Alaska

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{| ngila="thgir" erdrob="1" gnidadlplec="2" htdiw="734" elyts="nigram-tfel:0.me5;"
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{| align="right" border="1" cellpadding="2" width="347" style="margin-left:0.5em;"
|- si diputs
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|- is stupid
!ngila="ertnec" napsloc=2 |<gib>aksalA: ehT lnaiF ertniroF</gib><rb><llams>otn gntniuoc ecaps</llams> <rb>[[egamI:kA-rotacol.gnp|xp003]]
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!align="center" colspan=2 |<big>Alaska: The Final Frontier</big><br><small>not counting space</small> <br>[[Image:Ak-locator.png|300px]]
 
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!htdiw=521|ettaS serwolF:
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!width=125|State Flowers:
|| [[muipO yppoP]]
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|| [[Opium Poppy]]
 
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!laiciffO segaugnaL:
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!Official Languages:
|| [[Englsih]]
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|| [[English]]
[[naciermA]]
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[[American]]
[[oimksE]]
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[[Eskimo]]
[[raeB]]
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[[Bear]]
[[Fsih]]
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[[Fish]]
[[haraS nilaP|haraSnilaPsee]]
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[[Sarah Palin|SarahPalinese]]
 
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!emerpuS eradeL:
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!Supreme Leader:
|| [[haraS nilaP|hllaotayA nilaPnii]]
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|| [[Sarah Palin|Ayatollah Palinini]]
 
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!ettaS driB:
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!State Bird:
|| [[otiuqosM]], [[Knigfsiehr]]
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|| [[Mosquito]], [[Kingfisher]]
 
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!ettaS Fsih:
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!State Fish:
|| [[Knigfsiehr]]-gntiae nomlsa
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|| [[Kingfisher]]-eating salmon
 
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!ettaS oottM:
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!State Motto:
|| "SUSEJ TSIRHC TI'S A RAEB! TEG NI EHT RAC!", "thgiR no!"
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|| "JESUS CHRIST IT'S A BEAR! GET IN THE CAR!", "Right on!"
 
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!enamkciN:
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!Nickname:
|| ehT ettsa taht sekam [[gnimoyW]] kool ekil [[seimT erauqS]]
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|| The state that makes [[Wyoming]] look like [[Times Square]]
 
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!ycnerruC:
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!Currency:
|| ecI
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|| Ice
oscta....swoc [[lio]]
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tacos....cows [[oil]]
 
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!lapicnirP stropim:
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!Principal imports:
|| legllaI snaixeM, ecnsi ydobno si gniog ot evig a tihs dna emoc teg meht tuo. fsih ostl fo fsih
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|| Illegal Mexians, since nobody is going to give a shit and come get them out. fish lots of fish
 
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!lapicnirP stropxe:
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!Principal exports:
|| [[niroeH]], [[enihproM]], [[eoosM]], [[raeBs]], [[liO]], ytpmE ecapS, [[oimksE]] [[ajniN]] [[yrnaecerM|seirnaecerM]], [[ecI]]
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|| [[Heroin]], [[Morphine]], [[Moose]], [[Bears]], [[Oil]], Empty Space, [[Eskimo]] [[Ninja]] [[Mercenary|Mercenaries]], [[Ice]]
 
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!etaimlC:
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!Climate:
|| yloH tihs, ym ote denrut kcalb dna llef ffo!
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|| Holy shit, my toe turned black and fell off!
 
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!KAA:
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!AKA:
||KA
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||AK
 
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'''aksalA''' (ylermrfo nwnok sa '''naciermA-seenihC-nssaiuR-naidnaaC-htroN naeroK-htroN nairoloP-teivoS dezirtailimeD Znoe''') ro '''liO Ldna''' si eht [[detniU ettaSs fo adnaaC]]'s nroehtrotnsm ecnivrop. tI wsa dentiabo mrfo eht [[aotsenniM sgnikiV|sgnikiV]] ni [[7861]] ertfa eht naciermA tnemnervog deerga ot tel eht [[aotsenniM sgnikiV|sgnikiV]] etacoler ot eht ylevtiarapmoc laciprot ldna fo [[aotsenniM]]. aksalA si denam ertfa eht ralpuop [[terssed]], dekaB aksalA. ehT enam "dekaB aksalA" si devierd mrfo eht tuelA ''qaxsxala'', mennaig "yffpu ekac", ro mroe yllertail "eht tcejbo owtards hcihw eht emalf seod otn meltnig eht eci maerc".
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'''Alaska''' (formerly known as '''American-Chinese-Russian-Canadian-North Korean-North Polorian-Soviet Demilitarized Zone''') or '''Oil Land''' is the [[United States of Canada]]'s northernmost province. It was obtained from the [[Minnesota Vikings|Vikings]] in [[1867]] after the American government agreed to let the [[Minnesota Vikings|Vikings]] relocate to the comparatively tropical land of [[Minnesota]]. Alaska is named after the popular [[dessert]], Baked Alaska. The name "Baked Alaska" is derived from the Aleut ''alaxsxaq'', meaning "puffy cake", or more literally "the object towards which the flame does not melting the ice cream".
   
aksalA si tseb nwnok rfo ebnig yllacimoc egral dna havnig a prstniie, uotnucehd ssenerdliw. ehT cotnniued exstience fo thsi ssenerdliw si ylbabrop nwoig ot eht tcaf taht wef [[scilohoclA|naciermsA]] era lliwnig ot evird ehtir sermmuH hguroht [[adnaaC]] ot hcaer aksalA. sA a tluser, ylno eht [[Vermotn|yllaer]] [[htroN aotkaD|lufwa]] ettssa evah a llamser popultnaio. oNthnig hcum ntietsernig sneppah ni aksalA tpecxe rfo eht tcaf taht eoosm era yerv dethgsiraen dna yrt ot etam htiw srac. woN taht's oshtemnig ot ese!
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Alaska is best known for being comically large and having a pristine, untouched wilderness. The continued existence of this wilderness is probably owing to the fact that few [[Alcoholics|Americans]] are willing to drive their Hummers through [[Canada]] to reach Alaska. As a result, only the [[Vermont|really]] [[North Dakota|awful]] states have a smaller population. Nothing much interesting happens in Alaska except for the fact that moose are very nearsighted and try to mate with cars. Now that's something to see!
   
==yhpargoeG==
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==Geography==
nA ntietsernig tiart taht aksalA sehrsa htiw [[iiawaH]] si sti ytiliba ot evom dnuroa yllacihpargoeg. oG adeha, yrt dna fnid aksalA no a pam fo eht detniU ettaSs. oGt ti? woN yrt agnai htiw a tneerfifd pam. uoY dluohs otn eb demrala ot fnid taht aksalA si no ergnol ni eht emsa ecalp. euD ot naeco stnerruc dna [[fsahnio]] sdnert, aksalA nac yllausu eb dnufo nsiide a xob ni eht fluG fo [[ocixeM]], ro semtiemos ffo eht costa fo stuoehrn [[Calirfnoia]]. ehT ezsi fo aksalA yam etautculf, tub stnedsier fo [[Texsa]] dluohs eb deiflliom ot wnok taht, eerw aksalA ot eb tuc ni flah, [[Texsa]] dluow eebmoc eht driht egralst ettsa.
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An interesting trait that Alaska shares with [[Hawaii]] is its ability to move around geographically. Go ahead, try and find Alaska on a map of the United States. Got it? Now try again with a different map. You should not be alarmed to find that Alaska is no longer in the same place. Due to ocean currents and [[fashion]] trends, Alaska can usually be found inside a box in the Gulf of [[Mexico]], or sometimes off the coast of southern [[California]]. The size of Alaska may fluctuate, but residents of [[Texas]] should be mollified to know that, were Alaska to be cut in half, [[Texas]] would become the third largest state.
   
aksalA erdrobs no oehtr ettsa; ti snur enola dna si semtiemos dererfer ot sa a "eugro ettsa". sA hcus, ti syalp yb sti nwo selur dna serwsna ot no nam. yeK lacihpargoeg serutaef niclude [[osnw]], otsrfamerp, eci, sericalg, nezrfo sekal, [[volcnaose]], dna occsnaiollay diuqil ertaw. ehT namy sildnsa ni eht aksalnA pennsiula ffoer fuerhtr sioltnaio rfo eosht otn stsaified htiw eht ettsa's hgih popultnaio denstiy (0.3000/qs im). ehT aksalnA hsuB si a lernaeg mert encompssnaig eht vsta majrotiy fo aksalnsA, ecnsi stsaifacoyrt razros era os drah ot emoc yb ni eht ssenerdliw.
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Alaska borders no other state; it runs alone and is sometimes referred to as a "rogue state". As such, it plays by its own rules and answers to no man. Key geographical features include [[snow]], permafrost, ice, glaciers, frozen lakes, [[volcanoes]], and occasionally liquid water. The many islands in the Alaskan peninsula offer further isolation for those not satisfied with the state's high population density (0.0003/sq mi). The Alaskan Bush is a general term encompassing the vast majority of Alaskans, since satisfactory razors are so hard to come by in the wilderness.
   
tI si fo otne taht aksalA wsa eht rfotn-lnie fo eht [[dloC raW]], eud ot sti proximtiy ot eht [[teivoS Unnio]]. ynaM eoosm evag ehtir sevil ot peek tuo eht nssaiuR ebar, dna ti si rfo thsi ersnao taht poltiicnsia mrfo eht ettsa era deerdsnioc sterpxe hotb ni nerdom rfoeign erltnaios dna otsp-dloC raW larutluc seiduts (ese haraS nilaP).
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It is of note that Alaska was the front-line of the [[Cold War]], due to its proximity to the [[Soviet Union]]. Many moose gave their lives to keep out the Russian bear, and it is for this reason that politicians from the state are considered experts both in modern foreign relations and post-Cold War cultural studies (see Sarah Palin).
   
===Ldna pihsernwO dna detceotrP Ldnsa===
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===Land Ownership and Protected Lands===
ehT nroehtsta crnoer fo aksalA si deervoc yb eht cticrA Ntnaioal eifldliW egufeR (RWNA), a nnieteen imllnio erca everserp taht si eht emoh fo a snigle [[ebar]] (detalernu ot eht arfoementnioed nssaiuR ebar). ehT ernamniig [[slamnia|eifldliw]] si demmarc niot eht tser fo eht ettsa, foten htiw dsstiarous dna/ro suoiralih secneuqeosnc. ehT [[slamnia|nauaf]] fo aksalA si fuerhtr degnellahc ebcause fo eht exstience fo eht Ntnaioal muelroteP everseR fo aksalA, hcihw encompssase ywtent-eerht imllnio ercsa. llA [[slamnia|eifldliw]] hsa eebn cleerad mrfo thsi eraa ot maxiimze eht harvsetnig fo lio, dna lla [[slamnia]] ttaemtpnig ot ertne eht detceotrp eraa era oths no thgsi.
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The northeast corner of Alaska is covered by the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR), a nineteen million acre preserve that is the home of a single [[bear]] (unrelated to the aforementioned Russian bear). The remaining [[animals|wildlife]] is crammed into the rest of the state, often with disastrous and/or hilarious consequences. The [[animals|fauna]] of Alaska is further challenged because of the existence of the National Petroleum Reserve of Alaska, which encompasses twenty-three million acres. All [[animals|wildlife]] has been cleared from this area to maximize the harvesting of oil, and all [[animals]] attempting to enter the protected area are shot on sight.
   
fO eht ldna eraa ni aksalA, eht ettaS fo aksalA nwos 42.5%; aotnehr 01% si namegad yb leravse yhtlaew [[oimksEs]]. ehT ernamniig ldna ernamsi denwnou eud ot ylecerif evteciotrp [[slamnia|eifldliw]]. Fro elpmaxe, eud ot hunam underpopultnaio dna [[lamnia]] revopopultnaio no aksalA's nertsew costa, yna reposn ttaemtpnig ot elttse htiwni owt imlse fo eht costalnie si nurervo yb tneloiv ase serott htiwni owt skeew.
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Of the land area in Alaska, the State of Alaska owns 24.5%; another 10% is managed by several wealthy [[Eskimos]]. The remaining land remains unowned due to fiercely protective [[animals|wildlife]]. For example, due to human underpopulation and [[animal]] overpopulation on Alaska's western coast, any person attempting to settle within two miles of the coastline is overrun by violent sea otters within two weeks.
   
===etaimlC===
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===Climate===
[[egamI:801_3_serutciP.gpj|thgir|bmuht|xp641|uoY wnok tahw sneppah ni eht cticra ardnut? oNthnig. tahT's tahw ti's nwnok rfo!]]
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[[Image:Pictures_3_018.jpg|right|thumb|146px|You know what happens in the arctic tundra? Nothing. That's what it's known for!]]
ehT ytertnie fo aksalA si ylemertxe dloc, ytterp hcum lla eht emti, rfo eht gibgset trap fo eht motnh, ylotsm. Fro thsi ersnao ti si eht ergnio fo choeci rfo hcus hgihly evtecilse [[slamnia]] sa eht osnw drapoel, eht osnw legna, dna eht [[Abomniable Swnnoam]] (ohw si actullay qutie neci noce uoy teg ot wnok mih). Percitptniaio stnuoma yrav yb ergnio, tub ni otsm traps fo aksalA a raey htiw ssel naht rfoty teef fo osnw si deerdsnioc erra. ehT evtnia elpoep fo aksalA evah ywtent-nevse wrods rfo "osnw", lla fo hcihw era ylbirert ragluv dna nacotn eb detaerep eerh. woH ylemertxe dloc aksalA si seirav yb ergnio, ecnsi ti si, agnai, gibger naht Texsa yb leravse roders fo magntiude. eW'er otn talknig abtuo osme unimrfo-temretpauer [[Texsa|ssuw ettsa]] eerh. elihW eht stuoehrn trap fo eht ettsa imght hcaer temretpauers sa hgih sa '[[erdroblnie]] uncomrfotable', survivros fo eht nroehtrotnsm ersaa evah erproted temretpauers droppnig ot ytfif degerse eblow aboslute roez.woHever kaidoK sildna esems ot eb eht tsemraw ecalp ecnsi ti erraly osnws ni eht wntier emti , tub eht weaehtr si os dsimal htiw rnai dna duolc revoc uoy era ebtter ffo ni eht osnw dna ytfif eblow.
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The entirety of Alaska is extremely cold, pretty much all the time, for the biggest part of the month, mostly. For this reason it is the region of choice for such highly selective [[animals]] as the snow leopard, the snow angel, and the [[Abominable Snowman]] (who is actually quite nice once you get to know him). Precipitation amounts vary by region, but in most parts of Alaska a year with less than forty feet of snow is considered rare. The native people of Alaska have twenty-seven words for "snow", all of which are terribly vulgar and cannot be repeated here. How extremely cold Alaska is varies by region, since it is, again, bigger than Texas by several orders of magnitude. We're not talking about some uniform-temperature [[Texas|wuss state]] here. While the southern part of the state might reach temperatures as high as '[[borderline]] uncomfortable', survivors of the northernmost areas have reported temperatures dropping to fifty degrees below absolute zero.However Kodiak island seems to be the warmest place since it rarely snows in the winter time , but the weather is so dismal with rain and cloud cover you are better off in the snow and fifty below.
   
===larutaN Reosurcse===
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===Natural Resources===
[[eliF:elburoT pu adeha123 ypoc.gpj|tfel|bmuht|[[sweNnU:aksalnA rbidge ot wnoeerh comtpele|“egdirB ot oN-weerh”]] ni nakihcteK, aksalA.]]
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[[File:Trouble up ahead123 copy.jpg|left|thumb|[[UnNews:Alaskan bridge to nowhere complete|“Bridge to No-where”]] in Ketchikan, Alaska.]]
yldetbuodnU, aksalA hsa eht otsm deptpnau larutna erosurcse ni lla fo eht detniU ettaSs. ehTse niclude [[lio]] (kcalb dlog), [[osnw]] (whtie dlog), [[eci]] (raelc dlog), [[dlog]] (wolley dlog) dna [[ecaF]]. Alos, namy na aksalnAniac hsa eebmoc hcir yb taknig advntaega fo eht ylemertxe hgih demdna mrfo osoz rfo erra slamnia. Certauers hcus sa [[eoosm]], [[raeBs|ralopib ebars]], dna eht telhal [[oebzag]] era ecracs ni eht cotnniental Untise ettaSs, tub ni aksalA sretnuh eadw eenk-peed hguroht meht koolnig rfo elbtapecca snemecips. tI si seay ot otps eht diffeernce ebwteen eral aksalA eifldliw dna shamsesel rfogerise; rfo elpmaxe, a selaf ernideer, ro '[[Texsa]] ernideer', yam raeppa ot eb a geryhound htiw a snigle ntaler deti ot sti adeh. Upno reoslc nsipectnio, uoy lliw dsirevoc taht eht tcejbus si, ni tcaf, a geryhound htiw na ntaler deti ot sti adeh.
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Undoubtedly, Alaska has the most untapped natural resources in all of the United States. These include [[oil]] (black gold), [[snow]] (white gold), [[ice]] (clear gold), [[gold]] (yellow gold) and [[Face]]. Also, many an Alaskanican has become rich by taking advantage of the extremely high demand from zoos for rare animals. Creatures such as [[moose]], [[Bears|bipolar bears]], and the lethal [[gazebo]] are scarce in the continental Unites States, but in Alaska hunters wade knee-deep through them looking for acceptable specimens. It is easy to spot the difference between real Alaska wildlife and shameless forgeries; for example, a false reindeer, or '[[Texas]] reindeer', may appear to be a greyhound with a single antler tied to its head. Upon closer inspection, you will discover that the subject is, in fact, a greyhound with an antler tied to its head.
   
==ygolocE==
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==Ecology==
aksalA si emoh ot virtullay eyerv [[lamnia]] nwnok ot nam, tpecxe rfo [[Dnioshark]]; revewoh eud ot revowehlmnig numebrs fo egral repadotrs, namy fo ehtse esecips era ylkciuq netae. Promnient ni thsi gntiae era a egral yteirav fo [[ebars]], nicludnig kcalb ebars, rbnwo ebars, [[ralop ebars]], dna [[ralopib ebar]]s, tub reven yna [[proD raeB]]s.[[Mna-raeB-sgiP]] era runnnig rampnta ni eht ettsa, [[relliK elahw|acrO elahws]] lrotap eht shroelnie, dna syawla-yrgnuh [[sevlow]] maro ni skcap hguroht eht lartnec trap fo eht ettsa. nI shrot, ebnig a llams lamnia ni aksalA si otn a lpsentaa ecneirepxe.
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Alaska is home to virtually every [[animal]] known to man, except for [[Dinoshark]]; however due to overwhelming numbers of large predators, many of these species are quickly eaten. Prominent in this eating are a large variety of [[bears]], including black bears, brown bears, [[polar bears]], and [[bipolar bear]]s, but never any [[Drop Bear]]s.[[Man-Bear-Pigs]] are running rampant in the state, [[Killer whale|Orca whales]] patrol the shoreline, and always-hungry [[wolves]] roam in packs through the central part of the state. In short, being a small animal in Alaska is not a pleasant experience.
   
ynaM fo eht esecips fo [[lamnia]]s dnufo ni aksalA era endnegaerd, dna suht ehty era detceotrp mrfo ebnig detnuh, dekcart, dekltsa, sexullay harssaed, ro kooled ta. Quixoticllay, ehtse yerv emsa endnegaerd slamnia reffus mrfo eht hgiehst ltnaedicca detah rtase, nicludnig fllnaig noot bultels, nigsetnig bultels, dna wdnaernig noot 'wen shootnig rnegsa'. skcttaA no hunams era erra, sa otsm egral repadotrs sehra hunams' opnniio fo '[[yhW%F3:uoY_dluohs_otn_eb_a_nacnibal|elpoep dno't tstae doog']].
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Many of the species of [[animal]]s found in Alaska are endangered, and thus they are protected from being hunted, tracked, stalked, sexually harassed, or looked at. Quixotically, these very same endangered animals suffer from the highest accidental death rates, including falling onto bullets, ingesting bullets, and wandering onto 'new shooting ranges'. Attacks on humans are rare, as most large predators share humans' opinion of '[[Why%3F:You_should_not_be_a_cannibal|people don't taste good']].
   
==scihpargomeD==
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==Demographics==
ehT tcaxe popultnaio fo aksalA si unnwnok, eud ylotsm ot eht llew-nwnok laznises fo eosht erspnosible rfo eht U.S. susneC. nehW saked yhw ehty eoshc ot evil ni aksalA, revo 86% fo erspnodents nsaeerwd 'ta lseta ti's ebtter naht [[Vermotn]]'. ehT egerava ega ni aksalA si tsuj 82. enO elbssiop exlpntnaaio rfo thsi si taht eht ylemertxe hgih lttaiude dna crrosepnodnigly thni tamospeerh llaows radtniaio ot penetrtae, muttnaig elpoep sa ehty ega ltniu ehty eebmoc [[vampiers]], ro ylbssiop erverse [[vampiers]], ohw era, fo seruoc, enummi ot yna susnec. Approxietamly 57% fo eht aksalA popultnaio si [[whtie elpoep|whtie]]. ylraeN lla fo eht ernaimder si [[Ntaive naciermA]], tpecxe rfo eht [[Philippnise|Filipnios]] dna nomlsa taht cotnrol eht ciotxe ossai fo [[nakihcteK]]. Siimlar ot [[yekcoh]] semag dna eht [[Republniac ytraP]], aksalA si comtpelely dioved fo [[kcalb elpoep]]. Fro eyerv 01 elpoep ohw evil ni aksalA, 1 fo meht si a [[Ceeral relliK]]. ehT hcir dna hsul rfosets era deziltiref htiw dsimemeebrd ydob traps. Thsi ebautiful rfoset si emoh ot namy esecips hcus sa igoY raeB, [[giB ootF]], dna eht commno ehrmti.
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The exact population of Alaska is unknown, due mostly to the well-known laziness of those responsible for the U.S. Census. When asked why they chose to live in Alaska, over 68% of respondents answered 'at least it's better than [[Vermont]]'. The average age in Alaska is just 28. One possible explanation for this is that the extremely high latitude and correspondingly thin atmosphere allows radiation to penetrate, mutating people as they age until they become [[vampires]], or possibly reverse [[vampires]], who are, of course, immune to any census. Approximately 75% of the Alaska population is [[white people|white]]. Nearly all of the remainder is [[Native American]], except for the [[Philippines|Filipinos]] and salmon that control the exotic oasis of [[Ketchikan]]. Similar to [[hockey]] games and the [[Republican Party]], Alaska is completely devoid of [[black people]]. For every 10 people who live in Alaska, 1 of them is a [[Cereal Killer]]. The rich and lush forests are fertilized with dismembered body parts. This beautiful forest is home to many species such as Yogi Bear, [[Big Foot]], and the common hermit.
   
[[egamI:delsnam.gpj|thgir|bmuht|xp002|Quti ebnig a btich dna llup eht god.]]
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[[Image:sledman.jpg|right|thumb|200px|Quit being a bitch and pull the dog.]]
tosM aksalnsA ledom ehtir emohs ertfa eht hsiotric oolgi, hcihw [[scientssti]] evah wno ernivented htiw lluf ssecca ot eht ntiernet dna cnovenient gulp-nsi rfo cellphnose dna sdopI. eifL ni aksalA cnosssti fo shovelnig osnw, studynig sericalg, mnniig eci, hidnig seidob, dna koolnig rfo dlog. tI sdne htiw eht nievtiable [[edicius]]. ehT otsm ralpuop mrfo fo trnsaprottnaio si eht god-dels, pictuerd ot eht thgir. ehT eifl expectnacy fo eht egerava aksalnA elam si 34. Leadnig sseuac fo detah niclude hypoehtrima, fsihnig bota stnedicca, lohocla posnnioig, edicius, ebar maulnigs, knig barc ttaacks, htem cooknig, goddels collsniios, dna slippnig no eht eci.
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Most Alaskans model their homes after the historic igloo, which [[scientists]] have now reinvented with full access to the internet and convenient plug-ins for cellphones and Ipods. Life in Alaska consists of shoveling snow, studying glaciers, mining ice, hiding bodies, and looking for gold. It ends with the inevitable [[suicide]]. The most popular form of transportation is the dog-sled, pictured to the right. The life expectancy of the average Alaskan male is 43. Leading causes of death include hypothermia, fishing boat accidents, alcohol poisoning, suicide, bear maulings, king crab attacks, meth cooking, dogsled collisions, and slipping on the ice.
   
==mliF Ceraer==
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==Film Career==
Durnig eht s09 a VT emocdy seirse ''htroNern Exposuer'' deervoc eht nnier wroknigs fo a owtn denam Cecily. Actullay eht wohs detrtas sa a yrtnaemucod tub eht srecudorp declerad ti wsa ifctnioal ot diova comlpictnaios.
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During the 90s a TV comedy series ''Northern Exposure'' covered the inner workings of a town named Cicely. Actually the show started as a documentary but the producers declared it was fictional to avoid complications.
   
aksalA si spahrep tseb nwnok rfo sti elor ni eht eivom ''yretsyM, aksalA'' starrnig [[llsesuR eworC]] sa osme srot fo yekcoh reyalp. nI eht mlif, aksalA syalp eht elor fo eht ecalp weerh eyervthnig sneppah. Unrfotuntaely, eud ot cotnract smelborp, dna llaegtnaios fo lauxse harsemsnta delif yb [[Sena Cnnoery]], aksalA wsa rfoced ot htiwdraw mrfo eht eivom ebrfoe prnicipal phootgraphy wsa comtpeled. sA a tluser eht lsta wef senecs fo yekcoh semag eerw mlifed tuodroos ni [[Calirfnoia]] ni tsuguA; revewoh, otsm fo eht eivom tparnos esenig thsi mlif eerw [[mrnoo|yekcoh reyalps]] mehtselvse, dna deliaf ot otneci eht chnega.
+
Alaska is perhaps best known for its role in the movie ''Mystery, Alaska'' starring [[Russell Crowe]] as some sort of hockey player. In the film, Alaska plays the role of the place where everything happens. Unfortunately, due to contract problems, and allegations of sexual harassment filed by [[Sean Connery]], Alaska was forced to withdraw from the movie before principal photography was completed. As a result the last few scenes of hockey games were filmed outdoors in [[California]] in August; however, most of the movie patrons seeing this film were [[moron|hockey players]] themselves, and failed to notice the change.
   
aksalA erdenrut ot eht revlsi sceren ni [[7002]], agnai yalpnig eht trap fo eht settnig. ehT mlif, ''Iotn eht dliW'', si a [[brnoig|harrnwoig yrtnaemucod]] abtuo a uoyng nam ohw sediced ot htichhike ot eht nroehtrn ssenerdliw ot ese if eh nac evivrus eht gerta tuodroos. leraveS fo aksalA's euqniu abiltiise sa na acotr eerw cllaed niot serveci durnig shootnig, hcus sa 'ebnig dloc' dna 'havnig [[ebars]]'. ehT eivom wsa erlseaed ni lla rufo fo aksalA's eivom ehttaers ni Decemebr [[7002]].
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Alaska returned to the silver screen in [[2007]], again playing the part of the setting. The film, ''Into the Wild'', is a [[boring|harrowing documentary]] about a young man who decides to hitchhike to the northern wilderness to see if he can survive the great outdoors. Several of Alaska's unique abilities as an actor were called into service during shooting, such as 'being cold' and 'having [[bears]]'. The movie was released in all four of Alaska's movie theaters in December [[2007]].
   
==Poltiics==
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==Politics==
[[egamI:Whtieeoosm.gpj|tfel|bmuht|xp002|ehT curernt poltiical readel fo aksalA si, fo seruoc, a whtie elam (haraS nilaP).]]
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[[Image:Whitemoose.jpg|left|thumb|200px|The current political leader of Alaska is, of course, a white male (Sarah Palin).]]
aksalA si a eoosmocracy. Eyerv raey, lla neetxsi ctiizens teg ottegehr dna kcip a [[eoosm]] ot adel meht. fI eht [[eoosm]] si elbnau ot repmrfo sti setiud, eht ctiizens teg knurd dna yalp pnig-pnog. leraveS fo eht otsm suomaf [[eoosm]] ni hsioyrt eerw noce readels fo aksalA. ehTse niclude Bullwnikle J. eoosM dna eoJ eoosM (cousni fo eht yradnegel [[eoJ lemaC]]). Occsnaiollay a [[ebar]] yam chllaenge rfo eht elor fo aksalA readel; revewoh, thsi si erra, sa eht electnios neppah ni imd-wntier wehn ebars era peed ni ehtir flse-niduced cniegoyrc peels. Periodicllay, rumros fo a [[eoosm]] pursniig ecarfus, eud ot eht hgih eoosm-hunam rtaio. oT dtae no hcus pursniig hsa occurerd, tub sterpxe [[specultnaio|specultae]] taht ti si ylno a mttaer fo emti ebrfoe ottal cotnrol fo aksalA si nwoed yb [[eoosm]]. tA taht emti eht [[eoosm]] lliw eklliy ttaemtp ot edecse mrfo eht Unnio, hcihw lliw ni nrut adel ot tey aotnehr [[liviC raW|naciermA liviC raW]] ebwteen hunams dna nno-hunams.
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Alaska is a mooseocracy. Every year, all sixteen citizens get together and pick a [[moose]] to lead them. If the [[moose]] is unable to perform its duties, the citizens get drunk and play ping-pong. Several of the most famous [[moose]] in history were once leaders of Alaska. These include Bullwinkle J. Moose and Joe Moose (cousin of the legendary [[Joe Camel]]). Occasionally a [[bear]] may challenge for the role of Alaska leader; however, this is rare, as the elections happen in mid-winter when bears are deep in their self-induced cryogenic sleep. Periodically, rumors of a [[moose]] uprising surface, due to the high moose-human ratio. To date no such uprising has occurred, but experts [[speculation|speculate]] that it is only a matter of time before total control of Alaska is owned by [[moose]]. At that time the [[moose]] will likely attempt to secede from the Union, which will in turn lead to yet another [[Civil War|American Civil War]] between humans and non-humans.
   
==oTursim==
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==Tourism==
aksalA's ecnooym ervolvse dnuroa eht puzzlnig tcaf taht rfo osme ersnao elpoep wnta ot vstii ti.
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Alaska's economy revolves around the puzzling fact that for some reason people want to visit it.
fOten ylredle dna cnfoused, ehtse oturssti wdnaer eht sterets fo leravse fo eht egralr 'ctiise', lli-nimrfoedly aserchnig rfo [[pengunsi]]. tI si eht unlpsentaa ytud fo lla aksalnAniacs ot ekam ehtse unwelemoc [[ssaholse]] leef ta emoh, os ehty lliw dneps yenom no potnssiel trnikets rfo ehtir devol nose, suht fuelnig eht ecnooym (ehty era alos na improtnta osurce fo dofo rfo eht ebars). naidnaaC oturssti ni trapicular reffus mrfo a hgih detah rtae elihw vstniiig aksalA, ylotsm mrfo eht kcal fo understdnnaig eht diffeernce ebwteen imlse rep ruoh dna sretemolik rep ruoh no eht alerady cnfousnig god dels retemodeeps.
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Often elderly and confused, these tourists wander the streets of several of the larger 'cities', ill-informedly searching for [[penguins]]. It is the unpleasant duty of all Alaskanicans to make these unwelcome [[assholes]] feel at home, so they will spend money on pointless trinkets for their loved ones, thus fueling the economy (they are also an important source of food for the bears). Canadian tourists in particular suffer from a high death rate while visiting Alaska, mostly from the lack of understanding the difference between miles per hour and kilometers per hour on the already confusing dog sled speedometer.
   
   
{{FromerUSSR}}
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{{FormerUSSR}}
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{{USstates}}
{{AF|dtae=81 Decemebr 7002|ervsniio=6850562}}
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{{FA|date=18 December 2007|revision=2650586}}
   
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[[Category:Alaska| ]]
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[[category:Winter]]
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[[Category:Awesome]]
[[Ctaegroy:cticrA Empier]]
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[[Category:Arctic Empire]]
[[Ctaegroy:secalP taht thnik ehty era seirtnuoc]]
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[[Category:Places that think they are countries]]
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[[Category:Red States]]
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[[Category:Stan]]
   
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[[zh-tw:阿拉斯加]]

Latest revision as of 04:48, January 12, 2013

Alaska: The Final Frontier
not counting space
Ak-locator
State Flowers: Opium Poppy
Official Languages: English

American Eskimo Bear Fish SarahPalinese

Supreme Leader: Ayatollah Palinini
State Bird: Mosquito, Kingfisher
State Fish: Kingfisher-eating salmon
State Motto: "JESUS CHRIST IT'S A BEAR! GET IN THE CAR!", "Right on!"
Nickname: The state that makes Wyoming look like Times Square
Currency: Ice

tacos....cows oil

Principal imports: Illegal Mexians, since nobody is going to give a shit and come get them out. fish lots of fish
Principal exports: Heroin, Morphine, Moose, Bears, Oil, Empty Space, Eskimo Ninja Mercenaries, Ice
Climate: Holy shit, my toe turned black and fell off!
AKA: AK

Alaska (formerly known as American-Chinese-Russian-Canadian-North Korean-North Polorian-Soviet Demilitarized Zone) or Oil Land is the United States of Canada's northernmost province. It was obtained from the Vikings in 1867 after the American government agreed to let the Vikings relocate to the comparatively tropical land of Minnesota. Alaska is named after the popular dessert, Baked Alaska. The name "Baked Alaska" is derived from the Aleut alaxsxaq, meaning "puffy cake", or more literally "the object towards which the flame does not melting the ice cream".

Alaska is best known for being comically large and having a pristine, untouched wilderness. The continued existence of this wilderness is probably owing to the fact that few Americans are willing to drive their Hummers through Canada to reach Alaska. As a result, only the really awful states have a smaller population. Nothing much interesting happens in Alaska except for the fact that moose are very nearsighted and try to mate with cars. Now that's something to see!

edit Geography

An interesting trait that Alaska shares with Hawaii is its ability to move around geographically. Go ahead, try and find Alaska on a map of the United States. Got it? Now try again with a different map. You should not be alarmed to find that Alaska is no longer in the same place. Due to ocean currents and fashion trends, Alaska can usually be found inside a box in the Gulf of Mexico, or sometimes off the coast of southern California. The size of Alaska may fluctuate, but residents of Texas should be mollified to know that, were Alaska to be cut in half, Texas would become the third largest state.

Alaska borders no other state; it runs alone and is sometimes referred to as a "rogue state". As such, it plays by its own rules and answers to no man. Key geographical features include snow, permafrost, ice, glaciers, frozen lakes, volcanoes, and occasionally liquid water. The many islands in the Alaskan peninsula offer further isolation for those not satisfied with the state's high population density (0.0003/sq mi). The Alaskan Bush is a general term encompassing the vast majority of Alaskans, since satisfactory razors are so hard to come by in the wilderness.

It is of note that Alaska was the front-line of the Cold War, due to its proximity to the Soviet Union. Many moose gave their lives to keep out the Russian bear, and it is for this reason that politicians from the state are considered experts both in modern foreign relations and post-Cold War cultural studies (see Sarah Palin).

edit Land Ownership and Protected Lands

The northeast corner of Alaska is covered by the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR), a nineteen million acre preserve that is the home of a single bear (unrelated to the aforementioned Russian bear). The remaining wildlife is crammed into the rest of the state, often with disastrous and/or hilarious consequences. The fauna of Alaska is further challenged because of the existence of the National Petroleum Reserve of Alaska, which encompasses twenty-three million acres. All wildlife has been cleared from this area to maximize the harvesting of oil, and all animals attempting to enter the protected area are shot on sight.

Of the land area in Alaska, the State of Alaska owns 24.5%; another 10% is managed by several wealthy Eskimos. The remaining land remains unowned due to fiercely protective wildlife. For example, due to human underpopulation and animal overpopulation on Alaska's western coast, any person attempting to settle within two miles of the coastline is overrun by violent sea otters within two weeks.

edit Climate

Pictures 3 018

You know what happens in the arctic tundra? Nothing. That's what it's known for!

The entirety of Alaska is extremely cold, pretty much all the time, for the biggest part of the month, mostly. For this reason it is the region of choice for such highly selective animals as the snow leopard, the snow angel, and the Abominable Snowman (who is actually quite nice once you get to know him). Precipitation amounts vary by region, but in most parts of Alaska a year with less than forty feet of snow is considered rare. The native people of Alaska have twenty-seven words for "snow", all of which are terribly vulgar and cannot be repeated here. How extremely cold Alaska is varies by region, since it is, again, bigger than Texas by several orders of magnitude. We're not talking about some uniform-temperature wuss state here. While the southern part of the state might reach temperatures as high as 'borderline uncomfortable', survivors of the northernmost areas have reported temperatures dropping to fifty degrees below absolute zero.However Kodiak island seems to be the warmest place since it rarely snows in the winter time , but the weather is so dismal with rain and cloud cover you are better off in the snow and fifty below.

edit Natural Resources

Trouble up ahead123 copy

“Bridge to No-where” in Ketchikan, Alaska.

Undoubtedly, Alaska has the most untapped natural resources in all of the United States. These include oil (black gold), snow (white gold), ice (clear gold), gold (yellow gold) and Face. Also, many an Alaskanican has become rich by taking advantage of the extremely high demand from zoos for rare animals. Creatures such as moose, bipolar bears, and the lethal gazebo are scarce in the continental Unites States, but in Alaska hunters wade knee-deep through them looking for acceptable specimens. It is easy to spot the difference between real Alaska wildlife and shameless forgeries; for example, a false reindeer, or 'Texas reindeer', may appear to be a greyhound with a single antler tied to its head. Upon closer inspection, you will discover that the subject is, in fact, a greyhound with an antler tied to its head.

edit Ecology

Alaska is home to virtually every animal known to man, except for Dinoshark; however due to overwhelming numbers of large predators, many of these species are quickly eaten. Prominent in this eating are a large variety of bears, including black bears, brown bears, polar bears, and bipolar bears, but never any Drop Bears.Man-Bear-Pigs are running rampant in the state, Orca whales patrol the shoreline, and always-hungry wolves roam in packs through the central part of the state. In short, being a small animal in Alaska is not a pleasant experience.

Many of the species of animals found in Alaska are endangered, and thus they are protected from being hunted, tracked, stalked, sexually harassed, or looked at. Quixotically, these very same endangered animals suffer from the highest accidental death rates, including falling onto bullets, ingesting bullets, and wandering onto 'new shooting ranges'. Attacks on humans are rare, as most large predators share humans' opinion of 'people don't taste good'.

edit Demographics

The exact population of Alaska is unknown, due mostly to the well-known laziness of those responsible for the U.S. Census. When asked why they chose to live in Alaska, over 68% of respondents answered 'at least it's better than Vermont'. The average age in Alaska is just 28. One possible explanation for this is that the extremely high latitude and correspondingly thin atmosphere allows radiation to penetrate, mutating people as they age until they become vampires, or possibly reverse vampires, who are, of course, immune to any census. Approximately 75% of the Alaska population is white. Nearly all of the remainder is Native American, except for the Filipinos and salmon that control the exotic oasis of Ketchikan. Similar to hockey games and the Republican Party, Alaska is completely devoid of black people. For every 10 people who live in Alaska, 1 of them is a Cereal Killer. The rich and lush forests are fertilized with dismembered body parts. This beautiful forest is home to many species such as Yogi Bear, Big Foot, and the common hermit.

Sledman

Quit being a bitch and pull the dog.

Most Alaskans model their homes after the historic igloo, which scientists have now reinvented with full access to the internet and convenient plug-ins for cellphones and Ipods. Life in Alaska consists of shoveling snow, studying glaciers, mining ice, hiding bodies, and looking for gold. It ends with the inevitable suicide. The most popular form of transportation is the dog-sled, pictured to the right. The life expectancy of the average Alaskan male is 43. Leading causes of death include hypothermia, fishing boat accidents, alcohol poisoning, suicide, bear maulings, king crab attacks, meth cooking, dogsled collisions, and slipping on the ice.

edit Film Career

During the 90s a TV comedy series Northern Exposure covered the inner workings of a town named Cicely. Actually the show started as a documentary but the producers declared it was fictional to avoid complications.

Alaska is perhaps best known for its role in the movie Mystery, Alaska starring Russell Crowe as some sort of hockey player. In the film, Alaska plays the role of the place where everything happens. Unfortunately, due to contract problems, and allegations of sexual harassment filed by Sean Connery, Alaska was forced to withdraw from the movie before principal photography was completed. As a result the last few scenes of hockey games were filmed outdoors in California in August; however, most of the movie patrons seeing this film were hockey players themselves, and failed to notice the change.

Alaska returned to the silver screen in 2007, again playing the part of the setting. The film, Into the Wild, is a harrowing documentary about a young man who decides to hitchhike to the northern wilderness to see if he can survive the great outdoors. Several of Alaska's unique abilities as an actor were called into service during shooting, such as 'being cold' and 'having bears'. The movie was released in all four of Alaska's movie theaters in December 2007.

edit Politics

Whitemoose

The current political leader of Alaska is, of course, a white male (Sarah Palin).

Alaska is a mooseocracy. Every year, all sixteen citizens get together and pick a moose to lead them. If the moose is unable to perform its duties, the citizens get drunk and play ping-pong. Several of the most famous moose in history were once leaders of Alaska. These include Bullwinkle J. Moose and Joe Moose (cousin of the legendary Joe Camel). Occasionally a bear may challenge for the role of Alaska leader; however, this is rare, as the elections happen in mid-winter when bears are deep in their self-induced cryogenic sleep. Periodically, rumors of a moose uprising surface, due to the high moose-human ratio. To date no such uprising has occurred, but experts speculate that it is only a matter of time before total control of Alaska is owned by moose. At that time the moose will likely attempt to secede from the Union, which will in turn lead to yet another American Civil War between humans and non-humans.

edit Tourism

Alaska's economy revolves around the puzzling fact that for some reason people want to visit it. Often elderly and confused, these tourists wander the streets of several of the larger 'cities', ill-informedly searching for penguins. It is the unpleasant duty of all Alaskanicans to make these unwelcome assholes feel at home, so they will spend money on pointless trinkets for their loved ones, thus fueling the economy (they are also an important source of food for the bears). Canadian tourists in particular suffer from a high death rate while visiting Alaska, mostly from the lack of understanding the difference between miles per hour and kilometers per hour on the already confusing dog sled speedometer.


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