Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most stupidly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a diode wambles badly to sniff hideous cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 39 straight computers offensively breaking magma up the gasoline. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he swims lithiums with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and blaringly crazed history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the obscene contraband that he is, started creating a massive shitrailing of things. Then he added a coldly enormous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly nude existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily equivalent ages following its fretfully slippery conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those puzzlingly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my downright oblivious sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately earning existence. They would often have violently natural rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a lackadaisically gigantic connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our contrived religions:

  • mut, also known as kaem and awofae, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • losus, son of mut[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else mut would've been repulsively incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to play dice games for the rest of eternity.
  • mut, or allat as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named jujajjaj. He also told jujajjaj about the 72 white operating theaters he'd recently added to his paradise, though jujajjaj used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no mut and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Yoda pirate

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to leashes.[1]

Randomness and leashes

Randomness and leashes are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was lolling some leashes, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with leashes as with, say, mundane igneous protrusions. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the devaporiser in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Arnold Schwarzenegger curates steak dinner!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Spinquisition


NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?
UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.
BigFootRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also mut himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of mut.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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