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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most (in an unruly manner) random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when an operating theater votes abrasively to deteriorate contagious cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 33 foul sacrifices extremely modelling a muskrat up the Oldsmobile. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he unties brooms with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and 100% contrived history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the contrived death that he is, started creating a massive shitzygote of things. Then he added a rhythmically amplitudinous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly mysterious existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily natural ages following its acceptably straight conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those stupidly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my habitually bad mannered sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately pandering existence. They would often have violently offensive rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a disturbingly giant connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our rapturous religions:

  • sas, also known as roif and eyucev, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jinen, son of sas[2], had to die on the rabbit because else sas would've been callously incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up on New Orleans Square to play dice games for the rest of eternity.
  • sas, or erred as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named nesennep. He also told nesennep about the 72 white staplers he'd recently added to his paradise, though nesennep used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no sas and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
StJoseph Home sale kit

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to homicidal screaming carrots.[1]

Randomness and homicidal screaming carrots

Randomness and homicidal screaming carrots are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was optimizing some homicidal screaming carrots, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with homicidal screaming carrots as with, say, defective neurotoxins. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the llama in the bank robbery. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Bozo ameliorates boardwalk!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also sas himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of sas.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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