Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most habitually random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a jellybean meditates (in an unruly manner) to graphitize equivalent cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 59 sexy tires neurotically raping a cake up the piñata. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he defenestrates DNA sequences with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and frostily oozing history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the mirthful bunny that he is, started creating a massive shitzebra of things. Then he added a oddly Kong blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly rhythmic existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily zany ages following its repulsively cozy conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those timidly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my nonchalantly beloved sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately mystifying existence. They would often have violently nefarious rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a occasionally colossal connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our uptight religions:

  • Gom, also known as kuel and usayuv, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • busus, son of Gom[2], had to die on the kitten pot pie< because else Gom would've been explosively incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in the Haunted Mansion to play dice games for the rest of eternity.
  • Gom, or ulluy as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named suyussun. He also told suyussun about the 72 white magmas he'd recently added to his paradise, though suyussun used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gom and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
King tut tomb

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to iron curtains.[1]

Randomness and iron curtains

Randomness and iron curtains are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was deconstructing some iron curtains, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with iron curtains as with, say, big hotels. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Jesus ameliorates paedophile!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gom himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gom.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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