An inquiry into the nature and origin of mental derangement: comprehending a concise system of the physiology and pathology of the human mind and a history of the passions and their effects
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edit Alexander Crichton; A word from an ADHD pioneer
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a disease characterised by a person's inability to focus on something for OMG A KITTY!!! I LOVE KITTIES.
Kitties are adorable creatures aren't they? I remember when I had a kitty as a little child. She was this brown-spotted creature who...oh, wait, I was talking about ADHD, wasn't I? Anyway, most people who suffer from this disorder have difficulty in school. They can't what was that sound? Anyway...THERE'S THE SOUND AGAIN!!!! SOMEBODY WANTS TO BREAK IN!!! I HATE NOISES, NOISES ALWAYS SCARE ME BECAUSE THEY'RE SO LOUD AND HARD TO FIGURE OUT SOMETIMES I'M AFRAID SOMEBODY IS GOING TO HURT ME SOONER OR LATER!!! OK, it's gone. Look at the shiny quarter.
I love shiny things. They always fascinate me. You know what's really shiny? Water. I love water, it's fun to drink. I remember...
I'm off subject again. Let's go back. Damn, I heard Styx is in town. Do you like Styx? Im sailing away, set an open course for the virgin sea Ive got to be free, free to face the life thats ahead of me On board, Im the captain, so climb aboard Well search for tomorrow on every shore And Ill try, oh lord, Ill try to carry on
I look to the sea, reflections in the waves spark my memory Some happy, some sad I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had We live happily forever, so the story goes But somehow we missed out on that pot of gold But well try best that we can to carry on
A gathering of angels appeared above my head They sang to me this song of hope, and this is what they said They said come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me Come sail away, come sail awayCome sail away with me
I thought that they were angels, but to my surprise They climbed aboard their starship and headed for the skies Singing come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me Come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me
Look at that TELEVISION!!! OMG, I LOOOOOVE TV! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT, ESPECIALLY LAW & ORDER, I LOVE THAT SHOW, ESPECIALLY JACK MCCOY. He's a great character.
Do you hear a saxophone?
Oh, I love the saxophone! I could listen to it all day long. I wanna hear more saxophone! SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE!!!!
OK...I'm calm now. ADHD is a severe problem in today's schools, causing children to forget their studies and be distracted by outside forces, causing their school work to lag and...
Do you have a mole? I swear, that is a HUUUUGE sucker!! Anyway, it can prove to be very difficult to get back on track once the subject is distracted. However, medication is available to assist...heh, I said "ass." You know who has a big ass? Jennifer Lopez. I could stare at that thing all day. Yummy....
Oh...along with drug treatment, sometimes a good smack upside the head works (or therapy, whichever one the parent deems necessary). My parents always choose the earlier. My dad used to be a boxer, so it's easy for him to hurt me a little too much. I love boxing. My dad really got me interested in it when I was a kid.
Sorry...most people consider that people with ADHD actually have a higher IQ than most normal people. It's just a matter of getting through to them. That blue shirt is great on you. Once they have been accessed, their wealth of knowledge is apparent to the world...DAMN, that blue shirt looks fantastic. Blue is my favorite color, did you know that? I like blue things. The sky's blue, the oceans are blue, my eyes are blue...blue, blue, blue...
Wait, why am I here again? OH LOOK, A BIRDIE... BIRDIE! BIRDIE! BIRDIE! I LIKE BIRDIES! I remember when...damn it, off subject again. Oh look, the kitty's back!
I'm off subject again... hey look, a bug. BUG! BUG! BUG! BUG! I like bugs. Do you? They are happy and little. LITTLE! LITTLE! LITTLE!
Damn it, oh look it's Oscar Wilde. WILDE! WILDE! WILDE! WILDE! WILDE! I like Oscar Wilde. He is everywhere on Uncyclopedia and he is a cool guy. He is cooler than cool, he also won so many Celebrity Deathmatch fights, I think he won the most. Do you like Celebrity Deathmatch? I do! Oh, crap! Just forget it...
Is that tuna? oh i love tuna. Now that i think about it... tuna, tuna, TUNA, TUNA... sounds weird, how the heck that word is spelled "TUNA"... tuna, tuna, tuna. Tuna are the fishes with really pointy nose right? or are they sword fish... their nose is so pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy POINT... point... point... oh back to the point, what was the point again?
Speaking of point, i remember my female friend have a red point at her underwear, i freaked out!!! You know, at the episode of Walking Dead, i was freaked out. I wonder how it feels to have never changed an underwear.
Wear... wear... wear... HOLY SHIT!!! why am i naked? ... Oh hey, Oscar Wilde is here...
| Article written in the style of its subject|
This article is written in the real or imagined writing style of its subject. If you do not find it funny, it is probably because you are the type who needed this explained to you. If you still do not find the article funny, that is surely because a joke loses its humor when it is explained. The authors sincerely hope that you will pick up your game and laugh without prompting in the future.