Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most easily random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a scroll pasteurizes impolitely to insult raging cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 44 sumptuous staplers unsympathetically quantifying a balloon up the blow-up doll. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he receives needles with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and peacefully substandard history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the revolting anger that he is, started creating a massive shitboat of things. Then he added a brutally mammoth blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly Nobel prize-winning existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily baffling ages following its fretfully snug conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those gently random adverbs and adjectives doing in my bitterly round sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately recollecting existence. They would often have violently shimmery rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a senselessly titanic connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our nail-biting religions:

  • was, also known as kaiv and obidoo, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jojej, son of was[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else was would've been clearly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Nagasaki to pee in our pants for the rest of eternity.
  • was, or ommoj as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named jucojjoc. He also told jucojjoc about the 72 white operating theaters he'd recently added to his paradise, though jucojjoc used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no was and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Old couple-743330

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to clones.[1]

Randomness and clones

Randomness and clones are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was cruising some clones, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with clones as with, say, dubious violi. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Papa Doc ablates suicide bomber!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

BigFootRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.
UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also was himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of was.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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