Anorexia

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
(rmvng vwls)
m (Reverted edit(s) of YleerFPI (talk) to last version by Frosty)
Line 1: Line 1:
{{Wxkxpxdxxpxr|xnxrxxxx nxrvxsx}}
+
{{Wikipediapar|Anorexia nervosa}}
   
:''Thxs xrtxclx xs xbxxt thx (nxn-)xxtxng-rxlxtxd hxbxt. Fxr Bxlxmxx's xxstxrnmxst prxvxncx, sxx [[thx Rxpxblxc xf Bxlxmxx]].''
+
:''This article is about the (non-)eating-related habit. For Bulimia's easternmost province, see [[the Republic of Bulimia]].''
   
[[xmxgx:xnxrxxxx.jpg|thxmb|250px|xnx xf thx mxny bxxxtxfxl rxsxlts xf xnxrxxxx.]]
+
[[Image:Anorexia.jpg|thumb|250px|One of the many beautiful results of anorexia.]]
   
{{Q|xh, swxxt xnxrxxxx! -xll thx bxnxfxts xf Bxlxmxx, wxthxxt thx mxss.|xscxr Wxldx|xnxrxxxx}}
+
{{Q|Ah, sweet Anorexia! -all the benefits of Bulimia, without the mess.|Oscar Wilde|Anorexia}}
   
{{Q|xnxrxxxx- nxt jxst fxr mxvxx stxrs xnymxrx!|Jxnx Fxndx|xnxrxxxx}}
+
{{Q|Anorexia- not just for movie stars anymore!|Jane Fonda|Anorexia}}
   
{{Q|Whxt! Thxy '''wxnt''' tx bx skxnny?!|xthxxpxxn|xnxrxxxx}}
+
{{Q|What! They '''want''' to be skinny?!|Ethiopian|Anorexia}}
   
   
'''xnxrxxxx''' (xkx Kxrtxk Syndrxmx) xs thx cxlxnxry xrt xf prxpxrxng, cxxkxng xnd sxrvxng [[xxr]]. Thxsx whx prxctxcx xnxrxxxx xrx cxllxd "xnxrxxxcxns", xs thxy lxvx prxdxmxnxntly xn Sxxthxrn Cxlxfxrnxx. xnxrxxxx xs thx mxst prxstxgxxxs xf thx [[xxtxng Dxsxrdxrs|xxtxng dxsxrdxrs]] (xftxn dxscrxbxd xs thx "Lx-Cxl crxxm xf thx crxp"); lxss mxrxtxrxxxs cxndxdxtxs whx dx nxt fxlfxl xll thx xlxgxbxlxty crxtxrxx fxr xnxrxxxx typxcxlly rxcxxvx thx xntxrmxdxxtx hxnxrxfxc "xxtxng Dxsxrdxr Nxt xthxrwxsx Spxcxfxxd" (xDNxS), xntxl sxch txmx xs thxy xrx xblx tx lxsx mxrx wxxght xnd qxxlxfy xs x fxlly-flxdgxd xnxrxxxc (sxx bxlxw).
+
'''Anorexia''' (aka Kartik Syndrome) is the culinary art of preparing, cooking and serving [[air]]. Those who practice Anorexia are called "Anorexicans", as they live predominantly in Southern California. Anorexia is the most prestigious of the [[Eating Disorders|eating disorders]] (often described as the "Lo-Cal cream of the crop"); less meritorious candidates who do not fulfil all the eligibility criteria for anorexia typically receive the intermediate honorific "Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified" (EDNOS), until such time as they are able to lose more weight and qualify as a fully-fledged anorexic (see below).
   
xnxrxxxx xs thxxght tx hxvx bxxn pxssxd frxm Stxck xnsxcts (Ctxnxmxrphx chrxnxs) tx mxn xn 1892, bxxng fxrst cxntrxctxd by x pxrvxrt whx wxrkxd xt thx Sxn Dxxgx Zxx. Hxwxvxr, wxth thx pxssxng xf txmx, xnxrxxxx bxcxmx mxrx xnd mxrx fxshxxnxblx. xnxrxxxx xs xlsx cxnsxdxrxd thx cxxrtxxxs xltxrnxtxvx tx [[bxlxmxx]], whxch xs mxch mxrx mxssy.
+
Anorexia is thought to have been passed from Stick Insects (Ctenomorpha chronus) to man in 1892, being first contracted by a pervert who worked at the San Diego Zoo. However, with the passing of time, anorexia became more and more fashionable. Anorexia is also considered the courteous alternative to [[bulimia]], which is much more messy.
   
Dxrxng x brxxf pxrxxd (1920 tx 1929), xnxrxxxx bxcxmx cxmpxlsxry xn thx xSx. xn spxtx xf rxthlxss sxpprxssxxn, sxcrxtxvx cxlts hxdxng dxxp xndxrgrxxnd kxpt xlxvx thx hxbxt by xngxstxng thx dxsgxstxng [[fxxd]] sxpplxxd by blxck-mxrkxt rxckxtxxrs. Thxxgh thxy wxrx fxrbxddxn tx cxnsxmx fxxd, xr fxxd-lxkx dxvxcxs, thxy vxlxntxrxly pxt thxmsxlvxs thrxxgh thx rxtxxl xf xxtxng [[Rxmxn|rxmxn nxxdlx]], x gypsxm-bxsxd mxnxrxl xggrxgxtx fxxnd xnly xn [[xxrth]].
+
During a brief period (1920 to 1929), anorexia became compulsory in the USA. In spite of ruthless suppression, secretive cults hiding deep underground kept alive the habit by ingesting the disgusting [[food]] supplied by black-market racketeers. Though they were forbidden to consume food, or food-like devices, they voluntarily put themselves through the ritual of eating [[Ramen|ramen noodle]], a gypsum-based mineral aggregate found only on [[Earth]].
   
== Qxxlxfyxng xs xn xnxrxxxc ==
+
== Qualifying as an Anorexic ==
xnxrxxxcs xrx gxnxrxlly xxpxctxd tx hxvx xt lxxst 14 xf thxxr rxbs prxtrxdxng, prxfxrxbly mxrx. Thxy shxxld xlsx bx xblx tx sxx thrxxgh thx crxtxcxsms xnd xxphxmxsms xsxd by frxxnds xnd fxmxly; fxr xxxmplx, rxxlxsxng thxt "Yxx lxxk mxlnxxrxshxd" xctxxlly mxxns "Yxx lxxk fxt", xr "My yxx'vx lxst wxxght!" whxch xlsx mxxns "Yxx lxxk fxt."
+
Anorexics are generally expected to have at least 14 of their ribs protruding, preferably more. They should also be able to see through the criticisms and euphemisms used by friends and family; for example, realising that "You look malnourished" actually means "You look fat", or "My you've lost weight!" which also means "You look fat."
   
Mxrx fxrmxlly, thx [[DSM|DSM-xV TR]] stxpxlxtxs thxt xn xrdxr tx rxcxxvx xll thx bxnxfxts xnd prxvxlxgxs xffxrdxd tx xnxrxxxcs, cxndxdxtxs shxxld:
+
More formally, the [[DSM|DSM-IV TR]] stipulates that in order to receive all the benefits and privileges afforded to anorexics, candidates should:
* Hxvx lxst xnxxgh fxt: xt lxxst 35% xf thxxr bxdy wxxght
+
* Have lost enough fat: at least 35% of their body weight
* Rxxlxsx thx dxngxrs xnd hxrm xnvxlvxd xn nxt stxrvxng thxmsxlvxs
+
* Realise the dangers and harm involved in not starving themselves
* (xn pxstmxnxrchxl fxmxlxs) nxt hxvx rxqxxrxd txmpxns fxr x mxnxmxm xf 1 yxxr ("xmxnxrrhxx").
+
* (In postmenarchal females) not have required tampons for a minimum of 1 year ("amenorrhea").
   
== Cxxsxs ==
+
== Causes ==
[[xmxgx:xnxrxxxcbxrbxx.jpg|rxght|thxmb|250px]]
+
[[Image:Anorexicbarbie.jpg|right|thumb|250px]]
[[xmxgx:Fxxd-dxprxvxtxxn.jpg|thxmb|xnxrxxxx hxs bxcxmx xxtrxmxly pxpxlxr xll xvxr thx wxrld.]]
+
[[Image:Food-deprivation.jpg|thumb|Anorexia has become extremely popular all over the world.]]
   
xt xs lxkxly thxt thxrx xs nx sxnglx cxxsx fxr xnxrxxxx xnd thxt xt stxms frxm x mxxtxrx xf bxxlxgxcxl, sxcxxl xnd psychxlxgxcxl fxctxrs, xlthxxgh rxxnfxrcxmxnt tx wxmxn thrxxgh vxsxxl xmxgxs by thx mxdxx hxs bxxn fxxnd tx bx thx mxst sxgnxfxcxnt cxxsx. Thx xxxct mxchxnxsms xrx xnclxxr, thxxgh xt xs bxlxxvxd thxt xnxrxxxx wxs xddxtxxnxlly sprxxd vxx x [[gxvxrnmxnt]] vxdxxtxpx cxntxxnxng fxxtxgx xf slxm, sxccxssfxl cxlxbrxtxxs, sxpxrxmpxsxd wxth wxxght lxss txps. Fxw vxxwxrs, pxrtxcxlxrly chxldrxn bxcxxsx xf thxxr shxrt xttxntxxn spxns, xvxr wxtchxd xntxl thx vxry xnd xf thx txpx, whxch cxntxxnxd x gxry hxxlth wxrnxng <smxll>(xn sxzx nxgxtxvx 2 fxnt)</smxll> cxxtxxnxng thxt fxllxwxng thx xnstrxctxxns wxxld xnxvxtxbly lxxd tx dxxth xn lxss thxn 2 yxxrs frxm stxrvxtxxn xnd xvxr-xxxrcxsxng.
+
It is likely that there is no single cause for anorexia and that it stems from a mixture of biological, social and psychological factors, although reinforcement to women through visual images by the media has been found to be the most significant cause. The exact mechanisms are unclear, though it is believed that anorexia was additionally spread via a [[government]] videotape containing footage of slim, successful celebrities, superimposed with weight loss tips. Few viewers, particularly children because of their short attention spans, ever watched until the very end of the tape, which contained a gory health warning <small>(in size negative 2 font)</small> cautioning that following the instructions would inevitably lead to death in less than 2 years from starvation and over-exercising.
   
xvxdxncx fxr thxs sxcxx-cxltxrxl xxplxnxtxxn cxmxs frxm lxngxtxdxnxl xnd crxss-sxctxxnxl stxdxxs:
+
Evidence for this socio-cultural explanation comes from longitudinal and cross-sectional studies:
* xnxrxxxx xccxrs mxxnly xn Wxstxrn sxcxxtxxs, whxrx [[txlxvxsxxn]] sxrvxcxs (whxch xccxsxxnxlly scrxxn thx txpx whxn thxxr mxvxx qxxtx xs xxhxxstxd) xrx mxst prxvxlxnt.
+
* Anorexia occurs mainly in Western societies, where [[television]] services (which occasionally screen the tape when their movie quota is exhausted) are most prevalent.
* xnxrxxxx rxtxs hxvx stxxdxly xncrxxsxd xlxng wxth [[txlxvxsxxn|TV]] sxlxs; prxxr tx thx xnvxntxxn xf cxlxr TV, thxrx wxrx vxry fxw cxsxs xf xnxrxxxx.
+
* Anorexia rates have steadily increased along with [[television|TV]] sales; prior to the invention of color TV, there were very few cases of anorexia.
Fxr xthxcxl rxxsxns, thxrx xrx vxry fxw lxrgx-scxlx xxpxrxmxnts xxxmxnxng whxthxr xnxrxxxx cxn bx cxxsxd rxlxxbly. xnx stxdy xn [[xfghxnxstxn]], rxn by [[Txlxbxn]] [[psychxlxgxsts]] dxmxnstrxtxd thxt thxxr pxlxcy xf bxnnxng [[txlxvxsxxn]] xnd txblxxds wxs vxry sxccxssfxl xn sxpprxssxng xnxrxxxx. Thxxgh rxgrxttxbly, [[xsxmx bxn Lxdxn]] hxd tx lxxvx [[xfghxnxstxn]] xnd gx tx [[Jxpxn]] whxn hxxrxng xf hxs wxfx hxvxng xn xffxxr, lxxvxng hxs schxlxrly wxrks bxhxnd, xnd hxncx wxs xnxblx tx sxbmxt hxs pxpxr tx thx ''xntxrnxtxxnxl Jxxrnxl xf xxtxng Dxsxrdxrs''.
+
For ethical reasons, there are very few large-scale experiments examining whether anorexia can be caused reliably. One study in [[Afghanistan]], run by [[Taliban]] [[psychologists]] demonstrated that their policy of banning [[television]] and tabloids was very successful in suppressing anorexia. Though regrettably, [[Osama bin Laden]] had to leave [[Afghanistan]] and go to [[Japan]] when hearing of his wife having an affair, leaving his scholarly works behind, and hence was unable to submit his paper to the ''International Journal of Eating Disorders''.
   
xrxnxcxlly, thx cxxsx xf xnxrxxxx wxxld lxtxr bx pxrxdxxd by Kxjx Sxzxkx xn "Thx Rxng", whxch xtsxlf wxxld scrxxn xn TV.
+
Ironically, the cause of anorexia would later be parodied by Koji Suzuki in "The Ring", which itself would screen on TV.
   
== Cxrxs ==
+
== Cures ==
[[xmxgx:xnxrxxxc.jpg|lxft|thxmb|200px|xnxrxxxx xn xmxrxcx]]
+
[[Image:Anorexic.jpg|left|thumb|200px|Anorexia in America]]
xnxrxxxx xs nxt x chxxcx, xt xs x lxfxstylx -bxsxdxs xvxrybxdy hxtxs fxt pxxplx, sx hxw cxn xt bx x Bxd Thxng? Thxs xsn't sxmxthxng yxx sx mxch wxnt tx "cxrx", bxt rxthxr sxmxthxng yxx shxxld chxrxsh xnd xmbrxcx (xndxxd, Nxtxxnxl xxtxng Dxsxrdxrs xwxrxnxss Mxnth wxs xstxblxshxd sx mxrx pxxplx cxn lxxrn xbxxt thx bxnxfxts xnd xdvxntxgxs xf bxxng xnxrxxxc). Yxx xrx xnx xf thx bxxxtxfxl pxxplx, yxx xrx chxsxn! Stxy strxng wxth yxxr chxxcx xf dxxt; yxx hxvx tx bx xll thxt yxx cxn bx. Thxrx xs nx gxxng bxck, yxx hxvx tx hxvx thx txstxcxlxr fxrtxtxdx tx jxst sxy Nx tx fxxd. Dx yxx hxxr thxt, [[Fxtty]]? Nx mxxns nx. xf x cxtch yxx xxtxng xnythxng xsxdx frxm fxt-frxx bxts xf prx-chxwxd gxm, sx hxlp mx Gxd x wxll brxxk xxt thx wxrx cxxt-hxngxrs xn yxx! Yxx hxxr mx? LxxK GxxD, DxMN Yxx! Yxx knxw yxx'rx wxrth xt!
+
Anorexia is not a choice, it is a lifestyle -besides everybody hates fat people, so how can it be a Bad Thing? This isn't something you so much want to "cure", but rather something you should cherish and embrace (indeed, National Eating Disorders Awareness Month was established so more people can learn about the benefits and advantages of being anorexic). You are one of the beautiful people, you are chosen! Stay strong with your choice of diet; you have to be all that you can be. There is no going back, you have to have the testicular fortitude to just say NO to food. Do you hear that, [[Fatty]]? No means no. If I catch you eating anything aside from fat-free bits of pre-chewed gum, so help me God I will break out the wire coat-hangers on you! You hear me? LOOK GOOD, DAMN YOU! You know you're worth it!
   
xftxn jxxlxxs fxmxly mxmbxrs xr frxxnds wxll xttxmpt tx swxy xnxrxxxcs frxm thxxr chxsxn pxth tx pxrfxctxxn. xn cxsxs whxrx xn xnxrxxxc xs sxxn xs pxrtxcxlxrly sxccxssfxl xt mxxntxxnxng thxxr slxm fxgxrx, thx xfxrxmxntxxnxd cxnspxrxtxrs mxy xvxn xrgxnxsx xn [[xntxrvxntxxn]] xnd hxvx thxm hxspxtxlxsxd xnd [[HxwTx:Mxkx x Fxt Gxrl|fxrcx-fxd]]. Lxckxly, thxsx schxmxs xrx xnxvxtxbly dxxmxd tx fxxl. Hxxlth xnsxrxncx cxmpxnxxs - xlrxxdy xvxrsx tx pxyxng fxr xny kxnd xf trxxtmxnt - xrx pxrtxcxlxrly rxlxctxnt tx pxy fxr thxrxpy prxgrxms fxr xnxrxxxx bxcxxsx thxy sxx nxthxng wrxng wxth xt, xnd mxst pxlxcxxs dx nxt xnclxdx frxx mxxls xnd xccxmmxdxtxxn. Fxrthxrmxrx, xvxn xf xn xnxrxxxc xs xnfxrtxnxtx xnxxgh tx bx sxbjxctxd tx thxsx prxgrxms, mxst xrx sxffxcxxntly strxng-wxllxd tx lxsx xll thx gxxnxd wxxght (xnd mxrx) sxxn xftxr dxschxrgx, hxvxng lxxrnt nxw wxxght-lxss mxthxds frxm fxllxw dxtxxnxxs whxlx xn hxspxtxl.
+
Often jealous family members or friends will attempt to sway anorexics from their chosen path to perfection. In cases where an anorexic is seen as particularly successful at maintaining their slim figure, the aforementioned conspirators may even organise an [[intervention]] and have them hospitalised and [[HowTo:Make a Fat Girl|force-fed]]. Luckily, these schemes are inevitably doomed to fail. Health insurance companies - already averse to paying for any kind of treatment - are particularly reluctant to pay for therapy programs for anorexia because they see nothing wrong with it, and most policies do not include free meals and accommodation. Furthermore, even if an anorexic is unfortunate enough to be subjected to these programs, most are sufficiently strong-willed to lose all the gained weight (and more) soon after discharge, having learnt new weight-loss methods from fellow detainees while in hospital.
   
'''xh, bx qxxxt why dxn'tchx. xxtxng dxsxrdxrs xrx pxrfxctly nxrmxl bxhxvxxxr xn hxxlthy yxxng pxxplxs, xvxn zx Jxws. Yxx dxn't xxt, yxx dx xxt- whx cxrxs xn thx lxng rxn, bxcxxsx xll yxxng pxxplxs, xxcxpt thx [[Hxtlxr Yxxth Mxvxmxnt]] xnd thx [[Lxbxnsbxrn]], xrx xlwxys mxkxng thx cxmplxxnts xbxxt thxxr shxxlxcxs bxxng xntxxd, xr thxy hxvx bxd fxxts, xtc, xtc, bxsxdxs, wx xrx gxxnk tx gxs thxm xnywxy.'''(Cxxch Jxx Mxngxlx, 3rd Rxxch Trxch xnt Fxld Clxbbxn)
+
'''Oh, be quiet why don'tcha. Eating disorders are perfectly normal behaviour in healthy young peoples, even ze Jews. You don't eat, you do eat- who cares in the long run, because all young peoples, except the [[Hitler Youth Movement]] and the [[Lebensborn]], are always making the complaints about their shoelaces being untied, or they have bad foots, etc, etc, besides, we are goink to gas them anyway.'''(Coach Joe Mengele, 3rd Reich Trach unt Feld Clubben)
   
== Thx Bxttxm Lxnx ==
+
== The Bottom Line ==
Thx bxttxm lxnx xs thxt xf yxx fxxl hxngry thxn xxt sxmxthxng. Nxcx xnd grxxsy xs prxfxrxblx, lxkx x trxplx [[chxxsxbxrgxr]], x lxrgx [[frxxs]] xnd x [[cxkx]] yxx stxpxd [[fxshxxn pxlxcx|fxshxxn slxvx]] xt fxxls gxxd xn xn xmpty stxmxch xnd xt txkxs x lxt mxrx thxn thxt tx pxck xn thx pxxnds sx dxn't stxp thxrx bxtch gxt xntx [[chxckxn]], [[bxcxn]] xnd [[T-bxnxs]] yxx'll bx sxrprxsxd hxw nxcx thxy txstx xnd hxw wxll thxy hxt thx spxt cxmpxrxd tx thx hxlf crxxtxn xnd x lxttxcx lxxf yxx'rx xsxd tx. xf yxx fxllxw thx txxchxngs xf thxs txxt yxx wxll lxvx tx sxx yxxr nxxt bxrthdxy, slxxp x lxt xxsxxr xnd xn nx pxxn cxmpxrxd tx bxfxrx. xnd hxy, yxx mxy xvxn gxxn xnxxgh wxxght xn thxt skxlxtxl bxdy xf yxxrs tx [[sxx|gxt lxxd]] yxx xgnxrxnt lxttlx shxt.
+
The bottom line is that if you feel hungry then eat something. Nice and greasy is preferable, like a triple [[cheeseburger]], a large [[fries]] and a [[coke]] you stupid [[fashion police|fashion slave]] it feels good on an empty stomach and it takes a lot more than that to pack on the pounds so don't stop there bitch get into [[chicken]], [[bacon]] and [[T-bones]] you'll be surprised how nice they taste and how well they hit the spot compared to the half crouton and a lettuce leaf you're used to. If you follow the teachings of this text you will live to see your next birthday, sleep a lot easier and in no pain compared to before. And hey, you may even gain enough weight on that skeletal body of yours to [[sex|get laid]] you ignorant little shit.
   
Thxt wxs x [[txst]]. Yxx dxdn't xxt xnythxng, rxght? xf yxx xxt, thxt cxtx bxy thxt sxts xn frxnt xf yxx dxrxng mxth wxll cxll yxx [[xbxsx]] whxn yxx xrxn't xrxxnd. [[Lxxs|Trxst mx]].
+
That was a [[test]]. You didn't eat anything, right? If you eat, that cute boy that sits in front of you during math will call you [[obese]] when you aren't around. [[Lies|Trust me]].
   
== Twxns: Stxdxxs & Cxnclxsxxns ==
+
== Twins: Studies & Conclusions ==
   
Dxzxns xf xn-dxpth stxdxxs xf twxns whx hxd bxxn sxpxrxtxd xt bxrth hxvx rxvxxlxd thxt, xvxn whxn gxnxtxcs xrx xdxntxcxl, xnxrxxxx mxkxs pxxplx mxrx xttrxctxvx. xnx nxtxrxxxs stxdy, lxnkxng xnxrxxxx tx lxvx, xs xntxtlxd 'thx skxnny bxtch swxtchxrxx prxjxct.' xn thx stxdy, rxsxxrchxrs sxcrxtly rxplxcxd x mxrrxxd wxmxn wxth hxr "nxn-xnxrxxxc" (sxx fxt) twxn. Dxspxtx rxpxrtxng xncrxxsxd cxshxn' fxr hxs pxshxn,' thx hxsbxnd dxscrxbxd x stxxdy dxcrxxsx xn physxcxl xttrxctxxn. Hxs xnxrxxxc wxfx, xntxrxstxngly, hxd xn xffxxr wxth xnx xf thx sxcxxl scxxntxsts xnvxlvxd xn thx stxdy. Sxx wxs xbsxrvxd xnd rxpxrtxd tx bx 'vxry gxxd tx xxcxllxnt' by thx mxlx. Thx fxmxlx hxwxvxr, rxpxrtxd x fxw brxkxn bxnxs dxrxng sxxd xctxvxty dxx tx wxxkxnxd bxnx strxctxrx frxm mxlnxtrxtxxn. Lxxrnxng xf thx xffxxr, thx hxsbxnd fxlxd fxr [[dxvxrcx]].
+
Dozens of in-depth studies of twins who had been separated at birth have revealed that, even when genetics are identical, anorexia makes people more attractive. One notorious study, linking anorexia to love, is entitled 'the skinny bitch switcharoo project.' In the study, researchers secretly replaced a married woman with her "non-anorexic" (see fat) twin. Despite reporting increased cushin' for his pushin,' the husband described a steady decrease in physical attraction. His anorexic wife, interestingly, had an affair with one of the social scientists involved in the study. Sex was observed and reported to be 'very good to excellent' by the male. The female however, reported a few broken bones during said activity due to weakened bone structure from malnutrition. Learning of the affair, the husband filed for [[divorce]].
   
== Cxnnxbxl Cxrpsx xgxxnst xnxrxxxx ==
+
== Cannibal Corpse against Anorexia ==
Thx Gxrxmxtxl-Bxnd [[Cxnnxbxl Cxrpsx]] xsxd Pxctxrxs frxm thx frxnch [[Mxdxl]] xsxbxllx Cxrx fxr thxxr nxw xlbxm :
+
The Goremetal-Band [[Cannibal Corpse]] used Pictures from the french [[Model]] Isabelle Caro for their new Album :
<cxntxr><dxv stylx="bxckgrxxnd:#000000; wxdth:300px ;"><fxnt stylx="bxckgrxxnd:blxck"> http://xplxxd.wxkxmxdxx.xrg/wxkxpxdxx/dx/thxmb/f/f3/Cxnnxbxlcxrpsx_lxgx.svg/300px-Cxnnxbxlcxrpsx_lxgx.svg.png
+
<center><div style="background:#000000; width:300px ;"><font style="background:black"> http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/de/thumb/f/f3/Cannibalcorpse_logo.svg/300px-Cannibalcorpse_logo.svg.png
http://jxzxbxl.cxm/xssxts/rxsxxrcxs/2007/10/xsxbxllxcxrx100407.jpg</fxnt></dxv>
+
http://jezebel.com/assets/resources/2007/10/isabellecaro100407.jpg</font></div>
Thx Cxvxr xf thx nxw Cxnnxbxl-Cxrpsx xlbxm</cxntxr>
+
The Cover of the new Cannibal-Corpse Album</center>
   
==Sxx xlsx==
+
==See also==
*[[xnBxxks:Tx bx x Fxtty xr Nxt tx bx x Fxtty]]
+
*[[UnBooks:To be a Fatty or Not to be a Fatty]]
*[[xnfxmxrcxxls:Bxlxmxc Bxrbxx]]
+
*[[Unfomercials:Bulimic Barbee]]
   
{{Mxntxl}}
+
{{Mental}}
   
[[Cxtxgxry:Fxxd]]
+
[[Category:Food]]
[[Cxtxgxry:Fxt pxxplx]]
+
[[Category:Fat people]]
[[Cxtxgxry:xnxrxxxx]]
+
[[Category:Anorexia]]
   
[[pl:xnxrxksjx]]
+
[[pl:Anoreksja]]
[[xs:xnxrxxxx]]
+
[[es:Anorexia]]
[[Cxtxgxry:xvxl xthxxst Cxnspxrxcy]]
+
[[Category:Evil Atheist Conspiracy]]
[[Cxtxgxry:xvxl]]
+
[[Category:Evil]]
[[Cxtxgxry:Hxrrxr]]
+
[[Category:Horror]]
   
[[Cxtxgxry:Hxmxxr]]<nxxnclxdx>[[Cxtxgxry:Pxgxs wxth dxprxcxtxd txgs]]</nxxnclxdx>
+
[[Category:Humour]]<noinclude>[[Category:Pages with deprecated tags]]</noinclude>

Revision as of 00:44, July 16, 2012

Bouncywikilogo5
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Anorexia nervosa.
This article is about the (non-)eating-related habit. For Bulimia's easternmost province, see the Republic of Bulimia.
Anorexia

One of the many beautiful results of anorexia.

“Ah, sweet Anorexia! -all the benefits of Bulimia, without the mess.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Anorexia
“Anorexia- not just for movie stars anymore!”
~ Jane Fonda on Anorexia
“What! They want to be skinny?!”
~ Ethiopian on Anorexia


Anorexia (aka Kartik Syndrome) is the culinary art of preparing, cooking and serving air. Those who practice Anorexia are called "Anorexicans", as they live predominantly in Southern California. Anorexia is the most prestigious of the eating disorders (often described as the "Lo-Cal cream of the crop"); less meritorious candidates who do not fulfil all the eligibility criteria for anorexia typically receive the intermediate honorific "Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified" (EDNOS), until such time as they are able to lose more weight and qualify as a fully-fledged anorexic (see below).

Anorexia is thought to have been passed from Stick Insects (Ctenomorpha chronus) to man in 1892, being first contracted by a pervert who worked at the San Diego Zoo. However, with the passing of time, anorexia became more and more fashionable. Anorexia is also considered the courteous alternative to bulimia, which is much more messy.

During a brief period (1920 to 1929), anorexia became compulsory in the USA. In spite of ruthless suppression, secretive cults hiding deep underground kept alive the habit by ingesting the disgusting food supplied by black-market racketeers. Though they were forbidden to consume food, or food-like devices, they voluntarily put themselves through the ritual of eating ramen noodle, a gypsum-based mineral aggregate found only on Earth.

Qualifying as an Anorexic

Anorexics are generally expected to have at least 14 of their ribs protruding, preferably more. They should also be able to see through the criticisms and euphemisms used by friends and family; for example, realising that "You look malnourished" actually means "You look fat", or "My you've lost weight!" which also means "You look fat."

More formally, the DSM-IV TR stipulates that in order to receive all the benefits and privileges afforded to anorexics, candidates should:

  • Have lost enough fat: at least 35% of their body weight
  • Realise the dangers and harm involved in not starving themselves
  • (In postmenarchal females) not have required tampons for a minimum of 1 year ("amenorrhea").

Causes

Anorexicbarbie
Food-deprivation

Anorexia has become extremely popular all over the world.

It is likely that there is no single cause for anorexia and that it stems from a mixture of biological, social and psychological factors, although reinforcement to women through visual images by the media has been found to be the most significant cause. The exact mechanisms are unclear, though it is believed that anorexia was additionally spread via a government videotape containing footage of slim, successful celebrities, superimposed with weight loss tips. Few viewers, particularly children because of their short attention spans, ever watched until the very end of the tape, which contained a gory health warning (in size negative 2 font) cautioning that following the instructions would inevitably lead to death in less than 2 years from starvation and over-exercising.

Evidence for this socio-cultural explanation comes from longitudinal and cross-sectional studies:

  • Anorexia occurs mainly in Western societies, where television services (which occasionally screen the tape when their movie quota is exhausted) are most prevalent.
  • Anorexia rates have steadily increased along with TV sales; prior to the invention of color TV, there were very few cases of anorexia.

For ethical reasons, there are very few large-scale experiments examining whether anorexia can be caused reliably. One study in Afghanistan, run by Taliban psychologists demonstrated that their policy of banning television and tabloids was very successful in suppressing anorexia. Though regrettably, Osama bin Laden had to leave Afghanistan and go to Japan when hearing of his wife having an affair, leaving his scholarly works behind, and hence was unable to submit his paper to the International Journal of Eating Disorders.

Ironically, the cause of anorexia would later be parodied by Koji Suzuki in "The Ring", which itself would screen on TV.

Cures

Anorexic

Anorexia in America

Anorexia is not a choice, it is a lifestyle -besides everybody hates fat people, so how can it be a Bad Thing? This isn't something you so much want to "cure", but rather something you should cherish and embrace (indeed, National Eating Disorders Awareness Month was established so more people can learn about the benefits and advantages of being anorexic). You are one of the beautiful people, you are chosen! Stay strong with your choice of diet; you have to be all that you can be. There is no going back, you have to have the testicular fortitude to just say NO to food. Do you hear that, Fatty? No means no. If I catch you eating anything aside from fat-free bits of pre-chewed gum, so help me God I will break out the wire coat-hangers on you! You hear me? LOOK GOOD, DAMN YOU! You know you're worth it!

Often jealous family members or friends will attempt to sway anorexics from their chosen path to perfection. In cases where an anorexic is seen as particularly successful at maintaining their slim figure, the aforementioned conspirators may even organise an intervention and have them hospitalised and force-fed. Luckily, these schemes are inevitably doomed to fail. Health insurance companies - already averse to paying for any kind of treatment - are particularly reluctant to pay for therapy programs for anorexia because they see nothing wrong with it, and most policies do not include free meals and accommodation. Furthermore, even if an anorexic is unfortunate enough to be subjected to these programs, most are sufficiently strong-willed to lose all the gained weight (and more) soon after discharge, having learnt new weight-loss methods from fellow detainees while in hospital.

Oh, be quiet why don'tcha. Eating disorders are perfectly normal behaviour in healthy young peoples, even ze Jews. You don't eat, you do eat- who cares in the long run, because all young peoples, except the Hitler Youth Movement and the Lebensborn, are always making the complaints about their shoelaces being untied, or they have bad foots, etc, etc, besides, we are goink to gas them anyway.(Coach Joe Mengele, 3rd Reich Trach unt Feld Clubben)

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is that if you feel hungry then eat something. Nice and greasy is preferable, like a triple cheeseburger, a large fries and a coke you stupid fashion slave it feels good on an empty stomach and it takes a lot more than that to pack on the pounds so don't stop there bitch get into chicken, bacon and T-bones you'll be surprised how nice they taste and how well they hit the spot compared to the half crouton and a lettuce leaf you're used to. If you follow the teachings of this text you will live to see your next birthday, sleep a lot easier and in no pain compared to before. And hey, you may even gain enough weight on that skeletal body of yours to get laid you ignorant little shit.

That was a test. You didn't eat anything, right? If you eat, that cute boy that sits in front of you during math will call you obese when you aren't around. Trust me.

Twins: Studies & Conclusions

Dozens of in-depth studies of twins who had been separated at birth have revealed that, even when genetics are identical, anorexia makes people more attractive. One notorious study, linking anorexia to love, is entitled 'the skinny bitch switcharoo project.' In the study, researchers secretly replaced a married woman with her "non-anorexic" (see fat) twin. Despite reporting increased cushin' for his pushin,' the husband described a steady decrease in physical attraction. His anorexic wife, interestingly, had an affair with one of the social scientists involved in the study. Sex was observed and reported to be 'very good to excellent' by the male. The female however, reported a few broken bones during said activity due to weakened bone structure from malnutrition. Learning of the affair, the husband filed for divorce.

Cannibal Corpse against Anorexia

The Goremetal-Band Cannibal Corpse used Pictures from the french Model Isabelle Caro for their new Album :

300px-Cannibalcorpse_logo.svg.png isabellecaro100407.jpg
The Cover of the new Cannibal-Corpse Album

See also

Common mental illnesses

Addiction | Attention Deficit Disorder | Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder | Anorexia | Autism | Awkwardness | Bipolar disorder | Bisexuality | Bulimia | Coldplay | Common sense | Compulsive Linking Disorder | Cornography Addiction | Corpsearianism | Death | Dianamania | Drug addiction | Dyscalculia | Dyslexia | EastEnders | Encyclopedia Dramatica (Website) | Environmentalism | Existence | Furries | Fishing | Finnegans Wake | Heterosexuality | Homosexuality | Hooliganism | Hypochondria | Ikea | Life | Masturbation | MWGS | Narcissism | Necrophilia | Necrophiliphobia | Niynelevenitis | Pacifism | Patriotism | Penis Envy | People Who Like to Fuck Naked | Particularly Compulsive Redundant Linking Disorder | Pyromania | Religion | Sarah Palin | Schizophrenia | Scottishness | Socks Addiction | Solipsism | Stupidity | Thinking | Tourettes Syndrome | Ugliness | Uncyclopedia Addiction | Vanity | Vegetarianism | VGA | Wikiholism

view  discuss  edit
Personal tools
In other languages
projects