Andrew Hansen

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Andrewhansenclockhair

When you've got hair like this, you can get away with anything

“Confused? I certainly elephant”
~ Andrew Hansen on putting real quotes on Uncyclopedia pages

Andrew Hansen is one of the most stunning comedians, musicians, and displays of multiple personality disorder to have come out of Australia in recent years. He also has many of the most bizarre hairstyles to have come out of Australia since it began.

His multiple personalities include The Crazy Warehouse Guy, The Surprise Spruiker, Clive the Slightly Too-Loud Commuter, and Mr. Ten Questions. The reason for these strange manifestations is believed to be the effects of The War, or it could just be because he's a Doctor Who fan. We all know what they're like. Damn Sexy.

edit Music

Andrew is well known for being a brilliant guitarist, keyboardist, Trianglistand kazoo player who for many years has been delighting and confusing the hell out of Australians with his deeply moving songs about something or other.

Undoubtedly one of Andrew's finest songs to date is The Filler Song. Listening to this song is like having an auditory orgasm. It a has been suggested that this song should become the new national anthem, not only because it is one of the finest songs ever performed but also because the words will be a lot easier to remember. Peter Meakin may have a bit of trouble remembering them, however.

Perhaps Andrew's most controversial song is The Eulogy Song, which received rave reviews from Peter Brock, Stan Zemanek, Princess Diana, Steve Irwin, Donald Bradman, and Kerry Packer, though Belinda Emmett was reportedly less than impressed. It is quite odd that this would be Andrew's most controversial, seeing as the lyrics were written by Chris Taylor. Chris has stated that he will more than happy to take some credit for this song "when Andrew's dead".

It is generally understood that this song is the ultimate cool test, if you know the song and find it funny, you must be uber cool, unlike all the uncool people who hate it.


Andrew, YOU wrote this, didn't you?


Surely not; a man of his distinction and schooling would have used the correct punctuation. ... Also it would have been funnier.

edit The Chaser

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Andrew Hansen.

It was during Andrew's comedy career as a member of The Chaser (aka the greatest comedy group ever, or at least on ABC) that his multiple personality disorder began to surface. Andrew appears to frequently believe that he is a salesman for some sort of clearance warehouse, however, since said warehouse is a figment of his imagination, he has resorted to taking his "salesman" tactics elsewhere, occasionally in the form of a spruiker. He also seems to occasionally believe that he is a journalist, but due to his lack of experience in the field he often asks many questions (10 to be exact) at once without allowing enough time for answers. One of his personalities, "Clive", displays Andrew's sensitive side, and has revealed, among other facts, that he has a bent penis, takes drugs, has herpes, and plans to murder his mother. The only thing that seems to remain constant during these incidents is his hair - it's still weird.

This was about the time he married Jessie Schwab.

edit The Fantastic Leslie

Andrewhansenweird

Andrew Hansen on a normal, weird-clock-like-thing-in-the-hair free day

Andrew was a member of the most successful Muppet cover band of all time, The Fantastic Leslie. The Fantastic Leslie was made up of Andrew, the keyboardist, the bassist, and the drummer. The band broke up in 2003, and experienced a sudden surge in popularity roughly four years later, with the majority of these being fifteen year old emos on Myspace.

By this time Andrew had gone on to become a successful comedian, and the other three members were also probably doing something with their lives.

edit Personal Life

Andrew was born on every single date known to Wikipedia, celebrating his birthday an average of once a month. This has caused him to age very quickly, however, he still looks surprisingly young. Must be the hair.

He dedicated many of his songs to his wife, Pauline, until he discovered that she was being unfaithful to him with Prime Minister Kevin Rudd. It was this emotional blow that led to Andrew's brief "emo phase", during which he developed his own washing powder brand whose ads stared a sexy Gerard-Way-looking Hansen.

Andrew owns many Doctor Who props. This is because he has been starring in the series ever since it began in 1963. He has been every single one of hundreds of Doctors from the Doctor Who series, albeit with a different hairstyle each time. He has also said that he is a huge fan of ELO, which could mean that he either likes the band or that he is claiming to be Elohistic. Recent video footage has shown that he is also a fan of Cannibal Corpse.

edit Ten Questions for Andrew

  1. Cracked pepper?
  2. Who is the second strangest Chaser member?
  3. How bizarre are your songs that you don't perform on national television?
  4. Your voice seems to get higher when you're wearing the spruiker outfit. Coincidence?
  5. What is it about you that attracts Today Tonight reporters like magnets?
  6. Sea salt?
  7. Have you received any sort of award for the number of awards you get invited to hand out?
  8. Where do you keep the TARDIS?
  9. Are you really "highly mentally unstable" or is the whole thing just an elaborate Chaser prank?
  10. A little while back, on the Chaser message boards, there was a discussion about what colour your pubes were. For some reason you ignored this discussion. What colour are they?

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