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God has inspired us to demolish 31,427 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.


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Today's Least Interesting Article

Today's Featured Article - Accident

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An accident is an undesirable event that could have been prevented with planning, intelligent management of circumstances, and swift action.

Scientists who study unintentional injury avoid using the term "accident" (in favour of the more precise terms "mishap" or "cock-up") and focus on factors that increase risk of severe injury and that reduce injury incidence and severity. This does not seriously reduce the incidence of accidents ("Don't Kill the Job!") but makes accidents more pleasant.

Accidents can be serious, like choking to death on a chicken nugget, or funny, like the accidental deployment of an air-bag when your car hits a speed bump. Accidents can be a trigger for new think tanks, new laws and new inventions, such as triply reinforced Depends. Accidents are also a good reminder that, despite the rhetoric, humans are, and will always be, stratospherically dumb.

Physical accidents include motor vehicle collisions, falls, touching something sharp/hot/electrical, ingesting poison, or having a deleted email from Hillary Clinton. (more...)

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More of the worst of Uncyclopedia


The future

September 1: Christmas Shopping Season Starts

  • 13 CE - Jesus becomes the first athiest after killing God and being told that Santa isn't real.
  • 1914 - The last passenger pigeon dies in captivity in the Cincinnati Zoo. The taxi pigeon and the bus pigeon promptly file for bankruptcy.
  • 1939 - Adolf Hitler plays a dirty trick on Poland.
  • 1982 - Lovers of Chocolate enjoy life. Chocolate Related Disease increases.
  • 1986 - Santa has a gift for you in his pocket ...
  • 1989 - Wendys begins to serve fairies to the masses. They are quickly determined "too salty" and discontinued.
  • 1990 - The single lightbulb inside of the Grease Hut begins to flicker periodically. This the extent of the restaurant's Christmas decorations.
  • 1992 - The first NFL game of a new era: The England Patriots at the The Dubai Colts (Attendance: 111,223). Emperor George Bush Sr. is angered that all the American sports teams (not basketball) left America for Bill Clinton's Eurasia.
  • 1994 - The United Nations pass a resolution to prevent the Christmas shopping season from starting prior to the 1st of September. Retailers declare war on UN.
  • 1995 - You killed a monkey at the zoo with poisoned bananas then you laughed uncontrollably. How dare you.
  • 1995 - A midget was stolen from the North Pole and raised as an Australian.
  • 1996 - Gobber the mathemagician convinces millions that 2+2 does actually equal five.
  • 2003 - Bill Gates buys the Andromeda galaxy for his wife and Alpha Centauri for his son.
  • 2004 - It is proven that penguins are the smartest creatures in the universe, but the paperwork proving this got used to mop up some spilt coffee and they couldn't be bothered to print it out again.
  • 2007 - Halls are decked early this year to the dismay of masons everywhere.


More predictions

In the olds

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Second Front Pages: BrexitHillary!UK 2015 electionGreece


More Historical Events at UnHistory History


You shouldn't know...

For Uncyclopedia's favorite candy:

  • ...that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?


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