Anarchy

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Anarchy (a real man's Government not like those pussy communists or socialists)

Anarchism is a system of government headed by an Anarch. Canada, for example, became an anarchy in 1867.

(3) A system (or disorganised coincidence of social norms) where people (or non-people) of all kinds (or unkinds), with many differing (or identical) beliefs (or unbeliefs) can live (or die) together (or separate) creating (or destroying) their own little (or large) habitats cohabiting with others (or living alone) as hermits (or socialites) unmolested (or molested) by people (or non-human animals) who think (or acting pre-intellectually) they should be living (or dying) a different (or the same) way.

(3) This article.

(1) What happens on the first day of the January sales.

(7) The uneducated, disfunctional philosophy of a 14 year old skater who steals cheap magazines and lighters at Target.

(660) The educated, functional philosophy of a 500000000000000000000000000000000000000000-year-old frenchman with glasses whose massive age allows him to make illogical contradictory statements like "Property is theft," "Property is impossible," "Property is liberty," "Anarchy is order," and "Liberty is...order," implying that anarchy, which is his preferred system of government, is liberty, which is property, which is theft and impossible.

(4) When you leave the kids unattended for more than three seconds.

(2) What happens inside my brain whenever I try to follow orders.

(6.5) A bunch of pot-smoking hippies with ADHD.

(18) Ignoring repressive bullshit like numerology.

Contents

[edit] Anarchy in practice

In modern times, anarchy has been the system in place for over a decade now in Somalia, where it has successfully alleviated poverty and brought the nation out of long periods of war. The people of Somalia have been living happily ever since. Other smaller pockets of prosperous anarchist communities can be found throughtout Africa, as well as in Western Asia, Eastern Europe, and South America. On the flipside, experiments in anarchy in Denmark have led to murder and drug abuse, depopulating Greenland, turning it into a frozen wasteland. This is exactly what Anarchism founder Max Stirner wanted.

Anarchists in countries with governments are often active in opposition movements. They operate peacefully, registering voters, unable to defend themselves, organizing petition drives, and working within the system to bring about the change they seek. Yet this is all done before they are taken over by an established, organized, military that was trained for years in the art of war, far stronger than their weak and dysfuntional pack of farmers and activists.

[edit] Anarchy in non-human species

An anarchist bat, resolutely hanging downside-down, as is his right as an autonomous individual.
A rarely-photographed picture of Bob, a sub-aqua anarchist cow, who lives on the East-Indian Ocean floor. Sub-aqua anarchist cows are thought to surface at least once a year in order to blow shit up, because it's hard to light bombs underwater.

It's not just humans who are anarchists. Anarchy appears in nature all the time. This is most common in cows, who are well known for being a species willing to act against authority and eager to subvert the social norms imposed upon them by authority figures. An example of this would be the movie Barnyard (based on true events). Old Mcdonalds farm was originally a story about his cow who turned anarchist shat on the pig screwed Mrs Mcdonald and then ran (or swam) off to join the Sub-Aqua Anarchist Cows.

[edit] Subcategories of Anarchism

  • Post-anarchism - Anarchism by mail
  • Postmodern anarchism - Anarchism by email
  • Philosophical Anarchism - Thinking about blowing shit up, but not actually doing it
  • Anarchosyndicalism - Workers wanting to do less work
  • Christian Anarchism - Often read The Bible backwards and/or while on the loo
  • Spiritual Anarchism - Anarchism for drunk people
  • Mutual Anarchism - "I want to be an anarchist if you do"
  • Anarchy in the U.K.- "I am an anti-christ. I am an Anarcheeeeeeeeeeest"
  • Anarcho-Communism - Happy shiny people world
  • Anarcho-Greens - Anarchists with a passion for gardening
  • Anarcho-Punks - Anarchists with bad haircuts (a common symptom of blowing shit up)
  • Anarcho-Capitalism - Anarchist bankers driving Ferraris after blowing shit up
That's right, this image is in here twice. Why? Because we're sticking it to the Man, that's why.

[edit] How to spot an anarchist

  • They have crazy eyes
  • They often have large mustaches and beards but no head hair
  • They often carry small bombs, used for blowing shit up. these are usually spherical, have a long wick, and have the word 'bomb' written on them in white letters.
  • Anarchists will happily ignore 'please do not walk on the grass' signs
  • Anarchists put their feet up on other seats when travelling on public transport
  • Anarchists will put their drink straight down on the table, without using a coaster!
  • Most anarchists always wear black. However, knowledgable intellectual anarchists occasionally avoid wearing black in order to subvert preconceptions about the way that anarchists dress. Very knowledgable intellectual anarchists subvert the stereotype of how knowledgable anarchist intellectuals occasionally avoid wearing black by never avoiding wearing black. The really really knowledgable intellectual anarchists realise that it doesn't matter what you wear as long as you (1) hate the government, and (2) never use a coaster. And the extremly really really really knowledgable intellectual anarchist wear\nothing at all except combat boots and a black silk cape with the anarchy sign on it.
  • Doesn't eat meat, though may partake in cannibalism
  • Don't like prosperity and a successful economy; because industry means that bosses exist and you should never have a boss decide what's right or wrong
  • Try to make you feel bad by using large words to describe your life. (like unguided masses, fascist patricians, communist propaganda, or LOLZ)
  • OR (and this is mere supposi-ini-sition) has decided that anarchy can be made fun of, but not really understood without experiencing it. anarchy is not lawless-ness. anarchy is the absence of a true "formative government" and rules are what they are made. You fascist patricians.
  • They are between the ages of 13 and 20.
  • They are reading "Fight Club."

[edit] The difference between anarchists and communists

Sen. Hillary Clinton, an example of an Arkie bitch

Anarchist- Down with the government!!!!!Fuck tha police!!!!Catch this bench!!!!

Communist- The color red looks much nicer, and I feel cool because I know what dialectal materialism means!

When you're at a punk rock show and you see some 20 something skinny guy hanging out flyers that say "Communism for peace" and he`s grown a Lenin beard and he has a hammer and sickle t-shirt. When you walk near him, he says in a weak voice "hello comrade!" You realise at this point he doesn't stand a chance of getting laid and only hangs around with lesbians. Meanwhile, the anarchist kid might stand a chance of getting some STDs if they stay away from the Straight edge.

[edit] How to pretend to be an Anarchist

  • You dont have to read any Anarchist literature, reading is for the man! Just tell everybody you saw V for Vendetta.
  • Listen to Anti-Flag
  • Rant about how much you hate capitalism and corporate America right after purchasing your new Anti-Flag album you bought at Hot Topic.
  • Follow Rage Against the Machine as a religion.
  • Update your friends and family about every new bill introduced to congress and act like it will soon become law. Rant about it for the next hour.
  • Publicly yell out "ANARCHY IN THE UK!!" (especially if you live in the United States) every five minutes.
  • Blow shit up
  • Download the Anarchist Cookbook, and refrain from most experiments because "they are too dangerous."
  • Learn to manically cackle after you've blown shit up. Don't do it before you blow shit up, because that might get you caught
  • Wear black, at least until you become intellectual enough to comprehend the inevitable paradox inherent in the dilemma of defining/actively refusing to reflect your political beliefs through your choice of clothes.
  • Currency is for queers.
  • NEVER think to yourself "you know, all this anarchy is great, but those scary-looking bikers are looking kinda frisky right now"
  • Edit articles on Uncyclopedia and never touch Wiki
  • Watch V For Vendetta 56 times, and then go out and buy a Guy Fawkes mask, and run around the neighborhood yelling as many words that start with the letter 'V' that you can think of until someone beats you into submission.
  • Write circle-a's on everything (even on your dog!)
  • Always make sure to have absolutely no idea who the hell bakunin,PJ Proudhon or Max stirner is.
  • Randomly yell Anarchy rules! without realising it is an oxymoron or possibly saying that you dont realise it's an oxymoron because learning words like oxymoron is for the man!

[edit] How to act like an actual anarchist

  1. Have really creepy eyes.
  2. Have awesome beardage.
  3. Huff a lot of kittens.
  4. Become the T.V schedule dude.
  5. Huff kittens.
  6. Huff even more kittens.
  7. Just keep on huffing kittens.
  8. Make really contradictory and unrealistic statements.
  9. Go to the mall and buy $60 T-shirts to show how anti-Capitalism you are. You hypocritical jackass.
  10. Don't use coasters
  11. Be more unorganized than this article.
  12. Repeat the word "materialism" more than Uncyclopedia uses the name "Oscar Wilde".
  13. Oscar Wilde beotch!

dOnT numbeR you're fuCking sugestions or folow gramar or speling rUles because thE man made them>\

[edit] The Twelve Commandments of Anarchism

  1. Thou shalt NOT commiteth anarchy while legally imposed upon by any traffic control device. (Like a red light, stop sign, dead granny on the road etc..)
  2. Thou shalt NOT commiteth anarchy involving anyone over 3 inches taller than, or 45 pounds heavier than thou. Midgets are exempt from this rule because, hey, its funny to watch little dudes kick-ass.
  3. Thou shalt NOT commiteth anarchy in the presence of any Agent of the Law, unless you are confident that you can run faster than him and his bullets.
  4. Thou shalt makest every attempt to avoideth committing anarchy in a 4- or small 6-cylinder car. (Chases are an integral part of anarchy, and you DON'T want to be on the losing end of one!)
  5. Thou shalt carry at least 2 instruments of physical abuse for every 3 people in the car. (Such instruments would include baseball bats, crowbars, thick metal poles, 6+ inch hunting knives, .44's, rifles, and the like.) And, of course, lots of small black bombs with long fuses.
  6. Thou shalt NEVER commiteth anarchy whilst alone. Anarchy is only fun when others are around to see it and either be impressed or offended. Or blown to shit.
  7. Thou shalt make every attempt to avoideth committing anarchy in any car lacking a FULLY functioning horn, fully functional brakes, or a chassis.
  8. Thou shalt keepeth each door locked at ALL times, unless opening it is involved in the anarchy. Thou shalt be fully prepard to roll the windows up at any point. Such actions undertaken on a submarine may be effective,
  9. Anarchy should never be directed at women, children, or cute little kittens. Unless they are in or around a McDonalds, Starbucks, or Walmart, in which case they're fair game.
  10. Thou shalt make every attempt to avoideth committing anarchy with any members of the female gender in the anarchizing crew. (Such members tend to be more readily offended by crude sexual jokes, and repeated fondling.) Plus, female anarchists tend to be a bit minging.
  11. Thou shalt buyeth $60 T-shirts to showeth anti-Capitalism.
  12. Thou shalt not let anything influence you, especially a list of commandments. Letting these sentences influence you is even worse.
  13. This message was approved by Mothers for Nuclear Fallout.
  14. These aren't even actual commandments any more
  15. So you're wasting your time reading this
  16. Haha

This section of the article was probably vandalized by W on one of those regretable days he remembered where his computer's on button was. We sincerely apologize for any confusion caused by rampant elected officials.

Ooh look at their crayzee eyes and dodgy beards!

[edit] Anarchist Top-Trumps

Thanks to corporate sponsorship of our education and learning establishments, the only government-sanctioned way to learn about anarchism is by playing Anarchist Top Trumps (available from all good toy stores, colleges, schools and half-price at Walmart).

Thanks to their research, we now know that bearded Frenchie PJ Proudhon was an ardent lover of Kitten Huffing, but couldn't quite cut it in the beardage stakes with his great rival Ba-Ba-Bakunin, lover of the Russian Queen. Now there was a cat that really was gone. Oh, those Russians... Remember in Soviet Russia you do not huff kittens kittens huff you!

[edit] Famous Anarchists

  • Captain Obvious
  • The Grim Reaper
  • System of a Down
  • everybody ( at least those who have their own will) when someone tries to give them orders

[edit] See Also

Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Anarchy"
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