From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Andrew Cassidy, known as '80s Pop Sensation Andy Cassidy' is a singer/songwriter whose work was popular in the 1980s.
80s Pop Sensation Andy Cassidy had a string of hits, including Lentil Soup, Party at Pinkie's and the 1980's best-selling single Damn Glam Sham, for which he won an emmy. He sold the emmy on eBay in 2001 for $14.64 inc P&P for which he received very good feedback. The feedback was passed on to the NME who have since stopped returning his calls.
edit Grooming For love
As an unassuming young man, Cassidy "broke" the market with his debut single, "Meat For Martin", a song which highlighted the plight of the poverty-stricken Fowler's youngest child. The public and musical press alike were hooked and eagerly awaited the follow-up single, "Steven Likes Men", which shocked and delighted with equal effect. With his third single, "Flying Saucer Fallon" he cemented his fan base, and established himself as a critics' favourite. These singles featured on his debut album Dot’s Cotton Dynasty.
edit Pseudo Sting Reggae Effect
An unsightly skirmish with The Police on Top Of The Pops in 1983, in which Cassidy, dressed as a real Policeman informed Sting that he was "Nicked for pushing pish pseudo reggae" and handcuffed the sex-crazed star to his microphone. The feud between Cassidy and Sting escalated over the ensuing years, having a devastating effect on Cassidy's career.
edit Hit Me Ike!
In the summer of '83, Andrew Cassidy was approached to write and perform the theme to 'Ghostbusters'. Dismissing the film as 'Casper with good marketing' he declined and the option was passed to Ray Parker Jr. who has since has hits of no merit whatsoever. Cassidy did however write 'Ghost Bust Hoors' just to piss of Sting, Ray Parker Jr and Rusty Lee. The song entered the Billboard 100 at 58 but was a top 30 hit in Moldova for 2 weeks.
After the release of his second album, "A Slice of Pie from the Lovin' Oven", Cassidy spent a year studying in the South of France. He returned a year later with "Cassidy Casserole", a collection of songs with a culinary feel, including the classic, "Suet Yourself, Pease Me", on which he duetted with Tammi Wynette. Six more number one singles followed, along with three double platinum albums, "Liquor? I hardly know her", "Napolean's Sleeve" and the Award winning "Wheelchair Tug Of War".
edit She asked for it!
After a year in the St Bernard's Hospital for Addictive Disorders, Cassidy emerged to find the world a changed place. No longer a legend of Eighties music, he found himself marginalised by the press who once hung upon his every word and published his every antic. The Sting situation had worsened, and during Cassidy's Hospitalisation, the former Police front-man bought the rights to all of Cassidy's hits, thereby preventing their future re-release. Also, in conjunction with MI6 and the CIA, Sting began work on Operation Mind Wash, removing all references from the collective consciousness of Cassidy's existence and success.
Whopperbuzz is a particularly devastating countermeasure used by submarines and goldfish to repel torpedo fire. Andrew Cassidy is one of only four groups of people in the world who can use Whopperbuzz along with The Government in Exile of Somalia, The Republican Party and Gary Coleman.
Today, Cassidy is attempting to raise funds to challenge Sting in the courts. He plans to tour again in the near future, and says that he will release a Greatest Hits package when he once again owns the rights to is own songs. Having just turned 40 (although his exact date of birth is unknown) he is currently basing his life around the popular BBC sitcom 'The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin'
- UPDATE Andrew Cassidy was throw out of the Travelodge he was living in after being abusive to staff. It is reported that he would call all of the cleaners 'Sabu' and shout unrealistic demands at them when cleaning his room. While being removed by police, he was heard to shout 'How can I be the one that is racist when you are the one that is black?!' He is due to be sentenced in the next few weeks.
- UPDATE Charges for above offence were dropped after two out of the three cleaners have now 'left the country' In a statement released by Cassidy's agent today, he mentioned that 'the banana boat does return tickets' He is now due up in front of magistrates for racist remarks.
- UPDATE Oct 06 Cassidy is due to release a new album in the New Year called 'I'm The Dad On Your Dancefloor'
- UPDATE Nov 06 Andrew Cassidy was pleased to announce today that he has Super AIDS after being raped by a tramp in a bus shelter
- UPDATE Jan 07 Andrew Cassidy is currently in Hospital as he is full of shit. Surgeons are hoping to remove all the shit within the week.
- UPDATE Mar 07 Andrew Cassidy was unexpectedly dumped by his record label afer weeks of speculation. Problems started in January when he left the only copy of his new album 'I'm The Dad On Your Dancefloor' on the Johnstone-Paisley-Calcutta bus. This copy was then found and heavily distributed on the internet and has been pulled from official release.
- UPDATE 2008 A combination of sustained alcohol and prescription drug abuse, coupled with a treacherous bout of The Crohn's has left cassidy stiff in all the wrong places. But don't worry kids! He's still a cunt!
Andrew Cassidy's second autobiography 'A Hoor Of A Din' is due for release in time for Christmas this year. The book is an update of 'Up hitS Creek Without A Paddle' which chronicled Cassidy’s earlier years up to 1990. Due to a restraining order imposed by his third manager and BMI records he has only now been allowed to update the autobiography to include his fight with Whitney Houston and being the last person to see Mick Hucknall alive.