Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

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You are not smarter than a 5th grader!
“I'm smarter than a Grade 5-er.”
~ Canadians on their poorly-named version

Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Don't be stupid, of course you're not! You make a chimpanzee look like Albert Einstein. When you were born, your mom mistook you for Forrest Gump, and she mistook your brother for George W. Bush. You have never gotten a straight A in your life and you were too stupid for Barney or Sesame Street.

You are not alone, though: One in every two people aren't smarter than a 5th grader. Not even that Stephen Hawking guy is smarter than a 5th grader. Heck, not even Jesse Zheng, the AZN nerd aka videogame addict is smarter than a 5th grader! And he's an eighth grader in Algebra 2! Not to mention he can memorize an entire, 2 page long song on the clarinet and play it perfectly. Bastard. What a nerd. So don't be concerned if you are not smarter than a fifth grader. Those guys and girls aren't even normal people. These 5th graders were created in a science lab by Über-genius Jeff Foxworthy in an attempt to challenge your intelligence. The experiment worked and has become a highly popular television series.

The Show

The Fox TV Network, Mark Burnett, and Rupert Murdoch thought it would be funny to mock ALL you imbeciles by creating a game show hosted by Pedophile Jeff Foxworthy called, Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Foxworthiness -- who goes by the nicknames Your Royal Highness, Your Majesty, Smarter Than Thou and Lord Foxworthy -- and his class of retarded kids -- Kyle, Spencer, Alana, Jacob, Laura, and later Markie -- are a million times smarter than you, because you are nowhere as smart as a 10-year-old kid. This is due to the fact that they can hear the voices of dead crazy people. The show is basically Who Wants to Be a Millionaire for elementary school.

The show airs Thursday nights at 8:00/7:00 Central and runs for an hour, but you probably don't watch it because you're busy watching My Name is Earl and The Office. Or maybe you're watching Yee Haw! on CMT or perhaps some crappy show on MTV.

Second season

The second season of this show (which, by the way, is still smarter than YOU!) ushered in a brand new group of genetically engineered fifth graders, as the original class graduated to the sixth grade to become even more smarter than the moron reading this high-quality and exquisite article. The five new 5th grader future legends are named Mackenzie, Cody, Sierra, Olivia, and Nathan. There is an alternate 5th grader, Riley, who is from Santa Ana, California. Next season, Kim Komando's son Ian will be joining the show as a new 5th grader. To this day, nobody has proven to be smarter than a 5th grader.

A winner (???)

Phil Pfister and Kathy Cox
As you can see, Phil is a fairly nice man, he can interact with innocent children but Kathy cannot. This either means the aura of children leads to stupidity or that being an oppressive, child hating person can make you smart.

In the third season of this show, Kathy Cox had won 1 000 000 dollars. She was the superintendent of public schools in Georgia. It seems as though it was necessary for her to prove her intelligence about education to prove she was still qualified for her position and thus actually performed well. WRONG! On the later daytime shows Phil Pfister, a body builder, won only $25 000. At 6 feet 6 inches he is pretty strong and built, but very stupid. Kathy Cox wasn't as athletic but won 1 million. This leads us to the conclusion that being athletic is terrible as it makes us really stupid, rather we must consume as much food as we can to be intelligent.

Celebrity shows

The second season is notable for being the first to include B- and C-list celebrities playing for their favorite charities... themselves. So far, the only celebrities to appear on this show have been Regis Philbin, Tony Hawk, Kellie Pickler, Clay Aiken, Josh Server, and Mr. Winkler.

People who are not smarter than a 5th grader

Fifth Grader Smarter than You
Lord Foxworthy and Kyle

People who are

  • Me!
Who is smarter than a 5th grader?
 
92
 
11
 
7
 

The poll was created at 05:46 on December 21, 2011, and so far 110 people voted.


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Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? is part of Uncyclopedia's series on Mass Media.
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