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April 14: Pull My Finger Day (Smith Family Reunion)
- 13 - Repairs begin after worst Friday the 13th ever.
- 1215 - Magna Carta signed, giving the Red Baron the right to bake pizza on his warplane.
- 1500 - Michelangelo carves a statue out of marble out of an elephant carcass.
- 1654 - On this Sunday, by a freak coincidence, no-one turned up to church at all, anywhere. Excuses cited include "washing cart" and "wife pregnant".
- 1864 - Montgomery Schtumpf III develops cheap human blood substitute made from corn husks.
- 1930 - Hitler's girlfriend Eva Braun is born.
- 1936 - Hitler's girlfriend Eva Braun buys a "really cute armband" for the big rally.
- 1967 - Yoko Ono forms her renegade militant group "The Plastic Renegades" with the objective of destroying all good music in the universe.
- 1969 - Janis Joplin gives a "BJ" to my uncle.
- 1987 - Miracle Whip deemed "less than miraculous" by the FDA.
- 2007 - Captain obvious says "it's today."
- 2008 - Somebody was wrong *gasp!* on the internet.
- 2009 - Chocolate & Cunnilingus Day celebrated