Afghanistan

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o change http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Splakahttp://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Splakahttp://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Splakahttp://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Splakahttp://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Splakahttp://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Splakahttp://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Splakahttp://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Splakahttp://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Splakahttp://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Splakahttp://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Splakahttp://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Splakaheir refusal, the United States commenced carpet bombing of the Afghanistan’s mountains and caves. Eventually, the United States helped the Northern Alliance stage persistant resistance and bloody tribal revolts against the Taliban and eventually forced the Taliban out of power. Afghanistan set up its own government, and soon held highly successful elections, in which they chose their first democratically elected leader in many years.

But in a major twist of events, the Taliban struck back against the new democratic order with bloody tribal revolts and persistent resistance.

Martian Invasion

In 2525 AD, Mongo the Magnificent from the planet Mars will launch a major invasion of Earth. Most of humanity’s governments, armed only primitive lasers versus the Martian's mighty arsenal of antimatter bombs and superior propaganda leaflets, will crumble. In Afghanistan, the Martians will be repelled by bloody tribal revolts and persistent resistance.

Historical Perspective

It is said by Afghans that those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it, writing it over and over on the chalkboard while the Teacher sits behind them hitting them on the back of the head with a ruler. But nobody listens to this old saw.

People and Culture

Entertainment

Pic.8-Afghan Freedom Fighters

The Three Ali's perform the timeless “Who’s on first" routine, a comical reference to the first pillar of Islam

The Afghan film industry has led the way in the eastern Middle East, especially in areas of humor. The comedy group, “The Three Ali’s,” put on many shows and several feature length films throughout the 1950s and 1960s.

After a relatively stagnant 1970s, the 1980s saw the return of a thriving industry of violent movies and TV shows. “Jihad Joe,” and “Transformers: Islamabots” were examples of popular Saturday morning children shows that spawned a dramatic surge in the toy industry.

Sports

Buzkashi

Buzkashi being played in a suburb of Kabul

Buzkashi is by far the most popular sport in Afghanistan. People from across the country assemble together and watch people riding horses carry bovine carcasses and throw them into nets to score goals.

The origin of this sport is unclear, however many believe it to be simply a way to piss off people in neighboring India, who worship cows. While different variations have been created through the years (communist cadaver toss, and extreme infidel Buzkashi being two prominent versions), original Buzkashi has kept its dominance.

The second most popular sport in Afghanistan is bloodbath. The Kabul Warlords are one of the perennial underdogs of Major League Bloodbath. However, the Warlords have been able to win many upsets through bloody tribal support and persistent resistance.

Economy

Afghanistan, located near many major powers, has always had a vital and vibrant economy. Its location on the Silk Road has made Afghanistan a historically important center of trade. Afghanistan continues to rely on this trade, importing military personnel, bombs, rubble, and mines while exporting opium, terrorists, and cadavers. Afghanistan is also the world's sole supplier of the thin, ugly, flimsy blankets which are its namesake; the word “Afghanistan” roughly translates to “Land of Thin, Ugly, Flimsy Blankets.” However, Afghanistan's main export is opium, and Afghanistan's opium accounts for 90% of Europe's heroin. This is why Dubya doesn't just bomb Afghanistan and get it over with; he wants Europe to stay inferior to America.

Education

Afghanis are renowned for being some of the most highly educated people in the world. Curing cancer, cold fusion, transubstantiation of matter, time travel (both directions), and more are all within the grasp of even the simplest of Afghani people. Thankfully, nature finds its balance and does not allow this small group of super-intelligent minds to gain control of the direction of the world by consistently blowing up Afghans, all of their worldly goods, and any piece of land they may ever visit.Template:ArticleFH

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