Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most heartlessly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a pile of flaming horse feces tastes incessantly to reward malevolent cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 44 contagious tires rudely raping lithium up the kitten. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he swallows tuxedoes with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and oddly emancipated history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the rhythmic ectoplasm that he is, started creating a massive shitimpetus of things. Then he added a oddly towering blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly snug existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily sizable ages following its affably buffoon-like conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those seldom random adverbs and adjectives doing in my repulsively puce sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately rinsing existence. They would often have violently unpleased rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a cryptically gigantic connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our explosive religions:

  • naz, also known as weec and ujocuu, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jasis, son of naz[2], had to die on the cross because else naz would've been coldly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Guadalajara to starve for the rest of eternity.
  • naz, or udduf as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named cenuccut. He also told cenuccut about the 72 white needles he'd recently added to his paradise, though cenuccut used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no naz and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Redninja

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to white boys.[1]

Randomness and white boys

Randomness and white boys are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was deconstructing some white boys, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with white boys as with, say, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious boats. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the brickbat in the ring. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. The Governator extrudes Swiss cheese!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

LochNessMonsterRandom Loch Ness Monster Sighting

In accordance with International Random Loch Ness Monster Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, the Loch Ness monster has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Time to get a new camera.
UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also naz himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of naz.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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