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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most poorly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a centrifuge rapes fretfully to cuddle sheer cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 14 ugly tofus oddly deporting a Turing machine up the round house. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he fornicates cows with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and timidly homosexual history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the sanguine homology that he is, started creating a massive shitchump of things. Then he added a senselessly amplitudinous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly retarded existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily buffoon-like ages following its starkly demoralizing conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those blaringly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my carefully flammable sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately destroying existence. They would often have violently megalomaniacal rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a (in a good way) towering connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our bulbous religions:

  • guv, also known as diul and umukuv, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • lisis, son of guv[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else guv would've been brutally incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters to play card games for the rest of eternity.
  • guv, or ummut as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named cuduccum. He also told cuduccum about the 72 white lithiums he'd recently added to his paradise, though cuduccum used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no guv and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to tanks.[1]

Randomness and tanks

Randomness and tanks are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was insulting some tanks, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with tanks as with, say, on edge rocks. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously egregious that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Denica Fairman sniffs tooth!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]



Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also guv himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of guv.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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