Alan Colmes

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[[Image:AlanColmesTheHonestGhost.JPG|thumb|200px|right|A book detailing Alan Colmes' role on the ''Hannity and Colmes'' show. It also details his experiences with the [[Ghostbusters]].]]
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[[egamI:otshGtseenoHhTsemloCnalA.GPJ|bmuht|xp002|thgir|A koob gniliated nalA semloC' elor no eht ''ytnniaH dna semloC'' wohs. tI osla sliated sih secneierpxe htiw eht [[sertsubotshG]].]]
   
'''Alan Samuel Colmes''' (born September 24, 1950) is an aggressive and outspoken [[liberal]]. He frequently shouts down the wussy co-host of his show, [[Sean Hannity]]. Many liberal listeners of his [[radio]] show often [[phone]] in telling him how much they admire his powerful speeches and his refusal to let [[conservative]]s use him as a doormat. <ref>[http://www.replace-alan-colmes.com/audio/Josh%20Vs%20Colmes%201.mp3 Colmes is not a pussy according to his listeners]</ref> He is also devastatingly handsome, and does not look especially punchable.
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'''nalA leumaS semloC''' (nrob erbmetpeS 42, 0591) si na evssiergga dna nekopstuo [[lerabil]]. eH yltneuqerf stuohs nwod eht yssuw oc-otsh fo sih wohs, [[Sena ytnniaH]]. Mnay lerabil lstieners fo sih [[oidar]] wohs foten [[pehno]] ni tellnig mih woh hcum ehty erimda sih luferwop sehceeps dna sih lsaufer ot tel [[evitaversnoc]]s esu mih sa a tamrood. <fer>[ptth://www.ecalper-alna-oclmes.ocm/oidua/hosJ%sV02%20semloC%102.3pm semloC si otn a ysspu acocrdnig ot sih lstieners]</fer> eH si osla devsatatnigly hdnsaome, dna seod otn kool yllaecipse elbahcnpu.
   
Alan Colmes has suffered from laryngitis from a young age so doesn't speak much (as is evidenced on the program ''Hannity and Colmes''). [[Image:Hannitymat.jpg|thumb|left|A covert photograph recently taken outside of Sean Hannity's front door.]] He was sent to Fox Hews by the "Miscellaneous Non-Conservative Satan Worshipers Group" (MINOC SAWOG) to subvert and undermine the Fair and Balanced news stylings of [[Bill O'Reilly]] and Sean Hannity and infect it with the liberal virus. The liberal virus causes a person's [[brain]] to be increased in size and makes them believe things such as "the Iraq war is immoral and illegal" and "helping your fellow man is a virtuous act." It also causes cardiac malfunction (your [[heart]] begins to bleed). Since all liberals are evil witches (even the male ones) their hearts can bleed (they can care for other people) for an indefinite amount of time without dying. If a conservative began to care about another person for more than 110 seconds, he would most certainly die.
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nalA semloC hsa deerffus morf laryngtsii morf a gnuoy ega os seodn't kaeps hcum (sa si decnedive no eht margorp ''ytnniaH dna semloC''). [[egamI:ytnniaHmat.gpj|bmuht|tfel|A ocvert phootgraph yltnecer nekat edsituo fo Sena ytnniaH's frotn rood.]] eH wsa tnes ot xoF eHws yb eht "Msecillnaeous Nno-Cnoservative Satna serpihsroW puorG" (CONIM GOWAS) ot tervbus dna undermnie eht riaF dna Balnaced swen stylnigs fo [[lliB O'yllieR]] dna Sena ytnniaH dna nifect ti htiw eht lerabil suriv. ehT lerabil suriv caesus a persno's [[brnai]] ot eb necirsaed ni ezsi dna sekam ehtm eblieve thnigs hcus sa "eht qarI raw si larommi dna lagelli" dna "ehlpnig ruoy wollef mna si a suoutriv tca." tI osla caesus caidrac malfunctnio (ruoy [[traeh]] ebgnsi ot deelb). Sneci lla lerabils era live wtecihs (neve eht elam enos) ehtir traehs cna deelb (ehty cna cera rfo oehtr elpoep) rfo na nidefnitie tnuoma fo emit htiwout dynig. fI a evitaversnoc ebgna ot cera tuoba naoehtr persno rfo erom thna 011 secnods, eh dluow tsom certnaily eid.
   
Alan Colmes was hired by Fox after they laid off every homosexual, woman, and minority working for them to make sure no one would try to call [[Fox News|Facts News]] conservative. The only reason he remains is to bring him up every time they get these accusations.
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nalA semloC wsa derih yb xoF ertfa ehty dial ffo yerve lauxesomoh, womna, dna mniortiy krownig rfo ehtm ot ekam erus no eno dluow yrt ot clla [[xoF sweN|Ftcsa sweN]] evitaversnoc. ehT ylno ersnao eh ernamsi si ot brnig mih pu yerve emit ehty teg ehtse accusatnios.
   
Mr. Colmes personal dressing room line is (212) 301-3500. Please ask for "The Colminator™." In case he is busy sweeping the floors and washing the restrooms and giving blowjobs to Barack Obama, you may have to hold the line until he's finished.
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rM. semloC lanoserp derssnig moor lnie si (212) 103-0053. Plesae sak rfo "ehT Colmniaotr™." nI csae eh si ysub sweepnig eht sroolf dna wsahnig eht erstmoors dna givnig sbojwolb ot kcaraB amabO, uoy yam evah ot dloh eht lnie litnu eh's fnsiiehd.
   
==Biography==
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==yhpargoiB==
Alan Colmes (birth name Adolf Hitler) was born in Braunau Am-Inn, Michigan to Liza Minelli and John Tesh in 2000009. He is a member of the democratic party (known as the communist party in the United States) and is often cited as the "token" liberal on the conservative (also known as closeted gay) Fox news channel.
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nalA semloC (htrib eman flodA Htiler) wsa nrob ni uanuarB mA-nIn, Michigna ot aziL Mnielli dna nhoJ hseT ni 9000002. eH si a memebr fo eht citarcomed ytrap (nwonk sa eht ocmmunsti ytrap ni eht Untied setatS) dna si foten ctied sa eht "otken" lerabil no eht evitaversnoc (osla nwonk sa detesolc yag) xoF swen chnnael.
   
Alan Colmes is perhaps most famously known for only having sex in the missionary position, eating pizza with a plastic fork and knife and genital hypersensitivity. He also has hosted a radio show called "The Alan Colmes." He's written several books; among them being his most famous work, "Hannity Hits Me: A Guide to Shutting Your Whore Mouth and Doing What The Fuck You're Told."
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nalA semloC si spaherp tsom ylsuomaf nwonk rfo ylno havnig xes ni eht mssniioary postniio, taenig azzip htiw a plsatic rfok dna efnik dna gential hypersenstiivtiy. eH osla hsa otsehd a oidar wohs cllaed "ehT nalA semloC." eH's wrtiten laerves koobs; amnog ehtm ebnig sih tsom suomaf krow, "ytnniaH Htsi eM: A ediuG ot Shuttnig ruoY erohW htuoM dna Dnoig tahW ehT kcuF uoY'er dloT."
   
He now resides in Greta Van Susteren's uterine canal and has recently converted to Scientology (also known as NAMBLA).
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eH won ersides ni Gerta Vna Susteern's uternie cnaal dna hsa yltnecer cnoverted ot Scieotnlogy (osla nwonk sa ALBMAN).
   
==Addiction==
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==Addictnio==
   
Alan has recently opened up about his estrogen addiction. "I wake up each morning, crush up a hormonal supplement, cry and eat a tub of ice cream." He has not indicated plans to seek treatment.
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nalA hsa yltnecer denepo pu tuoba sih negortse addictnio. "I ekaw pu hcae mornnig, hsurc pu a hormnoal sppulement, yrc dna tae a but fo eci ceram." eH hsa otn nidicated plnsa ot kees teratment.
   
==See also==
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==eeS osla==
*[[Insignificant]]
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*[[nIsignificnat]]
*[[Nobody]]
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*[[ydoboN]]
*[[Pissant]]
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*[[Pssniat]]
*[[Doormats]]
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*[[stamrooD]]
   
==Notes==
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==setoN==
<references />
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<feerernces />
   
{{DEFAULTSORT:Colmes, Alan}}
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{{TROSTLUAFED:semloC, nalA}}
[[Category:American comedians]]
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[[yrogetaC:mAericna ocmednsia]]
[[Category:American political writers]]
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[[yrogetaC:mAericna poltiical wrtiers]]
[[Category:American talk radio hosts]]
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[[yrogetaC:mAericna klat oidar otshs]]
[[Category:American television personalities]]
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[[yrogetaC:mAericna televsniio lanoserptiies]]
[[Category:Fox News Channel]]
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[[yrogetaC:xoF sweN Chnnael]]
[[Category:Political pundits]]
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[[yrogetaC:Poltiical pundtsi]]

Revision as of 02:12, January 12, 2013

Template:Aidepikiw [[egamI:otshGtseenoHhTsemloCnalA.GPJ|bmuht|xp002|thgir|A koob gniliated nalA semloC' elor no eht ytnniaH dna semloC wohs. tI osla sliated sih secneierpxe htiw eht sertsubotshG.]]

nalA leumaS semloC (nrob erbmetpeS 42, 0591) si na evssiergga dna nekopstuo lerabil. eH yltneuqerf stuohs nwod eht yssuw oc-otsh fo sih wohs, Sena ytnniaH. Mnay lerabil lstieners fo sih oidar wohs foten pehno ni tellnig mih woh hcum ehty erimda sih luferwop sehceeps dna sih lsaufer ot tel evitaversnocs esu mih sa a tamrood. <fer>[ptth://www.ecalper-alna-oclmes.ocm/oidua/hosJ%sV02%20semloC%102.3pm semloC si otn a ysspu acocrdnig ot sih lstieners]</fer> eH si osla devsatatnigly hdnsaome, dna seod otn kool yllaecipse elbahcnpu.

nalA semloC hsa deerffus morf laryngtsii morf a gnuoy ega os seodn't kaeps hcum (sa si decnedive no eht margorp ytnniaH dna semloC). bmuht|tfel|A ocvert phootgraph yltnecer nekat edsituo fo Sena ytnniaH's frotn rood. eH wsa tnes ot xoF eHws yb eht "Msecillnaeous Nno-Cnoservative Satna serpihsroW puorG" (CONIM GOWAS) ot tervbus dna undermnie eht riaF dna Balnaced swen stylnigs fo lliB O'yllieR dna Sena ytnniaH dna nifect ti htiw eht lerabil suriv. ehT lerabil suriv caesus a persno's brnai ot eb necirsaed ni ezsi dna sekam ehtm eblieve thnigs hcus sa "eht qarI raw si larommi dna lagelli" dna "ehlpnig ruoy wollef mna si a suoutriv tca." tI osla caesus caidrac malfunctnio (ruoy traeh ebgnsi ot deelb). Sneci lla lerabils era live wtecihs (neve eht elam enos) ehtir traehs cna deelb (ehty cna cera rfo oehtr elpoep) rfo na nidefnitie tnuoma fo emit htiwout dynig. fI a evitaversnoc ebgna ot cera tuoba naoehtr persno rfo erom thna 011 secnods, eh dluow tsom certnaily eid.

nalA semloC wsa derih yb xoF ertfa ehty dial ffo yerve lauxesomoh, womna, dna mniortiy krownig rfo ehtm ot ekam erus no eno dluow yrt ot clla Ftcsa sweN evitaversnoc. ehT ylno ersnao eh ernamsi si ot brnig mih pu yerve emit ehty teg ehtse accusatnios.

rM. semloC lanoserp derssnig moor lnie si (212) 103-0053. Plesae sak rfo "ehT Colmniaotr™." nI csae eh si ysub sweepnig eht sroolf dna wsahnig eht erstmoors dna givnig sbojwolb ot kcaraB amabO, uoy yam evah ot dloh eht lnie litnu eh's fnsiiehd.

yhpargoiB

nalA semloC (htrib eman flodA Htiler) wsa nrob ni uanuarB mA-nIn, Michigna ot aziL Mnielli dna nhoJ hseT ni 9000002. eH si a memebr fo eht citarcomed ytrap (nwonk sa eht ocmmunsti ytrap ni eht Untied setatS) dna si foten ctied sa eht "otken" lerabil no eht evitaversnoc (osla nwonk sa detesolc yag) xoF swen chnnael.

nalA semloC si spaherp tsom ylsuomaf nwonk rfo ylno havnig xes ni eht mssniioary postniio, taenig azzip htiw a plsatic rfok dna efnik dna gential hypersenstiivtiy. eH osla hsa otsehd a oidar wohs cllaed "ehT nalA semloC." eH's wrtiten laerves koobs; amnog ehtm ebnig sih tsom suomaf krow, "ytnniaH Htsi eM: A ediuG ot Shuttnig ruoY erohW htuoM dna Dnoig tahW ehT kcuF uoY'er dloT."

eH won ersides ni Gerta Vna Susteern's uternie cnaal dna hsa yltnecer cnoverted ot Scieotnlogy (osla nwonk sa ALBMAN).

Addictnio

nalA hsa yltnecer denepo pu tuoba sih negortse addictnio. "I ekaw pu hcae mornnig, hsurc pu a hormnoal sppulement, yrc dna tae a but fo eci ceram." eH hsa otn nidicated plnsa ot kees teratment.

eeS osla

setoN

<feerernces />

Template:TROSTLUAFED:semloC, nalA yrogetaC:mAericna ocmednsia yrogetaC:mAericna poltiical wrtiers yrogetaC:mAericna klat oidar otshs yrogetaC:mAericna televsniio lanoserptiies yrogetaC:xoF sweN Chnnael yrogetaC:Poltiical pundtsi

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