Antlions

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Lazy Antlion

This lazy pile of shit had to be dragged out of his pit by a human (notice the remnants of sand) in order to make his appearance here. He couldn't chase an ant if it walked up and bit him.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Antlions.

First, you all should know what an Antlion is. It's a lazy-ass twenty-legged motherfucker who chills at the bottom of a small sand pit and waits there all day long for stupid-ass ants to fall into it, where it eats them. The Antlion is the laziest dumb-ass layabout in the whole animal kingdom, bar none. The sloth? The sloth fucking laughs at this fool for being too lazy. Now you will learn in detail about this sack of shit.

History

Antlions don't have a very diverse history. They just don't. They have never ended up doing anything because all they do is sit their asses in a pit. When do they have the time or energy to make history? They just lay there.

Harassment Charges

Three years ago these lazy-ass assholes had harassment charges filed against them by the Hornet and Mud Dauber, who are always fucking their shit up and take any opportunity to drill them another one. Being too weak to retaliate, these complete pussies get tooled 24/7 by the Hornet and Mud Dauber.

Antlions pick on who?

These sacks of stale donkey vomit who wouldn't even know donkey vomit if it flooded over them and their entire village, don't even pick on something their own size. They pick on tiny-ass ants. Mainly the dumb ones who fall to their doom into Antlion's obvious-as-fuck pit. Several insect species have installed billboards near Antlion pits to warn the oncoming ants. Nothing doing. They just keep marching and fall in, where the antlion doesn't have to move a centimeter but just lays there with its mouth open. Mother Nature was obviously fucking wasted the day she produced the Antlion, which insults the real lion like you wouldn't believe.

How do they die?

  • Obesity (from sitting in their pit for their entire fucking life).
  • Starvation. They somehow once had enough energy to dig a pit. Speed? But once they've dug it and plop in there like a bag of wet sand, they need ants to live. If no ants ever come due to a badly placed pit meters from the nearest anthill it's curtains for the Antlion, because when the lazy fat fucktards realize that no ants are showing up they aren't even able to get out of their own pit to save their ass. They start to lose body fat and insane amounts of energy, so they're basically fucked.)
  • Death by Hornet. Hornets fuck them up.
  • Death by Mud Dauber. Mud Daubers fuck them up, and get them muddy in the process.

The ants, who point out the pit to the hornets and the mud daubers, just sit back and watch.

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