Archaeological theory

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Archaeological theory.

Archaeological theory takes interesting remains from the past, such as Stone Henge or the Tomb of Tutankhamen, and covers them in what is known as a 'cloud of theory', making them almost impossible to see. This is designed to increase public interest in archaeology and justify the spending it incurs.

Archaeological Theory in the twenty-first century: an archaeoindelible approach

Archaeological theory was accidentally released in 1963. Before then, archaeologists had played with old things and said whatever they felt like saying about them. Now they were able to play with old things and say whatever they felt like saying about them in seven-syllable invented words (which must contain one of the following: 'archaeo', 'scape' or 'hodder'). This was a big advance in archaeology because specialists known as theoretical archaeologists or archaeological theorists were now needed to interpret all the seven-syllable words for the people who were just in it 'to dig shit up and dress like Indiana Jones'.

A theoretical archaeologist is one who exists only in theory, requiring further constructs in order to bridge gap between theory and reality. Because these constructs, however, are theoretical in themselves this is rarely achieved. Despite this a number of theoretical archaeologists are usually included in university payrolls.

Archaeological theorists, on the other hand, are theoretically archaeologists. Archaeological theorists don't generally know how they got into either archaeology or theory and they have no idea of how to get out of either.

Material culture in end-time: a hoddergodillogical approach

Archaeological theory will eventually replace the need to study the material remains of the past. Adherents refer to this time as 'the rapture'. When it occurs, all evidence of past human activity will be instantly transported into outer space, leaving archaeologists free to write limitless articles entitled under the following structure: '[subject] in [place or time]: a [made-up word] approach'.

The above view is contested by a small minority of archaeologists, most of whom follow the teachings of 'Science' (which replaced 'God', the previous deity, in a pre-arranged handover in 1765). Although Science does not choose to answer the prayers of archaeologists, they have faith that one day it will reward them for all the money and effort put into destroying material culture (which they achieve through a carefully balanced combination of excavation and physical analysis).

Truth and not-truth in the grand arena: a partlyundigestedscape approach

Although there are many debates within archaeological theory, theorists have united as one to aptly demonstrate that archaeological theory is not true. This derives from logical reasoning: all archaeologists not studying or sleeping under you are labouring under a different and therefore incorrect paradigm. As people are only studying or sleeping under you for personal gain they will eventually leave and therefore be labouring under a new paradigm and/or professor so that no paradigm can last long enough or involve enough individuals to be considered a paradigm. A paradigm shift is generally agreed to be the result of eating too much the night before.

Although archaeological theory is not true, archaeological theorists are necessary in order to demonstrate that it is not true, as only archaeological theorists can understand archaeological theory.

==Anthropologists and shitters of bull in a convention center: A postprocessuralistic Dynamic. The real reason for archaeological theory is that theoretical archaeologists do not have to excavate. This opened the field to all kinds of anthropologists who would otherwise have been studying living people, and then discussing those living people in their own conventions. Anthropologists hate their conventions because of all the mumbo-jumbo, and the fact that anyone who wants to discredit them can go to the living people who were studied, and present their own paper. In an effort to get published, earn money, and have cooler conventions, the anthopologists donned leather jackets and Fedoras, and crashed the archaeology parties under the guise of "Theoretical archaeology." Soon, they were presenting their own papers, in their own peculiar style. This cause a few bar fights... well... it caused a few archaeologists to go to the bars early and get in more fights than usual.

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