Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most mundanely random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a diet pill panders apathetically to orate senseless cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 14 megalomaniacal ricers (in a disorderly fashion) legislating a boat up the chiffon. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he revolts nuclear reactors with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and starkly pimpalicious history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the universal tong that he is, started creating a massive shittomato of things. Then he added a starkly Kong blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly bloody existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily smelly ages following its hardly vulgar conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those fervently random adverbs and adjectives doing in my grumpily pimpalicious sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately modelling existence. They would often have violently educated rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a rabidly hulking connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our spine-chilling religions:

  • Gus, also known as mauy and uyasug, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • putot, son of Gus[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else Gus would've been rhythmically incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to play dice games for the rest of eternity.
  • Gus, or uzzuc as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named tatuttuc. He also told tatuttuc about the 72 white beach balls he'd recently added to his paradise, though tatuttuc used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gus and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Everything Will Be Crappy In The End

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to operating theaters.[1]

Randomness and operating theaters

Randomness and operating theaters are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was rioting some operating theaters, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with operating theaters as with, say, beloved hot dogs. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ring. This article has become so vigorously peculiar that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. You meditates pizzle!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gus himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gus.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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