From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“He is as Original as Xerox Machine's Output.”
“Common think something !.”
“Ah, stoppit, just topo western music.”
“Leave me alone, I can lick balls!”
“When i go outside ladies fall on my sight.”
“No, its just the breath.”
Anu Malik is a revered Hindi music director in India.
Anu Malik, the queen of world music, was born in 1947 when India got its Independence and has since taken the role of the British in torturing Indians with his music. Anu malik, aka braided bitch, is the love-child of Malikka tera-vaat and HMV's Dog, thus inheriting HMV's gramophone voice and malikka's boobs. He was born in a gutter apparently at 6 am when Mallika was shitting out; considering him to be a piece of shit she abandoned him. He was later adopted by a madari therefore he dresses like a dancing street monkey. He was named as the most fashionable music director of the nineties which led to massive sales of second-hand topies and madari outfits designed by him in his dharavi outlet. If there's someone who beats Beethoven, Mozart and AR Rahman in all ways, it's Anu Malik. Anu Malik is one of the most sought music director in Hollywood, Bollywood, Pollywood, Tollywood and Mollywood. Anu Malik's fortune runs to billions of dollars since every film he composes for, more than 80% of the revenue is credited to his account without premium.
Anu Malik also has a penchant for reciting self made shayaris on Indian reality shows like Indian Idol. Although once you hear it, nothing will sound half as bad to you, except his songs from Main Hoon Na, which sound approx. 3/4th as bad according to a survey. Anu malik was reborn in 1990, in south east asia. Nothing outrageous and interesting is known about his early life but he adopted himself in 1999 and then learned Indian classical singing in chewbacca institute of classical singing, Greenland. Then he declared himself as "maestro of Indian classical cacophony", a self proclaimed title.
edit The film journey
Anu Malik, in spite being a virgin, arrogant, lousy, bastard, has attracted some Hollywood/Bollywood/Tollywood/Kollywood/Bhojpuriwood/.... producers.. His well-know compositions include>>> "Fuck me...Oh! Honey" (1966) - Used in a gay film called "Dirty Dicks" The Night Bomb! (2000) - Received Rasperries for this 2000 composition Dupatta Niche Rakh (2003) - Used in softporn Tamil movies Ganda Mein Kabutar, Tu Kya Karega Madar! - Used in Bhojpuri screenings...
edit The singer within
In 1997, Anu Malik was nominated in Grammy for "Kasamh li hai humne, tujhe na choddenge, I love you oh India..." Anu Malik has a league of movies in which his golden voice echoes forever:
- Ek Garam Chai ki pyali ho...
- East or west, india is the best
- Dhuan Dhuan ho raha hai sama ...kahin to hai aag lagi...
baat to sahi hai !!!
edit Notable achievements
Anu Malik also rejected his selection as guest judge in American Idol. FremantleMedia got so desperate that they were out with an Indian version of their Pop Idol called as Indian Idol. Anu Malik's vast experience in Music industry makes him unbeatable, uncopiable and irreplaceable.
Recently, he won 4 Rasperries for his performance in some bullshit movie called JAAN-E-SUN! (That was in 2005)
Besides he is a recipient for this year's WWF HALL OF SHAME held in Reykjavik
- Copied his hair cut from Micheal Jackson but says its Original.
- Fond of copy machines, although he denies the owning.
- Loves Sex with trees.
edit Source of inspiration
There are myriad number of classics which Anu Malik claims to have composed in Public washrooms, some of which he brags about in interview.
edit Anu Malik's tough competitors:
Dog next door, Himesss Rash-miya, Pritam
edit An Inspiration to
AR Rahman, Ismail Darbar, MM Kreem, RD Burman.
edit Recent Trends
With the advent of high tech musical equipments with computer mixing, Anu Malik is no less. However, there a some groups in Orkut(I hate Anu Malik Group) that shows growing membership with each day.
A nation united by virtually nothing, please
|States: East Bengal • Kashmir • Kerala • Maharashtra • Mizoram • Nepal • Uttar Pradesh • Tibet • Tulu Nadu|
|Cities: Bangalore • Chandigarh • Pune|
|Religions: Buddhism • Hinduism • Jainism • Tantra • Zoroastrianism|
|Funny guys: Amitabh Bachchan • Bobby Deol • Barkha Dutt • Mohandas Gandhi • Nathuram Godse • Guru Maharaj Ji • Rudyard Kipling • Daler Mehndi • Narendra Modi • Manmohan Singh • Rabindranath Tagore • Mother Teresa|
|A zoo-full of deities: Ganesha • Hanuman • Kali|
|A menagerie of Bhagavad-gita articles: Bhagavad-gita • Bhagavad Gita • à la Rushdie|
|Languages: Engrish • Hindi • Sanskrit • Telugu|
|Other stuffs: BJP • BSNL • Bollywood • Border Gavaskar Trophy • Brahmin • CIPET • Curry • Football • Ganges • Holi • Indian hippies • Indian Institutes of Technology • Iyers • Jat • Kamasutra • Mango • Ramayana • Rock • Rupees • Taj Mahal • The Times • Turban • Urumi • VJTI|