Anglo-Saxonia

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

The home of the Ango-Saxons, Anglo-Saxonia was first put on the map during the height of the Babylonian Empire, when a young man by the name of Daniel Radcliffe tamed a man-beast that claimed it was once King of Babylon. From there, it has grown into the flourishing nation that we now know it to be.

edit Population

The population of Anglo-Saxonia can be divided into two main sections: Male and Female. Of these combined, there is approximately eighty million. Most of these are gathered into small cities, each with it's own distinctly different name and location. With such a high population, Anglo-Saxonia is the most densely populated area in the world, ahead of India and China.

edit Origin

Anglo-Saxonia, where Anglo-Saxons come from, was officially given independence in 227a.d. by Kaiser Wilhelm the monarch of Sweden. After that, the Anglo-Saxons quickly went to work dismantling the Roman Empire. In the Battle of Hoth, King Arthur killed Lady Gaga and claimed all of Europe for the Anglo-Saxons. Seeing that it was nigh impossible to tax all of Europe without paying millions for the transportation of such wealth, Anglo-Saxonia subdivided itself forty-eight times, forming the forty-seven nations that make up Europe, and Anglo-Saxonia as we know it today.

edit Geography

Anglo-Saxonia is a fifteen minute walk off the Northernmost point of Sweden. Of course, that is only the sea border. In order to get to the mainland, one must pass the Shady Sea, the Dark Caves, the Nightly Neverland, the Black Bay and the Not Bright Northern Lights. On the mainland, tourists can enjoy sunlight for half the year, which is far better than Finland which only has light for an eighth. Also, Anglo-Saxonia is home to the tallest mountain in Europe, Mount Asshat, as well as many other mountains and volcanoes.

edit Culture

The national dish of Anglo-Saxonia is the Lamington. Anglo-Saxonia was first to eat that. Not Australia! The average person in Anglo-Saxonia is drunk 20% of the time, asleep 20% of the time, bored out of their mind 20% of the time and quarrelling about politics the remaining 20% of the time. In fact, Anglo-Saxonia has become so engrossed in the Humanities and Social Sciences, that it has outlawed Mathematics completely.

edit Civil War

In 2007, civil war between the Mathematicians and Libertarian Society broke out. Twelve people died. Three were hospitalised for critical injuries, and seventy-three million people were absent from work and school for the next two weeks, due to stress. This crippled the nation financially, so being a nation of brilliant criminals, Anglo-Saxonia embezzled it's entire multi-billion dollar company from large businesses all around the world, causing the stock market to crash dramatically.

edit Service to the World

Anglo-Saxonia has been responsible for many of the things that are now a staple part of daily living.

edit Inventions

One of the most famous of all inventions to come out of Anglo-Saxonia is the Microwave Oven. It was invented in 1968 by genius and inventor, Albert Einstein. Also coming from Anglo-Saxonia is the portable notepad. Before 1622, notepads were the same size as computers were when they began. In 1622, however, a crack team of Anglo-Saxon scientists finally figured out a way to make a notepad small enough to be held by a single human. Technology has not been the only area of Anglo-Saxon success. Many advances in Musical instruments came from Anglo-Saxonia too. The saxophone is perhaps the most notable of all of the inventions, however, the Anglophone (Now called the Drum Kit), the spoons and the violin were all also invented by someone in Algo-Saxonia. Other significant inventions include fruit juice, ear plugs, bone china, France, Mosquitos, Monopoly and String Theory.

edit Famous People

Many people from Anglo-Saxonia have found fame over the years. It was bound to happen because of the large population and rampant Capitalism.Peter Pan found international glory after he made a massive theme park in the clouds. Simon Heffer bribed some movie guys. Dave Grohl ran a local vineyard until he became famous in 2001. Vincent Van Gogh was a college drop out before he learned how to draw abstract Venus Fly Traps in technicolor. Michael J. Fox was destined for success because the initial of his middle name happened to be his whole middle name. Edward Kennedy won the lottery three days in a row. Jane Austen bored so many people that she was extradited from twelve countries without ever setting foot in them. Mary Whitehouse shouldn't actually be a part of this section. Susan Boyle hosted 'Amazing Transformations' for two years. Liam Neeson has an astonishing voice. George Washington Carver opened a large train station when he was mayor. Brothers Bruce Lee and Stan Lee, won a gameshow together, then moved to American and squandered their flourishing careers in the Automotive industry. Darth Vader wrote a song. Paul McCartney used his brain to kill people without touching them. Howard Dean was very smart and Rachel Maddow locked her keys in her car. With the windows down.

edit Brilliant Criminals

One of the things Anglo-Saxons are most famous for, is being nasty. Throughout history, the nation has been nothing but a big bully who steals all the national treasures of smaller countries, or fatter countries, and sells them to England. Robin Hood evaded tax for twenty years. Julian Assange painted expletives on the White House in Washington D.C.. Bill Gates made the average person addicted to mindlessness and then stole all their money. The Joker bribed his way onto a hit sitcom, then told way too many sad one-liners. Anglo-Saxonia is still mourning the loss of those that died in the mass suicide that followed the release of the pilot series. Tiger Woods did not keep the thirty centimetre rule. He's such a rebel. Green Goblin is mostly misunderstood for his part in the Millennium Bug Scare. Voldemort invented the bird flu, then cut off his nose so he wouldn't be susceptible.Boba Fett reinvented the slave trade. Tim Allen is a heretic. He turned himself into a dog. Judge Bork gave out twenty-nine parking fines per capita, during his time as national parking inspector. Al Gore is a top guy, but really needs to work on on the punchline of his comedy skits. Superman beat up way too many people. He may have saved earth, but someone has to go to jail for those injustices.

edit Tourism

Due to the isolated nature of Anglo-Saxonia, it is important to realise that tourists can only enter the country on Equinoxes. Fortunately, as the nation is so far North, Anglo-Saxonia has three Equinoxes per month, occurring on the 3rd, the 18th and the 27th, except for in February. In February, the entire nation closes down for it's national holiday, and is not open to tourists that are not either ridiculously good-looking, or filthy rich.

edit Citizenship

Citizenship can be obtained online at a mere cost of two kidneys. Most new applicants come from Mexico.

Personal tools
projects