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- This article is about the seething-ass metal band, not some pussy's idea of a vital human need. In case of emergency, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, take a hard look at the emptiness of your life, and tell you to fend for your own damn self.
My buddy Roach turned me on to Air Supply the week after he got out of juvie, and I finally had a chance to swing by, and his parents were out and he was all smashed on JD and blastin' this music, pussiest shit I ever fuckin' heard, and I'm like, "Roach, what's up with this nancy-ass faggot shit?" And he's like, "Dude, open your ears and step right through the gates of Hell, 'cause this is metal like the Devil meant it." Now, Roach turned me on to Cannibal Corpse. So I'm like, "Roach, seriously, this shit's too lame for my Mom." But then Roach told me that they're totally committed to the Left-Hand Path and they hide their messages so only the initiated can understand.
Why Air Supply is the Blackest Metal Band Ever
Everything about Air Supply is meant to mislead the masses who don't know what they're all about. Like the name "Air Supply", it was chosen to mock the Crucifixion, 'cause when they crucified you you really died of suffocation. And their lyrics are all in code. Like "Love and Other Bruises". Somewhere in the Bible it says that God is love. Get it? They're sayin' the Christian God'll bruise your soul by oppressing you with his slave-morality. And when they say they're "Making Love Out of Nothing at All", it's like, the Bible says God's the only one who makes out of nothing, and Air Supply's all like, "That's bullshit, we're fuckin' gods and we make our own reality." I mean, this is all shit Nietzsche said, but Nietzsche didn't get middle-aged housewives to sing along with it. Fuckin' genius. Also, that guy from Air Supply was the guy who sang the songs in the abysmally lame "Joseph King of Dreams."