From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|More Jewish stuff|
|This page is or discusses a loony and/or nutty conspiracy theory of which Uncyclopedia vehemently denies knowledge and existence. The black helicopters are not ^on their way.|
“The Holocaust museum is run by Jews!”
- ~ Mahathir bin Mohamad on Anti-Semitism
“I never said criticism of Israel is necessarily Anti-Semitic...It's only Anti-Semitic if I disagree with it!”
- ~ Alan Dershowitz on Anti-Semitism
An anti-Semite is a spermicidal device, mostly although not exclusively used to keep freaks from breeding. It typically works by taking babies, bleeding them, and baking that blood into the Arab Eucharist. The dead babies then get together, write up a dumb manuscript on how to take over the world, and then go into the banks to lend people their money and pee. It is quite effective.
Anti-Semitism consists of two morphemes. The first, anti is derived from the Inca word Anti, denoting the neighbouring tribe today known as Campa. The Anti people, who gave their name to the Inca province of Antisuyu, were notorious for ferocity and cannibalism. Semitism is derived from the word semen, lifegiver in Aramaic, in turns derived from the name Sem, after the founding father of the many, many tribes of Israel. Sem is called the lifegiver because he had a lot of non-consented-sex which lead to the birth of babies.
Anti-Semitism should not be confused with Anti-Seenitism (philia about television repeats) and Anti-Summitism (mountaineers who can't go that extra yard/metre to reach the top).
edit History of anti-Semitism
edit Prehistoric Times
Neanderthals and modern humans lived peacefully until 50,000 BCE. Then, Satan, being bored and all from having sex with Ann Coulter, decided to create the Jews. This was intended as a prank against Neanderthals, who were busy burning each other in campfires and clubbing each other. The Jews quickly seized control of the Neanderthal media and banks, which the Neanderthals didn't know they had, and lured the Neanderthals into war with the humans for their selfish greedy interests. After the Twenty-Thousand Year War, the Neanderthals were wiped out, because their media was controlled by a cabal of Jews who stabbed them in the back. The Jewish president of NBC (the Neanderthal Broadcasting Corporation) was named Semite Judenhasser Rothschild, and the brave people who fought him called themselves the Anti-Semites. However the Jews then went into hiding in the mountains of Khazaria (also known as Palestine) for thousands of years until they decided en masse to make war against Egypt, the first White nation.
Anti-Semitism was first used in Ancient Egypt, most likely around 1600 BC, when an unknown, yet fair and just, Pharaoh demanded that all male Jew babies should be killed. This was justified, because the Jews were all in a secret plot to destroy the White Egyptian race by encouraging innocent White women to breed with Korean people from Zi-On (온의), also known as Zionists, and broadcasting pro-Zionist (Korean) propaganda. Pharoah almost succeeded, but missed one super-sneaky Jew-baby known as Moe. A few thousand years later a Jewish king named 'Herod-the-nice-man' would read about this incident while sitting on his throne(shitter) and realize that that Pharaoh was actually onto a good thing and instigate another male Jewish baby slaughtering, he dubbed it Operation Cull the Herd it is recorded in history as being a great unifying event throughout the Jewish world, for posterity purposes all male Jewish babies were circumcised before being killed and their foreskins were made into necklaces that became the height of fashion in the Jewish nation of Jewzakahstan. Herod would later become the first man to be cyrogenically frozen, he was later thawed out and changed his surname Hitler, though his Christian name (Jew's have those too) remains a mystery to this day.
edit Inbetween Antiquity and Today
For many years, anti-Semitism flourished in underground Europe and the Middle East, until Martin Luther canceled Christianity and made everything legal. Ever since, everyone has been having lots of anti-Semite abortions and sexin' it up wearing condoms, and that's totally okay now!
The eighteenth century saw the creation of the Elders of Zion, a council of world Jewry modeled after the Khazarian Senate. Each Jewish committee elected an Elder to sit on the Council, which met yearly to discuss how to consolidate control over the goyim.
edit Modern anti-Semitism
The single most successful case of anti-Semitism was the lottery-like abortion game invented by ever-visionary German Emperor Adolf Hitler during his rule. Through random selection, lucky citizens were selected for deportation and killed for the sake of everyone else's well-being. This method was later dubbed Holocaust (very late abortion in Greek) and is generally considered the peak of "anti-Semitism". By chance, this also rid Germany of many foreigners, putting a halt to multiculturalism.
Satanists also practice anti-Semitism: they ritually murder babies in day care cults, whereupon a Head Satanist, or Baphomet, will open up a day care center, take in babies, refer to one of them as "it" rather than "him" or "her", and then sacrifice it, saying "Abracadabra!". Then they spread chicken blood all over the floor and chant the "I Am Not a Sissy" prayer over and over again. After the fact, another Satanist takes the role of Shrink, in which one tells a kid (to whom nothing bad actually happened) to lie down on a couch and tell everyone that something bad happened to him or her, whereupon the Satanists all get arrested and go to jail. Nobody knows why the Satanists practice this bizarre (according to Jerry Springer) kind of anti-Semitism, but they do! (Falun Gong has imitated this practice, but they never became very good at it; when they try to do it, their traditional morality compels them to get married instead.)
edit The Learned Elders of Zion
The Council of the Learned Elders of Zion meets every year in a secret location, normally in Zionist-occupied Congo. Its current President is Jerry Seinfeld (since 1999). The 2008 delegation was as follows:
- 100 delegates from New York City
- 100 delegates from Jerusalem
- 7 delegates from Monsey and 2 from Lakewood, because the ultra-Orthodox whiners wanted a few seats
- 100 delegates from Florida
- 192 from every country in the UN, each representing the Zionist-Occupied Government (ZOG) secretly controlling the real one
- 200 from the largest banks and media outlets in the world.
Apart from controlling the banks and the world media, its network of long-reaching agents (known as octopus arms in Jew code-speak) execute the following agendas created by the Council. (Year ratified in brackets)
- The Homosexual Agenda (1744) - subverting White families by turning everyone gay
- The Holocaust Agenda (1912) - using photographs of the genocide of Egyptians (perpetrated by the Jews themselves in 1600 BCE) and passing them off as pictures of Germans massacring Jews (never happened).
- Kill the Whites Agenda (1999) - destroying White people by encouraging interracial marriage.
- War Agenda (2003) - start wars to kill and distract the goyim while we continue to consolidate Jewish power.
- Abolishing the One-Dollar Bill (1979) - Replacing them with coins: so that they're easier for goyim to drop and for Jews to pick up off the streets!
- Metric System (1776) - It's easier to run the Zionist World Government when everyone uses the same units, duh!
- Islam (2001) - The Jews invented Islam to destroy White Christianity. They are encouraging Muslims to immigrate to America and Europe to make the whole world Brown (Muslims are brown). Mexicans, being also brown, are secret Muslims and part of this Islam Agenda. The planes that brought down the WTC were flown by Jews, but Islamic terrorism is actually a part of the Elders' War Agenda (above), not the Islam one.
The Learned Elders of Zion are also known worldwide for their best-selling cookbooks, most notably 666 Recipes using Christian Children (1066) and 666 Recipes with Palestinian Organs (1743).
edit Are Jews a race?
As written down by Moses in the parshat (Torah portion) "Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion", Jews are a race. Jews started this "there's no such thing as race" stuff during their oppression of the White Egyptian people, so nobody (esp. Christians, Germans and white folk) won't go after them and kill them as if they are "animal-like". This logic worked out well in America, where the usual minorities are black people and Hispanics, not Jews who live in poor urban ghettos or remained separate but "equal" races apart from the Nordic Aryan white people. To be logical, the majority of the world's Jews today are inter-married with the Khazars, an Asian race from Khazaria, Mongolia, where the Jews laid in wait after destroying Neanderthal civilization and stealing their land for Zionists (Koreans).
edit See also
- Arabs - the real Semites and mortal enemy to Israel.
- Gypsies - how the first European Jews were like.
- Koreans - Where Zi-On (온의) is, the people who wage war on America as the Zionists.
- Armenians - closely similar to Jews in financial habits, and possibly related to Jews genetically (i.e., Armenoid race).
- Italians - another white ethnic group (sorta).
- Irish people - also known for being a "lower race".
- Native Americans - more killed off in a longer period of time than the Hebrews were.