Architect

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Winona Ryder

Winona Ryder, founder of The Church of the Architect in sexy overalls

“Architects are a driving force in Architectury.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Architect

“If I was himself, I'd hope that we never met again.”
~ Neo on Architect
“Oh, c'mon! They just draw buildings, for Christ sake!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Architects
“Damn architects with their big noses and cement horniness!”
~ Parallel Universe Adolf Hitler, on architects
“Trust me that looks good, I'm an architect!!!”
~ Any pretentious architect, or any for that matter

Architect is a cult founded in 847 AD by Winona Ryder in an attempt to further her then dying acting career, though the cult was originally designed as a scam (much like Mormonism), it's original purpose has been forgotten, and it has since became one of the leading religions in the world.

edit Structure

The Church of Architect has a complex hierarchy which makes the Vatican seem like Chutes and Ladders. A simple and greatly abridged explanation is given below.

edit Architecture Schools

Architecture schools are farms par excellence where infants, taken from their parents, are brainwashed by people with a massive superiority complex. They are trained to ignore biological impracticalities such as sleep in order to survive and are expected to always wear black in order to blend in with all space around them. At the end of every semester is a decathlon type event where these zombie-like creatures emerge from their darkened habitats and engage in impious, self indulgent, alcoholic decadence in order to make up for the time they've lost during the year.

edit The Customer

At the bottom of the church hierarchy is the Customer. The Customer is the one who mindlessly gives money to the higher ups in the church in exchange for services which are never properly delivered. However, the Customer seems to insist upon the honesty and integrity of the higher ups and constantly insists that there must be a good reason for all the delays.

edit The Hired Hand

DoorC

Architecture. At its best.

The Hired Hands put everything together. They do most of the grunt work involved. They, much like the Customers, are forbidden to question the whim of the upper hierarchy for fear of unknown divine retribution. These poor fellows hope to make a big name in the field but find it impossible before their teeth start falling out.

edit The Contractor

The Contractor is the one the Customer most directly deals with. The Contractor is the one who calls the shots on the field; they are the go between for the Customer and the Architect. The Contractor also has the immense ability to screw any design of the architect by throwing tantrums or finding loopholes in the "Holy Design". So, if the architect needed a yellow floor but didn't say anything about the flooring, rest assured that it will only be sand.

edit The Engineer

The Engineer is the only person more boring than the Architect. Rumour has it that they are the ones who interpret the designs of the Architect and make them understandable/safe. These rumours have never been confirmed however, as they could result in terrifying divine retribution for those who dare question the Architect's Perfectness. However a determined Engineer can drag down any Architect from his or her AC cabin and trash their plans to tatters.

edit The Architect

The Architect is the man who designs it all, the man at the top. No one argues with him. Arguing with the Architect could lead to divine retribution unimaginable by mortals. Few ever have direct contact with the Architect, though none ever doubt his existence. They are the touchiest people on Earth and if cornered break into a bawl and throw tantrums. They also kill kittens.

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