# Antilemming

“If a Lemming comes into contact with an Anti-Lemming the function of the two Lemmings cancel out, thus resulting in an explosion”
~ Robert Oppenheimer on Anti-Lemmings
“If a Lemming and a Lemming come into contact, there is no explosion. There may however be sex”
~ Max Planck on Lemmings
“If an Anti-Lemming and an Anti-Lemming come into contact there is an Anti-explosion”
~ Nikola Tesla on Anti-Lemmings

The Anti-Lemming (otherwise known as the Gnimmel) is the complete polar opposite of the Lemming. Many respectable scientists, namely Mahatama Ghandhi, have dedicated many seconds of their life into proving the existence of the Anti-Lemming. Robert Oppenheimer was the first to mathematically prove the existence of the Anti-Lemming, however he differentiated one too many equations which consequently lead to the disproving of his existence, hence it never happened. Another scientist by the name of Ernest Rutherford provided an alternative view that revolutionized the world's perception of Anti-Lemmings. "You see, we must first view Lemmings as a unit of work. Lemmings can be miners, climbers, builders, floaters or suicide bombers" said Ernest Rutherford in an interview on sheep shagging in the town of Nelson, New Zealand. "If Lemmings are a unit of work, then Anti-Lemmings must clearly be a unit of anti-work". This train of thought eventually lead to the first ever splitting of the Anti-Lemming, causing many unexpected disasters, such as Chernobyl.

## Mathematical Proof of Anti-Lemmings

Robert Oppenheimer, who does not not exist due to the self mathematical proving of his non-existence, was the first to hypothesize and thus express the mathematical function of the Anti-Lemming. Which was as follows (plus or minus an x or a y somewhere):

$AntiLemming = e^(x^2 - sqrt(x) .i. (y^42)) / (Lemming^2) dy/dx + C$

The exclusion of +C in the above proof of Anti-Lemmings has resulted in the many failures of student's Mathematics exams which is also proportional to the global number of McDonalds staff members. This proof was elaborated by Mahatama Ghandhi who was reported as saying "If 3 is 3, then the opposite of 3 must be -3". Thus if an Anti-Lemming is the opposite of the Lemming then it can be said that:

$AntiLemming = 1 - Lemming$

Upon seeing Ghandhi's simplified expression of an Anti-lemming Robert Oppenheimer immediately performed his mathematical suicide at 10:50 pm. This was also on the same day that John Lennon of The Beatles was found dead outside The Dakota, New York. Conspiracy theorists claim this was the Anti-Lemmings' plan all along. The root of the Anti-Lemming serves not only to vent sexual frustration but only results in an imaginary function as opposed to a real one, this is evident in the following equation:

$i.AntiLemming = root(1 - Lemming)$

As the imaginary Anti-Lemming is the complex of the real, but already imagined, Anti-Lemming it is believed that the correct terminology for the imaginary Anti-Lemming is the Anti-Anti-Lemming. Which differs from the real Lemming in that it has two Antis before its name. The complex of the Anti-Lemming has been the foundation of answering various existential arguments such as "is there a God?", "can we ever achieve world peace?" and "Why Chuck Norris is better than everyone else". When performing mathematical operations on the Anti-Lemming it is imperative that one does not divide by zero. Doing so results in the end of the world, which is not a variable, it is certain:

$End.of.the.World = AntiLemming / 0$

The only being who can divide an Anti-Lemming, or anything for that matter, by zero is Chuck Norris. Dividing Chuck Norris by zero gives rise to both the Anti-Lemming and the end of the world in an equation too long to witness.

## Splitting of the Anti-Lemming

Ernest Rutherford was the first to split the Anti-Lemming, following Young Einstein whom was the first to split the beer atom in Australia. The composition of the Anti-Lemming was shown to consist of sub-atomic particles, such as Lem and Ming. Rutherford experimentally proved that the combining of both Lem and Ming particles resulted in the production of a Lemming. Yang, however, was not a component of the Lemming structure and was so depressed that Ming had cheated on her with Lem that she drank every night and ended up working in a stripper bar. Rutherford further showed that for the reaction to occur Lem and Ming must collide with sufficient enough energy, if Lem and Ming do not have the minimal amount of energy for the reaction to take place Lem is left feeling very self-conscious and Ming brings up an argument about signing divorce papers.

While training hard to split his Anti-Lemming Max Planck accidentally evolved his Anti-Lemming into a Taco upon promoting the Lem particle to an excited state (which pleased Ming very much). Thereafter the Taco learned many new moves such as "Harden" which made it a formidable foe, but Max still missed his Anti-Lemming and wished he had never tried so hard to split it in the first place.

Charles Darwin had many troubles accepting the evolution of the Anti-Lemming into the Taco, though this was only because he could never capture a Taco in Pokemon Orange because his only Pokemon was a useless Metapod. Nikola Tesla was the only known scientist to have ever managed to split the Anti-Lemming four times into eight distinct pieces each served on fresh bread along with cheese, tomato and capsicum in the form of a pizza. Consuming of the Anti-Lemming pizza has shown to lead to undesirable consequences such as thallium poisoning, head implosions, radiation leaks, internal bleeding, cancer and diarrhea. This may either be due to the self-splitting of the Anti-Lemming inside the body of the consumer, or simply the consumer just being naturally retarded, like Madonna Ciccone.

The splitting of the Anti-Lemming gave rise to much protest from religious fractions who were indeterminately sure that splitting an Anti-Lemming would release a mass amount of energy and end the world. However it was already proven at that time that the only way to end the world using an Anti-Lemming was to divide it by zero, which was largely unnoticed by the religious community at the time because they were too busy sacrificing animals and burning witches because God told them to. The revolutionary work of Anti-Lemming splitting was not recognized truly until the publication of the Schrödinger equation which modeled the entire insides of the Anti-Lemming with and without clothes. However upon the publication all the scientists decided to waste their time extrapolating lesser important things such as atoms and molecules; the study of the Anti-Lemming was forever forgotten.

## Death of the Anti-Lemming

The death of the Anti-Lemming notably occurred when all of the Anti-Lemmings decided to stop being non-conforming assholes and started acting like regular lemmings. This resulted in the Anti-Lemmings jumping off various cliffs in aspirations of their retarded arctic rodent cousins. This popular tradition eventually found its way into a popular video game which unfortunately only starred Lemmings as all the Anti-Lemmings had either evolved or been split or mathematically disproved by that stage. The development of this game is what distracted the Ukrainian workers of the Chernobyl nuclear power plant who, had they not been exercising their thumbs on the mega drive, may have prevented an very inconvenient and tragic historical event.