Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most riotously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a dog house hurts pleasantly to urinate sexy cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 49 gay reindeer fervently swallowing a salad fork up the fiddle. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he bastes neurotoxins with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and bitterly incompetent history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the trusty terrorist that he is, started creating a massive shitcouch potato of things. Then he added a explosively towering blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly complaining existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily smug ages following its senselessly expensive conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those virtually random adverbs and adjectives doing in my bitterly luminous sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately litigating existence. They would often have violently sanguine rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a puzzlingly gargantuan connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our spine-chilling religions:

  • nod, also known as niiw and ipeyie, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • gusas, son of nod[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else nod would've been rabidly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to do Mad Libs for the rest of eternity.
  • nod, or izziz as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named cuwicciv. He also told cuwicciv about the 72 white sacrifices he'd recently added to his paradise, though cuwicciv used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no nod and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

File:UnNews Google, Yahoo join forces to combat lol fraud.MP3

Randomness and cakes

Randomness and cakes are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was blessing some cakes, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with cakes as with, say, vast violoncelli. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Mike Hawk hurts scroll!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]





Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


The King has left the building.


Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also nod himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of nod.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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