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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Areola.

Close up of an angry Areola.

The Areola is part of the anatomy of the human breast. More importantly, it is part of the structure of the female tit (or boob). All boobs have Areolae (Latin for more than one Areola). All Areola have nipples. This cannot work in reverse though theoretical physicists have mathematical equations claiming this is possible. Areola is not a greeting in Spanish.

edit Structure

The Areola is the darkened area around the nipple. It is not ill or tainted, that's just evolution's way of confusing male humans who are not smart enough to have sex to breed. This includes rednecks, hillbillies, and booger-eating inbreds. Unfortunately, that discoloration has not always worked and the latter aforementioned creatures have somehow accidentally mated and have endangered the gene pool. This detection of the darker boob area is believed to be be the genesis of the populating of the states of West Virginia, Alabama, Mississippi, and Georgia.

The boundaries of the Areola are shown by A in the figure to the right. It is the area within the red ring. Areolae can be as small as a dime or as large as a small diner plate. In some cases the Areola can be fused with the nipple as in many Titticus pufficus (puffy nipple) and the division can only be determined by a trained, well-experienced Boobologist.

edit Color

The colors can vary from a faint pink to dark brown or black. Faint pink seem to be the favorite as that color is on most blond females and reminds them of the "glans" or head of their own penises as boys. It is also a paint color for cars of the 1950s. Brown to dark brown Areolae are universal and usually are found on brunette females from most tropical and sub-tropical locale. The famous artist Paul Gauguin favored the brown ones. He in fact loved them so much he cut off his ear after being denied access to a pair in Tahiti. Black Areolae are found on Afro-American females as well as real Africans. George Wallace had a hatred black Areolae and had the Alabama National Guard block female students with black Areolae from a college there.

edit Texture

Areola are can be embedded with blood vessels and moderately smooth but look like old womens legs. Do not bite these. They can be smooth with microscopic ridges detectable by the human male's tongue. There are smooth Areola with a shiny surface. These are found on younger females.

edit Special Areola

edit Brailleola


Braille bumps on an Areola for the blind males


These are nature-designed for the visually impaired. They can be distinguished from other Areola by Louis Braille bumps. The 1960s song "Louis, Louis" praised Braille's work but no one could understand it. Braille bumps read as follows:

“User, you are extremely close to the nipple. If this is a large Areola continue on just a bit further. If the Areola is small, you will find the nipple quickly. If the nipple is small, you may confuse it with a Braille bump. If this is happening, you've just read these bumps for nothing.”
~ Institute for the Study of Areola

For the visually impaired who cannot read this, females will have to demonstrate the actual procedure by baring some tit. If you are a man, you probably will not demonstrate this process. If you do you will probably panic. If you are gay and the visually impaired person is gay, have a good time. If you are gay and the visually impaired person is not, be prepared for a white cane to strike you severely across the head and shoulders leaving lasting scares and grooves in your skull. Also be prepared for a German Shepherd named "Bruno" or "Max" to grab a hold of your wrists or fingers and drag you through the dirt. Do not leave your crotch area or ass exposed at any time. All dogs prefer thick meaty areas and your ass would definitively meet the the meaty meaning. Dogs also enjoy their bite-sized crunchy nuggets of dog food or kibble. Your testicles, if hard enough, may feel like kibble to them. In which case say "Good bye" to your nuts and any children you may have wanted to conceive.

edit The Slickiola

Slikiola are smooth textured Areola favored by most men since they are attached to very young female humans. Males feel that they will see enough of the veins, wrinkles, and bumps later in life. Slickiolae (Latin for multiple Slikiola) have a surface very close to a infant's ass and similar to Teflon which causes the male's saliva to quickly ooze away. "Getting to know" the youngest Slickiolae has caused the prison population in the United States to explode. Other countries like Holland, Denmark, and Sweden, are more advanced socially and have no under-age Slickiolae laws.

edit Edibility


Scrumcious Areola & Nipple pineapple rings.

Areola can be quite a delicacy for the brave. They can be found in obscure delicatessens in many places around the world already prepared and ready to snack on. If you are preparing Areola yourself, you may choose to bake them like cookies or pineapple rings in the photo, BBQ them with peppers and tomatoes, or fry them like donuts. The latter requires you to pull out the nipple before hand so that a hole is created.

The nipples can be used by themselves in place of cocktail olives, set to dry in the sun and eaten like raisins. Nipple raisins can placed in trailmix for those long hikes.

edit Also see

edit References

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