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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Anasazi.

The Anasazi (alternetly spelled Anasasi, anastazi or Those Pueblo People) were a small civilization found near Utah. They were originally Hunter-Gatherers, but soon they learned how to beat up other gatheres and take their food, becoming the first Hunter-Gatherer-Hunters. After they had perfected the Hunter-Gather-Hunting method, they settled down, somewhere around mod jgern Arizona. The above average temperatures of the Arizona dessert quickly destroyed the entire Anasazi civilization by causing Spontaneous Combustion.

edit In the beginning

Banana science

Anasazi Scientist trying to build the better Banana

The origins of the Anasazi are surrounded by mystery. It is wildly believed that the Anasazi were Mayan refugees, who grew tired of all the ball games and blood sacrifice. Another theory is that the Anasazi were dinosaurs who managed to build houses before they were wiped out. The houses survived while the dinosaurs died somehow. However, neither of these can be proven because the Anasazi did not use a written language, instead they just yelled things in really deep caves, so eventually the sound would echo back. This lack of recording resulted in their deaths when a soldier miss heard an echo and though it told him to kill everyone. So he did.

edit Religon

The Anasazi hated a single god named T'ckchnack'lqueztlexrchkcle (pronounced T'ckchnack'lqueztlexrchkcle). T'ckchnack'lqueztlexrchkcle was a bloodthirsty god, who demanded 100 billion people be sacrificed to him daily. The Anasazi managed to keep up with his demands for a full 15 minutes, until they had sacrificed themselves into extiction. Modern day historians have recently uncovered large amounts of evidence that a small group of Anasazi branched off from The Church of T'ckchnack'lqueztlexrchkcle, survived the sacrificial ceremony which annihilated the other members of their tribe, and continued to worship T'ckchnack'lqueztlexrchkcle up to present times. Suspected members of this cult are Vice President Dick Cheney, former Cambodian Prime Minister Pol Pot, Adolf Hitler, and Hilary Duff.

edit Anasazi and Death Metal

The Anasazi invented the form of rock music known as Death Metal. Their most popular band was known as T'chqululu Chquvulu [Pronounced Megadeath]. T'chqululu Chquvulu's final performance was of their song "Dying of Deadly Death". The song had such an awesone face melting Guitar solo that the Anasazi people's faces actually melted from listening to it.


edit Anasazi and Chuck Norris

In the past, it was commonly believed that Chuck Norris was both the creator and destroyer of the Anasazi. But scientists have unearthed new evidence that throws doubt in that theory. The scientists have done hundreds of experiments and have reached the conclusion that Chuck Norris Jokes are no longer funny.

edit Anasazi and WWII

FDR all angry and shit

FDR outraged at the Nazi treatment of the Anasazi

The Anasazi were a crucial part in America's assault on Germany. Before the US was involved in WWII, Adolf Hitler captured all of the Anazasi and threw them in concentration camps. When president FDR heard this, he became infuriated. "Hey, we wanted to oppress and kill those people! No fair!" Thus the US declared war on Germany, but not before Hitler had killed all of the Anasazi.

edit In the end

No one debates the end of the Anasazi, however, because it was documented on video. The video clearly shows that the Anasazi were wiped out when they tried to build a better Banana The banana exploded, killing all of the Anasazi in the process.

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