Amy Tan

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04-p24-Tan-Amy.jpg

Amy Tan, pondering over her next victim...

Amy Tan (born February 19, 1952) is an American writer and quite an interesting fellow.

edit Her Friend, Harper Lee

She and her long time friend, Harper Lee, created their legendary "chinese shrinking ray," used to shrink penises. Though Harper is credited with the success, it was Amy who came up with the original idea. Together, they would go up to random individuals and say, "Ha! I'll shrink you with my Chinese shrinking ray!". This never failed to scare anyone away, excluding Micheal Jackson.

edit The "Joy Luck Club"

Harper and Amy created the "Joy Luck Club" where they would both go and shrink as many people as they could, while playing mahjong. Amy was the undisputed champion most of the time.

edit The Shrinkage of Harper Lee

Amy was still mad that Harper Lee was credited with the Chinese shrinking ray, and one day, decided to shrink her during a "Joy Luck Club" meeting. Harper was devastated and fled to an unknown location. This is thought to be the reason why she did not write any more books, for she was afraid to face the press. Only until recently did Harper grow to her original height.

edit The Chinese Feud

Amy Tan and Harper Lee became grave enemies after the shrinking incident. Amy refused to apologize until Harper gave her credit for the shrinking ray. This became known as "The Chinese Feud", and both individuals carried a Chinese shrinking ray around at all times, just in case.

edit Amy's Novel

After her life changing experiences in the "Joy Luck Club" and her feud with Harper, Amy wrote "The Joy Luck Club", a novel based on her experiences with Harper.

The novel was soon banned for its profanity, because the Amy based character would repeatedly curse off the Harper based character, setting a bad example for children.

An excerpt from the novel: "You f***ing b***h! Get out of this f***ing roon before I chop your head off!" (*= bleeped out for the sake of the children)

Amy was ashamed at her failure and hung her head down in shame.


edit Where Amy is Now...

Amy Tan still carries her good ol' shrinking ray around in case Harper aproaches her, or if she hears insults about her novel.

10,000 people have claimed to be shrunken by Amy Tan to this day.

“One attractive, er um.. woman?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Amy Tan

edit Amy Lee and Harper Tan

In a strange and mysterious event, that has something to do with a strange ray, Amy Tan and Harper Lee merged into Harperamy Tanlee, they were able to split up again using some kind of magic and witchcraft involved diamond. But there were some side-effects; this diamond had a special feature which in this case produced Amy Lee and Harper Tan. This Amy Lee was very similar to Amy Lee. Amy Lee joined Evanescence which at that time was using a robot duplicate of Amy Lee. The robot was dumped and later appeared often on hardcore porn videos. The new Amy Lee could write songtexts on her own so there was no need for Ben Moody to continue his career in the band. The first album from Evanescence with the new Amy Lee was called The Open Door, which is a reference to the open door of the government building where that diamond was kept. The new music was different from the old, some claim this music to be better, others say they're equally good. Of course it is known that Amy Lee never was an actual part of Evanescence, but she was kidnapped so they could make a robot duplicate, later she escaped using her divine voice. What became of Harper Tan is unknown. Meh, who cares?

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