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Today's featured propaganda

Today's Featured Article - Trujillo, Peru

Paseo Bizarro

Trujillo is a large city of Peru on the coast of the Pacific Ocean. It is a half day's drive north of the capital of Lima on the Panamerican Highway — even more, if the tourist either slows down to crawl through the roundabouts at the posted 10 kph, or does not but pulls over for the ritual traffic stop and check for paperwork. If hours of flat stretches of road with ocean views on the left and Andean foothills on the right induces sleep, the commute could take eternity. Car tourists from Ecuador find ocean views on the right and Andean foothills on the left to be just as sleep-inducing.

The northern city is just south of one million residents. Reaching that landmark is a decades-old municipal goal and the subject of a current regional campaign. The key to increasing the birth rate is to seed nearby oceanfront beaches with comely white beachcombers. As well as being the capital of the region of La Libertad, Trujillo has the distinction of having the most nicknames of any Peruvian metropolis. Its best-known nickname is Peru's Second City. The only reason for this nickname is to piss off Arequipa, whose residents think they are the best at everything and grudgingly accepted "Second City" only after finding out that Lima is the national capital although Arequipa should have been.

But enough about Arequipa. Trujillo is located on the banks of the Moche River — a pretty fine river, though lacking the soap suds that make the Rimac the nation's favorite water park. Trujillo is far away from any frontier, and was designated Meritorious City and Faithful to the Fatherland in 1822 by the Peruvian Congress, never once quitting Peru and joining Chile, to which it is nowhere near, or even Ecuador, which no one wants to be in anyway. Lima, by comparison, is much closer to Chile, and gets even closer whenever there is a war, often sneaking across the border until reinforcements arrive. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Did you know...

*...that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
  • ...that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
  • ...that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
  • ...that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
  • ...that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"

In the news

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Recent Second Front Pages: GreeceHillary!UK election

On this day...

May 28: International Celebration of Belly Button Lint
  • A Long Time Ago - Satan was born
  • 1515 - Marco Polo discovers Belly Button Lint during his travel to China.
  • 1516 - Marco Polo returns to Italy with several tons of belly button lint.
  • 1590 - Doubts arise about the true origins of Marco Polo's belly button lint.
  • 1781 - Hip Hop is forbidden by Pope B.J. IV. The prohibition lasts until 1998; it's ending triggers the renaissance of hip hop.
  • 1854 - Pasteur discovers a method to identify belly button lint, but he is murdered by Marco Polo heirs who want to keep the Marco Polo Monopoly on Belly Button Lint.
  • 1855 - Angry Pasteur followers march to Italy seeking for revenge, ravaging the city, raving mad.
  • 1919 - The ravaging of Rome rivets to its rear rammings.
  • 1953 - Dupont synthetizes belly button lint for the first time, product sales go sky high.
  • 1979 - First Sighting of the extremely rare belly button lint & tumbleweed crossbreed is sighted by an old man in a ghost town, he falls asleep shortly after.
  • 1984 - Belly Button Lint damages space shuttle controls, leaving the ship marooned in space.
  • 1999 - Customer at the Grease Hut discovers a lump of belly button lint in his soup. He leaves extremely satisfied.
  • 2004 - Iraq acknowledges having huge amounts of belly button lint hidden in secret silos.
  • 2005 - China sues Italy for reparations for belly button lint allegedly plundered by "imperialist capitalist pig dogs" in the Middle Ages. Italian courts deny all knowledge of these so-called "Middle Ages."
  • 2005 - Transformers land on Earth, dance to Weird Al Yankovic and introduce the phrase Bah Weep Graaagnah Wheep Ni Ni Bong to Americans, and leave later that day to make way for Akira
  • 2007 - Canada officially changes name to America Junior to avoid a belly button lint war.
  • 2008 - Where's Waldo? is first published mistakenly by Martin Handford
  • Two Thousand and Twenty Six - IB Maths Students rebel, take over the world and ban the use of numbers in digit form in order to save the lives of future Students.
  • Two Thousand and Twenty Seven - IB Maths rebels are awarded Nobel Peace Prize for saving the lives of countless IB students.

Today's featured picture

Chainsawcharge

Artist representation of the famous Charge of the Chainsaw Brigade, a pivotal moment on the road to victory which demonstrated the wisdom of bringing Canadian lumberjacks into the war.

Image Credit: Asahatter
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Wotm

WANTED
Name: Bradaphraser (sometimes uses aliases "Bradley" or "Bradafag")
Crimes: hatred of the white peoples of the world, denial of free speech to said peoples, rogue punchlines, and your mother is a whore
Reward for information regarding the accused: Cherry Cake
Contact: prussianblue@yahoo.com


Noobaward

To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.


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