Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most offensively random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a diesel engine feasts rudely to pander macabre cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 15 cheery home theater systems repulsively throwing a home theater system up the fritter. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he stirs miscellanious dead things with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and to a great degree petrifying history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the bad mannered evil secret Canadian mind-control device that he is, started creating a massive shitcheeseburger with a large fries and a coke, plus a kids meal of things. Then he added a oddly amplitudinous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly foul existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily congruent ages following its completely shimmery conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those verbosely random adverbs and adjectives doing in my cheekily ineffective sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately mystifying existence. They would often have violently sizable rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a coldly mammoth connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our throbbing religions:

  • Gab, also known as peaj and aderas, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jadad, son of Gab[2], had to die on the cross because else Gab would've been to a great degree incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Monster Island to play card games for the rest of eternity.
  • Gab, or addaf as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named duzaddad. He also told duzaddad about the 72 white organs he'd recently added to his paradise, though duzaddad used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gab and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Syaoran1

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to reindeer.[1]

Randomness and reindeer

Randomness and reindeer are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was swallowing some reindeer, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with reindeer as with, say, lovely diet pills. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Stephen Hawking deports verb!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


The King has left the building.
Big Head Alien
Oh my fucking God! An alien!

Quick, <insert name here>, take a picture of it! Hurry, you fucking sloth! The camera is in your backpack you fat cunt-- Aww fuck, it crawled back into the Pyramid... Grrr! You've just wasted our only chance of ever proving that aliens exist on Earth, you frigging idiot!

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gab himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gab.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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