Aglets

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The aglet... Many people have them, but are unaware of what or where they are. It's simple:
The aglet, without it, we would all be rotting a deep pit.

An aglet is the little plastic or metal thing on the end of shoelacess, simple as that, or is it? Many people believe that the aglet was originally called the "foon", then they later found out it was not (Because the foon is ofcourse an inversed spork.)

The aglet has had quite the history:

Contents

[edit] History of the aglet

The aglet has had a proud and memorable history, fromt he first aglet in 1790, to our aglet today. Although, the aglet has had it's ups and downs.

[edit] 1790

Compton, the place were even paper boys fear to tread.
The aglet was first created by a man known simply as Blaj, and was made of timber. It was a cylinder shape, 2 feet in diamater, and 3 feet long. Obviously almost every single person believed the aglet was a stupid creation and should be buried in a hole about 6 miles west of Compton, until a man had a idea.

[edit] 1873

Thomas Edison, age 26, a brilliant man and great fan of the Aglet. He was one of few people who still thought the aglet was a good idea (Believe me, there wasn't very many.) On the night of October 12th, 1873, Thomas Edison decided that he would recreate the aglet, except this one will be made of solid rock and would be a triangular shape, it would also double as a very poorly designed wallet. Once again, this was a stupd idea.

[edit] 1934

John F. Kennedy, 23rd Supreme Overlord of America.
The aglet was finally reconstructed to become a small, often plastic, tube that would hold the fibers of a shoelace together, people who knew of it's "power" (Also know as the "Slip Shoe") would be able to create a large solid gold statue which many people had different ideas of what it was, such as John F. Kennedy as a young man with the amazing slip shoe power thought it resembled a moose robbing that Macaly Culcan kid (Ofcourse he was doing that scared hands on the side of the face thing.) But since that movie was not created yet, he thought it resembled his mothers discrace for him.

[edit] Enemies of the aglet:

The enemies of the aglet are a lot like the bad guys we see on tv, such as:

  • Mr. Evil, a man in a top hat with a mustache, often rides over danzils in distress on a small train.
  • The Incredible Evil, a super powerful vilain with the super powerful ability to tell if it is butter or I can't believe it's not butter.
    I can't believe it's not butter, it will question your gender.
  • The zippy shoe, a shoe with zipper's instead of shoelaces and aglets.
  • The Slippy shoe, the shoe that can slip onto your foot without anything like shoelaces or zippers.
  • Compton, The aglet just had a bad experience in compton.
  • Gobbles, a retarded turkey from the show South Park.
  • Dental Hygenists, The aglet dispises dentists.

[edit] Conclusion

Many who seek help from Evil Jesus end up receiving a hemoroid, herpes and a really ugly bitch in your bed who just won't leave.

So, the aglet has had a proud and honorable history, but, sadly the aglet is slowly being destroyed by the slip of shoe and the zipper. But deep down in our livers (somewhere towards the left) we shall all remember the aglet and say "Damn!".


But, where would we be if it never existed? Our shoelaces would be messy and loosened, our wives would be confused as to why she is 80% water and Jesus would of made a second coming (You may be thinking this is a good thing, but I'm talking about the evil Jesus, the one who is lazy, mean and smells of oders most foul.)

[edit] What is a Foon?

You see before you, a spork, it is pure awsome in the form of a kitchen utensil.

Incase you have been wondering what you meen by a foon being the inverted spork, here is an explanation: A spork is where you take the first 3 letters, spo, from spoon and the last two letters, rk, from fork. Now, a foon is the first letter, f, from fork and the last 3 letters, oon, from the word spoon, making 'foon'

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