An Undisclosed Location
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An Undisclosed Location is a town located in the Appalachian Mountains of northeast Georgia. Historians believe An Undisclosed Location to be the site of Amelia Earhart's plane crash, the hiding place of Jack the Ripper and Dick Cheney, and the former site of the Garden of Eden.
An Undisclosed Location was discovered by pioneer Daniel Boone in 1770. Boone was searching for a pass through the mountains, when he stumbled upon an Indian village in a hidden valley. He found an idyllic utopia, where the land was untouched and the natives lived in perfect harmony. Boone decided to settle the land himself, and proceeded to massacre the defenseless Indians and burn their village to the ground. He went east to find settlers to populate the valley, but was tragically mauled by a bear on his way through the woods. The bear delivered a shattering blow to his head, causing Boone to lose his memory and forget about the valley. An Undisclosed Location faded into obscurity and would not be rediscovered for over a century.
An Undisclosed Location is frequently visited by Vice President Dick Cheney. Since the 9/11 attacks, Dick Cheney has often mysteriously vanished from Washington to visit what he calls "an undisclosed location". It has recently been revealed that the undisclosed location Cheney has spoken of is, in fact, An Undisclosed Location, Georgia. Cheney has been seen holding meetings in An Undisclosed Location with numerous evil-doers from around the world, including Osama Bin Laden, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and Oscar Wilde. Dick Cheney also uses the town as his own personal hunting grounds, where he uses Iraqi prisoners of war as targets to improve his atrocious aim. He usually ends up shooting nearby buildings or bystanders, and has never actually hit one of the war prisoners.
The town of An Undisclosed Location has a very unique culture. There are only fourteen people actually living in it, although the town is huge. It contains the homes of four people, and the rest of the massive town is taken up by the headquarters of every major secret society in the entire world. The residents of the town have opened several gift shops, selling "I've been to An Undisclosed Location" t-shirts, hoping to do business. Bin Laden has reportedly purchased one which he wears around with pride. The town is also notable for its annual clambake festival and its astonishingly high divorce rate. Most people in the town get married and then get divorced in the same ceremony, to save time.
Although the location of the town should technically be "undisclosed," hence the name, in reality the location of An Undisclosed Location is, indeed, disclosed. It is located exactly eighty five miles east of Atlanta, and can be accessed by a highway that is completely lined with strip malls and burger kings. Despite the fact that its location is known, world leaders continue to meet there. However, in recent months it has become increasingly crowded, what with the rapidly increasing amount of secret procedures that the governments of various countries are enacting. "Well, right now we've got about 8 different underground bunkers where different countries are proliferating nuclear weapons," says the mayor of the town, Burt Munchpepper, "plus we have 4 different secret prisons where United States terror detainees are held, a bunker where Al Quaeda operatives meet, a database where the CIA analyzes the E-Mails and Phone Calls of thousands of Americans, and several Russian bunkers where they make poisonous cocktails. This is really causing some mass traffic problems for our main street, and is also starting to tax our sewer system. We'll really have to work hard if we want our town's economy to stay in the black. Plus, we've got so many tourists who come here wanting to take pictures of Bin Laden, Cheney, and Rumsfeld that our gift shops aren't able to meet the massive demands these tourists generate." One proposed solution to this problem would be to found another town, called Another Undisclosed Location, in Louisiana.