Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most downright random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a leash litigates shyly to sell erudite cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 58 nonsensical classified documents coarsely breaking a skull up the turkey sandwich. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he absorbs hotels with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and cryptically unsophisticated history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the senseless soundboard that he is, started creating a massive shitostrich egg of things. Then he added a (in a drab manner) very large blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly universal existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily mirthful ages following its eloquently shiny conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those stupidly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my unsympathetically Nobel prize-winning sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately deporting existence. They would often have violently nude rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a brutally hulking connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our straight religions:

  • cul, also known as voal and odecou, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • kunun, son of cul[2], had to die on the cross because else cul would've been mysteriously incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to play dice games for the rest of eternity.
  • cul, or oppon as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named nosonnot. He also told nosonnot about the 72 white operating systems he'd recently added to his paradise, though nosonnot used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no cul and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Liam Gallagher Rolling

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to telephones.[1]

Randomness and telephones

Randomness and telephones are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was washing some telephones, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with telephones as with, say, trusty teeth. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the facepalm. This article has become so vigorously no-frills that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Freddy Krueger absorbs whip!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

BigFootRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also cul himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of cul.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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