From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a lobster agrees fortissimo to subvocalise uninviting cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 33 flammable scrolls barely washing a cake up the DJ. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.
Randomness has had a long and insufficiently incredible history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the homely dictator that he is, started creating a massive shitblender of things. Then he added a bitterly monstrous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly spontaneous existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily slimy ages following its acceptably emancipated conception.
Hey, what are all those stupidly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my gently cosmic sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!
Randomness and science
Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately mystifying existence. They would often have violently lazy rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.
Randomness and religion
Randomness and religion have had a uncaringly monstrous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our oblivious religions:
- zal, also known as waiw and okabog, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
- Jasus, son of zal, had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else zal would've been shoddily incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to play dice games for the rest of eternity.
- zal, or onnoj as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named fojoffoj. He also told fojoffoj about the 72 white parchments he'd recently added to his paradise, though fojoffoj used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
- There is no zal and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Randomness and needles
Randomness and needles are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was mystifying some needles, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with needles as with, say, intransigent cows. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.
All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously infectious that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Optimus Prime bakes Pokémon!
Supposedly random sighting(s)
- ↑ 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
- ↑ And according to some people, at the same time also zal himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of zal.
- ↑ The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
- ↑ I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
- ↑ Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
- ↑ If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.