Randomness

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No. 5, 1948
Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most suitably random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a diesel engine graphitizes abrasively to swallow uncivilized cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 38 universal classified documents uncontrollably drying an air conditioner up the lentil soup. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS
God as he golfs glycerins with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and blaringly mundane history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the nude ribaldry that he is, started creating a massive shitpea soup of things. Then he added a verbosely immense blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly nefarious existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily lovely ages following its boorishly wobbly conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those neurotically random adverbs and adjectives doing in my clearly foul sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately swallowing existence. They would often have violently mirthful rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a blaringly amplitudinous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our spine-chilling religions:

  • yul, also known as teeg and ovokoi, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jasos, son of yul[2], had to die on the xylophone because else yul would've been senselessly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in The Milky Way to urinate for the rest of eternity.
  • yul, or orron as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named mikommom. He also told mikommom about the 72 white search engines he'd recently added to his paradise, though mikommom used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no yul and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Lord Voldemort Wand held High
Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to tubes.[1]

Randomness and tubes

Randomness and tubes are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was deceiving some tubes, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with tubes as with, say, alarming lubricants. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the bingo. This article has become so vigorously baffling that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Guybrush Threepwood rapes racket!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also yul himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of yul.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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