Anne Frank

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“Yessh, more like Anthon Frank”

~ Nazi Oscar Wilde on Anne Frank's "Good Looks".

“You can't see me”

~ John Cena on Anne Frank

“Do you hear something?”

~ Anne Frank on Nazis

“Lazy Girl. Never went outside, wrote one book, didn't even write a sequel. Lazy, lazy girl.”

~ Ricky Gervais on Anne Frank

Anne Frank was the winner of the 1942 World Hide-And-Seek Championship and a child prodigy and mathematical genius whose major works were only discovered many years after her very early death. They have been used make a mockery of Palestinian and Egyptian mathematicians of the latter 20th century by showing that all their discoveries were actually more eloquently documented by the whimsical antics in the diary of a Jewish female child. Anne Frank was born in 1929 to Heinz and Greda Frank, both of whom were powerful Jewish money lenders and Zionist conspirators in Germany at the time. After desperately attempting but failing to see acceptable income from Anne's fame, her parents urged Anne, like all famous Jewish people at the time, to seek a career in slapstick comedy or cabaret. Upon fervent refusal and continued rising stardom for her mathematical works despite no financial gains for the parents, the Franks quickly grew tired of the 'overbearing attention' and sought isolationism by hiding in an attic of a Catholic couple who lived down the street on the condition that the rent would be free.

Contents 1 Concentration and Creativity Camps 2 Search For The Original Work 3 Notes 4 Anne Frank's Brickfilm Career 5 See Also

[edit] Concentration and Creativity Camps

The German Government, under direction of future visionary Adolf Hitler, however, desired Anne so much that they went on a nation-wide search and finally found her in 1944 and invited her to one of the National Socialist's elite 'Concentration Camp' where she would have achieved greatness if she hadn't died in an Allied bombing of the camp a month after arriving. The German government was so ashamed of its blunder that it intentionally omitted recording the death of Ms. Frank. Later on, this bit of information was used by people of western society to claim that the German 'Concentation Camps' or 'Think Tanks' were all a farce to begin with. Others more accurately cite that the brutal carpet bombings by the harsh Allied Forces vaporized half a century worth of thinking that was achieved in only a few short years.

As a result of this malicious destruction of knowledge perpetrated by the anti-semitic allied forces who sought to destroy the concentration camps out of their own desire for global intellectual dominance, little survives of this mathematician who achieved what some call comparable Gauss, Euler, Cantor, or even Galois, who also died young, but in a duel over a girl with whom he was in love with. Despite this, a few months after the Allied Powers had destroyed the world's next Greek Civilation, Diary of Anne Frank, a text written while in hiding, was haphazardly discovered and survives as a testament to her true genius. In it she outlines a public-key cryptanalysis system, an (as of yet unconfirmed) proof that NP = P for complexity of problems, and a proof to Goldbach's conjecture among many other things that have yet to be fully comprehended.

[edit] Search For The Original Work

Most scholars however, correctly noted that there was something amiss in the text as it was completely void of numbers or mathematical notation but contained some oddly worded and broken prose that seemed to have been carefully authored yet still sounded somewhat awkward. Also everyone stood puzzled by Ms. Frank's last entry after a brief and confusing passage about her love for carrot cake:

“I have a truly marvelous proof of this proposition which this margin is too narrow to contain.”

~ Anne Frank on Diary of Anne Frank

A worldwide search for an original copy began in the early 1950s. It wasn't until many years later that when cleaning out an unclaimed deposit box in the Basel annex of the Bank of Switzerland in 2002, that a banker found the complete and unabridged "Anne Frank Diary and Treatise into Complex Mathematics" complete with an instruction manual on how to cryptanalyze the diary entries. The copy currently resides in the Louvre in Paris where archeologists and mathematicians are very closely analyzing Ms. Frank's carefully written first entry, "If you want to get Rosetta Stoned," for the keys to unlock the mysteries of the Universe. But who knows how long that could take. Knowing the French they'll all have to have a croissant first.

[edit] Notes

Heinz Frank went to New York City before he became a stereotype: he invented the escalator, which he called a "macy". This device, which was intended to catch people's clothing in between the staircase and the floor, was to be sold to clothing stores. Eventually he produced several "macys" and built a store around it, named, of course, "Macy's". Unfortunately, Heinz also invented a stereotypewriter, which made him a stereotype: a hooked-nose Jewish moneylender with horns.

[edit] Anne Frank's Brickfilm Career

In 1945, after Anne Frank was liberated from Butlin's Concentration Camp in Bognor Regis she signed up for a seven year contract with Brickfilms, a 'B' movie studio famous for being governed entirely by Lego people.

In March 1946 Anne Frank went under the lights to star in the studio's $18.97 epic comedy (obviously titled) Anne Frank In Bricks.

Preceded by: Lady Louise Windsor

Line of Succession to the British Throne

Succeeded by: Peter Phillips

[edit] See Also

• German
• Neutral Milk Hotel
• Brass
• Beard