Giant MacAskill makes his way through the thick Cape Breton forest, Mayor John Morgan is seen in the foreground

Angus Mòr MacAskill, frequently referred to as Giant MacAskill or Black Angus, was born over 8,000 years ago in Scotland and immigrated to Cape Breton when he was only three years old. MacAskill stands at over 35 feet tall and weighs approximatly 20 tons. This makes him the largest terrestrial organism on the planet. Despite his feroucious appearance MacAskill has been described as a gentle giant, he was a star rugby player in the CBRL and he is a decorated war hero, having fought in the Battle of Sydney against John Hamm's mainland forces. He has also perfomed many heroic tasks including staging massive rescue operations during the sinking of the Titanic, 9/11, the Asian tsunami, and Hurricane Katrina.

Heroic FeatsEdit

  • 1912 - Held the Titanic afloat, allowing all passengers to escape.
  • 2001 - Held the World Trade Center together for almost two hours, allowing all those on the lower floors to escape
  • 2004 - Fought along side John Morgan, Mr. T, and Rita MacNeil in the Battle of Sydney
  • 2004 - Swam hundreds of miles out in the ocean to rescue people swept to sea by the Asian tsunami
  • 2005 - Ferried people out of New Orleans on his back
  • 2011 - Stepped on some idiot in San Francisco

Battle of SydneyEdit

Main article: Battle of Sydney

Angus MacAskill was one of the heroes during the battle of Sydney. He recorded over 15,000 kills and has the world record for the longest distance thrown in the human shot put. Standing at over 35 feet tall, MacAskill merely picked up enemy soldiers and threw them, some of them landed as far away as Glace Bay. He also played baseball with some of the enemy soldiers. He picked up a power pole and used it as a bat. He would then toss soldiers in the air striking them with the bat. Some of their corpses fell apart as he hit them and blood showers fell over much of Sydney that day. Many of the corpses landed in the nearby Tar Ponds brewery, others landed in the ocean.

See alsoEdit

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Angus MacAskill.