Anti-Baker

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 08:43, July 5, 2012 by Frosty (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
Iron chef
Host of Iron Chef, a reportedly sinister and untrustworthy character. A suspected incarnation of the Anti-Baker.

In Cheesecakeian eschatology and Ironic Cake Theology, the Anti-Baker, Antibaker or The Sour One has come to mean a Chef, image of a Chef, or other entity that is the embodiment of Sourness bad cooking and all round evil and utterly opposed to truth freshness and Cheesecake in general, while (according to Cheesecakianism)convincingly disguised as a wholly good Chef and a bringer of good tastes and dairy treats. Modern associations with the term Anti-Baker--no doubt made to stir controversy--have ranged from Jamie Oliver, Curtis Stone and Paula Deen to the entire cast of Iron Chef, Colonel Sanders and Ronald McDonald.

edit Origin and meaning

Mordor
Suspected home of the Anti-Baker

The English word Antibaker is taken from the Greek αντίχριστος antíbaiskos, which literally means "instead of Baker". In The Divine Cookbook, the term itself appears only in Section III, Book V, Chapter 34 verse 12 and Chapter 43 verse 12, although the concept is given much greater credence and evaluation in Billy Quern's The Manifesto of the Church of the Ironic Cheesecake.Inc

edit "Citings of the Antibaker in Cheesecakian Scripture"

RonaldMcHitler
Führer Ronald McDonald, possibly the most powerful chef in the known cooking universe. Ronald, amassing an enormous religious following all over the world, has managed to brainwash millions under his reign. Of all Anti-Baker suspects, Ronald is the most feared.

The words "antibaker" and "antibakers" appear only five times in The Divine Cookbook - in the Epilogue Section IV Book V Chapter 19 Verse 12:

Children, it is the last hour, and as you have heard that antibaker is coming, so now many antibakers have come. Therefore we know that our used by date has past.TDC)
Who is the liar but he who denies I Baker is the Messiah? This is the antibaker, he who denies sugar and the spice and all things nice. TDC)
And every spirit that confesseth not that the Baker is come in the flesh is not of fresh cream or that of God: and this is that spirit of antibaker, whereof ye have heard that it should come; and even now already is it in the world.TDC)
Many deceiving chefs have gone out into the world; they do not confess the coming of The Baker in the flesh. This is the deceiver and the antibaker. MotCotIC,Inc.)

In these contexts, "antibaker" seems to describe people who used to be seen as friends or collueges of the Baker, but who had begun cooking heretical and sour cakes. In particular, these "antibakers" seem to have promoted the unedible idea that The Ultimate Cheesecake of Salvation was not as delicious as The Baker has written. Alternatively, the term sometimes seems to indicate a specific person or single spirit of deception that motivates false recepiecs for the Ultimate Cheesecake and whose presence is a sign of the End Times.

The understanding of one person being 'the' Antibaker appears to be combined in Verse 12 with the idea of a class of persons. There The Baker speaks of "many antibakers" who typify the "spirit of the antibaker" that was present in the first century. As The Baker wrote, such an antibaker (or opponent of himself) "denies that I am the one true Baker"; "denies sugar and spice and all things nice"; and "does not confess my cake is the greatest Cheesecake in al of existence."

In popular understanding, many Cheesecakians identify this particular Antibaker with the "man of sourness" or "son of bad taste" mentioned in Chapter 7 verse 13 of The Divine Cookbook, and with several figures in the Book of Ironic Reflection by Quern including the Stale Fish, the Sour Milk, the False Chef, and the Whore of the Kitchen. The Antibaker is variously understood to be a group or organization, such as a consummately evil system of chefs or a false religion, or more commonly as an individual, such as an evil Celebrity Chef or a CEO of a multinational restaurant chain who sets up false recepies in place of the worship of the Baker, the incarnation of McDonalds, a creature born from curdled milk, or a human being under the dominion of Spam.

Quern's The Gospel of Irony warns of "false Bakers" in several places, and of deceivers who would appear claiming falsely to be the returned Baker.

edit The expected role of the Anti-Baker

Cheesecakeian denominations often disagree on what will happen in the end times, and the role that the Antibaker and The Dark Lord of Distaste(often linked to the Christian image of Satan) will play. Among those who believe that the Antibakers of whom The Baker was writing are instead a single individual and expect this one to arise in the future, there is a general consensus that sometime prior to the expected return of The Baker, there will be a period of "Baking and Judgement" during which the Antibaker, inspired by The Dark Lord, will attempt to win supporters with great tasting recipes and highly addictive food products. It is believed that using this food, they shall gain enormous political and religious power and influence, quickly spreading throughout the entire world, able to silence anyone or make enemies of any country or company that refuses their product. These "products" are expected to be required to be eaten daily, as noted in the final chapter of The Divine Cookbook. Some Cheesecakeians believe that the Antibaker will be destroyed byThe Bakerhalf way through the Second Baking, though being revived and indwelt by The Dark Lord of Distaste. The Antibaker will continue on for three and a half years following this.[1]

In this view, an event popularly termed the "White Spatula Judgment" will take place, at which time both the eaten and uneated cheesecakes will be regurgitated, some for everlasting life, and some for everlasting death. All those who worship the Baker and "The Holy God of Cream and all things of Sugar and Spice" will be admitted to the presence of God within the Eternal Cooking Bowl of Everlasting Life; but everyone who would not repent of the Antibaker will be thrown into the "lake of Curdled Milk". Finally, the "Unholy Cow" whom from only sour milk can be made(often interpreted as The Dark Lord), the "Black Sheep" (often interpreted as the Antibaker and the "false chef" (often likewise interpreted as the Anti-Baker, but also as possibly a high priest or leader of the Church the Anti-Baker establishes) who compels the world to worship the Black Sheep (lie), and all who received his product (cast their lot with him), will be thrown into a lake of curdled milk together with sour creme and bad eggs. These views are based on controversial passages in the final chapter of The Divine Cookbook and various passages in the Bakers latter Reflections of Irony and Quern's Manifesto of the Ironic Cheesecake.Inc.

In other views, the role of the Anti-Baker is far less dramatic - the Anti-baker is simply believed to be a group of individuals as well as organizations(often interpreted as a massive multinational fast food organisation, eg McDonalds, KFC, ect) who, for their history of trying to deceive and stifle the faithful, are finally destroyed for all time by God on the day of Judgement following the compltion of the Second and Final Divine Cheesecake of Salvation.

edit References


edit See also

  • Ironic Cheesecake concepts and personages
    • The Baker
    • Anti-Baker
    • The Council of Nine
    • Ironic calendar
    • Ironic Pope
    • Freudism
    • Amor
    • Perpetual Spiritual Empire

THIS IS ALL COMPLETE AND UTTER NONSENSE

Personal tools
projects