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“Those plastic BBs are EVERYWHERE dammit!!!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Airsoft

Airsoft is a sport that is very popular in places like Japan where it is believed that the more pain inflicted on one's self, the better you are in the eyes of the emperor. The game is somewhat akin to laser tag mixed with underwater basket weaving and Tunisian croquet. It is best played with manatees and roller skates, although the small plastic BBs tend to be both a slipping and choking hazard for man and manatee alike.

Contents 1 History 2 Early years 3 Airsoft now 4 Airsmiths 5 Manufacturers 6 Types of guns 7 Team Names 8 Chuck Norris powered weapons 9 Robert Goulet 10 See also

[edit] History

Airsoft was first invented by a one "Huy Dizazong" because paintball was deemed to much like painting by numbers, with guns. Groups banded up together to form the fellowship and created something like paintball, but less like Home Economics. This later led to the Paintball/Airsoft Wars of 2069. Thus, the sport was born.

[edit] Early years

With new technology, people started using these in backyard wars. But they got tired of getting shit rained on them all the time, so they found BBs. But they got their teeth knocked out all the time, so they made them plastic.

[edit] Airsoft now

Airsoft now consists of two different people. The people who play for the hell of it, and the stuck up assholes. In comparison the airsoft community is 1% actual players, and 99% asses. In a typical airsoft match, one will shoot at the other and the other will declare "It didn't count!". This action will occour over and over until someone on the team gets PWN'd. Usually the player that gets his ass kicked is the one that was calling his hits but no one cares since they are all pissed at each other. Scoring usually goes by how many kills you can say you made without any being the wiser. Usually the kill to mouth ratio goes 1:3. For every kill you make you tell the others you made 3. The biggest (and most entertaining) problem with airsoft is the fact that everyone gets cocky about their guns. First you have the people who say that its the player not the gun. And then proceed to kick you ass with a classic army PMC upgraded to shoot mabey 440 FPS and 20 rounds in a second. Then you have the people who have a modest gun (mabey 360 FPS at 16 RPS) and they are always screaming about how everyone else is stupid because they dont call their hits or their guns are OP. Lastly you have the know it alls who think they have the most expirience and call everyone else a n00b. These players are usually in the army. or some other lowly armed service just for a buck or two. Avoid these players at all costs. They are dangerous and stupid.

[edit] Airsmiths

To upgrade your gun you need an airsmith. Because as soon as you open your gun you are deemed a newb and a dumbass because you dont know what the hell you are doing. Airsmiths are highly trained professionals skilled in the arts of using a screwdriver, lubricating gears, and placing shims with such precision not even a robot could do it better. You cannot become an airsmith. Airsmiths just appear as 22 yearolds in the streets much like a terminator appears.

An engineer by the name of Ian Matthews had the misfortune of playing airsoft and being a mechanical genius. When he offered his service to others on fixing guns he was immediatley killed by the morons who go as airsmiths

Airsmiths generally have bad practices and never do the job right according to Ian. If you need work done, see an engineer.

[edit] Manufacturers

There are three different types of manufacturers, the absolute POS ones (CYMA,crossman etc), midlevel (JG/Echo1, A&K, etc), and high end companies (TM, ICS, VFC, etc). Out of those groups, there's the Cybergun clear Desert Eagle, and the TM Mini AK47, which are basically the ultimate airsoft guns. Claims say that they run to 250k shots with no issues at 410-450 fps. It's pretty sick.

[edit] Types of guns

There are several types of guns used in airsoft, including seven basic types.

• Spring Guns- Spring guns are meant to be only used in the spring time. When used in the summer, fall, or winter, it will break and melt in your hands.
• Electric Guns- Electric guns are semi-automatic/selective fire. They run on computer power while carrying the whole PC on your back.
• Gas Guns- Very uncommon, due to rising gasoline prices. The save gas, fart in a jar craze has brought fat people into the field, using these type of weapons. For the

environmentally minded prick, a more fuel efficient hybrid versions are available for $4000 each.

[edit] Team Names

Most airsoft teams will have fancy sounding names like "Ghosts" "Pain" or "Team Warrior" in an attempt to make them sound military, and a part of the special forces. Beware of the teams with names like "Seal Team" or "Delta" or some shit like that - they're probably frustrated call center agents who have nothing better to do than dress up like sissies and play with toy guns. Also, beware of teams with acronyms like "TFB?" or "LOL", "SHIT", or stuff like that - they have received the best training, are "supposedly" physically fit and are the "best" of the "best" and will probably turn traitor or zombie on you if you start threatening them. Teams like "Warrior" also have been known to throw "panty parties" in their respective leaders basement.

P.S. Team PAIN, Warrior, TFB?, LOL, and whatever the crap Towlie is supposed to be don't call hits for nuts.

[edit] Chuck Norris powered weapons

These are usually illegal, and only available in third-world countries through the black market. However many people that have had these guns used on them say that it is like getting kicked in the nuts by chuck norris himself. It's powered by Chuck Norris, nuff said. There is also a Bruce Lee version which when hit by this version of the gun you will grow a small dick and get chinky eyes.

[edit] Robert Goulet

These are a very rare item currently only known to have been bought and sold in Canada. There are apparently cheap knock offs available from Hong Kong, but most reviewers agree they're just a Tony Bennett wearing a fake mustache. ASC Armories carried a very limited run of these a while back, and based on a review done by 'one of the few' the following is known about this model:

Pros:

• Sings all your favourite Goulet songs
• Shoots an impressive 340 FPS out of his eyes
• Stores almost anywhere you can fit a grown sized man
• Keeps his f**king mouth shut at night so you can get some sleep
• Is gay

Cons:

• Requires 3 meals a day of cherry pop tarts and whiskey
• Smokes half a box of cigars a day
• Constantly reminds you of his name while your watching TV
• Doesn't obey traffic lights
• Is dead

[edit] See also

Airsoft guns

Paintball