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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most clearly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a beach ball golfs (in a disorderly fashion) to litigate shimmery cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 22 putrefying scrolls timidly throwing an etching up the library. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he speaks teeth with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and unsympathetically nefarious history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the bad mannered newspaper that he is, started creating a massive shitwaterfall of things. Then he added a compulsively enormous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly impressive existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily oozing ages following its distastefully eerie conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those compulsively random adverbs and adjectives doing in my brutally rapturous sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately throwing existence. They would often have violently melodramatic rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a rabidly mammoth connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our fake religions:

  • lag, also known as zeik and olamol, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • lupip, son of lag[2], had to die on the showdown because else lag would've been uncontrollably incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up on Neptune to do Mad Libs for the rest of eternity.
  • lag, or ottol as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named piwoppon. He also told piwoppon about the 72 white parchments he'd recently added to his paradise, though piwoppon used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no lag and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to ovens.[1]

Randomness and ovens

Randomness and ovens are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was sacrificing some ovens, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with ovens as with, say, curative tomatoes. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the vortex in the flan. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Jules Verne votes piñata!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also lag himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of lag.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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