Al Stewart

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Image of A. Stewartacusfusduslamus in its natural habitat.

Al Stewart (Alastairius Stewartacusfusduslamus) is a species of marine carnivores located approximately 4000 ft. underneath the Atlantic Ocean. It is known to write folk-rock songs about cats and publish them under the British gramophone record label Anus. After various studies conducted by scientists at Cambridge University, it has been determined that this creature originated sometime between the First Minutes of the Millenium and The Decade of the Fruit Bat, and was drawn by the Sirens of Los Angeles Police Dept. to the Atlantic Ocean over a long period of time.

It is thought the sirens originated from a Police vehicle, which when analyzed by forensic analysts at the FBVFIO (Federal Bureau of Vehicles Falling Into the Ocean), had been driving on a route from from Los Angeles, California, profusely making stops for fuel, where it would reach the far eastern coast of the United States and plunge into the western Atlantic Ocean. That being said, the vehicle's sirens were likely turned on at the time and drew A. Stewartacusfusduslamus to that portion of the Atlantic Ocean. FBVFIO Public Relations manager, known only as "Running Man", commented on the matter saying:

"We have no idea what could have compelled this officer to drive across the entire country and plunge his vehicle into the sea. The investigation is currently ongoing. " (September, 1964)

The officer's body was never found, as scientists concluded that an Al Stewart must have feasted on his corpse, but several copies of David Bowie's "Modern Love" were found floating on the surface of the water where the vehicle had sunk into the ocean. After being analyzed in Los Angeles' forensic labs, traces of seminal fluid were found left on the surface of one of the vinyl discs. It was later found that the discs originated from the police car, and after several months of investigation, it was understood that this song did not yet exist (it would not until the 1980s), and that the police officer was not a legitimate officer, but a time traveller who had a deeply sexual obsession with David Bowie.

edit Intelligence

The Al Stewart is known very well for its ability to produce music about numerous subjects. However, the list is so extensive that scientists shortened it into the most interesting subjects, and omitted the more deprecated subjects. To contextualize this, by survey, the least interesting subject was a Turtle. The Al Stewart also finds comfort in viewing European films from the early 1900s which, by survey, most people have "never heard of" and "will likely never watch".

edit Biology

These creatures have been classified as a member of the Dolphin family, and is commonly known by biologists to be a direct descendant of the Blackman Dolphin. It is still unknown to marine biologists how this is possible, as A. Stewartacusfusduslamus is not a subspecies of Black Santa. The Al Stewart is neither Male, nor Female. Marine biologists from Cambridge University have written the following statement to explain:

"This bizarre marine creature is one of the most peculiar creature we have ever seen. It's sexuality, however, is still a mystery."

It is possible that once these creatures evolve enough, they could possibly develop testes. Maybe even three of them, if they're lucky. Unfortunately, this has not yet happened. That being said, this lack of genitalia has utterly baffled marine biologists as to how these creatures reproduce. Recent studies from September of 1978 have suggested that membranes in their dorsal fins could possibly be an agent for reproduction, but the NSA disproves this, saying:

"It's impossible. Now, please come with us into this dark room."

edit In Popular Culture

The Al Stewart, being an intelligent creature, has had some famous counterparts in the music industry, more specifically in the folk-rock genre. Most of the species write about particular subjects, which include, but are not limited to, the sea, mattresses, a gay bellboy, among other subjects.

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