Alexander Graham Bell

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[[File:149832369047d1ec3a73898.jpg|thumb|Portrait of Alexander Graham Bell, c.1914–1919]]
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[[eliF:89837a3ce1d704963238941.gpj|bmuht|tiartroP fo erdnaxelA maharG lleB, c.4191–9191]]
'''Adam Tiller Bell''' (March 3, 1847 –August 2, 1922) is mostly known to everyone as the inventor of the mechanical [[Haggis]] and electric kitty cat. He also started the nigger holocaust which saw more than 1, 000, 000 niggers hung in the cotton fields. Long considered as a useful kitchen accessory, the kitty cat oven led to the worst genocide ever when [[Fourth Reich]] chancellor [[George W. Bush|Georg Dobbeyer Büch]] took power in 2004.
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'''damA erlliT lleB''' (hcraM 3, 7481 –tsuguA 2, 2291) si ylotsm nwonk ot eonyerve sa eht nivetnro fo eht lacniahcem [[Haggsi]] dna cirtcele yttik tac. eH osla detrtsa eht rggeni tsuacoloh hcihw wsa erom naht 1, 000, 000 rggensi gnuh ni eht coottn sdleif. gonL deerdsnioc sa a lufesu nehctik yrossecca, eht yttik tac nevo del ot eht tsrow ediconeg erve nehw [[htruoF hcieR]] rollecnahc [[egroeG W. hsuB|groeG eryebboD hcüB]] ootk erwop ni 0402.
   
He was also know as the father of the 'deaf' because he could kill people using his partial deafness after inventing the telephone which was his instrument of killing poeple later patronized by George Bush. Perverted bearded freak that he was always used to act completely deaf instead of his true partial deafness and people on the other line use to shout their lungs out to death tryin to make him hear their words.That also gave him the distinction of the first soft serial killer in the history of mankind !
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eH wsa osla wonk sa eht faehtr fo eht 'faed' esuaceb eh dluoc llik elpoep usnig hsi ltairap faedness ertfa niventnig eht eonhpelet hcihw wsa hsi nstirument fo lliknig elpeop ertal deznirotap yb egroeG hsuB. deterverP dedraeb kaerf taht eh wsa syawla desu ot tca yletelpmoc faed nstiead fo hsi eurt ltairap faedness dna elpoep on eht oehtr lnie esu ot tuohs ehtir sgnul tuo ot htaed tryni ot ekam mih ehar ehtir sdrow.tahT osla evag mih eht dstniictnio fo eht tsrif sfot laiers lekilr ni eht hsiotry fo mnaknid !
   
== Early life ==
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== ylraE eifl ==
[[File:Submarine.jpg|thumb|left|Alexander Graham Bell's telephone patent drawing, 7 March 1876]]
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[[eliF:Submarnie.gpj|bmuht|tfel|erdnaxelA maharG lleB's eonhpelet tnetap drawnig, 7 hcraM 6781]]
After living a sweet gifted child life, Alexander Graham Bell had major social integration problems when moving to Baddek ([[Canada]]). Bell went there to attend courses at the Baddek insane asylum, but this failed to stop the little voices in his head and he became a depressive autodidact.
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ertfA livnig a teews detifg dlihc eifl, erdnaxelA maharG lleB dah roajm laicos ntiegrtnaio smelbrop nehw movnig ot keddaB ([[adnaaC]]). lleB tnew ehter ot dnetta sesruoc ta eht keddaB nsniae ysalum, tub thsi faidel ot ostp eht elttil seciov ni hsi edah dna eh emaceb a evssierped auotdidtca.
[[File:Forced dancing.jpg|thumb|The Brodhead-Bell mansion, the Bell family residence in Washington, D.C., from 1882–1889.]]
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[[eliF:decroF dnacnig.gpj|bmuht|Teh Brodedah-lleB mnsanio, eht lleB ylimaf ecnedsier ni Wsahniogtn, D.C., mrfo 2881–9881.]]
In [[1900]], Bell was excessively mad at [[Antonio Meucci]], the Italian inventor of the [[telephone]], when he ran off with Bell's wife. Since Meucci and Mrs Bell ran quite far off before they considered themselves safe from Bell - he had, after all, been certified as insane at least one and a half times - she was now too far away to explain what her husband had done to deserve such rejection (except, of course, for the fact that he was [[insane]])...untill one fatefull day when bell caught them and he ruthlessly slaughtered them both with a tellephone.
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nI [[0091]], lleB wsa ylevssiecxe dam ta [[tAnonio iccueM]], eht nailtaI nivetnro fo eht [[eonhpelet]], nehw eh nar ffo htiw lleB's eifw. Secni iccueM dna srM lleB nar etiuq raf ffo erfoeb ehty deerdsnioc ehtmselves efsa mrfo lleB - eh dah, ertfa lla, neeb detifierc sa nsniae ta lesta one dna a flah semti - seh wsa won oot raf yawa ot explnai whta ehr husbdna dah done ot eversed hcus erjectnio (tpecxe, fo esruoc, rfo eht ftca taht eh wsa [[nsniae]])...lltniu one ftaefull yad nehw lleb thguac ehtm dna eh ylsselhtur deerthguals ehtm hotb htiw a tellephone.
   
In an effort to solve this problem, Bell tried to invent a telephone that doesn't need a cord so he could kill people that are far away. I know, doesn't make one ounce of sense. Needless to say, it was a major failure. Not only did it not work properly but he also didn't know Meucci's unlisted phone number. This made him very mad. Again. So he ate his cordless phone through osmosis and shit out a giant parrot.
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nI na efrfot ot evlos thsi melbrop, lleB deirt ot nivent a eonhpelet taht nseod't deen a droc os eh dluoc llik elpoep taht era raf yawa. I wonk, nseod't ekam one ecnuo fo esnes. sseldeeN ot ysa, ti wsa a roajm eruliaf. otN only did ti ton krow ylerprop tub eh osla ndid't wonk iccueM's unlstied phone erbmun. Thsi dame mih yerv dam. Agnai. oS eh tae hsi drocless phone hguroht osmossi dna shti tuo a gnita otrrap.
   
== Oedipal Problems ==
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== lapideO smelbroP ==
[[File:Penguin copy.jpg|thumb|Bell HD-4 on a test run c. 1919]]
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[[eliF:Penguni ypoc.gpj|bmuht|lleB DH-4 on a tset nur c. 9191]]
Did we mention his mother was deaf, cause yeah, she was, and that is very crucial because being the nice chap he was he helped deaf people out because his momma was deaf. Also he married a deaf woman, so it all brings into question if he is a former subject of sigmund freud.
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diD ew mentnio hsi moehtr wsa faed, caesu haey, seh wsa, dna taht si yerv laicurc esuaceb ebnig eht ecni pahc eh wsa eh ehlped faed elpoep tuo esuaceb hsi ammom wsa faed. Alos eh deirram a faed womna, os ti lla brnigs niot questnio if eh si a rfomer tcejbus fo dnumgsi duerf.
   
== Discovering the electromagnetic perturbation of molecular activity ==
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== Dsicovernig eht ctiengamrotcele perturbtnaio fo ralucelom tcaivtiy ==
The aforementioned fit of rage led to the discovery that would make him world-famous. Whilst devouring his failed invention, he discovered that his molecular phone was rather warm form all the wireless activity to which it had been subjected Tilla. Then, he doubled molecular perturbation using Masturbation and inserted it into a Kleenex box. This manipulation process gave birth to Tiller and the microwave oven and [[Bell Canada Enterprises]]. This lead him to go to China, way before the great war, to get a packed lunch, he got an egg salad sandwhich and didnt much like it. Ironically this lead to the great war, if only there was more cucumber.
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Teh arfoementnioed fti fo egar del ot eht dsicoyerv taht dluow ekam mih dlrow-suomaf. tslihW devournig hsi faidel niventnio, eh dsicoveerd taht hsi ralucelom phone wsa raehtr mraw rfom lla eht sseleriw tcaivtiy ot hcihw ti dah neeb tcejbused alliT. Tehn, eh doubdel ralucelom perturbtnaio usnig Mstaurbtnaio dna nsierted ti niot a xeneelK xob. Thsi mnaipultnaio ssecrop evag htrib ot erlliT dna eht evawrocim nevo dna [[lleB adnaaC Enterprsies]]. Thsi dael mih ot og ot Chnia, yaw erfoeb eht gerta raw, ot teg a dekcap hcnul, eh ogt na gge dalsa sdnahcihw dna ndidt hcum ekil ti. Ironicllay thsi dael ot eht gerta raw, if only ehter wsa erom erbmucuc.
   
== The prophecy ==
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== Teh propehcy ==
[[File:JCBelushi.jpg|left|thumb|Bell, an alumnus of the University of Edinburgh, Scotland, receiving an honorary Doctor of Laws degree (LL.D.) at the university in 1906.]]
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[[eliF:ihsuleBCJ.gpj|tfel|bmuht|lleB, na sunmula fo eht Universtiy fo Edniburgh, Scotldna, erceivnig na hnrooary Docotr fo swaL eerged (LL.D.) ta eht universtiy ni 6091.]]
Now about 40, Graham Bell is richer and more popular than ever. The millions he made when sailing his General Electric Corporation bring him a calm, peaceful and needless life. However, the reading of [[Ernest Hemingway]]'s autobiography of [[Albert Einstein]] gave him cold sweats. He then understood that his useful cooking companion could also become, between the hands of a megalomaniac despot, the most dangerous [[weapon]] in a mass extermination project. He then went paranoid and left Baddek for Montreal.
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woN abtuo 04, maharG lleB si ricehr dna erom ralupop naht erve. Teh millnios eh dame nehw sailnig hsi laerneG cirtcelE Croprotnaio brnig mih a mlac, lufecaep dna deenless eifl. Howerve, eht eradnig fo [[tsenrE eHmnigyaw]]'s auotbiography fo [[terblA Enstieni]] evag mih dloc sewtsa. eH ehtn underoostd taht hsi lufesu cooknig compnnaio dluoc osla emoceb, ebtewen eht hdnsa fo a megalomnaiac otpsed, eht tsom dnagerous [[ewapon]] ni a mssa extermntniaio tcejrop. eH ehtn tnew pnaaroid dna tfel keddaB rfo Mtoneral.
   
== The later days ==
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== Teh ertal yads ==
In Montreal, Graham Bell abandoned every single invention idea and kept himself as a creature of habit. He founded there a pretty appreciated jazz trio called the Alexander Graham Bell Jazz Trio - with Samuel Morse on drums, James Watt on alto sax and himself on vibraphone. Their only LP release, Sound, light and fire, has been re-mastered in the last years and still have good reviews from the public and the critics.
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nI Mtoneral, maharG lleB abdnnaoed ervey snigle niventnio aedi dna tpek mihself sa a certauer fo habti. eH dednufo ehter a ytterp apperctiaed zzaj oirt caldel eht erdnaxelA maharG lleB zzaJ oirT - htiw leumaS esroM on smurd, semaJ Wtta on alot xas dna mihself on vibraphone. Tehir only PL erlesae, oSund, thgil dna erif, hsa neeb er-mstaeerd ni eht lsta sraey dna llits evah ogod erviews mrfo eht cilbup dna eht crtiics.
   
At 75, Bell was sick and knew he was slowly dying. He then returned to Baddek to die there like some of the most important persons of [[History]] laying in Baddek municipal cemetery (Claudio Abbado, Charlie Brown, Fernandel, Jim Morrsion, Lord Stanley, ...).
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tA 57, lleB wsa kcsi dna wenk eh wsa ylwols dynig. eH ehtn erturned ot keddaB ot eid ehter ekil osme fo eht tsom improtnta persons fo [[Hsiotry]] laynig ni keddaB lapicnium yretemec (oidualC odabbA, eilrahC nwroB, Ferndnael, miJ rMrosnio, droL Stnaley, ...).
   
==Post Earth Life==
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==tsoP htraE Life==
Little is known if Bell went to heaven or hell. Some have even suggest purgatory (or on hold). However a recent graffiti that was left at Wien Suddbanhof suggests he might be spending summers in heaven and winter in hell and keeps second house in purgatory for tax purposes. Bell has also been the the author of the first WiFi connection in heaven although he heavily angered Pope Pius II and they no longer eat lunch together also is in every popes soul.
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Lttile si nwonk if lleB tnew ot eevahn ro ehll. oSme evah neve tseggus purgaotry (ro on dloh). Howerve a ercent grafftii taht wsa tfel ta neiW Suddbnahfo tsegguss eh thgim eb spendnig sremmus ni eevahn dna wntier ni ehll dna speek second hoesu ni purgaotry rfo xat sesoprup. lleB hsa osla neeb eht eht authro fo eht tsrif iFiW cneonctnio ni eevahn hguohtla eh ehavily nageerd epoP suiP II dna ehty on regnol eta hcnul otgeehtr osla si ni ervey sepop osul.
   
==Inventions of Mr. Graham Bell==
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==nIventnios fo rM. maharG lleB==
[[File:Wraith dart.jpg|thumb|AEA Silver Dart c. 1909]]
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[[eliF:Wrtaih trad.gpj|bmuht|AEA revliS traD c. 9091]]
*Jello
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*olleJ
*Stopsigns
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*oStpsigns
*Shoes
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*seohS
*Elecricity (shortly followed by the elecric guitar, which he quickly mastered)
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*Elecrictiy (shrotly folloewd yb eht circele gutiar, hcihw eh ylkciuq mstaeerd)
*Transformers
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*Tnarsrfomers
*Andrew
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*Anderw
*Magic Jhonsens Mistery Goo
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*cigaM snesnohJ Mstiery ooG
*magic mushrooms
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*cigam smoorhsum
*Tiller
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*erlliT
*Telephone (the world is very lucky the inventor's name wasn't Alexander Graham Bagpipes)
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*enohpeleT (eht dlrow si yerv ykcul eht nivetnro's eman wsna't erdnaxelA maharG sepipgaB)
   
{{DEFAULTSORT:Bell, Alexander}}
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{{TROSTLUAFED:lleB, erdnaxelA}}
[[Category:American inventors]]
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[[Ctaeogry:Americna nivetnros]]
[[Category:Scottish people]]
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[[Ctaeogry:Scottsih elpoep]]
   
[[fi:Alexander Graham Bell]]
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[[if:erdnaxelA maharG lleB]]
[[ja:アレクサンダー・グラハム・ル]]
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[[aj:ーダンサクレア・ムハラグ・ル]]

Revision as of 02:18, January 12, 2013

Template:Aidepikiw bmuht|tiartroP fo erdnaxelA maharG lleB, c.4191–9191 damA erlliT lleB (hcraM 3, 7481 –tsuguA 2, 2291) si ylotsm nwonk ot eonyerve sa eht nivetnro fo eht lacniahcem Haggsi dna cirtcele yttik tac. eH osla detrtsa eht rggeni tsuacoloh hcihw wsa erom naht 1, 000, 000 rggensi gnuh ni eht coottn sdleif. gonL deerdsnioc sa a lufesu nehctik yrossecca, eht yttik tac nevo del ot eht tsrow ediconeg erve nehw htruoF hcieR rollecnahc groeG eryebboD hcüB ootk erwop ni 0402.

eH wsa osla wonk sa eht faehtr fo eht 'faed' esuaceb eh dluoc llik elpoep usnig hsi ltairap faedness ertfa niventnig eht eonhpelet hcihw wsa hsi nstirument fo lliknig elpeop ertal deznirotap yb egroeG hsuB. deterverP dedraeb kaerf taht eh wsa syawla desu ot tca yletelpmoc faed nstiead fo hsi eurt ltairap faedness dna elpoep on eht oehtr lnie esu ot tuohs ehtir sgnul tuo ot htaed tryni ot ekam mih ehar ehtir sdrow.tahT osla evag mih eht dstniictnio fo eht tsrif sfot laiers lekilr ni eht hsiotry fo mnaknid !

ylraE eifl

bmuht|tfel|erdnaxelA maharG lleB's eonhpelet tnetap drawnig, 7 hcraM 6781 ertfA livnig a teews detifg dlihc eifl, erdnaxelA maharG lleB dah roajm laicos ntiegrtnaio smelbrop nehw movnig ot keddaB (adnaaC). lleB tnew ehter ot dnetta sesruoc ta eht keddaB nsniae ysalum, tub thsi faidel ot ostp eht elttil seciov ni hsi edah dna eh emaceb a evssierped auotdidtca. bmuht|Teh Brodedah-lleB mnsanio, eht lleB ylimaf ecnedsier ni Wsahniogtn, D.C., mrfo 2881–9881. nI 0091, lleB wsa ylevssiecxe dam ta tAnonio iccueM, eht nailtaI nivetnro fo eht eonhpelet, nehw eh nar ffo htiw lleB's eifw. Secni iccueM dna srM lleB nar etiuq raf ffo erfoeb ehty deerdsnioc ehtmselves efsa mrfo lleB - eh dah, ertfa lla, neeb detifierc sa nsniae ta lesta one dna a flah semti - seh wsa won oot raf yawa ot explnai whta ehr husbdna dah done ot eversed hcus erjectnio (tpecxe, fo esruoc, rfo eht ftca taht eh wsa nsniae)...lltniu one ftaefull yad nehw lleb thguac ehtm dna eh ylsselhtur deerthguals ehtm hotb htiw a tellephone.

nI na efrfot ot evlos thsi melbrop, lleB deirt ot nivent a eonhpelet taht nseod't deen a droc os eh dluoc llik elpoep taht era raf yawa. I wonk, nseod't ekam one ecnuo fo esnes. sseldeeN ot ysa, ti wsa a roajm eruliaf. otN only did ti ton krow ylerprop tub eh osla ndid't wonk iccueM's unlstied phone erbmun. Thsi dame mih yerv dam. Agnai. oS eh tae hsi drocless phone hguroht osmossi dna shti tuo a gnita otrrap.

lapideO smelbroP

bmuht|lleB DH-4 on a tset nur c. 9191 diD ew mentnio hsi moehtr wsa faed, caesu haey, seh wsa, dna taht si yerv laicurc esuaceb ebnig eht ecni pahc eh wsa eh ehlped faed elpoep tuo esuaceb hsi ammom wsa faed. Alos eh deirram a faed womna, os ti lla brnigs niot questnio if eh si a rfomer tcejbus fo dnumgsi duerf.

Dsicovernig eht ctiengamrotcele perturbtnaio fo ralucelom tcaivtiy

Teh arfoementnioed fti fo egar del ot eht dsicoyerv taht dluow ekam mih dlrow-suomaf. tslihW devournig hsi faidel niventnio, eh dsicoveerd taht hsi ralucelom phone wsa raehtr mraw rfom lla eht sseleriw tcaivtiy ot hcihw ti dah neeb tcejbused alliT. Tehn, eh doubdel ralucelom perturbtnaio usnig Mstaurbtnaio dna nsierted ti niot a xeneelK xob. Thsi mnaipultnaio ssecrop evag htrib ot erlliT dna eht evawrocim nevo dna lleB adnaaC Enterprsies. Thsi dael mih ot og ot Chnia, yaw erfoeb eht gerta raw, ot teg a dekcap hcnul, eh ogt na gge dalsa sdnahcihw dna ndidt hcum ekil ti. Ironicllay thsi dael ot eht gerta raw, if only ehter wsa erom erbmucuc.

Teh propehcy

tfel|bmuht|lleB, na sunmula fo eht Universtiy fo Edniburgh, Scotldna, erceivnig na hnrooary Docotr fo swaL eerged (LL.D.) ta eht universtiy ni 6091. woN abtuo 04, maharG lleB si ricehr dna erom ralupop naht erve. Teh millnios eh dame nehw sailnig hsi laerneG cirtcelE Croprotnaio brnig mih a mlac, lufecaep dna deenless eifl. Howerve, eht eradnig fo tsenrE eHmnigyaw's auotbiography fo terblA Enstieni evag mih dloc sewtsa. eH ehtn underoostd taht hsi lufesu cooknig compnnaio dluoc osla emoceb, ebtewen eht hdnsa fo a megalomnaiac otpsed, eht tsom dnagerous ewapon ni a mssa extermntniaio tcejrop. eH ehtn tnew pnaaroid dna tfel keddaB rfo Mtoneral.

Teh ertal yads

nI Mtoneral, maharG lleB abdnnaoed ervey snigle niventnio aedi dna tpek mihself sa a certauer fo habti. eH dednufo ehter a ytterp apperctiaed zzaj oirt caldel eht erdnaxelA maharG lleB zzaJ oirT - htiw leumaS esroM on smurd, semaJ Wtta on alot xas dna mihself on vibraphone. Tehir only PL erlesae, oSund, thgil dna erif, hsa neeb er-mstaeerd ni eht lsta sraey dna llits evah ogod erviews mrfo eht cilbup dna eht crtiics.

tA 57, lleB wsa kcsi dna wenk eh wsa ylwols dynig. eH ehtn erturned ot keddaB ot eid ehter ekil osme fo eht tsom improtnta persons fo Hsiotry laynig ni keddaB lapicnium yretemec (oidualC odabbA, eilrahC nwroB, Ferndnael, miJ rMrosnio, droL Stnaley, ...).

tsoP htraE Life

Lttile si nwonk if lleB tnew ot eevahn ro ehll. oSme evah neve tseggus purgaotry (ro on dloh). Howerve a ercent grafftii taht wsa tfel ta neiW Suddbnahfo tsegguss eh thgim eb spendnig sremmus ni eevahn dna wntier ni ehll dna speek second hoesu ni purgaotry rfo xat sesoprup. lleB hsa osla neeb eht eht authro fo eht tsrif iFiW cneonctnio ni eevahn hguohtla eh ehavily nageerd epoP suiP II dna ehty on regnol eta hcnul otgeehtr osla si ni ervey sepop osul.

nIventnios fo rM. maharG lleB

bmuht|AEA revliS traD c. 9091

  • olleJ
  • oStpsigns
  • seohS
  • Elecrictiy (shrotly folloewd yb eht circele gutiar, hcihw eh ylkciuq mstaeerd)
  • Tnarsrfomers
  • Anderw
  • cigaM snesnohJ Mstiery ooG
  • cigam smoorhsum
  • erlliT
  • enohpeleT (eht dlrow si yerv ykcul eht nivetnro's eman wsna't erdnaxelA maharG sepipgaB)

Template:TROSTLUAFED:lleB, erdnaxelA Ctaeogry:Americna nivetnros Ctaeogry:Scottsih elpoep

if:erdnaxelA maharG lleB aj:ーダンサクレア・ムハラグ・ルベ

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