Anna Coren
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“She shall finish what I have begun, MWAHAHAHAHA!”
~ Naomi Robson on Anna Coren
“I like her style”
~ Fox News on Anna Coren
Anna Coren, as well as being Kerry Packer's second favourite wife after Tracy Grimshaw, is a "journalist" who specialises in the type of journalism which involves reading words which pop up on a screen in front of her. She constantly reminds you of your great aunt, by both her dress sense and her general hatred of humanity. As well as Kerry Packer, she is also known to be romantically involved with Pauline Hanson, who is responsible for choosing the stories Anna reports and is also suspected to be plotting to take over Anna's job, but that ended after she slept with mercedes corby, which she did to avoid being sued She always had the ambition of becoming the first female jockey at the Melbourne Cup, but sadly her balls dropped, making this almost impossible to accomplish, as such, she choose the next best thing- journalism. Failing that however, she instead became the presenter of Channel 7's current affairs show.
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[edit] The Beginning
Anna Coren was born long before you were, to parents who also produced Ivan Milat. Sibling rivalry in this case was fierce, with Anna and Ivan competing to see who could spark the most fear and commit the most horrible acts to the largest number of innocent people. Although some claim that Ivan won, since he's the one in jail, this could simply be because the police are far too frightened to even confront Anna. She left home at an early age due to the angry mob which had gathered out the front of the house with rocks and pitchforks.
[edit] Today Tonight
Today Tonight is a parody of Australian current affairs shows such as Frontline and CNNNN, which frequently mocks their lies, massive overuse of the word "exclusive", and all those damn red stamps. Anna Coren became the host of Today Tonight after they removed the personality chip from Naomi Robson and gave it to Anna. Naomi insisted on keeping her brunette wig, so they gave Anna a blonde one instead. Her job as host of Today Tonight is to act completely and utterly outraged at absolutely everything, with the hope that this will outrage the community, who will do something about it. They don't. What an outrage.
[edit] Anna vs Tracy
One of Anna Coren's many enemies is Tracy Grimshaw, who does the exact same thing as Anna on Channel 9, usually going as far as to report the same stories on the same night with the same emotion chip installed. Anna and Tracy are fiercely competing to become the most hated person in Australia, a battle which Anna won in late 2007 when she got a mention in The Eulogy Song without actually being dead (we think). It is a good thing that Anna and Tracy are enemies, because if they worked together the entire country would certainly be crushed under the weight of all the crappy journalism.
[edit] The Chaser's War on Anna
Long before "civilised" society was born, the foul Coren demon ravaged the universe. So the good lord Norris, in his infinite wisdom, brought forth 6 great heroes, who smote her down into the pit of ratings oblivion.
[edit] Typical Anna Coren Story
"Coming up: How kumquats could be much more repugnant than you ever imagined. Plus, we test different kumquats to see how repugnant they really are, and whether you're paying too much for kumquats."
