Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most (in a disorderly fashion) random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when tofu steals insufficiently to sell demoralizing cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 38 poopy dog houses riotously proving a memo up the bridge. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he rebels search engines with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and ruthlessly bare history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the shiny fire hydrant that he is, started creating a massive shitHonda of things. Then he added a blaringly very, very big blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly educated existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily moist ages following its fervently megalomaniacal conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those crazily random adverbs and adjectives doing in my mysteriously naked sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately sanctifying existence. They would often have violently senseless rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a continuously very, very big connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our tawdry religions:

  • cud, also known as ceek and ofivor, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • zesus, son of cud[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else cud would've been 100% incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up on Saturn to vomit for the rest of eternity.
  • cud, or onnow as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named moyommot. He also told moyommot about the 72 white violoncelli he'd recently added to his paradise, though moyommot used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no cud and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
The-cult1

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to cobs.[1]

Randomness and cobs

Randomness and cobs are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was feasting some cobs, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with cobs as with, say, wobbly nunchucks. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the pantleg. This article has become so vigorously fat that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Dick Trickle vomits bear!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also cud himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of cud.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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