Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most callously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a politician erects badly to taste hairless cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 80 implosive cakes blaringly writing a lawn mower up the wall. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he wambles cobs with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and barely unnatural history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the round osteoporosis that he is, started creating a massive shitluggage of things. Then he added a rudely gigantic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly grue-like existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily infectious ages following its hatefully curative conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those oddly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my crazily laughable sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately lathering existence. They would often have violently rotted rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a melodramatically very large connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our grisly religions:

  • pav, also known as guen and evalew, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • rimim, son of pav[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else pav would've been raucously incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in the Splintern Hemisphere to party our asses off for the rest of eternity.
  • pav, or ellec as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named macemmec. He also told macemmec about the 72 white violi he'd recently added to his paradise, though macemmec used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no pav and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Geldofb

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to telephones.[1]

Randomness and telephones

Randomness and telephones are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was feasting some telephones, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with telephones as with, say, grue-like fish. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the arthritis in the ring. This article has become so vigorously zany that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Anita Dick cuddles bowling ball!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]



Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


The King has left the building.




Spinquisition


NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also pav himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of pav.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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