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Today's Featured Article - Bee

Bee on flower

Bees are a special kind of fly with a stinger and a sweet tooth. They are like ants, but can fly around and impale in addition to bite. Despite this, most species of bees are peaceful and only attack their evil foes. Bees often die as a result of their attacks. Thus, a great debate rages amongst biologists as to whether they are leftover World War II kamikaze fighters or modern-day radical Islam jihadists. They all fight for their queen, and anyone opposed to her is considered an infidel and must be slain. Bees should not be confused with hornets, wasps or yellowjackets. Bees are peaceful creatures that are easily offended by the racist idea that they all look alike. They will sting you to death for confusing them with their even more violent cousins. (more...)

Recently featured: Bee

Yesterday's Featured Article - Hillsdale College

Hillsdale College, old

Hillsdale College in Hillsdale, Michigan is a coeducational institution granting degrees including the Doctor of Reaganomics. National Review has called Hillsdale "the conservative Harvard," while

Mother Jones refers to it as "an awful place to smoke dope and get laid." It is notorious for its regularity in poking a curricular finger in the eye of government. Its Division II wrestling team plays in both the Greco-Roman and Judeo-Christian formats. Hillsdale is so God-awfully far from any expressway that going home for the weekend is as tedious as the universally mandated reading of the classics.

Hillsdale was founded as Michigan Boondocks College, as the town of Hillsdale at that point was called Spring Arbor and just as far from civilization as it is today. Hillsdale was pious before piety even became fashionable, its charter prohibiting excluding anyone from anything because of religious opinions, and being equally willing to nag Christians as heathens. Hillsdale was affiliated with the Free will Baptists, as is only Bates College in Maine, and Hillsdale remains the choice of all students who do not want to leave with a resumé listing their "Masters-Bates."

Hillsdale also prohibited race and sex discrimination, admitting African Americans (who weren't called that yet) in 1844, and in 1851 graduating Michigan's first woman student with the Spinster of Arts. In 1856, it became Michigan's largest college, as in that century learning still used to win out over creating new jobs in government. (more...)

Did you know...

*...that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
  • ...that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
  • ...that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
  • ...that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
  • ...that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?

In the news


Recent Second Front Pages: GreeceHillary!UK election

On this day...

October 13: International Paranoia Day
  • 54 - Claudius, Roman Emperor (b. 10 BC) is assassinated by the C.I.A. Historians say this is impossible because the C.I.A. wasn't in existence yet... which is exactly what the C.I.A. would like to have you believe.
  • 1792 - Cornerstone laid for the White House. Who lays stones? Masons. What organization did the masons start? Freemasons. Do I need to spell the rest out for you people?
  • 1835 - Nothing of historical significance happened on this day in history... or so the Illuminati would have us believe.
  • 1937 - Aviation pioneer Igor Sikorsky has a bunch of unpainted helicopters sitting around his factory, and gets a deal on 5000 gallons of black paint. The Black Helicopter is invented. You'd have to be pretty naive to think this was just a lucky coincidence.
  • 1939 - Nothing happened in Germany! We were all on vacation! ALLE NATIONEN WERDEN SICH VOR DEUTSCHLAND VERBEUGEN!!!
  • 1947 - Nothing happens at Roswell (wink wink).
  • 1949 - First meeting of the Trilateral Commission... or is it?
  • 1955 - The. U.S. Government does not begin top secret operations at Area 51 (wink wink).
  • 1968 - NASA works feverishly to build the sets for the 1969 "moon landings".
  • 1974 - TV personality Ed Sullivan passes away due to "natural causes". And just like that, the Jews are one step closer to global domination.
  • 2000 - Preparations for the 9-11 attacks are begun by agents of the United Nations, the Jews, the CIA, and the Vatican.
  • 2012 - Nothing apocalyptic will happen... or will it?

Today's featured picture


"Who's Afwaid of a Widdle Apokowips?"

Image Credit: Modusoperandi
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Name: Bradaphraser (sometimes uses aliases "Bradley" or "Bradafag")
Crimes: hatred of the white peoples of the world, denial of free speech to said peoples, rogue punchlines, and your mother is a whore
Reward for information regarding the accused: Cherry Cake


To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.

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