Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most frostily random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a book deteriorates hardly to wash zany cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 98 expensive memos easily lolling a jellybean up the adverb. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he cogitates tubes with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and briskly crazed history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the ineffective waffle that he is, started creating a massive shitcrab cake of things. Then he added a crazily gigantic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly remarkable existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily barbarous ages following its incessantly pricey conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those fretfully random adverbs and adjectives doing in my eloquently oozing sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately rinsing existence. They would often have violently egregious rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a cheekily voluminous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our heterosexual religions:

  • God, also known as zius and owagou, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jatit, son of God[2], had to die on the chessboard because else God would've been crazily incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to prove for the rest of eternity.
  • God, or ommov as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named tokottor. He also told tokottor about the 72 white tomatoes he'd recently added to his paradise, though tokottor used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no God and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Boyd

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to diet pills.[1]

Randomness and diet pills

Randomness and diet pills are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was drying some diet pills, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with diet pills as with, say, vulgar balloons. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Dick Hertz matures iPod!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]




Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


The King has left the building.



Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also God himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of God.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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