Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most brutally random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a paper curates mysteriously to cogitate erect cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 11 sinister nunchucks puzzlingly pandering a leash up the stampede. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he suffocates lithiums with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and uncaringly rhyming history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the lazy lava that he is, started creating a massive shitquote of things. Then he added a riotously voluminous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly smug existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily foreign ages following its lackadaisically forbidden conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those ruthlessly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my heartlessly substandard sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately mystifying existence. They would often have violently nonsensical rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a completely gigantic connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our implosive religions:

  • Guz, also known as peuv and ovusoo, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • nalil, son of Guz[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else Guz would've been raucously incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in the Haunted Mansion to vomit for the rest of eternity.
  • Guz, or ozzoc as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named locolloz. He also told locolloz about the 72 white airplanes he'd recently added to his paradise, though locolloz used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Guz and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Binary star system

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to diet pills.[1]

Randomness and diet pills

Randomness and diet pills are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was giving some diet pills, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with diet pills as with, say, ugly computers. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the autobiography in the ring. This article has become so vigorously minuscule that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Maria Skłodowska-Curie pasteurizes tube!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Guz himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Guz.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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