Anna Vissi
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 The mother of all sorceresses, Mother Attarti, spit down when she saw this article! She said "I will protect my daughter Anna forever" and she initiated her curse operations on Uncyclopedia. |
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“Goddess of Greek Music”
~ All Greek press together.
“Take her away from me!!!”
~ Former husband Nikos Karvelas
“Anna is the most successfull one of my Medusa daughters.”
~ Mother Attarti
“Young man seducer old witch.”
~ An old woman jealous of Anna
'Anna Vissi is the absolute goddess of Greek music. There is no other than her. All Greek female singers emerged in Greece after her, try to pretend her to be successful.
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[edit] Birth and Childhood
When Aphrodit's Amazon soldiers entered the house they saw baby crying like donkey, they said "a baby crying like that can't be a goddess, if it would I would fu..." and left the house.
Her anxious mother became very happy upon their leaving. She had saved her baby, little Anna.
Years passed. Little Anna grew bigger. But there was a problem, she was only playing with boys. Because her voice was like a boy. She had many male buddies at that time.
[edit] Youth
When she came to high school age, she had to choose the profession to focus on. While she was very anxious about her future life, with his great highness Sheikh Nazim Qubrusi came by flying from North Cyprus and told Anna where she will get music education in Nicosia.
Since she had a male voice, Anna ignored this advice and enrolled to Larnaca Greek Engineering School. But her fate was different to be manifested. Although Anna was hard working to her lessons, she couldn't understand the different between cos and sin functions. On the other hand, all class were consisting of boys and no sexual appeal they had. All they were engineer type men.
Finally she decided to listen Sheikh Nazim's advices and she enrolled to Nicosia Greeek Music Academy. Years later, Sheikh Nazim would have told his followers that Anna Vissi chose Islam and became muslim like Prince Charles and Cat Stevens.
Since he had a male voice, all classmates were joking with Anna and handsome guys weren't even looking at her. Anna was going mad of horniness and greed.
[edit] Music Carreer
With great disturbance and hatred she graduated from Nicosia Music Academy, she now understood that she had to make a big change in her life.
Her mother's heart was also broken. Zeus had said she will have a goddess child but that goddess had little breasts and also had male voice. All her friends were giding her... Her mother was cursing the fate she faced.
Anna's mama understood that this can't go like this and she decided to move family to motherland Greece. There occurred great events whilst this moving. Historians noted those events to their diaries.
In Heredot's books:
- In second Zeus age's, fourth full moon, the 2 pillars of Parthenon temple has been collapsed with no reason.
In Socrates' diary:
- Today, the priestess in Delphi committed suicide with no reason. She wasn't even reasoning what is life. She was a moron. So, I couldn't understand why she did this.
The reason of all these events were surely Anna's arrival to Greece. Illiterate Greek dinasours...
Anna quickly found Pan, the god of music and managed him to teach her some musical secrets. Then she sought ways to change her voice tone to a woman's. Pan said "this is not my area of work. Only Hercules can do this.". Anna curiously asked "How???". Pan said "You will see..." and smiled like a jerk.
In Hercules' cave, Anna howled during days and nights... But it is not known why she did(!). They were so powerful howles that even gods in Olympos got jealous.
After long works, Anna's voice was at best. But Anna wasn't giving Hercules up. Hercules at last said desperately "it is enough Anna!! Even I can't satisfy you!!!" and sent her away from his cave.
Upon leaving Hercules, she had the self confidence from now on. She felt like she conquered the earth. She then went to Sony Music with her mother and finished her first album.
But the result was the total zerooo. No one bought her album. Because of that she has gone into a deep depression for several years. She gave up musical works...
[edit] Sorceress Carreer
Now, Anna had realized that the prophecy about her to be a goddess was just a dream and decided to marry and have child like an ordinary woman. She married with the first man she met. She had a daughter from this marriage. But she was so angry in deeper level. One night, the mother of all sorceresses, Mother Attarti, came into her dream and initiated her to the very first Medusa mysteries.
The ones looking to Anna's eyes were strangely transforming into stone. Anna started looking everywhere insanely. After all she made stone all enemies.
Then Mother Attarti taught her other top secret spells like cursing men to pigs and drinking raki with sish kebab...
Anna put her "stone transformed husband" as a statue to Parthenon temple. She decided to begin to a new life and initiated works on her second album.
[edit] Nikos Karvelas
While she was working on her album in Sony Music, she met an extra-ordinary writer and composer named Nikos Karvelas. Karvelas was a show-bussiness man claiming to work for the dark side of power.
He had rebelled to Bartholomew and his black wearing guys and started to practice Dr.Faust's mysterious works. He was using his dark powers to be successfull in music.
As he achieved a strong resonance in a little time with Anna, he gave a group of hit songs to her. These names' were:
Demons and Angels
Donkeys and Rats
Opera of Lucifer
Just for a last time
Come to me come to me
hit songs to be successfull in future...
After Anna had great success with these songs, she used Mother Attarti's magical spells and cursed Nikos and transformed him into a pig.
As she eliminated Nikos, she achieved great power, recognize and success then continued on her way
Nikos could managed to get out the curse after 7 years... He was practicing black magic and driving Harley Davidsons in old times. But now, Nikos listens Buddhist songs and reads words of Dalai Lama and makes nirvana meditations. He changed his motorbike with a Vespa instead of Harley. He says that he doesn't want to see Anna again and he regrets of his dark practices he made before...
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[edit] Drama of Leukemia Girl, Eleni
Anna's sexual power is very strong and she has about 342 daughters and 13 sons. But she doesn't show them to public.
One day, one of Anna's daughters, Eleni became leukemia and her situation influenced Anna so deeply. Stubbed hearted goddess mother Anna, immediately wrote a song about that tragedy and introduced it as a single. Greek people deeply influenced of this song. Everybody cried and cried. Her daughter finally died but Anna lived forever stronger and stronger.
[edit] Her Young Man Desire
Anna's greatest weakness is young men. When she saw 22-27 age of men, she can't control herself and put her hands to his bell. She has her eye on a re-incaranation of Adonis called Peter Protopapa-Jones, who sacrifices babies to Thea Anna Vissi.
Another characteristic of Anna Vissi is that she never gets old. Anna is 29 about 1400 years. Now she has miraculously appeared to start getting younger, she is predicted to become a feutus by 2050. (although other experts expect her to live to the end of time)
Anna loves young ones so much that she draws stars to her arms and legs, wears 25€ jeans and 5€ belts which she buys from street bazaars.
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[edit] Discography
