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Today's Least Interesting ArticleToday's Featured Article - Thunderstorm of 1976
The Thunderstorm of 1976 was the largest torrential downpour of precipitation I have ever witnessed in my life. I also kicked its ass. It lasted approximately four hours over Kansas City, Missouri. It was determined to flood the entire Midwest and drown every carbon-based lifeform within Kansas City, and it would have done exactly that if not for my efforts to utterly destroy it. Oh God, where do I even start. Well, I was sitting at home watching the Royals/Yankees game with Ernesto, our home's gardener. All of a sudden, from outside, I hear, "FFFFFAFFFGHGHGHGAAAFFAAANG'HNNNNGAIUSJULIUSCEASAR NNNNN AAAAAAA ANNNAANAAAAA" Having an experienced ear, I knew it was the sound of fat water droplets descending from the sky and landing upon my roof (also, someone saying "Julius Caesar"). I quickly changed stations to the local news. They were warning everyone to stay inside. Right about this time my wife walked in. She shouts, "Oh Jon, you big, sexy, well-endowed epitome of man! What are we going to do?!" I simply looked at her, giving her that look of, "Shut up woman, get on my horse." (more...) Recently featured: UnNews:Surprise winner of Masters Golf Tournament cries "Ow!" - Asexuality - Next Year's Australian Grand Prix - UnBooks:Tropic of Cancer - UnNews:Bomb bomb bomb – bomb bomb McCain - Reverse Holocaust
Yesterday's Featured Article - UnNews:Surprise winner of Masters Golf Tournament cries "Ow!"
Augusta, GEORGIA - The world is fast beating a path to the door of little 6-year-old Charlize Niacin, who came from ten strokes behind in the final round to win the 76th Masters Golf Tournament. With the tournament seemingly out-of-reach of the young girl - who the Augusta National Golf Club invited to play to placate protest groups clamoring for women and children to participate in the traditionally male-only adult-dominated event - Chalize started to use her driver like a croquet mallet and began slamming the ball down the fairway in a frightening display of power and child's play. "Unbelievable, unbelievable, it's throw me under a bus and step on the gas unbelievable," cried commentator Jim Nantz, "I've never seen anything like this in my life and I've seen women raped by alligators. Unbelievable!" "These new drivers are so big," Charlize explained after shooting a record 59 in the final round, "that all you have to do is point them at something, close your eyes, make a wish, and then Bam! Do you want to see my horsey?" (more...) If you vote for your favorite articles to be featured, we will kill you. More of the worst of Uncyclopedia The futureMay 22: Sit Around and Watch Old Movies Day
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