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Today's Featured Article - Osmosis Jones

Ozzyndrix

Osmosis Jones is a 2001 American live-action/animated buddy cop comedy film with decent animated scenes directed by Tom Sito and Piet Kroon and horrendous live-action scenes directed by the Farrelly Brothers (though the commercials, end credits, and Amazon.com product descriptions outright lie to you and claim the Farrellys were the movie's "main" directors). It centers on Osmosis "Ozzy" Jones, an African-American white blood cell cop who complains that germs are trying to oppress him with viruses and infections, and Drix, a whitebread cold pill straight outta the FDA who is no match for Ozzy's utter hipness and spleenwise attitude. The two must break down the racial cell walls and prevent seductive virus Thrax from killing their host body — slovenly zookeeper and deadbeat dad Frank Detorre — within forty-eight hours. Ultimately, Jones is caught in an intimate triad, and must decide between his best friend Drix, Big Daddy Thrax, and Mayor Shatner's curvaceous secretary Leah.

Osmosis Jones was met with mixed reviews, with critics praising the fun and educational animated portions but criticizing the live-action portions, their degradation of national treasure Bill Murray, and their use of sub-Will Ferrell gross-out humor featuring exploding zits. The film was the second in a string of financial failures by Warner Bros. Feature Animation, hoping to find success at the antipode to The Iron Giant, though it certainly wouldn't be their last multi-million-dollar mistake as Warner continued to struggle with long-term illness and creative decisions indicative of degenerative brain damage from late-stage Rabbititis. (more...)

Recently featured: Osmosis Jones

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Did you know...

*...that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
  • ...that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
  • ...that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
  • ...that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?

In the news

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On this day...

January 19: Porn day
Braile

Porn in Braille

  • 7,998,824 BC - Monkeys evolve opposable thumbs
  • 7,998,824 BC - Monkeys start to "spank the monkey"
  • 3000 BC - Egyptians invent papyrus.
  • 2999 BC - First pornographic papyrus, featuring Nefertiti. Men say they "just read it for the hieroglyphs".
  • 1450 - Gutenberg invents printing press, prints Gutenberg Bible
  • 1450 - Gutenberg invents a printing press capable of printing centerfolds
  • 1850 - Man invents photography
  • 1850 - First pornographic pictures.
  • 1953 - First Playboy, featuring Marilyn Monroe
  • 1953 - World suffers from a crippling shortage of hand lotion
  • 1970 - Presidential Commission on Obscenity and Pornography is convened to look into social effects of porn. After six straight weeks of reviewing pornographic materials, the members of the commission say they have come to no conclusions, and ask for six more months to study the issue.
  • 1971 - Man invents videos
  • 1971 - Man invents porn videos
  • 1971 - First porn video director becomes millionaire
  • 1982 - DARPA, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, begins research into a network that will allow porn to be transmitted even in the event of a nuclear attack. This network, ARPANET, is the precursor of the internet.
  • 1994 - Man invents world wide web
  • 1994 - Man invents porn web site
  • 1994 - First porn web site reaches 100 million hits. This is particularly impressive when you consider that only 5,000 people had web browsers at the time.
  • 2010 - Ugh that's better.
  • 2015 - The last male yak porn star dies and the month is renamed after his last partner.

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WANTED
Name: Bradaphraser (sometimes uses aliases "Bradley" or "Bradafag")
Crimes: hatred of the white peoples of the world, denial of free speech to said peoples, rogue punchlines, and your mother is a whore
Reward for information regarding the accused: Cherry Cake
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Noobaward

To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.


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