Animal Face-Off

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Animal Face-Off.
“This show does not show real animals dying. The show uses computer animation to show their fights.”
~ Captain Obvious on Animal Face-Off
“STOP ABUSING THE ANIMALS!! END THE SHOW!!”
~ Animal Rights People on Animal Face-Off
“STOP ABUSING THE VIEWERS!! END THE SHOW!!”
~ People Rights People on Animal Face-Off
Uncyclopedia Face-Off

The dreaded abuse logo.

Animal Face-Off originally aired on Animal Planet and the Discovery Channel on March 21, 2004. The British Broadcast Company have since purchased the rights to the show,and are still airing it under the title "Britain's Next Top Model." It featured virtual battles between a tiger and a lion, an alligator and a bear, and even human decency and blood lust. The show's conclusion featured the crowning of the winner as the superior combatant and the denunciation of the loser, which was invariably the viewer who had managed to watch an entire episode.

edit The Premise

The show is based on the assumptions that shows featuring combat in any form are always popular with males aged eighteen to twenty-five, and that the wrath of a vengeful God could not focus on both the Discovery Channel and everyone connected to American Idol. Nine Months later, after countless cartons of cigarettes and bottles of cheap vodka, an underweight show was born.

edit Controversy

Despite many lazy people adoring the show, many people were whining and nagging that this show is wrong and inappropiate. Some animal rights people were yelling at the show's station, stating "Animal Face-Off's no good, turn it off, protect the animals." Other people were saying "No fair, the jaguar pwns the anaconda anyday 365/24/7!" All this controversy ended the show, with only 12 episodes. Show was renamed to Deadliest Warrior and used humans participants instead, because humans killing each other is more humane.

edit Uncyclopedia

Uncyclopedia later bought the show from Animal Planet and now airs on UnTV, where new episodes are aired. These are now on Fridays at 10:30, right after Celebrity Deathmatch. Check your local listings.

edit Episodes

Episode Fight Winner Cause of Death
Attack on France!!! We Surreder!!! Hitler vs. Jews Jews Hitler: Got off to a great start by putting Jews in death camps, but he ends up killing himself. Afterwards, France surrendered to theier Jewish Conquerers.
When Pokemon Attack!!! Pikachu vs. Dickachu Dickachu Pikachu: Dickachu stook all of its dicks into Pikachu and suffocated it.
The Jaguar Ran Over the Anaconda!!! Ooopps.. Jaguar vs. Anaconda Jaguar Anaconda: The Jaguar went into a Jaguar and ran over the snake's head.
Star Wars Episode V: Revenge of the Wookiee!!! (This episode will contribute to the San Diego Comic-Con and the 30th Anniversary of Star Wars.) Chewbacca vs. Ewok Chewbacca Ewok: Chewbacca ripped its arms off and threw it at an AT-ST.
I Never Knew Sharks Can Swim in a Lake!!! Bull Shark vs. Hippopotamus Kwaame Xanikwa Bull Shark: Hippo grabbed it, bit it, and ate it and threw up.

Hippopotamus: Kwaame Xanikwa used his giant mouth and swallowed the hippo.

Crikey, Mate!!! (This episode will contribute to Steve Irwin.) Steve Irwin vs. Crocodile Steve Irwin Crocodile: Steve Irwin wrestled the crocodile to the floor, which killed the crocodile.
Crikey, Mate 2!!! (This episode will contribute to Steve Irwin.) Steve Irwin vs. Stingray Stingray Overconfidence: Surprise victory here, against a previously undefeated Irwin.
The Camping Episode! Enter Dubya! George Bush vs. Black Bear Black Bear George Bush: Black Bear breakdanced, grinded, and spit on George Bush, ate his arms and marked his territory on him.
What's a Platypus? The Discovery! Platypus vs. Silver the Hedgehog Platypus Silver the Hedgehog: The platypus stabbed Silver with its legs and slapped his head with its tail.
Argh! Battle Against the Kraken! Jack Sparrow vs. Kraken Kraken Jack Sparrow: The Kraken ate Jack Sparrow and swallowed the sword, getting indigestion.
Cows! Edward the Blue Engine vs. Cow Edward Cow: Ran away from Edward, breaking his freight train. (doesn't actually die).
Bioshock! Bibears vs. Evil Seal! Bipolar Bear vs. Baby Seal Bipolar Bear Baby Seal: Bipolar Bear flipped it out of the water, had sex with it, and ate it, losing its virginity in the process.
All Glory To The Hypnotoad! Hypnotoad vs. Whale Whale Hypnotoad: Whale spitted it when it's asleep, had dream about swimming along with the other whales, and bump to it, it is dead from a whale.
The animal with arm nose is the Elephant Hulk vs. Elephant HulkHulk: Elephant blows the hoar at Hulk for being terror, cleans him green off, and paints him orange spotted leopard.
What the Chuck?!! Chuck Norris vs. Mike Tyson Chuck NorrisChuck Norris: Chuck Norris round house kicks Mike Tyson literally in the ass. Mike Tyson tries to bite Chuck Norris's ear off, but get's an erection.
The Attack of Manbearpig Al Gore vs. Manbearpig Al GoreAl Gore: Al Gore comes to South Park Elementary to warn the kids of Manbearpig, who's half man, half bear, and half pig. Later, he goes looking for the beast and finds it, then rick-rolls it.
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