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Today's featured article

Classical Satire is, like most of us already know, the true and heterogeneous form of any actual humour - to the extent of getting slightly disinteresting, even boring at times. This might seem contradictory, since the aim of humour is to entertain - but in the bygone days, before 2008, there used to be different views. Satirical content and the simultaneous lack thereof creates controversy of such homeric proportions that no attempt has ever been made to clear the issue.

This study aims only to clarify the most salient points. Its purpose is not to try converting any of our humoristic axioms into a thing understandable in the latter part of the 21st century - we will never be mature enough for that - but to clarify the most salient points. Those tuned in for what actually is funny should ignore the article in its entirety: mens sana in corpore is not what gives our truths the complexity they deserve. Is satire, after all, just a myth - and is classical satire, therefore, a classical myth? That is what cannot be told for certain. What we do know is that the myth-makers of the satire industry - Voltaire, Swift, Oliver Stone and Milton to name just a few - have been pretty busy trying to convince us that some of it existed before the year 1924. Talk about feathering your own nest. (more...)

Yesterday's featured article

Don't you know how important today is?!? What do you mean, what happened today?!? Today is a day that will live on in infamy! Don't you know what infamy means? It means you fucking remember! I mean, I would have expected this from one of those god damned liberals, but not you!

Everytime I see one of them towel-headed...

...sand-niggers, I remember! I always sit there wondering, "What kinda bomb is this sand-nigger gonna blow me up with today?", because that's what sand-niggers do, they blow you up! So I go up to him, and go all like "I dunno what you're doin' here, sand-nigger, but we here folk don't like bein' blown up, so why don't you just saddle up and head outta town! We don't like your kind 'round here!" Try and apply for a job at the corner store, will he? I sure showed him...

Everytime I watch one of those liberal pansy-assed...

...news channels, I remember! I watch one of them there pansies, sittin' there in their fancy elitist suits, at their fancy elitist desks, reading their fancy elitist teleprompters, tellin' me how "President" Osama is gonna be pulling troops out of I-Rack, so I shout at him "Don't you remember?!? We need to find those dirty sand-niggers who did it! Oh Lord, he's one of them sand-niggers himself!" (More...)

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The future

December 22: Female Awareness Day, International Orgasm Day

• 600 BC - YHWH creates woman - twice
• 0000 - The Blessed Mother Mary's contractions begin
• 1000 - Spaghetti Monster creates sex.
• 1231 - God creates Vaginal cancer to spite Spaghetti Monster.
• 1337 - Counter-Strike is invented
• 1589 - Japan announces the release of the Hello Kitty Vibrator.
• 1666 - Manhattan is sold to the Knicks for 24 virgins, an extreme rarity in the area. They immediately re-sell it to Donald Trump.
• 1923 - LSD is first manufactured, diarrhea of epic solar proportions ensues.
• 1933 - William Butler Yeats is found dead in a bear cage at the local zoo.
• 1954 - Film Actors Guild (FAG) is founded
• 1974 - Gay men blame women for AIDS.
• 1989 - The end of the world as we know it. Surprisingly, most people are either indifferent or quite fine about the whole thing.
• 1989 - Pixies send Monkeys to Heaven, Anthony gives Cleopatra a crate of brown ale.
• 1991 - Man loses his religion, but later finds he left it in the corner, silly man.
• 2005 - Pussy flavored ice cream invented.
• 2006 - World peace declared.
• 2007 - England nukes Wales. Nobody cares.

• 3434 - Vin Diesel is cloned from one of his last remaining pubic hairs, discovered in Margaret Thatcher's vagina.

More predictions

In the olds

• Living creatures are very bad for other living creatures.
• England and France having Chunnel trouble.

• Jedi mourn loss of franchise income.

• Former President Bill Cosby bombs Disney World, kills millions

• Americans experiencing bullshit fatigue

• A Former gay-hater comes out himself as gay. (Pictured)

• Taliban awards contract to Halliburton .

• Conservapedia news staff uncover evil cloning conspiracy.

• UKs most dangerous enemy: the Gays

• The Queen of England starts packing heat.

• Another religious demonstration for no coherent reason.

• A Meme is born; Monkey Fuck Ridiculous.

• Scientist "Gobsmacked": intelligence of cephalopods previously underestimated.

• Berlusconi undergoes facial surgery. Likely to look ten years younger.

• Roger Federer goes into hiding and stops shaving.

More Historical Events at UnHistory History

You shouldn't know...

For Uncyclopedia's favorite candy:

• ...that Styrofoam is a slightly edible fruit which is produced in overwhelming quantities from nothing at all?

Eet Mor Chikin

Early articles

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Deleter and Dino of the Day

Aboard the starship Event Horizon. Two men face each other for the last time. One of them, Miller, is trying his best to keep his last grains of sanity, quickly slipping away, while staring into the horror that is his adversary. Miller: What are you? Adversary: You know. Miller: You want me to believe you're the Devil, well, I don't, that's bullshit! Adversary: I'm not the Devil. Miller: Then what, what are you? Tell me... Adversary: Better if I just show you. His hands reach down and he grabs Miller by the skull. Miller gasps as he sees a series of snapshots... A news desk coffee stains, an old battered microphone, a bearded hulk, dirt under the rollers Miller: NO!!!! Adversary: I'm not the Devil. I'm much, much older. I watched the Beginning and I will see the End. I am the dark behind the stars. I am the dark inside you all. I am Zim_ulator Miller: NO!!!!!!! Zim_ulator: I'm not asking you to believe me. You'll see for yourself... and so will the rest of your Uncyclopedians. I'm going now to the other side, AND YOU'RE ALL COMING WITH ME!

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