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Today's Featured Article - Community

Meet-the-clangers

A community is a collection of humans, thought of as an undifferentiated unit. This means that individual differences of opinion can be denied, disparaged, or dealt with through unactionable campaign promises or Special Limited-Time Offers. Why one should think of humans as an undifferentiated unit is an open question. It works for a herd of grazing cows; they demonstrate all the typical traits of a community. By comparison, if the human world were a community, one would assume the victims of an opera-house massacre would not have scrambled to find the nearest exit.

To understand how a community works, we need to look at the Human Condition: "the characteristics, key events, and situations essential to human existence." Examples are: broadband speed, fashion, drama, perceived individuality and whether a smoker or non-smoker. The Human Condition is very broad (more so in American ballparks), and is pondered and analyzed from perspectives including philosophy, art, sociology, ethnic cleansers, and despots.

As a literary term, "the Human Condition" is typically used in the context of ambiguous subjects, such as what is the right hair color. Once the literature is bought by Hollywood, the Human Condition is subordinate to conditioner, and then hair color including metal-flaking. The Human Condition describes the moral compass heading that keeps the individual from being lost in a crowd professing to have the identical compass heading. A community is a social unit of any size that shares these common values, or at least pretends to in public. (more...)

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*...that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?

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On this day...

May 4: Jedi New Year
  • 321 - The date no one thought would ever happen, finally did.
  • 1367 - King Philo of Wallachia discovers flatulence.
  • 1594 - Dwarf Hunting declared illegal in France.
  • 1904 - USA begins first efforts to curb illegal immigration with groundbreaking of Panama Canal, separating North and South America.
  • 1905 - Weebles wobble.
  • 1924 - Weebles still won't fall down.
  • 1930 - A time-travelling Jimbo Wales accidentally causes the Great Depression.
  • 1939 - Thomas Jefferson ends up being the first president to become a rock star.
  • 1953 - Ernest Hemingway awarded the Pulitzer Prize for his maritime opus, Shark Tale.
  • 1960 - John Prescott wins the first of many pie eating contests.
  • 1961 - Martin Luther King has a dream about going to school naked.
  • 1965 - Tony Blair announces the John Prescott Widening Project in order to increase the amount of pies John Prescott can eat. This reduced his ability to make incomprehensible sentences. Millions rejoice.
  • 1966 - Robin Cook appointed as Cheif Incomprehensible Sentence Maker by the Queen. Millions saddened.
  • 1968 - Robin Williams visits Earth and pals around with Gene Roddenberry and William Shatner. More than 40 years of science fiction hub-bub and techno-crap follow, creating really cool inventions like the transporter and Klingons.
  • 1977 - Star Wars is released with the tag line "May the fourth be with you". The Director was later fired to making up such a ludicrous pun. Douchebag.
  • 1980 - Ronald Reagan loses in a winner-take all paintball tournament sponsored by Jodie Foster.
  • 1986 - Ronald Reagan awakes to a new day, but has no idea why.
  • 2004 - First annual Nigerian Email Writers Convention held.
  • 2005 - The entire country of Portugal secedes and moves to Canada.
  • 2007 - Queen Elizabeth prepares enjoy the Kentuckistan Derby by buying a beer bong.
  • 2009 - Jimmy Carter creates the Anti-Weeble, which never gets up off the floor. This brings chaos to the Weeble-balance and the Weeble Wars begin.

Today's featured picture

Gi-jew-movie

GI Jew: The Movie is a 2006 remake of the classic Torah! Torah! Torah! of 1967 fame. The remake underwent many names before GI Jew was chosen, including Hebrews with Hutzpah and Israel is Real.

Image Credit: RadicalX
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Wotm

WANTED
Name: Bradaphraser (sometimes uses aliases "Bradley" or "Bradafag")
Crimes: hatred of the white peoples of the world, denial of free speech to said peoples, rogue punchlines, and your mother is a whore
Reward for information regarding the accused: Cherry Cake
Contact: prussianblue@yahoo.com


Noobaward

To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.


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