Akatsuki
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“I could design better fashion lines than them if I really wanted to”
~ Oscar Wilde on Akatsuki
“It's the Akatsuki! They are so hot right now!”
~ Mugatu on Akatsuki
“Those mysterious black robes with the cloud patterns are simply fabulous!”
~ Maximillion Pegasus on Akatsuki
“If you knew anything, Madara Uchiha is the only fashion designer that has never hired me”
~ Zoolander on Akatsuki's founder, Madara Uchiha
“Kakuzu learnt Sewing from me!”
~ Hitler's mom on Akatsuki
“Im gonna like steal the Akatsuki outfits and like make it my own like style coz like im so like punk rock!”
~ Lyn-Z on Akatsuki
“Were gonna wear Tobi masks for our new album”
~ SlipKnoT on Akatsuki
“I'd like to dedicate my next album to my lord and savior, Jashin!”
~ Marylin Manson on Akatsuki
Akatsuki is a famous multi-billion dollar fashion syndicate from the Naruto universe. The organization was founded by former Konoha fashion designer Madara Uchiha and was lead by former Hidden Rain Village male model, Pein up until his death. The group consisted of 9 of the world's best male models and 1 naked female model, whose modesty is covered by the Akatsuki uniform, all of whom had developed quite big reputations and are known for being extremely freaky. On the surface, the company is merely a fashion organization; but secretly, the company is used to mask Madara's movements and to collect the 9 big, furry, multi-tailed animals to create the ultimate weapon. There are rumors that some members are gay.
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[edit] Foundation
Akatsuki was founded by Madara Uchiha (also known by his more beloved and well known name, Tobi) shortly after losing a slapping match with the leader of the Senju clan for the title of First Hokage. Madara had developed his strong passion for fashion back in his college years. In a sit down interview conducted years later, Madara expressed that he wanted to specialize in creating clothing lines that would appeal to the dark and depressed; or basically to goths and emos. Of course Madara knew how hated both those cliques were, so he combined his dark taste in clothing with Japanese influences and created his first and to this day his most successful clothing line; a long black robe with red clouds which he proudly named "Cloudy Nights". Madara stated that the clouds were red because as he said "with my sharigan, all I see is red." Later on he would add to the Cloudy Nights line some new sandals complete with feet warmers, a blue jumpsuit with fishnet shirt, and a straw hat complete with paper strips to hide his model's appearances. Madara was always a fan of the "tall, dark, handsome, and mysterious stranger look" and wanted to incorporate that into his clothing line. Other clothing lines he created were the "Rag Doll Model" jumpsuit, which he made especially for Kakuzu who always felt compelled to show off his nasty stitches and scars, and "Fangirl's Scream", a t-shirt line made especially for Deidara that included a fishnet shirt that has been cut off at the belly to show off that creepy manly belly button. Also, their clothing line is now copyrighted because of a certain "Organization XIII" who stole their creative mojo for goth trench coats.
[edit] Goal
Akatsuki's goal has and always will be world domination. Of course, Madara always stated he wanted to rule a world that had "good taste in fashion" and made it a second goal to supply the world with his clothing line. Akatsuki's current goal is to capture the 9 giant, furry, animals, seal them in a massive billion dollar statue, and to use their fur to create the ultimate clothing line that would give Akatsuki unimaginable world support for their fantastic design. Thus far, they have collected Shukaku the red-neck Raccoon spirit that lived inside Gaara, Nibi, the Ghostly Two-Tailed Cat (whom made an apperance on Danny Phantom), The Sanbi, a three-tailed demon turtle, 4, 5, 6, and 7 tailed beasts. The ones remaining include the 8 tailed beast which currently resides in rapper-wannabee 'Killer Bee' of the Lightning country, and of course the 9 tailed Fox spirit that lives in Konoha's resident pain in the ass, Naruto.
[edit] Members
Members Whom Are Alive
- Madara Uchiha/Tobi (The True Leader/Pain-in-the-ass)
- Kisame Hoshigaki (Itachi's former partner/bitch/Madara's former bitch)
- Zetsu (Akatsuki spy/Pain's bitch/Madara's bitch/Bitch to himself)
Note: Most of the members still alive are or were formerly a bitch
Members Whom Are Not
- Nagato/Pain (Deceased. Cause of Death: Sacrificed himself to bring everyone he killed back in Konoha. Ah, the kind little pussy.) (So-Called Leader/"God"/Madara's Bitch/Orphan)
- Itachi Uchiha (Deceased. Cause of Death: Illness). Double Agent/Sasuke's Older and Cooler brother/Sex God.
- Deidara (Deceased. Cause of Death: Suicide; blew himself sky-high. After all, art is an Explosion). Terrorist Bomb for hire/artist/homosexual?/Sex God.
- Hidan (Buried Alive. Presumed to be alive, but don't get your hopes up). Gangster/Religious Zealot/Vampire/Psycho Clown.
- Kakuzu (Deceased. Cause of Death: Ripped to shreads by Naruto's spirally wind jutsu.) Bounty Hunter/Pick-Pocket/Gangster/Jew.
- Sasori (Deceased. Cause of Death: Super Sakura; ouch, now that is unfortunate). Artist/Necrophiliac/Puppet/Sex God.
- Orochimaru (Presumed Deceased, Permanently Sealed in Itachi's nose). Legendary Sanin/"Snake" Man (if you know what i mean)/Michael Jackson/micheal jackson wannabe/Pedophile.
Members Whom Chickened Out
- Konan (Left Akatsuki following the death of Nagato. Reason for leaving: With Nagato gone, she didn't wanna deal with a shark guy, a plant guy, and a nut-case so she decided to head out on her own and create a fashion agency dedicated to fashions utilizing paper. Ha, good luck with that Konan)
Another reason for leaving Akatsuki is the Akatsuki Uniform Recycling Rule, which states that all Akatsuki members must remove their Akatsuki Uniform before dying. Since Konan is naked, she did not want to be molested before being killed by some freak.
Member Info Akatsuki currently employees only the best (and of course completely creepy or freaky) models available. Their members consist of:
- Pain- The current leader and former male model of the Hidden Rain Village. He was famous for his work in the "Six Paths Of Pein" line in which he worked with 5 other models to create a unique line of clothing apparel that added body piercings at least six inches long. He currently possesses the rinnegan: a spirally eye condition in which the user can directly control the 6 basic fabrics of fashion, or force people to completely trip out much like the sharingan.
- Konan- Currently, the only female model that Akatsuki employees. The fact that the company refuses to hire any more female models has risen some controversy against the company and has lead the general public to think that Madara only employs male models, metrosexual males, heterosexual males, or gay males. Konan gained recognition for her "Origami" line; a collection of clothing apparel made of paper. The line has been highly praised, but the only drawback is that one can't wear the line in rain or water as it hampers the clothing line if you're a girl; for men it's a blessing when it rains and all the girls are even more naked.
- Itachi Uchiha- Quite possibly Akatsuki's most famous and popular member of all, Itachi Uchiha is a former male model from Konoha. Unlike the other members of Akatsuki, he seems to be the most human of them all. Of course, he suffers from Sephiroth complex; a complex which makes the person have extremely girly looks yet grants them a large number of fangirls and fanboys at the same time. He is a possessor of the sharingan and is well known for his "Tsukuyomi", "Amaterasu", and "Susanoo" clothing lines. Itachi has stated that the line is especially made for those that as he likes to say "lack style."
- Kisame Hoshigaki- One of Akatsuki's lesser known male models that comes from the Hidden Mist Village. Although most of his past work has gone largely unrecognized, he is somewhat known for his work with the band Eiffel 65 and "The Seven Swordsman Of The Mist". He also happens to be Akatsuki's friendliest model and will not hesitate to properly greet those he comes in contact with. Of course he has a nasty habit of killing people who express that they've never heard of him. He is well known for his clothing line "Shark Skin" and "Cut U To Ribbons". He is the secret lovechild of Jaws and an unknown woman, possibly Haku the land of the waves' transvestite.
- Deidara- Another one of Akatsuki's most popular models and the organization's resident closet case / artistic weirdo. Deidara quite possibly has the biggest ego of all the company's models. He was born with two mouths on his hands in which he uses to create his various works of "art" as he all so calls it. With his long, flowing, blonde hair Deidara has long been accused of being gay. This is not the case as Deidara has expressed in multiple interviews that he is merely metrosexual. He is known for his clothing lines which are made entirely from clay. His most famous line is called "Bang".
- Hidan- Akatsuki's resident foul mouth and religious gangster. Having grown up in the hard and rough slums of the Hidden Hot Springs Village, Hidan specializes in mostly vampire, gothic, or gangster appeal. His most popular lines are "Jashin" and "Immortal".
- Kakuzu- One of Akatsuki's oldest models that comes from the Hidden Waterfall Village. He suffered an unfortunate sweatshop accident and his body is now covered in scars and stitches. Of course this doesn't faze him as he seems to have a decent number of fangirls (which is pretty disgusting). He designed and knitted his own clothing lines "Thread" and "Animal" which utilize his unique taste for animals and knitting. Of course he also he also is well known for making the "Mon-Nay" clothing line which is made completely of money.
- Sasori- One of Akatsuki's best known models. He comes from the Hidden Sand Village and is the cousin of Gaara. Madara hired him not only for his specialty in the puppets and art department, but because he loves redheads. Sasori is well known for designing the "Naughty Boy" and "Strings" line which utilizes strings and brings out that truly creepy puppet look. Sasori became a martyr for Akatsuki when he sacrificed himself to prevent Super Sakura from discovering the secret of his upcoming clothing line.
- Zetsu- Zetsu is perhaps Akatsuki's most mysterious member. He is a former member of Bowser's minions and hails from the Mushroom Kingdom. Madara hired Zetsu because he truly liked his unique look and thought that having a more wild and exotic model would help expand Akatsuki to a larger audience. Zetsu utilizes plants in his clothing line and is very well known for his "Camouflage" line.
- Orochimaru- Akatsuki's most infamous and controversial member. Orochimaru is another former male model that comes from the Hidden Leaf Village. He was one of Akatsuki's more disturbing models as he made unwanted advances towards his comrade Itachi Uchiha. Of course, when Itachi refused, Orochimaru left the organization to start his own modeling and fashion syndicate, The Sound. While he was in Akatsuki, he was well know for his clothing line "Snake".
- Tobi- This is Madara's alter ego when he chooses to make public appearances. He is the goofiest and fun-going member in the organization. His clothing line incorporates pumpkin and halloween designs as Tobi happens to be a huge fan of Halloween designs. His best work is "Tobi's a Good-Boy". (Alter ego T.W.)
[edit] The Teams
Because an organization consisting of nine men and one woman (not counting Pain's female body) could obviously lead to problems if they were always under the same roof (not to mention the fan girls would never cut out their disgusting fan-fiction desires), Madara saw it fit to seperate the members into two man groups. The teams were meant to compliment each other's abilities, create interesting criminal pairings, to match their sick personalities, and unfortunately to create unwanted Yaoi pairings.
Teams That Are Active
- Senior: Madara/Tobi
- Bitch: Kisame
- Team Nickname: Team Aqua Pumpkin
A team consisting of the head cock and former good boy and the son of Jaws. Madara enjoys watching Soap Opera and listening to Opera whilst the Tobi side of him loves Polka and watching Charlie Brown and Kisame enjoys good old rock and roll and watching his father's movies. This team was formed immediatly following the unfortunate passing of Itachi Uchiha. Kisame felt better dealing with Tobi once he realized it was his former teach pulling the strings. Currently they are standing motionlessly untop of their Mendos Grande statue sealing the tail of the Eight-Beast which Sauske Uchiha failed to capture.
- Senior: Himself
- Bitch: Himself
- Team Nickname: Team Organic Predator
- Note: His white and black halves alternate positions in the team**
A team which consists of a single plant man. Zetsu's hobbies include standing around motionlessly, blending in with the enviroment, photosynthesis, and talking to himself. His black half enjoys Rock music and his White side prefers Country music. Zetsu is currently standing in still motion alongside Tobi and Kisame sealing the tail of the Eight-Tailed Beast which Konoha's former emo kid failed to capture.
Teams That Are No Longer Active
Pain/Konan
- Senior: Pain/Nagato
- Bitch: Konan
- Team Nickname: Team God Complex
A team of former orphans consisting of a fragile, little, ginger boy with God complex and a girl into origami. Pain enjoys death metal and piercings while Konana enjoys J-Pop and origami. Konan refers to Pain by his real name of "Nagato" whilst Pain refers to her as "bitch". This team was sent to capture the nine-tailed fox demon and while they destroyed the Leaf Village in super, special, awesome manner, Pain was defeated by Naruto and his perverted frog jutsus. Konan did nothing because she is worthless. Pain is currently wasting manga chapters explaining his dark and angsty past to Naruto.
- Senior: Itachi
- Bitch: Kisame
- Team Nickname: Team BFF (Best Friends Forever)
A team which was arguably Akatsuki's most successful team. Itachi was Akatsuki's most popular member and was a worldwide sex god; Kisame mostly rode on Itachi's coat-tails to success, but found success never the less. The two unlike the other teams in the organization got along famously and never had constant bitch fits like Deidara and Sasori and Hidan and Kakuzu. They basically were best friends forever; hence the nickname Team BBF.
- Senior: Deidara (Of course he was better known as Senpai by Tobi)
- Bitch: Tobi (Of course, considering he is actually Madara; could he have possibly only pretended to be the bitch?!?)
- Team Nickname: Team Nutcase
A rather humorous and comedic pairing that is arguably Akatsuki's most popular pairing (as evident by the numerous Yaoi videos their massive amount of fan-girls have created on Youtube. Whilst Deidara was the senior of the group, Tobi preferred to call him "Senpai" (Japanese for "teacher"). Tobi even claimed himself to be "a schoolgirl in love with her senpai". Aww ain't that cute? Tobi is sexually confused. Better call the fan police because the fan-girls are gonna be going crazy at this stuff.
- Senior: Kakuzu (Techincally speaking since he is older, but Hidan is nobody's bitch)
- Bitch: Hidan (Well, Kakuzu said otherwise and you must always respect your elders; even if they are Jewish and Homocidal)
- Team Nickname: Team Ghetto (Evident by the fact that both act mad gangster and have foul mouths)
A rather vulgar and evil combination. This was by far Akatsuki's most effective team. At the same time, it was also their most troublesome team. Kakuzu and Hidan's personal habits tended to get on each other's nerves; Hidan's religion, foul mouth, and the taste for theatrics tended to piss Kakuzu off and Kakuzu's love of money and habit of being Jewish tended to get on Hidan's nerves. Never the less, this was one kick ass team and because they both had a method of immortallity, they couldn't be brought down so easily (unless one is to call Shikamaru, Paddington Bear and Naruto). Respect their authority bitches!
- Senior: Sasori
- Bitch: Deidara
- Team Nickname: Team Art (Well that wasn't so creative. Perhaps you'd prefer Team Necrophilia Explosion? or perhaps Leonerdo Da Puppet)
An effective team that got along rather well, but the two had different views on art. Sasori believed that art lasted forever and was meant to satisfy the beholder's vivid imagination (this coming from the kid that was forced to make sex-puppets for pirates) and Deidara believed art was meant to be created for a brief moment of admiration and if the person didn't like it, it could explode and blow the little shit to hell.
- Senior: Orochimaru
- Bitch: Sasori
- Team Nickname: Team Problem-Phile (HA! Get it? Problem Phile? You know like their problems for their respective philias such as Orochimaru's pedophilia and Sasori's necrophilia? Erm, yeah I don't get it either)
A duo that according to Sasori got along rather famously. Sasori claimed however that Orochi forced him to make toys to lure little children to his Sound village where they couid play in his amusment park. Afte Orochimaru left the organization due to his on-going pedophilia court case, Sasori developed a grudge against his former master.
[edit] Crimes That Led To Their Deflections
- Madara Uchiha/Tobi: Attacked The Hidden Leaf Village over an argument of conflicting beliefs in fashion with the First Hokage
- Itachi Uchiha: After murdering his clan (under the Village's orders "wink") and claiming all within the village lacked "fashion sense"
- Kisame Hoshigaki: Murdering numerous people in his village that claimed they had no knowledge of his past accomplishments in the music industry.
- Deidara: Becoming an artist and killing all whom didn't appreciate his supposed "art" and for being branded by the others in the village as a homosexual (Faggotry in The Hidden Rock Village was claimed to be immoral and because it went against their beliefs that were similar to Nazi Germany.
- Hidan: Oh where to begin with this guy? In a nutshell, for causing never-ending gang warfare in his Village; the Hidden Hot Springs Village, for cursing at the elderly, and for causing spreading anarchy dressed as a psycho-clown.
- Kakuzu: Murdering the Village leaders for their conversion to Rockism (The Hidden Rock Village's similar beliefs to Nazism) because of his Jewish beliefs and for stealing the change found in the village well.
- Sasori: For his sick desire in Necrophilia and for making sex puppets for various crimminal organziations. Also for the fact he once associated himself with pirates and murdered the Third Kazekage (over a childish argument over whom was the cutest puppet; him or his younger brother, Pinocchio.
- Orochimaru: For conducting various human experimentations that were highly forbidden and for his pedohiplia.
- Zetsu: For being a conflicting individual that was too much of a hassle for his former boss, Bowser and his repeated failures against Mario.
[edit] Reasons For Recruitment
Aside for the fact that each member has a goal to spread their ideals of fashion to the rest of the world, they each have a goal they wish to accomplish whilst in the organization. Of course because they have far too many goals each, Pain has allowed them each to only choose one reason. Of course, they didn't listen to that and neither did Pain for that reason.
- Nagato/Pain: To avenge my friend and get revenge on the whole world. Oh and to unlock the secrets of the six basic types of fabric to weave the ultimate work of fashion. And because...Madara told me...to?
- Konan: To create the ultimate work of fashion by utilizing paper as the base. Oh wait, aren't the hippies going to protest against that?
- Itachi Uchiha: To punish those whom "lack style".
- Kisame Hoshigaki: To become "noticed" and to get "acquainted" with Kurenai!
- Deidara: To be harled as the supreme god of all that is "art". And to find shelter from those goddamn fan girls.
- Hidan: What the f*** is it to you, you ****-sucking, m***** f***er? I guess it's to in the words of shark boy, "get acquainted" with yo momma and f*** her in da ass four times!
- Kakuzu: To become the richest m***** f***in Jew in the entire universe. Oh and to finally get a bagel that doesn't cost one goddamn dollar! Aye Dear Moses, why can't other Bagel stores sell their bagels for 5 cents like Akatsuki?
- Zetsu: To stop being a threat to myself and others.
- Sasori: To create the ultimate work of art; yet another sex-puppet, but this time, it'll be big and covered in glitter and stuff. Yeah it'll be awesome!
- Madara/Tobi: To become the #1 fashion syndicate on the planet and to obtain the 9 big, furry, multi-tailed beasts to create the ultimate work of fashion. Oh and to be a good boy because I Tobi am a good boy!
[edit] Decline
As Akatsuki's stock began to skyrocket, rival fashion syndicates such as Mugatu and Ball's Models began to grow jealous of their foreign competition. Rival companies began to send mercenaries and assassins to deal with the organization's members, but found little success. When their assassins failed, the syndicates hired Naruto and his gang to deal with the group. One by one, the group's models began to turn up dead.
- Sasori was the first to go when he sacrificed himself to protect the secret of his new clothing line from Sakura.
- Hidan went missing, his secretary Shikamaru Nara stating in an interview that Hidan must have got "buried in his work".
- Kakuzu, Hidan's partner, suffered four heart attacks at once and was found shredded to pieces. Various sources believe Naruto and Kakashi to be the culprits, but police have ruled that the obvious and logical culprit is Kira
- Deidara accidentally committed suicide by blowing himself up, in an attempt to boost his failing products in a publicity stunt, Sasuke being blamed.
- Itachi, the most beloved of Akatsuki, met his demise at the premiere of his of his Susanoo clothes line. Various sources say that Itachi died after suffering 2nd degree burns and dehydration from wearing his Amaterasu line in a walk off with his brother, Sasuke Uchiha before revealing Susanoo.
- Orochimaru, despite no longer being a member was first stuck down by Sasuke who had since formed a squad of elite former model assassins. He later cheated death in an attempt to have Sasuke's body, but was finally struck down permanently by Itachi.
- Nagato/Pein, the supposed leader met his match after a heated debate over what is the ultimate form of fashion. Pain desired an answer from Naruto and Naruto responded by showing him the ultimate male model look taught to him by Zoolander, Magnum! Pain stood in awe over the amazingly beautiful look that he decided to sacrifice himself to revive everyone he killed in Konoha, believing his life to have been fulfilled. Stupid fool, everyone knows that all of Derek Zoolander's faces are the same.
- Konan, following Nagato's foolish sacrifice, Konan proudly declared to the public that she would be leaving Akatsuki as she planned to create the first fashion agency dedicate to paper-enfluenced fashion.
Currently the only members alive are Zetsu, Kisame, and Madara himself. Madara in a sit down interview stated that he was "devastated that his precious models fell to the hands of some fashionless bums." He went on to state that he will not rest until their killers were dead or had more appreciation for fashion, which ever came first. Oh and he plans to have Kisame hunt down Konan as payment for her bitchy betrayal. Kisame has stated in a follow up interview that he "can't wait to get aqcuainted with her". Ha, oh Kisame, you and your sex addiction.
[edit] Clothing Lines Available by Akatsuki
- Cloudy Nights (Black robe with red cloud patterns. Main target demograph: Freaks and criminals. This is the company's most successful line)
- Rag Doll Model (A sleeveless jumpsuit. Main target demograph: Weirdos who love to show off their scars / stiches, and heterosexuals)
- Fangirls Scream (A fishnet sleeveless t-shirt cut off at the belly. Main target demograph: homosexuals and/or metrosexuals)
- Rinnegan (Spiral patterned clothing line. Warning: may endow its wearer with a severe God complex)
- Origami (Paper based clothing line. Warning: water and frog oil damages the clothing)
- Tsukuyomi (A clothing line using negative colors)
- Amaterasu (Flame pattern clothing line. Warning: Is made of really black material and if worn on sunny days can cause burns and/or dehydration)
- Susanoo (Japanese influenced clothing line)
- Thread (Thread based clothing line. Note that threads are each a quarter-inch thick)
- Animal (Animal-head based clothing line)
- Bang (Clay based clothing line. Warning: May spontaneously combust)
- Jashin (Gothic based clothing line. Comes with official Jashin medallion and crucifixion stake)
- Immortal (Casual open-shirt clothing line. Includes instant makeup kit with black skin dye and white children's chalk)
- Shark Skin (Shark skin made clothing line. Warning: May cause minor to serious cuts)
- Cut U To Ribbons (Ribbon based clothing line. Warning: May cause paper cuts)
- Strings (String based clothing line)
- Camouflage (Plant based clothing line. Warning: may spontaneously disappear)
- Good-Boy (Bright colored clothing line. Warning: May include happy images of dogs catching frisbees, unicorns, and one-eyed pumpkins)
