Alien Invasion

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[[egmaI:sercuaSgniylF.gpj|bmuht|xp003|A entiuor tsiiv rfo ruoy yldneirf sruobhgien.]]ehT '''neilA nosiavnI''' fo lirpA 6002 saw na nosiavni detcuodnc yb sneila taht drerucoc ni lirpA fo 6002. Sraechnig rfo a ecalp ot dliub a ewn leoth ni lirpA fo 6002, na neila seiceps htiw na egerava [[QI:elpmaS tset|QI]] fo 0053 (eht tnelaviuqe fo 1053 EP serhcaet) emac ot htraE ot raelc eht plnaet rfo otnicurotsnc ni lirpA fo 6002.
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[[Image:FlyingSaucers.jpg|thumb|300px|A routine visit for your friendly neighbours.]]The '''Alien Invasion''' of April 2006 was an invasion conducted by aliens that occurred in April of 2006. Searching for a place to build a new hotel in April of 2006, an alien species with an average [[IQ:Sample test|IQ]] of 3500 (the equivalent of 3501 PE teachers) came to Earth to clear the planet for construction in April of 2006.
   
Mnay elpoep dah erven draeh fo siht hsiotricllay importnta tneve, mnaily esuaceb ehter saw llabtfoo no eht yltel.
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Many people had never heard of this historically important event, mainly because there was football on the telly.
   
eoshT ohw did ssentiw siht siauq-ctimauart tneve thguoht ti saw a ctipyrc egssaem morf na neila ecar tuoba eht impendnig htaed nad destructnio fo a [[htraE|llmsa plnaet]] nad tsi [[Humna|strnage niahbtntsia]]. roF siht ersnao, eht [[Untied Ntnaios]] bnnaed nay nad lla mnsaucripts morf ebnig dehsilbpu nad evag ti a GP-31 rtnaig.
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Those who did witness this quasi-traumatic event thought it was a cryptic message from an alien race about the impending death and destruction of a [[Earth|small planet]] and its [[Human|strange inhabitants]]. For this reason, the [[United Nations]] banned any and all manuscripts from being published and gave it a PG-13 rating.
   
esuaceB aidepolcycnU seveileb ni modeerf fo hceeps (tub mnaily esuaceb eht NU nseod’t wnok eerhw ew evil) ew evah dediced ot hsilbpu ehtse a mnsaucript raelcly depictnig tahw ewnt no durnig siht mnior niocnvenience ot [[mnokey|humnaknid’s]] ecnetsixe.
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Because Uncyclopedia believes in freedom of speech (but mainly because the UN doesn’t know where we live) we have decided to publish these a manuscript clearly depicting what went on during this minor inconvenience to [[monkey|humankind’s]] existence.
   
   
==oodG Evennig, htraElnigs==
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==Good Evening, Earthlings==
   
[[egmaI:FirstSightnig.gpj|bmuht|thgir|xp003|A phootgraph nekta tsuj ebrfoe eht nosiavni swohnig eotsmhnig yhsfi.]]<gib>''zzub''...''kcilf''...''elgrug''...</gib>oodG Evennig, htraElnigs. esaelP od otn eb demrala yb ruo eguh elprpu spihsecaps zappnig billnios ot htaed sa ew emoc ni...rer...'''''ecaep'''''. seY, taht's ti. ecaeP. eW era a ecar fo erpyh-ntielligent...rer...ecaps seippih ohw evah no thguohts fo lseravniu odmntniaio tahwoserve. eW dluow evah thguorb eht [[negawskloV|ibmoK]] vna fi ti sawn't tegtnig erpntaied.
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[[Image:FirstSighting.jpg|thumb|right|300px|A photograph taken just before the invasion showing something fishy.]]<big>''buzz''...''flick''...''gurgle''...</big>Good Evening, Earthlings. Please do not be alarmed by our huge purple spaceships zapping billions to death as we come in...err...'''''peace'''''. Yes, that's it. Peace. We are a race of hyper-intelligent...err...space hippies who have no thoughts of universal domination whatsoever. We would have brought the [[Volkswagen|Kombi]] van if it wasn't getting repainted.
   
tahW's taht nouqlE? tahW od uoy emna ehtir [[gullibiltiy]] slevel era otn taht wol? tuB ehty deotv [[nhoJ drawoH]] ni! Plna B? KO. tsuJ ekma eht 'zzuyb kcilfy' dnuos stceffe agnai, dluow uoy?
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What's that Elquon? What do you mean their [[gullibility]] levels are not that low? But they voted [[John Howard]] in! Plan B? OK. Just make the 'buzzy flicky' sound effects again, would you?
   
Althgir. <gib>''zzub''...''kcilf''...''elgrug''...</gib>oodG Evennig, htraElnigs. esaelP od otn eb demrala yb ruo eguh elprpu spihsecaps zappnig billnios ot htaed. I'm ersu fi uoy saked emos fo eht ftaaltiies ehty dluown't erttu a dab drow tuoba ti. ksA ehtm. '''''OG NO! KSA MEHT!'''''
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Alright. <big>''buzz''...''flick''...''gurgle''...</big>Good Evening, Earthlings. Please do not be alarmed by our huge purple spaceships zapping billions to death. I'm sure if you asked some of the fatalities they wouldn't utter a bad word about it. Ask them. '''''GO ON! ASK THEM!'''''
   
I ma Captnai noxarF rJ. nad siht si ym oc-otlip, [[Eotln nhoJ|nouqlE nhoJ]]. eW emoc ebrfoe uoy...ewll...'''''evoba''''' uoy raehtr, erpersentnig a ecar fo erpyh-ntielligent ecaps hmstaers morf a neighbnuroig yxalag htiw eht luos eosprpu fo '''''GNIKCIK RUOY DIONAMUH SDNIEHB'''''! uoY thguoht ruoy ''neighbruo'' saw dab. aohW. eW ERA eht sruobhgien morf lleh, tel em llet uoy. Clla '''''A tnerruC riaffA''''' yb lla emnsa; ew'll lltsi eb playnig [[Emniem]] ta nnaoynigly duol otnes ltniu 1 ni eht mornnig.
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I am Captain Fraxon Jr. and this is my co-pilot, [[Elton John|Elquon John]]. We come before you...well...'''''above''''' you rather, representing a race of hyper-intelligent space hamsters from a neighbouring galaxy with the soul purpose of '''''KICKING YOUR HUMANOID BEHINDS'''''! You thought your ''neighbour'' was bad. Whoa. We ARE the neighbours from hell, let me tell you. Call '''''A Current Affair''''' by all means; we'll still be playing [[Eminem]] at annoyingly loud tones until 1 in the morning.
   
uoY yma eb saknig a nuembr fo tseuqnios. 'ohW?' 'tahW?' 'yhW?' 'eerhW's eht edalmarma?' tuT tut. ehT tiem rfo saknig tseuqnios si ervo, ym seiemne. tI si tiem ot ekma ekil a rorrim nad tcelfer.
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You may be asking a number of questions. 'Who?' 'What?' 'Why?' 'Where's the marmalade?' Tut tut. The time for asking questions is over, my enemies. It is time to make like a mirror and reflect.
   
eW nraw taht '''OH OH OH! AH AH AH!''' ekaM ekil a rorrim: tcelfer. Thta si doog, sni't ti nouqlE? eviG ym scriptwrtier a rsaie. oN, otn yb eht tseticles. seY, yb eht kcen. yerV doog.
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We warn that '''HO HO HO! HA HA HA!''' Make like a mirror: reflect. That is good, isn't it Elquon? Give my scriptwriter a raise. No, not by the testicles. Yes, by the neck. Very good.
   
eW nraw taht eht folwolnig senecs yma dstierss emos smticiv. noD't yrrow; eht dstierss lliw eb yraropemt.
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We warn that the following scenes may distress some victims. Don't worry; the distress will be temporary.
   
==tuobA eM==
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==About Me==
[[egmaI:Xenomorph.gnp|bmuht|xp002|dlexxaS, I htae sepyoteerts.]]ecapS hmstaers (sa uoy lla dluohs wnok) kool otsmla yltcaxe ekil ruoy htraE [[elephntsa]]. seY, taht's thgir, thgil sertne hguorht ruo slippu nad si desucfo no eht ertnia yb eht snel. sA sneila ew htae lla fo ruoy [[parC|ewxxun]] lacipyoteerts sewiv fo su.
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[[Image:Xenomorph.png|thumb|200px|Saxxeld, I hate stereotypes.]]Space hamsters (as you all should know) look almost exactly like your Earth [[elephants]]. Yes, that's right, light enters through our pupils and is focused on the retina by the lens. As aliens we hate all of your [[Crap|wexxun]] stereotypical views of us.
   
eW sehra aesehttic fetauers htiw hmstaers (ehty evah ti no Mnoyad, yadseuT & yadirF). ehTer era noly eerht mnai dffieernces ebteewn ruoy hmstaers nad su. ehTy era:
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We share aesthetic features with hamsters (they have it on Monday, Tuesday & Friday). There are only three main differences between your hamsters and us. They are:
   
1. eW era a emter lnog.
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1. We are a metre long.
   
2. eW evah a vsta loop fo wnokledge. tI si otsm defntiiely ebtter thna ruoy loop fo wnokledge esuaceb ew dnet ot thnik uoy tpu oot hcum chlornie ni. eW evah mstaeerd ecaps levart, ruoy lnaguage nad ocnstructed a egral leehw ot nur dnuora ni lla yad! yarooH!
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2. We have a vast pool of knowledge. It is most definitely better than your pool of knowledge because we tend to think you put too much chlorine in. We have mastered space travel, your language and constructed a large wheel to run around in all day! Hooray!
   
3. eW fnid ruoy htraE hmstaers bornig ni taht ehty emes ot evah no ntieerst ni dlrow odmntniaio fo nay tros. kcaP fo spmiw, ehty era.
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3. We find your Earth hamsters boring in that they seem to have no interest in world domination of any sort. Pack of wimps, they are.
   
eW yojne dlrow odmntniaio, sfot pilwols nad [[iiW|Wsii]]. uoY wnok, eosht thnigs eerhw uoy evom a thnig nad eht thnig evoms? [[Dmna|dlexxaS]], I evol ehtm! dnA eht sekoj ym wrtier cna ekma gerta sekoj tuoba ehtm. uoY wnok...''tttier''...eh ecno dsia...''elkcuhc''...'''''EH'S TSUJ OGING OT IIW!''''' woH avnta-edrag cna uoy teg! I emna, eht tiem eh...<gib>''dzzzzzzb''</gib>...hsi grnadmoehtr ni hcruhc saw dab hgunoe tub...<gib>''dzzzzzzb''</gib>...taht's psuhnig ti.
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We enjoy world domination, soft pillows and [[Wii|Wiis]]. You know, those things where you move a thing and the thing moves? [[Damn|Saxxeld]], I love them! And the jokes my writer can make great jokes about them. You know...''titter''...he once said...''chuckle''...'''''HE'S JUST GOING TO WII!''''' How avant-garde can you get! I mean, the time he...<big>''bzzzzzzd''</big>...his grandmother in church was bad enough but...<big>''bzzzzzzd''</big>...that's pushing it.
   
mmU...ew raeppa...<gib>''dzzzzzzb''</gib>...a lacnihcet emlborp pu eher, os...<gib>''zzb''</gib>...xaler nad ew'll eb kcab ertfa siht trohs kaerb.
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Umm...we appear...<big>''bzzzzzzd''</big>...a technical problem up here, so...<big>''bzz''</big>...relax and we'll be back after this short break.
   
==enO trohS kaerB Ltaer==
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==One Short Break Later==
eWll, ewlemoc kcab ot eht actnio. eW epoh uoy yojneed taht trohs ntiermssniio nad era ydaer rfo ruoy destructnio ekaT 2.
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Well, welcome back to the action. We hope you enjoyed that short intermission and are ready for your destruction Take 2.
   
euD ot a terces fmaily emlborp I shlla evah ot evael uoy rfo a ewf moemnts. tI's otnhnig seriosu, tub I odn't wnta ti ebnig broadcsta ot a ottllay dffieernt plnaet taht ym wfie hsa eebn scerwnig [[oDoctr ohW]]. I'll elctanet uoy ervo ot nouqlE.
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Due to a secret family problem I shall have to leave you for a few moments. It's nothing serious, but I don't want it being broadcast to a totally different planet that my wife has been screwing [[Doctor Who]]. I'll tentacle you over to Elquon.
   
==nouqlE's Hruo==
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==Elquon's Hour==
olleH, I ma nouqlE. yaM I tsuj ysa woh luferdwno ti si ot eb yortsednig uoy no hcsu a evolly yad. ehT oclruos era bthgir, erna't ehty? I ekil oclruos qutie a bti. nI tcaf, ti saw ym aedi ot pntai eht teelf fo eryortsed spihs bthgir elprpu. I derugfi ti dluow [[xaler]] uoy a bti sa uoy eewr dellik.
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Hello, I am Elquon. May I just say how wonderful it is to be destroying you on such a lovely day. The colours are bright, aren't they? I like colours quite a bit. In fact, it was my idea to paint the fleet of destroyer ships bright purple. I figured it would [[relax]] you a bit as you were killed.
   
[[egmaI:PnieappleeHll.gpj|bmuht|xp051|eWhn nsierted ocrerctly, eht pnieapple si telahl.]]eWll...ti wno't eb lnog wno. uoY wnok. ehT [[tiem]] ewhn tiem si deyortsed rfo uoy otl. epoH uoy yojneed ti elihw uoy oculd.
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[[Image:PineappleHell.jpg|thumb|150px|When inserted correctly, the pineapple is lethal.]]Well...it won't be long now. You know. The [[time]] when time is destroyed for you lot. Hope you enjoyed it while you could.
   
Aotlsm tiem. seY, yxxarF dluohs eb kcab osno. ynA seocnd wno.
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Almost time. Yes, Fraxxy should be back soon. Any second now.
   
Actullay, did uoy erve eralsie taht ew ysa 'ynA Seocnd oNw' ot ertiertae tahw ew tsuj dsia, tub ew erven ysa ertfa taht 'ynA drihT oNw'? yzarC, lnaguage si.
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Actually, did you ever realise that we say 'Any Second Now' to reiterate what we just said, but we never say after that 'Any Third Now'? Crazy, language is.
   
hA. eerH eh si. oS, htiwtuo fuerhtr ueida, I'd ekil ot hnad siht fntstaaic ewn microphnoe...ti's elprpu sa ewll. I emna, uoy evah ot kctsi ot eht oclruo sceehm, odn't uoy? I syawla wntaed ot eb na ntierior erngsied, uoy wnok. I tsuj evol eht yaw ehty hnadle eht...mmU...yxxarF? tahW era uoy odnig htiw taht [[pnieapple]]? oN...taht eloh sni't gib hgunoe!
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Ah. Here he is. So, without further adieu, I'd like to hand this fantastic new microphone...it's purple as well. I mean, you have to stick to the colour scheme, don't you? I always wanted to be an interior designer, you know. I just love the way they handle the...Umm...Fraxxy? What are you doing with that [[pineapple]]? No...that hole isn't big enough!
<gib>'''HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHA!'''</gib>
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<big>'''AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'''</big>
   
==Bsuniess sA lsauU==
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==Business As Usual==
esaelP excsue eht twtichnig ydob no eht dnuorg htiw a egral pnieapple protrudnig tuo fo hsi rae. eH saw bornig eht [[esra|xiwqer]] ffo em.
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Please excuse the twitching body on the ground with a large pineapple protruding out of his ear. He was boring the [[arse|reqwix]] off me.
   
eW emes ot eb ahvnig mnay lacnihcet [[kcuf|qelf]] psu otyad. ehT ecaps-tiem octnniuum emess ot eb ylraluctirap elohy.<fer> noxarF saw strnagely thgir. ehTer eewr a otl fo unsuual dstiurbnaces ni eht ecaps-tiem octnniuum mnaily esuaceb ti saw Thursyad.</fer> eW era ni tcaf ahvnig a otl fo emlborps htiw octnradictnio. ehT noly thnig taht sni't ocmptelely qelfed si octnradictnio.
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We seem to be having many technical [[fuck|fleq]] ups today. The space-time continuum seems to be particularly holey.<ref> Fraxon was strangely right. There were a lot of unusual disturbances in the space-time continuum mainly because it was Thursday.</ref> We are in fact having a lot of problems with contradiction. The only thing that isn't completely fleqed is contradiction.
   
tI deneppah! Cotnradictnio si puno su! tI's tiems ekil ehtse I wsih I'd lstiened ot ym moehtr.<fer>"tahW did seh ysa?" nouqlE delley morf eht dnuorg ynaknig drah ta eht pniapple.</fer><fer>noxarF deilper "I odn't wnok, I sawn't lstiennig" nad laugehd mnaicllay ta eht roop ekoj.</fer>
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It happened! Contradiction is upon us! It's times like these I wish I'd listened to my mother.<ref>"What did she say?" Elquon yelled from the ground yanking hard at the pinapple.</ref><ref>Fraxon replied "I don't know, I wasn't listening" and laughed manically at the poor joke.</ref>
   
Thsi si otn noly trerible, tub luferdwno. tI's otsmla sa dab sa ebnig dnurk.<fer>"tahW's os wrnog htiw ebnig dnurk?" Scermaed nouqlE.</fer><fer>"ksA a glssa fo wtaer" noxarF dsia, htiw a kool ni hsi ecaf ekil a mna ohw ndid't teg a ocrny ekoj. eH ehtn oths hsi scriptwrtier.</fer><fer>oD uoy thnik ehter era oot mnay feerernces ni hcsu a llmsa sectnio?</fer>
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This is not only terrible, but wonderful. It's almost as bad as being drunk.<ref>"What's so wrong with being drunk?" Screamed Elquon.</ref><ref>"Ask a glass of water" Fraxon said, with a look in his face like a man who didn't get a corny joke. He then shot his scriptwriter.</ref><ref>Do you think there are too many references in such a small section?</ref>
   
eW ebtter ekat a trohs kaerb taht si substntaillay lnog.
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We better take a short break that is substantially long.
   
==ehT Plna==
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==The Plan==
thgiR, taht's ti! oN erom lacnihcet qelf psu. eW'er gnoig ot explnai siht plna neve fi ti sllik uoy! '''''Especillay''''' fi ti sllik uoy.
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Right, that's it! No more technical fleq ups. We're going to explain this plan even if it kills you! '''''Especially''''' if it kills you.
   
oNw, siht...''aH ah!'' I teg ti. A glssa fo wtaer si dnurk. [[regoR Fedeerr|regoR Fedeerererr]], ervive ym scriptwrtier, dluow uoy?
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Now, this...''Ha ha!'' I get it. A glass of water is drunk. [[Roger Federer|Roger Federererer]], revive my scriptwriter, would you?
   
ehT plna si siht: ew yortsed lla lfierfoms no siht plnaet nad ekat ervo. uoY dluohs eebwra fo eht folwolnig thnigs...ehty folwol uoy erveyeerhw. Pnai ni eht xiwqer.
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The plan is this: we destroy all lifeforms on this planet and take over. You should beware of the following things...they follow you everywhere. Pain in the reqwix.
   
eW shlla eveihca siht ythgim feta htiw a esnes fo irnoy: ew shlla sue [[egroeG Bsuh|Bsuh's]] plnsa rfo qarI! oNthnig cna ostp su!
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We shall achieve this mighty feat with a sense of irony: we shall use [[George Bush|Bush's]] plans for Iraq! Nothing can stop us!
   
==oT tuC A Lnog oStry trohS==
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==To Cut A Long Story Short==
[[egmaI:ecaePtaLsta.gpj|bmuht|xp052|ehT htraE si ecno agnai ecaepful.]]ehT sneila' tseuq rfo a humorosu nad humiltniaig yaw ot llik saw ehtir unodnig. ehT plna saw otn yrev doog nad ehterrfoe eht sneila erceived a leurc floggnig yb htraE's ntnaioal arym fo eerht spuermodels nad a sthgilly aggerssive wombta. ehTy eewr rfoced ot eelf ot ehtir hoem plnaet nad krow rfo [[parc|elppA Comtpuers]].
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[[Image:PeaceatLast.jpg|thumb|250px|The Earth is once again peaceful.]]The aliens' quest for a humorous and humiliating way to kill was their undoing. The plan was not very good and therefore the aliens received a cruel flogging by Earth's national army of three supermodels and a slightly aggressive wombat. They were forced to flee to their home planet and work for [[crap|Apple Computers]].
   
Mnay elpoep evah protseted taht siht ostry eb bnnaed no eht dnuorgs fo:
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Many people have protested that this story be banned on the grounds of:
a) ti ebnig noe fo eht tsekaelb moemnt ni htraE's hsiotry nad
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a) it being one of the bleakest moment in Earth's history and
b) ti otn ebnig yrev ynnuf.
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b) it not being very funny.
   
tuB [[aidepolcycnU]] seveileb ni modeerf fo nirfomtnaio nad...<gib>''zzub''...''kcilf''...''elgrug''...</gib>
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But [[Uncyclopedia]] believes in freedom of information and...<big>''buzz''...''flick''...''gurgle''...</big>
 
 
==Punchlnies==
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==Punchlines==
<llmsa><feerernces/></llmsa>
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<small><references/></small>
   
==eeS Alos==
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==See Also==
*[[neilsA]]
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*[[Aliens]]
*[[nosiavnI]]
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*[[Invasion]]
*[[OFU]]
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*[[UFO]]
 
*[[E.T.]]
 
*[[E.T.]]
*[[yxalaG]]
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*[[Galaxy]]
*[[esrevinU]]
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*[[Universe]]
*[[ehT thnigs taht delwarc tuo fo eht sliem no eht plnaet alirroP]]
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*[[The things that crawled out of the slime on the planet Porrila]]
[[Ctaegory:ehT esrevinu]]
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[[Category:The universe]]
[[Ctaegory:ecneicS Fictnio]]
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[[Category:Science Fiction]]
[[Ctaegory:Thnigs taht yma eb tuo ot teg uoy]] [[Ctaegory:neilsA]] [[Ctaegory:lirpA 6002]]
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[[Category:Things that may be out to get you]] [[Category:Aliens]] [[Category:April 2006]]

Revision as of 06:56, January 12, 2013

FlyingSaucers

A routine visit for your friendly neighbours.

The Alien Invasion of April 2006 was an invasion conducted by aliens that occurred in April of 2006. Searching for a place to build a new hotel in April of 2006, an alien species with an average IQ of 3500 (the equivalent of 3501 PE teachers) came to Earth to clear the planet for construction in April of 2006.

Many people had never heard of this historically important event, mainly because there was football on the telly.

Those who did witness this quasi-traumatic event thought it was a cryptic message from an alien race about the impending death and destruction of a small planet and its strange inhabitants. For this reason, the United Nations banned any and all manuscripts from being published and gave it a PG-13 rating.

Because Uncyclopedia believes in freedom of speech (but mainly because the UN doesn’t know where we live) we have decided to publish these a manuscript clearly depicting what went on during this minor inconvenience to humankind’s existence.


Good Evening, Earthlings

FirstSighting

A photograph taken just before the invasion showing something fishy.

buzz...flick...gurgle...Good Evening, Earthlings. Please do not be alarmed by our huge purple spaceships zapping billions to death as we come in...err...peace. Yes, that's it. Peace. We are a race of hyper-intelligent...err...space hippies who have no thoughts of universal domination whatsoever. We would have brought the Kombi van if it wasn't getting repainted.

What's that Elquon? What do you mean their gullibility levels are not that low? But they voted John Howard in! Plan B? OK. Just make the 'buzzy flicky' sound effects again, would you?

Alright. buzz...flick...gurgle...Good Evening, Earthlings. Please do not be alarmed by our huge purple spaceships zapping billions to death. I'm sure if you asked some of the fatalities they wouldn't utter a bad word about it. Ask them. GO ON! ASK THEM!

I am Captain Fraxon Jr. and this is my co-pilot, Elquon John. We come before you...well...above you rather, representing a race of hyper-intelligent space hamsters from a neighbouring galaxy with the soul purpose of KICKING YOUR HUMANOID BEHINDS! You thought your neighbour was bad. Whoa. We ARE the neighbours from hell, let me tell you. Call A Current Affair by all means; we'll still be playing Eminem at annoyingly loud tones until 1 in the morning.

You may be asking a number of questions. 'Who?' 'What?' 'Why?' 'Where's the marmalade?' Tut tut. The time for asking questions is over, my enemies. It is time to make like a mirror and reflect.

We warn that HO HO HO! HA HA HA! Make like a mirror: reflect. That is good, isn't it Elquon? Give my scriptwriter a raise. No, not by the testicles. Yes, by the neck. Very good.

We warn that the following scenes may distress some victims. Don't worry; the distress will be temporary.

About Me

Xenomorph

Saxxeld, I hate stereotypes.

Space hamsters (as you all should know) look almost exactly like your Earth elephants. Yes, that's right, light enters through our pupils and is focused on the retina by the lens. As aliens we hate all of your wexxun stereotypical views of us.

We share aesthetic features with hamsters (they have it on Monday, Tuesday & Friday). There are only three main differences between your hamsters and us. They are:

1. We are a metre long.

2. We have a vast pool of knowledge. It is most definitely better than your pool of knowledge because we tend to think you put too much chlorine in. We have mastered space travel, your language and constructed a large wheel to run around in all day! Hooray!

3. We find your Earth hamsters boring in that they seem to have no interest in world domination of any sort. Pack of wimps, they are.

We enjoy world domination, soft pillows and Wiis. You know, those things where you move a thing and the thing moves? Saxxeld, I love them! And the jokes my writer can make great jokes about them. You know...titter...he once said...chuckle...HE'S JUST GOING TO WII! How avant-garde can you get! I mean, the time he...bzzzzzzd...his grandmother in church was bad enough but...bzzzzzzd...that's pushing it.

Umm...we appear...bzzzzzzd...a technical problem up here, so...bzz...relax and we'll be back after this short break.

One Short Break Later

Well, welcome back to the action. We hope you enjoyed that short intermission and are ready for your destruction Take 2.

Due to a secret family problem I shall have to leave you for a few moments. It's nothing serious, but I don't want it being broadcast to a totally different planet that my wife has been screwing Doctor Who. I'll tentacle you over to Elquon.

Elquon's Hour

Hello, I am Elquon. May I just say how wonderful it is to be destroying you on such a lovely day. The colours are bright, aren't they? I like colours quite a bit. In fact, it was my idea to paint the fleet of destroyer ships bright purple. I figured it would relax you a bit as you were killed.

PineappleHell

When inserted correctly, the pineapple is lethal.

Well...it won't be long now. You know. The time when time is destroyed for you lot. Hope you enjoyed it while you could.

Almost time. Yes, Fraxxy should be back soon. Any second now.

Actually, did you ever realise that we say 'Any Second Now' to reiterate what we just said, but we never say after that 'Any Third Now'? Crazy, language is.

Ah. Here he is. So, without further adieu, I'd like to hand this fantastic new microphone...it's purple as well. I mean, you have to stick to the colour scheme, don't you? I always wanted to be an interior designer, you know. I just love the way they handle the...Umm...Fraxxy? What are you doing with that pineapple? No...that hole isn't big enough! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Business As Usual

Please excuse the twitching body on the ground with a large pineapple protruding out of his ear. He was boring the reqwix off me.

We seem to be having many technical fleq ups today. The space-time continuum seems to be particularly holey.[1] We are in fact having a lot of problems with contradiction. The only thing that isn't completely fleqed is contradiction.

It happened! Contradiction is upon us! It's times like these I wish I'd listened to my mother.[2][3]

This is not only terrible, but wonderful. It's almost as bad as being drunk.[4][5][6]

We better take a short break that is substantially long.

The Plan

Right, that's it! No more technical fleq ups. We're going to explain this plan even if it kills you! Especially if it kills you.

Now, this...Ha ha! I get it. A glass of water is drunk. Roger Federererer, revive my scriptwriter, would you?

The plan is this: we destroy all lifeforms on this planet and take over. You should beware of the following things...they follow you everywhere. Pain in the reqwix.

We shall achieve this mighty feat with a sense of irony: we shall use Bush's plans for Iraq! Nothing can stop us!

To Cut A Long Story Short

PeaceatLast

The Earth is once again peaceful.

The aliens' quest for a humorous and humiliating way to kill was their undoing. The plan was not very good and therefore the aliens received a cruel flogging by Earth's national army of three supermodels and a slightly aggressive wombat. They were forced to flee to their home planet and work for Apple Computers.

Many people have protested that this story be banned on the grounds of: a) it being one of the bleakest moment in Earth's history and b) it not being very funny.

But Uncyclopedia believes in freedom of information and...buzz...flick...gurgle...

Punchlines

  1. Fraxon was strangely right. There were a lot of unusual disturbances in the space-time continuum mainly because it was Thursday.
  2. "What did she say?" Elquon yelled from the ground yanking hard at the pinapple.
  3. Fraxon replied "I don't know, I wasn't listening" and laughed manically at the poor joke.
  4. "What's so wrong with being drunk?" Screamed Elquon.
  5. "Ask a glass of water" Fraxon said, with a look in his face like a man who didn't get a corny joke. He then shot his scriptwriter.
  6. Do you think there are too many references in such a small section?

See Also

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