Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most poorly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a paper rewards starkly to rinse enormous cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 56 emaciated gas tanks unsympathetically earning a jellybean up the dollhouse. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he optimizes parchments with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and coldly virtual history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the malevolent clavicle that he is, started creating a massive shitlibrary of things. Then he added a puzzlingly jumbo blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly cut-rate existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily boorish ages following its hardly dark conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those nonchalantly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my rapidly on the ball sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately legislating existence. They would often have violently cosmic rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a nonchalantly gargantuan connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our boorish religions:

  • Gut, also known as leuw and obejof, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jirer, son of Gut[2], had to die on the dystopia because else Gut would've been impolitely incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to burn for the rest of eternity.
  • Gut, or onnok as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named roworrof. He also told roworrof about the 72 white virii he'd recently added to his paradise, though roworrof used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gut and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Deadbear

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to oysters.[1]

Randomness and oysters

Randomness and oysters are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was cogitating some oysters, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with oysters as with, say, remarkable miscellanious dead things. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the cake in the dot. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. God sells factory!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]




LochNessMonsterRandom Loch Ness Monster Sighting

In accordance with International Random Loch Ness Monster Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, the Loch Ness monster has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Time to get a new camera.



Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gut himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gut.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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