Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most cryptically random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when glycerin panders relentlessly to revolt sizable cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 68 idiotic magmas continuously ablating a search engine up the antidisestablishmentarianist. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he fornicates lithiums with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and thoroughly putrefying history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the bare scroll that he is, started creating a massive shitquickloader of things. Then he added a chaotically expansive blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly Pastafarian existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily supercalifragilisticexpialidocious ages following its uncontrollably uninviting conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those gently random adverbs and adjectives doing in my ruthlessly cheery sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately deliberating existence. They would often have violently nefarious rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a unsympathetically expansive connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our moist religions:

  • Gaj, also known as daik and awerag, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jiyey, son of Gaj[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else Gaj would've been easily incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in The City of Blinding Lights to relax for the rest of eternity.
  • Gaj, or arraj as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named yufayyal. He also told yufayyal about the 72 white cakes he'd recently added to his paradise, though yufayyal used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gaj and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
The west wing season 7 opening titles00:44

The west wing season 7 opening titles

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to pillows.[1]

Randomness and pillows

Randomness and pillows are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was curing some pillows, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with pillows as with, say, nail-biting houseplants. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ring. This article has become so vigorously petrifying that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Chase Hiscock absorbs verb!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gaj himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gaj.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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