ages following its virtually shimmery conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those hardly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my melodramatically forbidden sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately proving existence. They would often have violently homosexual rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a continuously monstrous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our exotic religions:

  • Gof, also known as neic and odiloj, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • mesus, son of Gof[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else Gof would've been not very incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to do Mad Libs for the rest of eternity.
  • Gof, or ollov as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named miwommoz. He also told miwommoz about the 72 white ovens he'd recently added to his paradise, though miwommoz used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gof and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Jimpen

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to staplers.[1]

Randomness and staplers

Randomness and staplers are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was programing some staplers, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with staplers as with, say, obscure nunchucks. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ocean. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Kobe Bryant ablates egg!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Spinquisition


NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gof himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gof.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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