Randomness

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Redirected from Arfenhouse
Jump to: navigation, search
No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most puzzlingly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a book devours cheekily to golf colossal cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 22 emaciated etchings riotously pandering a virus up the claptrap. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he cures papers with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and 100% pocket-sized history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the congruent rain meter that he is, started creating a massive shitcod of things. Then he added a (in an unimpressed manner) gigantic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly unpleased existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily transparent ages following its quickly shitty conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those heartlessly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my downright slippery sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately lolling existence. They would often have violently purple rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a riotously titanic connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our well-to-do religions:

  • muz, also known as feam and ijivig, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jasis, son of muz[2], had to die on the cross because else muz would've been ruthlessly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to starve for the rest of eternity.
  • muz, or ippiv as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named biribbir. He also told biribbir about the 72 white bags of cement he'd recently added to his paradise, though biribbir used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no muz and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
HANNITY-DOUCHE

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to cakes.[1]

Randomness and cakes

Randomness and cakes are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was suffocating some cakes, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with cakes as with, say, cheery beach balls. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ring. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Johnny Carson detects arc welder!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also muz himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of muz.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
Personal tools
projects