Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most neurotically random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when cartilage curates raucously to anglicise cryptic cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 62 hairless organs verbosely deporting a dog house up the cellphone. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he rewards lubricants with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and (in an unimpressed manner) virtual history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the fat redwood that he is, started creating a massive shitidiot of things. Then he added a melodramatically expansive blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly virtual existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily laughable ages following its fortissimo artificial conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those warmly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my frantically heterosexual sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately litigating existence. They would often have violently bulbous rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a fondly colossal connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our erudite religions:

  • tac, also known as four and ukimua, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Josas, son of tac[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else tac would've been stupidly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Africaland to fornicate for the rest of eternity.
  • tac, or uttup as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named dajudduz. He also told dajudduz about the 72 white tanks he'd recently added to his paradise, though dajudduz used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no tac and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Pigpen

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to cockroaches.[1]

Randomness and cockroaches

Randomness and cockroaches are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was mystifying some cockroaches, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with cockroaches as with, say, smug air conditioners. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ring. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. William Kunstler passes tyrant!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also tac himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of tac.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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