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“I feel sorry for those morons who got stuck judging that show.”
“My bra-therr till thee end ovv ta-i-me...”
American Idol is a highly controversial American television program created by Al Qaeda in order to dumb down the American public and turn them into mindless zombies. Watching one full season of the show is known to reduce a person's IQ by about 14.286%, but increase penis size by 3 inches per minute.
American Idol is divided into seasons for each year, repeating every fifth year. Each year is represented by a season, reflecting how minimally successful it was in reaping a new deity from the ranks of the plebeians. The next season will take place in the newly American-Idol created fifth season between Winter and Spring, Spinter. Also, American Idol is a program that will make the little orphans cry, this was intended in its design.
Season I: Rainbows in daisy meadow
American Idolatry first starts out. The title is soon shortened so that nobody in positions of power will care. Despite this change, it hypnotises viewers and receives high ratings. Unfortunately, it is not in recorded history who won that year. Currently, archaeologist are studying From Justin to Kelly for the answer. Archaeologist Brian Dinkleman finally deciphered that William Hung won.
Season II: Summer of the Living Dead
At the beginning, Fat Albert captured and ate all the other contestents.
It was a close battle for the winner's spot between Gay Claiken and Fat Albert. In the finals, Fat Albert won when all the other contestents in his stomach san along with him, creating a perfect voice. After he won, all the eaten bodies came out of him and started a gang called The Living Dead.
Season III: Ripping off Pop Idol!
In an odd turn of events, a Mickey Mouse movie won (Fantasia), not an actual person. Runner-up Diana DeGarmo had this to say:
"What? I was on TV?"
Season IV: So you think you can dance? Wait.. I mean sing!
America voted. And America chose Diana Ross, but the producers of the show felt Carrie Underwood was a lot cuter. And blonde and slim, so obviously she was one to be idolised. Carrie went on to have a very successful country recording career, while other contestant Bo Bice would become a real estate agent for the trailer park community.
Season V: Apocalypse
The main frontrunner throughout the entire show, Kevin Covais, was voted off much to the dismay of the viewers. He went on to beat out Gay Claiken as the most successful non-winner of the show, selling over forty-three bajillion albums in twenty minutes.
The winner of the show, however, Taylor Hicks, was a paraplegic OCD manic depressed Tourette's-syndrome-y HIV Positive person. His CD totally flopped and is really boring. Trust me, it is. The runner-up, Katharine McPhee, has been more successful with singles in the U.S. and is totally bangable. Katharine is going to be playing Hello Kitty! in the upcoming Hello Kitty! movie and invented the internet and later invented the modern computer.
Season VI: Return of the Jedi
Sanjaya Malakar was a young kid with minimal singing capability, giving him the edge as the most talented contestant. To the dismay of millions of little girls, he was eventually given to boot. Despite being voted off, he went on to become a successful hair stylist.
Melinda Doolittle, another frontrunner, was from New New New York, Jupiter where she often spent her time doing the robot, doing the robot, and doing the robot. She.... is a robot. She is a known Communist transsexual scientologist who is the sister of Fidel Castro, and she has openly called for the impeachment of President Britney Spears.
Blake Lewis, a gay paedophile from the state of George Washington, had Tourette's syndrome which was mistaken as beatboxing.
The winner of the season was Jordin Sparks, a lesbian aborted Jewish Bitch.
Season VII: I-Robots
Starting on a plane, the top 12 finalist crashes into a mysterious island and natives are killed by the impact of the crash. Later the The Judges starts to find replacements and ends up using robot look-a-likes. On the robots first performance, the place turns into chaos and the I-Robots start mudering fans. Finally, with the help of the native people, the original top 12 returns to save the day.
The runner up was David Archuleta, a 17 year old who was caught on tape in Kelly Clarkson's hotel room in 2002 when he was only 12 (available on youtube for your viewing pleasure). It is said that Miss Clarkson had nothing to do with the success he had on Idol.
Syesha Mercado is a screaming boring minority that somehow made it to the Top 3. After the inevitable nuclear war and the ensuing winter, there will only be cockroaches and Syesha.
Season VIII: Medium Seeker
- Sanjaya came back and was more powerful jedi than before. he defeated Randy the Hutt but Darth Cowell hacked off his right hand (the part of Sanjaya with any talent.) Sanajaya then spirals into drug use thus allowing evil to win...by allowing nick mitchell to win.
Tatiana Del Toro, an oversized fat contestant who laughs like a witch decided she could win this season by seeking a medium to predit her future in American Idol. The medium predicted she would make it to the top 10. In addition, Paula gave her a jewel which made her turn into a witch. She was knocked out of the compitition in a Wild Donkey show in which Matt Giraffe knocked her out of the compitition by making her sing with a rat down her throat.
Later on in the compitition, Tatiana Del Toro was cauht introducing the medium seeker to Adam Lambird. He would from then on scream at the end of each song like he was having a terrible nightmare.
The show was cancelled when Paula Abdul ate all the other judges and the contestants. She was arrested for being really ugly, fat, and drunk.