From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
AIESEC is a global platform for a bunch of young bandit students who want to take over the world. They claim the term AIESEC stands for some funky French acronym that is academically and intellectually inclined. They claim not to use it any more, but it actually stands for Alcohol In Excess, Sex at Every Conference. Any resemblance with Free-masonry is only coincidential. In their mission to take over the world AIESEC members are presenting themselves as »future leaders«, »top talents«, or »change agents« and some other preposterously hilarious names. AIESEC members are called AIESECERS. They form a nation that is spread all over the world, just like gypsies, except that AIESECERS don't steal. They have even higher level of mobility throughout the world than gypsies. This mobility the consequence of »exchange«, »MC abroad« or »CEED« opportunities. Official religion in AIESEC is called 'AIESEC Culture'
Recruitment of members
The members are recruited on the most prestigious universities all over the world. They are firstly invited to the seemingly innocent information meetings, where the new members are inspired to attend what the aiesecers innocently call »a motivational conferences«. The first conference usually takes place somewhere high in the mountains or as far away as possible from civilization in order to discourage new members to escape and to prevent them from the contact with non-AIESEC-ers. On the conferences, the leaders of the platform use the most advanced techniques of brainwashing to make the potential new members believe that they are leaders too, and that they themselves can literaly move mountains if they only dare to believe so.
As stated above, the leaders of the AIESEC use the most advanced ways of brainwashing techniques to make new members change their old mindsets into a new »change agent« mindset. These techniques include:
- Dances (internaly called »rollcalls«),
- Inspiring false beliefs in person's ability to change the world,
- Discouraging negative thoughts and publicity about AIESEC,
- Intolerance of jokes or parodies about AIESEC,
- Demonstrating any kind of torture as an opportunity,
- Direct brainwashing by opening the scull in case where individuals prove resiliant to more humane techniques of brainwashing.
The members are infected with various diseases and have all sorts of addictions. The most prevalent include PCS and Workaholism.
PCS (Post Conference Syndrome)
- Enormous energy to continue their slavery while believing they are the future leaders – Most of AIESECERS work their asses off for free, just like slaves. But not only that they are happy about it, they are addicted to their work, and they get even more addicted by every conference they attend. (See: workaholism)
- Suspending or questioning their previous beliefs
Treatment: There is no known medical treatment, no pills, but time is quite an efficient way of PCS treatment. PCS is an acute desease.
Addiction to working for free is present in large majority of AIESECERS. The addiction is increasing by every conference that they attend. Since AIESECERS are mostly not paid for their work in AIESEC, it has been argued by some, that the addiction to work is not the same as addiction to slavery, therefore the type of addiction that AIESECERS have should be called »slaverdiction« rather than »workaholism«.
Treatment: Most AIESECERS never get one.
Aiesexually Transmittable Diseases
See the AIESEX Chapter for more information about AIESEX.
Treatment: Denial is the most prevalent treatment, although only little success has been recorded using this method.
Most members attend AIESEC conferences just to get laid with other members of as different race as possible. Sexual intercourse among AIESECERS is usually called AIESEX. Unlike in other cult-like organizations, AIESEX is never organized in form of sexual seances, but rather happens just by accident in the bushes, dormitories, hotel rooms, or even classrooms (when others are not present of course). AIESEX is an excellent opportunity for latebloomer AIESECERS from more conservative countries (India, Middle East) to loose their virginity with AIESECERS from more sexually opened countries (Latinas and Venezuelans are a popular choice). Usually the information about who got laid with whom spreads globaly within organization with a light speed, while really important information usually travels with a speed of a snail.
AIESEX usually doesn't involve condoms, because it is defined as sex betwen 2 AIESEC members and not between an AIESEC member and a piece of rubber. Therefore AIESEC has the power of spreading sexually transmitive deseases throughout the world faster than any other organization in the world by practicing AIESEX on their conferences. "You invent it, we spread it!" is the concept of its product that AIESEC is selling to its partners.
When a person goes to his first conference, he starts believing that he is a future leader. After time he starts to question this belief and finds out that he is not a leader yet, but in order to be a leader, he has to apply for a leadershit position. The highest leadershit positions include:
- PAI – Pope of AIESEC International
- MCP – Master Controlling the Paperboys
- LCP - Local Committe Paperboy
- OCP – Organizing Commite Puppet
Every leadershit structure also has subleadershit structure comprised of vice presidents of various functional areas, most frequent of which are:
- VP TM (vice president terribly mad), last year called VP PD (vice president permanently disabled), last year called VP HR (vice president honorably retarded). The name of this position only has 1 year mandate. Noone knows yet what this position will be called next year.
- VP ER (vice president early retarded)
- VP F (vice president fucked)
- VP X (vice president for existance)
- VP IM (vice president impossibly mad) and VP UR (vice president ultimately retarded)
Once you are an AIESECer, you are AIESECer all of your life. After you stop your active slavery in AIESEC, you become AIESEC Alumni. When a AIESECER goes on Alumni status, he gets a lot of help from other AIESECERS to get them to a high profile jobs, which again is a strategy to take over the world. Any resemblence to Free-masonry or Scull & Bones is - again - only coincidential. Amongst AIESEC Alumni are Mick Jagger, Janez Drnovsek and Junichiro Koizumi. Some prominent people such as John F. Kennedy and Coffe Annan are often stated as alumni members just because their names sound nice, but actually they have never probably heard of AIESEC. Coffe Annan supposedly once said something about AIESEC, but he was told what to say by his advisor whose daughter was involved in AIESEC at that time.