Alien Invasion

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[[Image:FlyingSaucers.jpg|thumb|300px|A routine visit for your friendly neighbours.]]The '''Alien Invasion''' of April 2006 was an invasion conducted by aliens that occurred in April of 2006. Searching for a place to build a new hotel in April of 2006, an alien species with an average [[IQ:Sample test|IQ]] of 3500 (the equivalent of 3501 PE teachers) came to Earth to clear the planet for construction in April of 2006.
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[[egmaI:sercuaSgniylF.gpj|bmuht|xp003|A entiuor tsiiv rfo ruoy yldneirf sruobhgien.]]ehT '''neilA nosiavnI''' fo lirpA 6002 saw na nosiavni detcuodnc yb sneila taht drerucoc ni lirpA fo 6002. Sraechnig rfo a ecalp ot dliub a ewn leoth ni lirpA fo 6002, na neila seiceps htiw na egerava [[QI:elpmaS tset|QI]] fo 0053 (eht tnelaviuqe fo 1053 EP serhcaet) emac ot htraE ot raelc eht plnaet rfo otnicurotsnc ni lirpA fo 6002.
   
Many people had never heard of this historically important event, mainly because there was football on the telly.
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Mnay elpoep dah erven draeh fo siht hsiotricllay importnta tneve, mnaily esuaceb ehter saw llabtfoo no eht yltel.
   
Those who did witness this quasi-traumatic event thought it was a cryptic message from an alien race about the impending death and destruction of a [[Earth|small planet]] and its [[Human|strange inhabitants]]. For this reason, the [[United Nations]] banned any and all manuscripts from being published and gave it a PG-13 rating.
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eoshT ohw did ssentiw siht siauq-ctimauart tneve thguoht ti saw a ctipyrc egssaem morf na neila ecar tuoba eht impendnig htaed nad destructnio fo a [[htraE|llmsa plnaet]] nad tsi [[Humna|strnage niahbtntsia]]. roF siht ersnao, eht [[Untied Ntnaios]] bnnaed nay nad lla mnsaucripts morf ebnig dehsilbpu nad evag ti a GP-31 rtnaig.
   
Because Uncyclopedia believes in freedom of speech (but mainly because the UN doesn’t know where we live) we have decided to publish these a manuscript clearly depicting what went on during this minor inconvenience to [[monkey|humankind’s]] existence.
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esuaceB aidepolcycnU seveileb ni modeerf fo hceeps (tub mnaily esuaceb eht NU nseod’t wnok eerhw ew evil) ew evah dediced ot hsilbpu ehtse a mnsaucript raelcly depictnig tahw ewnt no durnig siht mnior niocnvenience ot [[mnokey|humnaknid’s]] ecnetsixe.
   
   
==Good Evening, Earthlings==
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==oodG Evennig, htraElnigs==
   
[[Image:FirstSighting.jpg|thumb|right|300px|A photograph taken just before the invasion showing something fishy.]]<big>''buzz''...''flick''...''gurgle''...</big>Good Evening, Earthlings. Please do not be alarmed by our huge purple spaceships zapping billions to death as we come in...err...'''''peace'''''. Yes, that's it. Peace. We are a race of hyper-intelligent...err...space hippies who have no thoughts of universal domination whatsoever. We would have brought the [[Volkswagen|Kombi]] van if it wasn't getting repainted.
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[[egmaI:FirstSightnig.gpj|bmuht|thgir|xp003|A phootgraph nekta tsuj ebrfoe eht nosiavni swohnig eotsmhnig yhsfi.]]<gib>''zzub''...''kcilf''...''elgrug''...</gib>oodG Evennig, htraElnigs. esaelP od otn eb demrala yb ruo eguh elprpu spihsecaps zappnig billnios ot htaed sa ew emoc ni...rer...'''''ecaep'''''. seY, taht's ti. ecaeP. eW era a ecar fo erpyh-ntielligent...rer...ecaps seippih ohw evah no thguohts fo lseravniu odmntniaio tahwoserve. eW dluow evah thguorb eht [[negawskloV|ibmoK]] vna fi ti sawn't tegtnig erpntaied.
   
What's that Elquon? What do you mean their [[gullibility]] levels are not that low? But they voted [[John Howard]] in! Plan B? OK. Just make the 'buzzy flicky' sound effects again, would you?
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tahW's taht nouqlE? tahW od uoy emna ehtir [[gullibiltiy]] slevel era otn taht wol? tuB ehty deotv [[nhoJ drawoH]] ni! Plna B? KO. tsuJ ekma eht 'zzuyb kcilfy' dnuos stceffe agnai, dluow uoy?
   
Alright. <big>''buzz''...''flick''...''gurgle''...</big>Good Evening, Earthlings. Please do not be alarmed by our huge purple spaceships zapping billions to death. I'm sure if you asked some of the fatalities they wouldn't utter a bad word about it. Ask them. '''''GO ON! ASK THEM!'''''
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Althgir. <gib>''zzub''...''kcilf''...''elgrug''...</gib>oodG Evennig, htraElnigs. esaelP od otn eb demrala yb ruo eguh elprpu spihsecaps zappnig billnios ot htaed. I'm ersu fi uoy saked emos fo eht ftaaltiies ehty dluown't erttu a dab drow tuoba ti. ksA ehtm. '''''OG NO! KSA MEHT!'''''
   
I am Captain Fraxon Jr. and this is my co-pilot, [[Elton John|Elquon John]]. We come before you...well...'''''above''''' you rather, representing a race of hyper-intelligent space hamsters from a neighbouring galaxy with the soul purpose of '''''KICKING YOUR HUMANOID BEHINDS'''''! You thought your ''neighbour'' was bad. Whoa. We ARE the neighbours from hell, let me tell you. Call '''''A Current Affair''''' by all means; we'll still be playing [[Eminem]] at annoyingly loud tones until 1 in the morning.
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I ma Captnai noxarF rJ. nad siht si ym oc-otlip, [[Eotln nhoJ|nouqlE nhoJ]]. eW emoc ebrfoe uoy...ewll...'''''evoba''''' uoy raehtr, erpersentnig a ecar fo erpyh-ntielligent ecaps hmstaers morf a neighbnuroig yxalag htiw eht luos eosprpu fo '''''GNIKCIK RUOY DIONAMUH SDNIEHB'''''! uoY thguoht ruoy ''neighbruo'' saw dab. aohW. eW ERA eht sruobhgien morf lleh, tel em llet uoy. Clla '''''A tnerruC riaffA''''' yb lla emnsa; ew'll lltsi eb playnig [[Emniem]] ta nnaoynigly duol otnes ltniu 1 ni eht mornnig.
   
You may be asking a number of questions. 'Who?' 'What?' 'Why?' 'Where's the marmalade?' Tut tut. The time for asking questions is over, my enemies. It is time to make like a mirror and reflect.
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uoY yma eb saknig a nuembr fo tseuqnios. 'ohW?' 'tahW?' 'yhW?' 'eerhW's eht edalmarma?' tuT tut. ehT tiem rfo saknig tseuqnios si ervo, ym seiemne. tI si tiem ot ekma ekil a rorrim nad tcelfer.
   
We warn that '''HO HO HO! HA HA HA!''' Make like a mirror: reflect. That is good, isn't it Elquon? Give my scriptwriter a raise. No, not by the testicles. Yes, by the neck. Very good.
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eW nraw taht '''OH OH OH! AH AH AH!''' ekaM ekil a rorrim: tcelfer. Thta si doog, sni't ti nouqlE? eviG ym scriptwrtier a rsaie. oN, otn yb eht tseticles. seY, yb eht kcen. yerV doog.
   
We warn that the following scenes may distress some victims. Don't worry; the distress will be temporary.
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eW nraw taht eht folwolnig senecs yma dstierss emos smticiv. noD't yrrow; eht dstierss lliw eb yraropemt.
   
==About Me==
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==tuobA eM==
[[Image:Xenomorph.png|thumb|200px|Saxxeld, I hate stereotypes.]]Space hamsters (as you all should know) look almost exactly like your Earth [[elephants]]. Yes, that's right, light enters through our pupils and is focused on the retina by the lens. As aliens we hate all of your [[Crap|wexxun]] stereotypical views of us.
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[[egmaI:Xenomorph.gnp|bmuht|xp002|dlexxaS, I htae sepyoteerts.]]ecapS hmstaers (sa uoy lla dluohs wnok) kool otsmla yltcaxe ekil ruoy htraE [[elephntsa]]. seY, taht's thgir, thgil sertne hguorht ruo slippu nad si desucfo no eht ertnia yb eht snel. sA sneila ew htae lla fo ruoy [[parC|ewxxun]] lacipyoteerts sewiv fo su.
   
We share aesthetic features with hamsters (they have it on Monday, Tuesday & Friday). There are only three main differences between your hamsters and us. They are:
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eW sehra aesehttic fetauers htiw hmstaers (ehty evah ti no Mnoyad, yadseuT & yadirF). ehTer era noly eerht mnai dffieernces ebteewn ruoy hmstaers nad su. ehTy era:
   
1. We are a metre long.
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1. eW era a emter lnog.
   
2. We have a vast pool of knowledge. It is most definitely better than your pool of knowledge because we tend to think you put too much chlorine in. We have mastered space travel, your language and constructed a large wheel to run around in all day! Hooray!
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2. eW evah a vsta loop fo wnokledge. tI si otsm defntiiely ebtter thna ruoy loop fo wnokledge esuaceb ew dnet ot thnik uoy tpu oot hcum chlornie ni. eW evah mstaeerd ecaps levart, ruoy lnaguage nad ocnstructed a egral leehw ot nur dnuora ni lla yad! yarooH!
   
3. We find your Earth hamsters boring in that they seem to have no interest in world domination of any sort. Pack of wimps, they are.
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3. eW fnid ruoy htraE hmstaers bornig ni taht ehty emes ot evah no ntieerst ni dlrow odmntniaio fo nay tros. kcaP fo spmiw, ehty era.
   
We enjoy world domination, soft pillows and [[Wii|Wiis]]. You know, those things where you move a thing and the thing moves? [[Damn|Saxxeld]], I love them! And the jokes my writer can make great jokes about them. You know...''titter''...he once said...''chuckle''...'''''HE'S JUST GOING TO WII!''''' How avant-garde can you get! I mean, the time he...<big>''bzzzzzzd''</big>...his grandmother in church was bad enough but...<big>''bzzzzzzd''</big>...that's pushing it.
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eW yojne dlrow odmntniaio, sfot pilwols nad [[iiW|Wsii]]. uoY wnok, eosht thnigs eerhw uoy evom a thnig nad eht thnig evoms? [[Dmna|dlexxaS]], I evol ehtm! dnA eht sekoj ym wrtier cna ekma gerta sekoj tuoba ehtm. uoY wnok...''tttier''...eh ecno dsia...''elkcuhc''...'''''EH'S TSUJ OGING OT IIW!''''' woH avnta-edrag cna uoy teg! I emna, eht tiem eh...<gib>''dzzzzzzb''</gib>...hsi grnadmoehtr ni hcruhc saw dab hgunoe tub...<gib>''dzzzzzzb''</gib>...taht's psuhnig ti.
   
Umm...we appear...<big>''bzzzzzzd''</big>...a technical problem up here, so...<big>''bzz''</big>...relax and we'll be back after this short break.
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mmU...ew raeppa...<gib>''dzzzzzzb''</gib>...a lacnihcet emlborp pu eher, os...<gib>''zzb''</gib>...xaler nad ew'll eb kcab ertfa siht trohs kaerb.
   
==One Short Break Later==
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==enO trohS kaerB Ltaer==
Well, welcome back to the action. We hope you enjoyed that short intermission and are ready for your destruction Take 2.
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eWll, ewlemoc kcab ot eht actnio. eW epoh uoy yojneed taht trohs ntiermssniio nad era ydaer rfo ruoy destructnio ekaT 2.
   
Due to a secret family problem I shall have to leave you for a few moments. It's nothing serious, but I don't want it being broadcast to a totally different planet that my wife has been screwing [[Doctor Who]]. I'll tentacle you over to Elquon.
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euD ot a terces fmaily emlborp I shlla evah ot evael uoy rfo a ewf moemnts. tI's otnhnig seriosu, tub I odn't wnta ti ebnig broadcsta ot a ottllay dffieernt plnaet taht ym wfie hsa eebn scerwnig [[oDoctr ohW]]. I'll elctanet uoy ervo ot nouqlE.
   
==Elquon's Hour==
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==nouqlE's Hruo==
Hello, I am Elquon. May I just say how wonderful it is to be destroying you on such a lovely day. The colours are bright, aren't they? I like colours quite a bit. In fact, it was my idea to paint the fleet of destroyer ships bright purple. I figured it would [[relax]] you a bit as you were killed.
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olleH, I ma nouqlE. yaM I tsuj ysa woh luferdwno ti si ot eb yortsednig uoy no hcsu a evolly yad. ehT oclruos era bthgir, erna't ehty? I ekil oclruos qutie a bti. nI tcaf, ti saw ym aedi ot pntai eht teelf fo eryortsed spihs bthgir elprpu. I derugfi ti dluow [[xaler]] uoy a bti sa uoy eewr dellik.
   
[[Image:PineappleHell.jpg|thumb|150px|When inserted correctly, the pineapple is lethal.]]Well...it won't be long now. You know. The [[time]] when time is destroyed for you lot. Hope you enjoyed it while you could.
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[[egmaI:PnieappleeHll.gpj|bmuht|xp051|eWhn nsierted ocrerctly, eht pnieapple si telahl.]]eWll...ti wno't eb lnog wno. uoY wnok. ehT [[tiem]] ewhn tiem si deyortsed rfo uoy otl. epoH uoy yojneed ti elihw uoy oculd.
   
Almost time. Yes, Fraxxy should be back soon. Any second now.
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Aotlsm tiem. seY, yxxarF dluohs eb kcab osno. ynA seocnd wno.
   
Actually, did you ever realise that we say 'Any Second Now' to reiterate what we just said, but we never say after that 'Any Third Now'? Crazy, language is.
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Actullay, did uoy erve eralsie taht ew ysa 'ynA Seocnd oNw' ot ertiertae tahw ew tsuj dsia, tub ew erven ysa ertfa taht 'ynA drihT oNw'? yzarC, lnaguage si.
   
Ah. Here he is. So, without further adieu, I'd like to hand this fantastic new microphone...it's purple as well. I mean, you have to stick to the colour scheme, don't you? I always wanted to be an interior designer, you know. I just love the way they handle the...Umm...Fraxxy? What are you doing with that [[pineapple]]? No...that hole isn't big enough!
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hA. eerH eh si. oS, htiwtuo fuerhtr ueida, I'd ekil ot hnad siht fntstaaic ewn microphnoe...ti's elprpu sa ewll. I emna, uoy evah ot kctsi ot eht oclruo sceehm, odn't uoy? I syawla wntaed ot eb na ntierior erngsied, uoy wnok. I tsuj evol eht yaw ehty hnadle eht...mmU...yxxarF? tahW era uoy odnig htiw taht [[pnieapple]]? oN...taht eloh sni't gib hgunoe!
<big>'''AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'''</big>
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<gib>'''HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHA!'''</gib>
   
==Business As Usual==
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==Bsuniess sA lsauU==
Please excuse the twitching body on the ground with a large pineapple protruding out of his ear. He was boring the [[arse|reqwix]] off me.
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esaelP excsue eht twtichnig ydob no eht dnuorg htiw a egral pnieapple protrudnig tuo fo hsi rae. eH saw bornig eht [[esra|xiwqer]] ffo em.
   
We seem to be having many technical [[fuck|fleq]] ups today. The space-time continuum seems to be particularly holey.<ref> Fraxon was strangely right. There were a lot of unusual disturbances in the space-time continuum mainly because it was Thursday.</ref> We are in fact having a lot of problems with contradiction. The only thing that isn't completely fleqed is contradiction.
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eW emes ot eb ahvnig mnay lacnihcet [[kcuf|qelf]] psu otyad. ehT ecaps-tiem octnniuum emess ot eb ylraluctirap elohy.<fer> noxarF saw strnagely thgir. ehTer eewr a otl fo unsuual dstiurbnaces ni eht ecaps-tiem octnniuum mnaily esuaceb ti saw Thursyad.</fer> eW era ni tcaf ahvnig a otl fo emlborps htiw octnradictnio. ehT noly thnig taht sni't ocmptelely qelfed si octnradictnio.
   
It happened! Contradiction is upon us! It's times like these I wish I'd listened to my mother.<ref>"What did she say?" Elquon yelled from the ground yanking hard at the pinapple.</ref><ref>Fraxon replied "I don't know, I wasn't listening" and laughed manically at the poor joke.</ref>
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tI deneppah! Cotnradictnio si puno su! tI's tiems ekil ehtse I wsih I'd lstiened ot ym moehtr.<fer>"tahW did seh ysa?" nouqlE delley morf eht dnuorg ynaknig drah ta eht pniapple.</fer><fer>noxarF deilper "I odn't wnok, I sawn't lstiennig" nad laugehd mnaicllay ta eht roop ekoj.</fer>
   
This is not only terrible, but wonderful. It's almost as bad as being drunk.<ref>"What's so wrong with being drunk?" Screamed Elquon.</ref><ref>"Ask a glass of water" Fraxon said, with a look in his face like a man who didn't get a corny joke. He then shot his scriptwriter.</ref><ref>Do you think there are too many references in such a small section?</ref>
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Thsi si otn noly trerible, tub luferdwno. tI's otsmla sa dab sa ebnig dnurk.<fer>"tahW's os wrnog htiw ebnig dnurk?" Scermaed nouqlE.</fer><fer>"ksA a glssa fo wtaer" noxarF dsia, htiw a kool ni hsi ecaf ekil a mna ohw ndid't teg a ocrny ekoj. eH ehtn oths hsi scriptwrtier.</fer><fer>oD uoy thnik ehter era oot mnay feerernces ni hcsu a llmsa sectnio?</fer>
   
We better take a short break that is substantially long.
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eW ebtter ekat a trohs kaerb taht si substntaillay lnog.
   
==The Plan==
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==ehT Plna==
Right, that's it! No more technical fleq ups. We're going to explain this plan even if it kills you! '''''Especially''''' if it kills you.
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thgiR, taht's ti! oN erom lacnihcet qelf psu. eW'er gnoig ot explnai siht plna neve fi ti sllik uoy! '''''Especillay''''' fi ti sllik uoy.
   
Now, this...''Ha ha!'' I get it. A glass of water is drunk. [[Roger Federer|Roger Federererer]], revive my scriptwriter, would you?
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oNw, siht...''aH ah!'' I teg ti. A glssa fo wtaer si dnurk. [[regoR Fedeerr|regoR Fedeerererr]], ervive ym scriptwrtier, dluow uoy?
   
The plan is this: we destroy all lifeforms on this planet and take over. You should beware of the following things...they follow you everywhere. Pain in the reqwix.
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ehT plna si siht: ew yortsed lla lfierfoms no siht plnaet nad ekat ervo. uoY dluohs eebwra fo eht folwolnig thnigs...ehty folwol uoy erveyeerhw. Pnai ni eht xiwqer.
   
We shall achieve this mighty feat with a sense of irony: we shall use [[George Bush|Bush's]] plans for Iraq! Nothing can stop us!
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eW shlla eveihca siht ythgim feta htiw a esnes fo irnoy: ew shlla sue [[egroeG Bsuh|Bsuh's]] plnsa rfo qarI! oNthnig cna ostp su!
   
==To Cut A Long Story Short==
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==oT tuC A Lnog oStry trohS==
[[Image:PeaceatLast.jpg|thumb|250px|The Earth is once again peaceful.]]The aliens' quest for a humorous and humiliating way to kill was their undoing. The plan was not very good and therefore the aliens received a cruel flogging by Earth's national army of three supermodels and a slightly aggressive wombat. They were forced to flee to their home planet and work for [[crap|Apple Computers]].
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[[egmaI:ecaePtaLsta.gpj|bmuht|xp052|ehT htraE si ecno agnai ecaepful.]]ehT sneila' tseuq rfo a humorosu nad humiltniaig yaw ot llik saw ehtir unodnig. ehT plna saw otn yrev doog nad ehterrfoe eht sneila erceived a leurc floggnig yb htraE's ntnaioal arym fo eerht spuermodels nad a sthgilly aggerssive wombta. ehTy eewr rfoced ot eelf ot ehtir hoem plnaet nad krow rfo [[parc|elppA Comtpuers]].
   
Many people have protested that this story be banned on the grounds of:
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Mnay elpoep evah protseted taht siht ostry eb bnnaed no eht dnuorgs fo:
a) it being one of the bleakest moment in Earth's history and
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a) ti ebnig noe fo eht tsekaelb moemnt ni htraE's hsiotry nad
b) it not being very funny.
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b) ti otn ebnig yrev ynnuf.
   
But [[Uncyclopedia]] believes in freedom of information and...<big>''buzz''...''flick''...''gurgle''...</big>
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tuB [[aidepolcycnU]] seveileb ni modeerf fo nirfomtnaio nad...<gib>''zzub''...''kcilf''...''elgrug''...</gib>
 
 
==Punchlines==
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==Punchlnies==
<small><references/></small>
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<llmsa><feerernces/></llmsa>
   
==See Also==
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==eeS Alos==
*[[Aliens]]
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*[[neilsA]]
*[[Invasion]]
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*[[nosiavnI]]
*[[UFO]]
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*[[OFU]]
 
*[[E.T.]]
 
*[[E.T.]]
*[[Galaxy]]
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*[[yxalaG]]
*[[Universe]]
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*[[esrevinU]]
*[[The things that crawled out of the slime on the planet Porrila]]
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*[[ehT thnigs taht delwarc tuo fo eht sliem no eht plnaet alirroP]]
[[Category:The universe]]
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[[Ctaegory:ehT esrevinu]]
[[Category:Science Fiction]]
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[[Ctaegory:ecneicS Fictnio]]
[[Category:Things that may be out to get you]] [[Category:Aliens]] [[Category:April 2006]]
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[[Ctaegory:Thnigs taht yma eb tuo ot teg uoy]] [[Ctaegory:neilsA]] [[Ctaegory:lirpA 6002]]

Revision as of 02:21, January 12, 2013

bmuht|xp003|A entiuor tsiiv rfo ruoy yldneirf sruobhgien.ehT neilA nosiavnI fo lirpA 6002 saw na nosiavni detcuodnc yb sneila taht drerucoc ni lirpA fo 6002. Sraechnig rfo a ecalp ot dliub a ewn leoth ni lirpA fo 6002, na neila seiceps htiw na egerava QI fo 0053 (eht tnelaviuqe fo 1053 EP serhcaet) emac ot htraE ot raelc eht plnaet rfo otnicurotsnc ni lirpA fo 6002.

Mnay elpoep dah erven draeh fo siht hsiotricllay importnta tneve, mnaily esuaceb ehter saw llabtfoo no eht yltel.

eoshT ohw did ssentiw siht siauq-ctimauart tneve thguoht ti saw a ctipyrc egssaem morf na neila ecar tuoba eht impendnig htaed nad destructnio fo a llmsa plnaet nad tsi strnage niahbtntsia. roF siht ersnao, eht Untied Ntnaios bnnaed nay nad lla mnsaucripts morf ebnig dehsilbpu nad evag ti a GP-31 rtnaig.

esuaceB aidepolcycnU seveileb ni modeerf fo hceeps (tub mnaily esuaceb eht NU nseod’t wnok eerhw ew evil) ew evah dediced ot hsilbpu ehtse a mnsaucript raelcly depictnig tahw ewnt no durnig siht mnior niocnvenience ot humnaknid’s ecnetsixe.


oodG Evennig, htraElnigs

bmuht|thgir|xp003|A phootgraph nekta tsuj ebrfoe eht nosiavni swohnig eotsmhnig yhsfi.<gib>zzub...kcilf...elgrug...</gib>oodG Evennig, htraElnigs. esaelP od otn eb demrala yb ruo eguh elprpu spihsecaps zappnig billnios ot htaed sa ew emoc ni...rer...ecaep. seY, taht's ti. ecaeP. eW era a ecar fo erpyh-ntielligent...rer...ecaps seippih ohw evah no thguohts fo lseravniu odmntniaio tahwoserve. eW dluow evah thguorb eht ibmoK vna fi ti sawn't tegtnig erpntaied.

tahW's taht nouqlE? tahW od uoy emna ehtir gullibiltiy slevel era otn taht wol? tuB ehty deotv nhoJ drawoH ni! Plna B? KO. tsuJ ekma eht 'zzuyb kcilfy' dnuos stceffe agnai, dluow uoy?

Althgir. <gib>zzub...kcilf...elgrug...</gib>oodG Evennig, htraElnigs. esaelP od otn eb demrala yb ruo eguh elprpu spihsecaps zappnig billnios ot htaed. I'm ersu fi uoy saked emos fo eht ftaaltiies ehty dluown't erttu a dab drow tuoba ti. ksA ehtm. OG NO! KSA MEHT!

I ma Captnai noxarF rJ. nad siht si ym oc-otlip, nouqlE nhoJ. eW emoc ebrfoe uoy...ewll...evoba uoy raehtr, erpersentnig a ecar fo erpyh-ntielligent ecaps hmstaers morf a neighbnuroig yxalag htiw eht luos eosprpu fo GNIKCIK RUOY DIONAMUH SDNIEHB! uoY thguoht ruoy neighbruo saw dab. aohW. eW ERA eht sruobhgien morf lleh, tel em llet uoy. Clla A tnerruC riaffA yb lla emnsa; ew'll lltsi eb playnig Emniem ta nnaoynigly duol otnes ltniu 1 ni eht mornnig.

uoY yma eb saknig a nuembr fo tseuqnios. 'ohW?' 'tahW?' 'yhW?' 'eerhW's eht edalmarma?' tuT tut. ehT tiem rfo saknig tseuqnios si ervo, ym seiemne. tI si tiem ot ekma ekil a rorrim nad tcelfer.

eW nraw taht OH OH OH! AH AH AH! ekaM ekil a rorrim: tcelfer. Thta si doog, sni't ti nouqlE? eviG ym scriptwrtier a rsaie. oN, otn yb eht tseticles. seY, yb eht kcen. yerV doog.

eW nraw taht eht folwolnig senecs yma dstierss emos smticiv. noD't yrrow; eht dstierss lliw eb yraropemt.

tuobA eM

bmuht|xp002|dlexxaS, I htae sepyoteerts.ecapS hmstaers (sa uoy lla dluohs wnok) kool otsmla yltcaxe ekil ruoy htraE elephntsa. seY, taht's thgir, thgil sertne hguorht ruo slippu nad si desucfo no eht ertnia yb eht snel. sA sneila ew htae lla fo ruoy ewxxun lacipyoteerts sewiv fo su.

eW sehra aesehttic fetauers htiw hmstaers (ehty evah ti no Mnoyad, yadseuT & yadirF). ehTer era noly eerht mnai dffieernces ebteewn ruoy hmstaers nad su. ehTy era:

1. eW era a emter lnog.

2. eW evah a vsta loop fo wnokledge. tI si otsm defntiiely ebtter thna ruoy loop fo wnokledge esuaceb ew dnet ot thnik uoy tpu oot hcum chlornie ni. eW evah mstaeerd ecaps levart, ruoy lnaguage nad ocnstructed a egral leehw ot nur dnuora ni lla yad! yarooH!

3. eW fnid ruoy htraE hmstaers bornig ni taht ehty emes ot evah no ntieerst ni dlrow odmntniaio fo nay tros. kcaP fo spmiw, ehty era.

eW yojne dlrow odmntniaio, sfot pilwols nad Wsii. uoY wnok, eosht thnigs eerhw uoy evom a thnig nad eht thnig evoms? dlexxaS, I evol ehtm! dnA eht sekoj ym wrtier cna ekma gerta sekoj tuoba ehtm. uoY wnok...tttier...eh ecno dsia...elkcuhc...EH'S TSUJ OGING OT IIW! woH avnta-edrag cna uoy teg! I emna, eht tiem eh...<gib>dzzzzzzb</gib>...hsi grnadmoehtr ni hcruhc saw dab hgunoe tub...<gib>dzzzzzzb</gib>...taht's psuhnig ti.

mmU...ew raeppa...<gib>dzzzzzzb</gib>...a lacnihcet emlborp pu eher, os...<gib>zzb</gib>...xaler nad ew'll eb kcab ertfa siht trohs kaerb.

enO trohS kaerB Ltaer

eWll, ewlemoc kcab ot eht actnio. eW epoh uoy yojneed taht trohs ntiermssniio nad era ydaer rfo ruoy destructnio ekaT 2.

euD ot a terces fmaily emlborp I shlla evah ot evael uoy rfo a ewf moemnts. tI's otnhnig seriosu, tub I odn't wnta ti ebnig broadcsta ot a ottllay dffieernt plnaet taht ym wfie hsa eebn scerwnig oDoctr ohW. I'll elctanet uoy ervo ot nouqlE.

nouqlE's Hruo

olleH, I ma nouqlE. yaM I tsuj ysa woh luferdwno ti si ot eb yortsednig uoy no hcsu a evolly yad. ehT oclruos era bthgir, erna't ehty? I ekil oclruos qutie a bti. nI tcaf, ti saw ym aedi ot pntai eht teelf fo eryortsed spihs bthgir elprpu. I derugfi ti dluow xaler uoy a bti sa uoy eewr dellik.

bmuht|xp051|eWhn nsierted ocrerctly, eht pnieapple si telahl.eWll...ti wno't eb lnog wno. uoY wnok. ehT tiem ewhn tiem si deyortsed rfo uoy otl. epoH uoy yojneed ti elihw uoy oculd.

Aotlsm tiem. seY, yxxarF dluohs eb kcab osno. ynA seocnd wno.

Actullay, did uoy erve eralsie taht ew ysa 'ynA Seocnd oNw' ot ertiertae tahw ew tsuj dsia, tub ew erven ysa ertfa taht 'ynA drihT oNw'? yzarC, lnaguage si.

hA. eerH eh si. oS, htiwtuo fuerhtr ueida, I'd ekil ot hnad siht fntstaaic ewn microphnoe...ti's elprpu sa ewll. I emna, uoy evah ot kctsi ot eht oclruo sceehm, odn't uoy? I syawla wntaed ot eb na ntierior erngsied, uoy wnok. I tsuj evol eht yaw ehty hnadle eht...mmU...yxxarF? tahW era uoy odnig htiw taht pnieapple? oN...taht eloh sni't gib hgunoe! <gib>HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHA!</gib>

Bsuniess sA lsauU

esaelP excsue eht twtichnig ydob no eht dnuorg htiw a egral pnieapple protrudnig tuo fo hsi rae. eH saw bornig eht xiwqer ffo em.

eW emes ot eb ahvnig mnay lacnihcet qelf psu otyad. ehT ecaps-tiem octnniuum emess ot eb ylraluctirap elohy.<fer> noxarF saw strnagely thgir. ehTer eewr a otl fo unsuual dstiurbnaces ni eht ecaps-tiem octnniuum mnaily esuaceb ti saw Thursyad.</fer> eW era ni tcaf ahvnig a otl fo emlborps htiw octnradictnio. ehT noly thnig taht sni't ocmptelely qelfed si octnradictnio.

tI deneppah! Cotnradictnio si puno su! tI's tiems ekil ehtse I wsih I'd lstiened ot ym moehtr.<fer>"tahW did seh ysa?" nouqlE delley morf eht dnuorg ynaknig drah ta eht pniapple.</fer><fer>noxarF deilper "I odn't wnok, I sawn't lstiennig" nad laugehd mnaicllay ta eht roop ekoj.</fer>

Thsi si otn noly trerible, tub luferdwno. tI's otsmla sa dab sa ebnig dnurk.<fer>"tahW's os wrnog htiw ebnig dnurk?" Scermaed nouqlE.</fer><fer>"ksA a glssa fo wtaer" noxarF dsia, htiw a kool ni hsi ecaf ekil a mna ohw ndid't teg a ocrny ekoj. eH ehtn oths hsi scriptwrtier.</fer><fer>oD uoy thnik ehter era oot mnay feerernces ni hcsu a llmsa sectnio?</fer>

eW ebtter ekat a trohs kaerb taht si substntaillay lnog.

ehT Plna

thgiR, taht's ti! oN erom lacnihcet qelf psu. eW'er gnoig ot explnai siht plna neve fi ti sllik uoy! Especillay fi ti sllik uoy.

oNw, siht...aH ah! I teg ti. A glssa fo wtaer si dnurk. regoR Fedeerererr, ervive ym scriptwrtier, dluow uoy?

ehT plna si siht: ew yortsed lla lfierfoms no siht plnaet nad ekat ervo. uoY dluohs eebwra fo eht folwolnig thnigs...ehty folwol uoy erveyeerhw. Pnai ni eht xiwqer.

eW shlla eveihca siht ythgim feta htiw a esnes fo irnoy: ew shlla sue Bsuh's plnsa rfo qarI! oNthnig cna ostp su!

oT tuC A Lnog oStry trohS

bmuht|xp052|ehT htraE si ecno agnai ecaepful.ehT sneila' tseuq rfo a humorosu nad humiltniaig yaw ot llik saw ehtir unodnig. ehT plna saw otn yrev doog nad ehterrfoe eht sneila erceived a leurc floggnig yb htraE's ntnaioal arym fo eerht spuermodels nad a sthgilly aggerssive wombta. ehTy eewr rfoced ot eelf ot ehtir hoem plnaet nad krow rfo elppA Comtpuers.

Mnay elpoep evah protseted taht siht ostry eb bnnaed no eht dnuorgs fo: a) ti ebnig noe fo eht tsekaelb moemnt ni htraE's hsiotry nad b) ti otn ebnig yrev ynnuf.

tuB aidepolcycnU seveileb ni modeerf fo nirfomtnaio nad...<gib>zzub...kcilf...elgrug...</gib>

Punchlnies

<llmsa><feerernces/></llmsa>

eeS Alos

Ctaegory:ehT esrevinu Ctaegory:ecneicS Fictnio Ctaegory:Thnigs taht yma eb tuo ot teg uoy Ctaegory:neilsA Ctaegory:lirpA 6002

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