Aqua (band)

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Th Aqua-BarbieGirl-MusicVideos

Note: The following article is presented in Aquascope.

Aqua tour 2009

Aqua will still be performing, even though everyone hates Lene's high pitch voice.

Aqua are considered to be one of the most fucking annoying barbie dolls in music and Denmark's history, mainly because of their lead singer's high pitch. They have become well known for making a song to when they used to be Barbie dolls.

edit Background

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Aqua (band).

It all started back in 1984, and a Danish woman by the name of Lene Nystorm (1973-2093) was diagnosed with an unknown high-pitch voice disorder. This inspired her and three of her boyfriends, René, Søren, and Claus (not to be confused with Santa Claus) to create an electric music group that was catchy and cool but also cute as well, and even though there music ended up to be painful for Asians and Americans and Annoying for the rest of the people on this unfair earth, it who make a new genre that would not only change the way we listen to music forever, but also would make Denmark history.


"We Belong To The Sea". More like you belong in hell. Fun Fact: Aqua's first album was actually an aquarium.



When some sort of wizard transformed them into Barbie dolls, it would inspire them to make a song about Barbies. Lene is now a Barbie Girl because of this and Rene is now her husband, obviously named Ken. Rene calls this since 2011 a "Love Generation". They also became "Cartoon Heroes" and saved the earth from aliens who invaded it, though the earthlings were still tortured by Lene's annoying-ass voice. Even the Annoying Orange had a less annoying voice than her.

These people enjoyed to eat cheddar cheese during their free time, and spent other days watching Days of Our Lives. One day, Aqua made a video, of Soap Sing Opera!

However, they were somehow disappeared by Mattel in 2002, after they did their stupid Barbie song in 1997. Thankfully, we would never have to listen to Lene's fucking voice again until 2009.

Because of their shitty sound, Aqua inspired Rebecca Black to make an annoying song for children about the weekend, though it's sad cause weekends feel so short.

edit More on Lene's annoying-ass voice

This song is all of Lene's lies.
Lene nystrom 7


Aqua doesn't give a shit, and they'll still be performing anyway. Lene is still being fucked by a robot, even though she thinks hot and sexy and she deserves more. She shouldn't because her voice is nothing but a disturbing 3-year-old Rebecca Black voice. However, some have admitted that her voice is just as adorable as Kirby.

Here's some advice; she's asking everyone how we're doing. Respond "I would be fine if you didn't fucking exist".

edit About the other members

edit René

Screen shot 2013-02-23 at 9.34.47 PM

Rene's most favorite moment in his life is reading Playalien magazine.

He fucking hated school and was kicked out of it several times because he also liked 3-year-olds who sound like Justin Bieber. He's also an actor for Danish film and television, although it is likely he won't be anymore cause it's possible that one person will kill him and the rest of Aqua because their songs are total shit.

edit Soren

Also known as Soren Nystrom Rasted, he is a music producer and also is a backing vocalist for churches all around his country. She is married to Lene because he loves her singing abilities, and that would lead negative attention from Chinese women because of the marriage.

edit Claus

Screen shot 2013-03-02 at 12.13.51 PM

Claus was also known as Santa's former son, which he was named Elf Claus, though nobody has any idea why he isn't anymore.

Claus (not to be confused with Santa Claus) used to be married to an actress, but they later divorced since his wife found out he was in a shitty music group.

edit Three reasons why the band shouldn't exist

Song title: "Kill Myself". Please do.
  • Annoying-ass voice (obiviously)
  • Their name (They deserve to be dug undersea's sand)
  • They appear to be from a different planet, though no one should even a give a shit which planet their from.

edit Movie

In 1998, Universal Studios and MCA records (MotherfuckingCocksuckinglyAsshole records) released Aqua's first ever movie, called The Aqua Diary. This movie is also the first one to be released by MCA. It followed Lene as she hated how everyone is fucking hating on her voice. Although they're were shitty reviews from newspapers and magazines, the film was a worldwide commercial success, and has received a cult following ever since. This would also inspired MCA records to create their own movie studio, called "MotherfuckingCocksuckinglyAwesome Studios", but they were closed a day after since they couldn't think of any movies to make.


Ebert's review on this movie was featured in this book.

Roger Ebert had to say this about the movie: "This movie is a dumb movie about a real-life woman who doesn't know how to sing, and I don't know why MCA would make such a movie like this. I give this movie a -100,000 out of 4 star."

Captian Obvious would've love to review this movie if he was a movie critic rather than superhero, and probably wouldn't give this movie any stars. He probably would've said this: "An Aqua Diary is a shitty movie about Aqua."

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