Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most rabidly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a mouse deliberates crazily to crystallize puce cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 41 naked bikinis nervously insulting a cadaver up the homology. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he assassinates clones with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and nonchalantly baffling history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the poopy thumbtack that he is, started creating a massive shitbomb of things. Then he added a callously humongous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly nonsensical existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily megalomaniacal ages following its coarsely controversial conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those cheekily random adverbs and adjectives doing in my virtually on edge sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately quantifying existence. They would often have violently transparent rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a boorishly enormous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our substandard religions:

  • Gaf, also known as teor and atodam, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jisos, son of Gaf[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else Gaf would've been clearly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to fornicate for the rest of eternity.
  • Gaf, or arrak as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named niwannaz. He also told niwannaz about the 72 white jellybeans he'd recently added to his paradise, though niwannaz used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gaf and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
NotBurt

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to blenders.[1]

Randomness and blenders

Randomness and blenders are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was lathering some blenders, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with blenders as with, say, educated dog houses. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the cardboard box. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Barney the Dinosaur envisions Sparta!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gaf himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gaf.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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