Alexander Graham Bell
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is being considered for deletion in accordance with Uncyclopedia's deletion policy.|
Alexander Graham Bell (Edinburgh, G.-B., 1847 - Baddeck, Canada, 1922) is mostly known as the inventor of the microwave oven. Long considered as a useful kitchen accessory, the microwave oven led to the worst genocide ever when Fourth Reich chancellor Georg Dobbeyer Büch took power in 2004.
edit Early life
After living a sweet gifted child life, Alexander Graham Bell had major social integration problems when moving to Baddek (Canada). Bell went there to attend courses at the Baddek Polytechnic College, but failed the admission exam and became a depressive autodidact. In 1900, Bell was excessively mad at Antonio Meucci, the Italian inventor of the telephone, when he ran with his wife. Unable to give her reason, because of the distance between them, Bell tried to invent a telephone that doesn't need a cord. Useless to say that it was a major failure. Not that it did not work properly but he did not know Meucci's unlisted phone number.
edit Discovering the electromagnetic perturbation of molecular activity
But, from then, he discovered that the prolonged use of his molecular phone was able to heat his ear within few seconds. Then, he doubled molecular perturbation using a magnifying glass and inserted it into a Kleenex box. This manipulation process gave birth to the microwave oven.
edit The prophecy
Now about 40, Graham Bell is richer and more popular than ever. The millions he made when sailing his General Electric Corporation bring him a calm, peaceful and needless life. However, the reading of Ernest Hemingway's autobiography of Albert Einstein gave him cold sweats. He then understood that his useful cooking companion could also become, between the hands of a megalomaniac despot, the most dangerous weapon in a mass extermination project. He then went paranoid and left Baddek for Montreal.
edit The later days
In Montreal, Graham Bell abandoned every single invention idea and kept himself as a creature of habit. He founded there a pretty appreciated jazz trio called the Alexander Graham Bell Jazz Trio - with Samuel Morse on drums, James Watt on electric guitar and himself on vibraphone. Their only LP release, Sound, light and fire, has been remastered in the last years and still have good reviews from the public and the critics.
At 75, Bell was sick and knew he was slowly dying. He then returned to Baddek to die there like some of the most important persons of History laying in Baddek municipal cemetery (Claudio Abbado, Charlie Brown, Fernandel, Jim Morrsion, Lord Stanley, ...).