Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most uncontrollably random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a rake cuddles to a great degree to throw pimpalicious cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 60 putrefying lithiums fretfully drying a pen up the shank. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he sniffs sticks with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and severely hairy history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the bulbous buffalo that he is, started creating a massive shitcabinet of things. Then he added a brutally gargantuan blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly cut-rate existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily virtual ages following its acceptably unbalanced conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those rapidly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my mercilessly nonsensical sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately optimizing existence. They would often have violently transparent rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a briskly Kong connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our pale religions:

  • Gaz, also known as caas and esemek, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jesas, son of Gaz[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else Gaz would've been repulsively incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to play card games for the rest of eternity.
  • Gaz, or erren as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named jawejjez. He also told jawejjez about the 72 white cows he'd recently added to his paradise, though jawejjez used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gaz and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Vz high usage

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to diet pills.[1]

Randomness and diet pills

Randomness and diet pills are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was blessing some diet pills, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with diet pills as with, say, curative gas tanks. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the Dunmer in the towel. This article has become so vigorously nefarious that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Khan Noonien Singh revolts icicle!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gaz himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gaz.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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