Ancient Uncyclopedia

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Statue-humor-god

Chronarion

Cquote1 Some Internet surfers are attached to content, some are concerned with facts, and still others study references, whereas some cultivate "misinformation" and they are Uncyclopedians Cquote2

Ancient Uncyclopedia was originally uncovered (amazingly well-preserved in plastic bubble-wrap) by Prof. J. Huang, who made the historic discovery during excavations in an antique book stall deep inside India. Although the entire work consists of over 1,008 slokas, only 12 verses were readable. This was not because the other verses were unclear, but because the Professor is a scholar of Mandarin, not Sanskrit. Prof. Huang’s speculative translation of these old Sanskrit verses proves beyond any certainty that Uncyclopedia and Uncyclopedians existed long before Uncyclopedia and Uncyclopedians.

The Verses

Below are all the verses legibly translated by Prof. Huang:

Uncyclopedia Purana, Canto 7, Verses 0-11

Old-uncyclopedia

Ancient Sanskrit Uncyclopedia - printed reproduction.

UP 7.0: Chronarion said, "My dear Noob, in the future will arise a platform to be known as Internet and it will exist in Cyberspace. Denizens of this Cyberspace will be called Surfers. Some Internet surfers are attached to content, some are concerned with facts, and still others study references, whereas some cultivate "misinformation" and they are Uncyclopedians.

UP 7.1: "I will now describe to you how our ancient science of deadpan mirth should best be used by these Uncyclopedians in the future. Please listen attentively for my words will be of great value millions of years from now. Always bear in mind that a feature article, which is quite transitory in nature, is the ultimate goal of an Uncyclopedian's life.

UP 7.2: "A person desiring hilarity should offer revertible edits to an Uncyclopedian who strictly adheres to HTBFANJS. And during the period designated for offering misinformation to the masses one should consult at least one Admin. Because even one Admin is very opulent a Noob should not make excuses on such occasion.

UP 7.3: "Frugality is under-rated. If one arranges too many nominations at one time, during the voting process there may be discrepancies in the time, place, the article to be voted for, the article to be voted against, the reason for abstention, and the unbearable urge to leave a wise-ass comment.

UP 7.4: "A person fully aware of humor should never parody anything without being familiar with How to be funny and not just stupid, otherwise it is displeasing to the Admins and other Uncyclopedians, who are bummed when bunk gets written in the name of humor.

UP 7.5: "Upon seeing a kook or unregistered user engaged in writing a bad article, Uncyclopedians meant to read it are extremely irate, thinking, This total jerk, being ignorant of the purpose of parody, and being most satisfied by boring others, will surely bore us!

UP 7.6: "There are three types of BS which all appropriately lead to possible deletion: 1) Pretentious BS, 2) Navelistic BS and 3) Memeological BS - One who is aware of the secrets of satire must abandon these three as NOT very funny.

UP 7.7: "A pretentious humor system manufactured by one who willfully neglects deadpan mirth is called boring. Yet even when one sticks to deadpan style as advised by me, if it is devoid of humor it will not be sufficient to elicit giggles.

Kaliman Kanos-732784

Unregistered kook gets frustrated trying to be funny on Uncyclopedia

UP 7.8: "One who is easily satisfied and who links his activities to the cosmic punch line residing in everyone's cortex - enjoys good parody. Where is such happenstance for an Unregistered kook who impelled by ego wanders in all directions with a desire to have even one lousy article stick?

UP 7.9: "My dear Noob, a simple person can be happy with an UnNews feature. However, one who is driven by a desire for the Hall of Shame may have to accept the position of a household dog to satisfy their appetite.

UP 7.10: "By getting a Pee Review one can conquer delusion, by serving an Uncyclopedian one can become mindless, by keeping quiet one can avoid obstacles on the path of silence, but simply by quitting Uncyclopedia one can conquer fuck-all.

Conclusion

UP 7.11: "As long as one has to accept an Uncyclopedia Username, with its different perks and penalties, which are not fully under one's control, one must conquer the pitfalls mentioned in the chapter on How to be stupid and not just funny. In this way the comedian should merge into the cosmic sense of humor, and giving up false ego they can finally achieve a Feature Article.

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