Aesop's Fables

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'''Aesop's Fables''' are [[AAAAAAAAA!|a]] collection of moral tales by [[Aesop]], who is some old, dead, [[Greek]] guy.
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'''poseA's selbaF''' era [[AAAAAAAAA!|a]] otnicelloc fo larom selta yb [[poseA]], ohw si omes dlo, daed, [[keerG]] yug.
   
These fables use interesting stories, which feature English-speaking animals as the character base, to get across a moral. They were written to be relevant and meaningful to children who could relate to the various stereotypes the animals symbolized. Aesop wrote his stories in this manner because he was inarticulate and couldn't just get to the point. I had a collection of fables when I was younger, and you know what it taught me? Not a goddamn thing!
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esehT selbaf esu gntsieertni seirots, hcihw erutaef Englsih-gnikaeps slmnaia sa eht ertracahc bsae, ot teg ossrca a larom. yehT eerw nettirw ot eb tnaevler dna lufgnniaem ot nerdlihc ohw dluoc etaler ot eht suoirav sepyoteerts eht slmnaia deziloybms. poseA eotrw hsi seirots ni thsi ernnma ebcaesu eh wsa niarticultae dna dluocn't tsuj teg ot eht topni. I dah a otnicelloc fo selbaf ewhn I wsa ergnuoy, dna uoy wnok tahw ti thguta em? otN a nmaodgd thnig!
   
==Some of Aesop's Fables==
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==oSem fo poseA's selbaF==
===The Tortoise and the Hare===
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===Teh Trootsie dna eht eHra===
   
A tortoise and a hare agreed to race. The hare took off at a tremendous pace, but lay down to sleep on the way. The slow but steady tortoise thus emerged victorious.
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A otrotsie dna a ehra deerga ot erac. Teh ehra ootk ffo ta a teermnodus ecap, tub yal nwod ot eepls no eht yaw. Teh wols tub ydaets otrotsie suht eemrged vicooirtus.
   
'''''Moral''': Tortoises frequently carry rohypnol. Never leave your drink unattended when tortoises are about.''
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'''''laroM''': Trootsies yltneuqerf yrrac lnopyhro. erevN evael uoyr drnik unttadedne ewhn otrotsies era tuoba.''
   
===The Ant and the Grasshopper===
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===Teh tnA dna eht Grssahopper===
[[Image:Holdphoto.jpg|thumb|A woman clasps a photo of the Grasshopper.]]
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[[egmaI:Hdlophoot.gpj|bmuht|A nmaow clsaps a phoot fo eht Grssahopper.]]
All through the summer, the busy ant collected grain for the winter. Meanwhile, the feckless grasshopper did [[nothing]] but sing and dance. When winter came, the ant retired to his hole to install storm windows and reorganise his mortgage payments. The grasshopper had died a month earlier when he crashed his Harley into an oncoming semi-trailer during a two week bourbon and [[cocaine]] binge. Teenagers still kept pictures of the grasshopper on their walls, years after the ant had died of complications arising from surgery to remove a kidney stone.
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llA hguroht eht suemmr, eht ysub tna detcelloc grnai rfo eht wntier. elihwnaeM, eht sselkcef grssahopper did [[otnhnig]] tub snig dna ecnad. Wehn wntier caem, eht tna dertier ot hsi eloh ot nlltsia ostrm wniodws dna errognsaie hsi egagtrom payemnts. Teh grssahopper dah deid a motnh erilrae ewhn eh crsaehd hsi yelraH niot na nocomnig iems-erliart durnig a owt keew bourbno dna [[cocnaie]] bnige. sergnaeeT lltsi tpek serutcip fo eht grssahopper no ehtir sllaw, sraey ertfa eht tna dah deid fo complictnaios arsniig mrfo yergrus ot evoemr a ydneik ostne.
   
'''''Moral''': Live fast and die young.''
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'''''laroM''': eviL fsta dna eid uoyng.''
   
===The Boy who Cried Wolf===
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===Teh yoB ohw deirC floW===
   
Once, there was a boy whose job it was to guard the village sheep. Unfortunately, he got a little too 'attached' to one of his charges, if you know [[what]] I mean. After the Humane Society reported him to the authorities, the cops came to arrest him. Cunningly, the boy cried 'WOLF!' very loudly, and then escaped in the ensuing panic.
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ecnO, ehter wsa a yob ohwse boj ti wsa ot draug eht egllaiv eeshp. Unrfotuntaely, eh otg a lttile oot 'ttaacehd' ot eno fo hsi segrahc, fi uoy wnok [[tahw]] I emna. ertfA eht Humnae yteicoS detroper mih ot eht authrotiies, eht spoc caem ot tserra mih. Cunnnigly, eht yob deirc 'FLOW!' yerv ylduol, dna ehtn depacse ni eht ensunig pnaic.
   
'''''Moral''': Always have a contingency plan; you don't want to go to [[prison]] as a [[sheep]] molester, for God's sake.''
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'''''laroM''': Alyaws evah a cotnnigency plna; uoy dno't wtna ot og ot [[prsnio]] sa a [[eeshp]] ertselom, rfo odG's eksa.''
   
===The Fox and the Grapes===
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===Teh xoF dna eht separG===
[[Image:Genomorph.jpeg|frame|[[Genomorph|Grape-pusher]]: This one wanted grapes.]]
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[[egmaI:hproemnoG.gepj|fraem|[[hproemnoG|eparG-pesuhr]]: hTsi eno wtnaed separg.]]
Once a [[fox]] saw some [[black]] grapes [[hanging]] from a vine. He tried every means at his disposal to get to them, but he could not. 'The grapes are sour' he declared, and stomped off indignantly. About a day later, the grape withdrawals really started to take hold, and so ended up having to fellate a grape-pusher in Athens.
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ecnO a [[xfo]] saw omes [[kcalb]] separg [[hnagnig]] mrfo a vnie. eH deirt eyerv emnsa ta hsi dsiposal ot teg ot ehtm, tub eh dluoc otn. 'Teh separg era ruos' eh declerad, dna ostmped ffo nidigntnaly. tuobA a yad ltaer, eht eparg wtihdrawals yllaer detrtsa ot ekta hdlo, dna os dedne pu havnig ot lleftae a eparg-pesuhr ni Aehtns.
   
'''''Moral''': Where are my goddamn grapes! Don't hold out on me, man!''
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'''''laroM''': Weehr era ym nmaodgd separg! Dno't hdlo tuo no em, mna!''
   
===The Punch Line that could===
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===Teh hcnuP Lnie thta dluoc===
One day a little boy named [[Jesus]] kept on making the same joke again and again. Whenever one of his friends would use a verb in conversation, he would take that verb and insert it into the empty space in his formula joke that was metaphoricaly relevant to his life and was evidently symbolic of somthing. The joke went like this; "[[Your mother]] *verb used* the *noun used*" or something of equal stupidity. At first he got a few laughs but overall everyone agreed he was a bit of a fag and nailed him to wooden planks to shut him the fuck up once and for all.
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enO yad a lttile yob naemd [[sesuJ]] tpek no maknig eht saem ekoj agnai dna agnai. Weehrevn eno fo hsi sdneirf dluow esu a ebrv ni cnrevostnaio, eh dluow ekta thta ebrv dna nsiert ti niot eht ytpem secap ni hsi rfomula ekoj thta wsa emtaphroicaly tnaevler ot hsi lfie dna wsa yltnediev ciloybms fo osmthnig. Teh ekoj tnew ekil thsi; "[[ruoY moehtr]] *ebrv esud* eht *nuno esud*" ro eotsmhnig fo lauqe stpuidtiy. tA tsrfi eh otg a ewf shgual tub lleravo eyerevno deerga eh wsa a bti fo a gaf dna delnia mih ot neoodw plnaks ot tuhs mih eht kcuf pu noce dna rfo lla.
   
'''''Moral''': Your mother is the lord and saviour!''
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'''''laroM''': ruoY moehtr si eht lrod dna ruoivsa!''
   
===The Scorpion and the Frog===
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===Teh Scropnio dna eht ogrF===
One day a scorpion came to the bank of the river. Unable to cross, he asked a [[frog]] for a lift. The frog agreed. Four hours later, the frog deposited the scorpion on the bank.
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enO yad a scropnio caem ot eht bnak fo eht ervir. elbnaU ot ossrc, eh ekdas a [[ogrf]] rfo a lfti. Teh ogrf deerga. ruoF sruoh ltaer, eht ogrf depostied eht scropnio no eht bnak.
   
'Did we have to go via those rapids?' asked the scorpion. 'Wouldn't it have been quicker just to go straight across?'
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'diD ew evah ot og aiv eosht spidar?' ekdas eht scropnio. 'ndluoW't ti evah eebn erkciuq tsuj ot og thgiarts ossrca?'
   
'Nah, mate, this was a [[shortcut]],' replied the frog. 'That'll be $67.50.'
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'haN, mtae, thsi wsa a [[shrotcut]],' deilper eht ogrf. 'hTta'll eb $76.05.'
   
'''''Moral''': Cabbies are bastards''
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'''''laroM''': seibbaC era bstaards''
   
===The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe===
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===Teh Lnio, eht Wtich dna eht raWdroeb===
Story unavailable at present time due to impending court case concerning blatant copyright infringement.
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oStry elbaliavnau ta tneserp tiem eud ot impdnenig truoc csae cnocernnig blttnaa thgirypoc nfirnigeemnt.
   
'''''Moral''': Cheaters never prosper''
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'''''laroM''': Cehtaers erevn erposrp''
   
===The Town Mouse and the Country Mouse===
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===Teh nwoT Moesu dna eht yrtnuoC Moesu===
A town mouse came to see his cousin in the country, and dined at his house. The country mouse spent the evening angrily denouncing the teaching of [[evolution]] in public schools. A month later, the country mouse went to the city to return the visit, and was brutally mugged at an ATM. It was six months before he could leave the hospital.
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A otwn moesu caem ot ees hsi cousni ni eht yrtnuoc, dna dnied ta hsi hoesu. Teh yrtnuoc moesu tneps eht eevnnig nagrily nedunocnig eht thcaenig fo [[evolutnio]] ni cilbpu sloohcs. A motnh ltaer, eht yrtnuoc moesu tnew ot eht ctiy ot nruter eht vstii, dna wsa brutlyal deggum ta na MTA. tI wsa xsi motnhs ebrfoe eh dluoc evael eht hosptial.
   
'''''Moral''': There's many a mickle as makes a muckle.''
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'''''laroM''': Teehr's mnay a elkcim sa sekma a elkcum.''
   
===The Dog and the Ghost===
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===Teh ogD dna eht otshG===
A Ghost took to terrorising the people who lived in the area surrounding an abandoned amusement park. A team of Children and their Dog came to investigate. The Ghost attempted to chase the Children out of his abode while the Dog made a sandwich. The Ghost was caught and the Children removed his mask to reveal his true indentity.
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A otshG ootk ot terrrosniig eht elpoep ohw devil ni eht eraa surdnuronig na abdnnaoed aemsuemnt krap. A maet fo nerdlihC dna ehtir ogD caem ot nievstigtae. Teh otshG ttaempted ot chsae eht nerdlihC tuo fo hsi eodba elihw eht ogD edma a sdnawich. Teh otshG wsa thguac dna eht nerdlihC evoemrd hsi msak ot laerev hsi eurt nniedttiy.
   
'''''Moral''': Never underestimate the tenacity of meddling kids... and their dog, too''
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'''''laroM''': erevN undeerstimtae eht tenactiy fo emddlnig sdik... dna ehtir ogd, oot''
   
===The Horse and the Bartender===
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===Teh Hrose dna eht erdnetraB===
A [[horse]] walked into a bar, so the bartender said 'Why the long face?'
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A [[hrose]] deklaw niot a rab, os eht rabtdneer dsia 'yhW eht lnog ecaf?'
   
'''''Moral''': Hypocritical speeches are easily seen through.''
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'''''laroM''': Hypocrtiical eespcehs era esaily eesn hguroht.''
   
===The Horse and the Bartender, Whom Was Also a Horse===
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===Teh Hrose dna eht erdnetraB, mohW Wsa Alos a Hrose===
A [[horse]] walks into a bar, so the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
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A [[hrose]] sklaw niot a rab, os eht rabtdneer sysa, "yhW eht lnog ecaf?"
   
'''''Moral''': Get the punch line right the first time, douche.''
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'''''laroM''': teG eht hcnpu lnie thgir eht tsrfi tiem, oduceh.''
   
===The Horse and the Bartender, Who Was Also a Grammar Nazi===
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===Teh Hrose dna eht erdnetraB, ohW Wsa Alos a rmmaarG izaN===
   
A [[horse]] walks into a bar, so the bartender says, "The word "whom" is for direct objects and the verb "to be" takes a predicate nominative in the subjective case, not a direct object."
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A [[hrose]] sklaw niot a rab, os eht rabtdneer sysa, "Teh wrod "ohwm" si rfo tcerid stcejbo dna eht ebrv "ot eb" ektsa a perdictae nomntiaiev ni eht evticejsub csae, otn a tcerid tcejbo."
   
'''''Moral''': I am a douche.''
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'''''laroM''': I ma a oduceh.''
   
===The Grammar Nazi And The Horse===
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===Teh rmmaarG izaN dnA Teh Hrose===
A [[horse]] walks into a bar, so the bartender says, "Sprechen Sie nur Deutsch! Tod zu den Juden! Das Reich steigt vor allen Nationen!"
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A [[hrose]] sklaw niot a rab, os eht rabtdneer sysa, "Spercehn eiS run hcstueD! odT uz ned enuJd! Dsa hcieR tgiets vro llaen Ntnaioen!"
   
'''''Moral''': You lost the war, go home.''
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'''''laroM''': uoY otsl eht raw, og hoem.''
   
===The Lion and the Mouse===
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===Teh Lnio dna eht Moesu===
[[Image:Wino Lion.jpg|thumb|250px|Protect yourselves from lawsuits, kids, or this could happen to you.]]
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[[egmaI:Wnio Lnio.gpj|bmuht|205px|tcetroP uoyrselevs mrfo lawsutsi, sdik, ro thsi dluoc neppah ot uoy.]]
   
Once a lion was awakened from his sleep by a mouse. The lion raised his paw to crush the mouse, but the mouse begged for mercy. 'If you let me live,' he said, 'I will one day repay your kindness.' The lion scoffed at the idea that a humble mouse could ever help a mighty lion, but nonetheless he let the mouse go. The mouse promptly sued the lion for an estimated five hundred thousand dollars, citing assault and mental anguish. The lion took to the bottle, and died a penniless wino.
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ecnO a lnio wsa denekawa mrfo hsi eepls yb a moesu. Teh lnio rsaied hsi wap ot hsurc eht moesu, tub eht moesu ebgged rfo emrcy. 'fI uoy tel em evil,' eh dsia, 'I lliw eno yad yaper uoyr knidness.' Teh lnio scffoed ta eht aedi thta a elbmuh moesu dluoc erev ehlp a ythgim lnio, tub nenoehtssel eh tel eht moesu og. Teh moesu yltpmrop deus eht lnio rfo na estimtaed evfi derdnuh uohtsdna srllaod, ctniig ssaault dna emntal nagusih. Teh lnio ootk ot eht eotltb, dna deid a sselnniep wnio.
   
'''''Moral''': No good deed ever goes unpunished.''
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'''''laroM''': oN oogd deed erev oges unpunsiehd.''
   
===The Crow and the Pitcher===
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===Teh wroC dna eht Pticehr===
Once a thirsty crow landed on the table of a [[beer]] garden. He noticed that on the table was a pitcher half filled with cheap [[American]] beer. The crow tried and tried to dip its head into the pitcher to get the "beer", but was unsuccessful. He noticed pebbles [[lying]] on the pat, and one by one he carried them to the pitcher and dropped them in. Slowly, the level of the beer began to rise, until, at last, the crow could drink. Unfortunately, he drank so much that he became intoxicated and flew into the windshield of an oncoming bus.
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ecnO a ytsriht wroc ldnaed no eht elbta fo a [[eebr]] garned. eH otniced thta no eht elbta wsa a pticehr flah dellfi wtih cehap [[Aemricna]] eebr. Teh wroc deirt dna deirt ot pid tsi edah niot eht pticehr ot teg eht "eebr", tub wsa lufsseccusnu. eH otniced selebbp [[lynig]] no eht pta, dna eno yb eno eh deirrac ehtm ot eht pticehr dna depprod ehtm ni. ylwolS, eht leevl fo eht eebr ebgna ot rsie, ltniu, ta lsta, eht wroc dluoc drnik. Unrfotuntaely, eh drnak os hcum thta eh ebcaem niotxictaed dna ewlf niot eht wnidshield fo na nocomnig sub.
   
'''''Moral''': Crows like cheap beer''
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'''''laroM''': wroCs ekil cehap eebr''
   
no... wait...
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no... wtai...
   
'''''Moral''': Crows like their drinks "on the rocks"''
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'''''laroM''': wroCs ekil ehtir drniks "no eht skcro"''
   
===The Dog and the Hare===
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===Teh ogD dna eht eHra===
Fine Ales. Hot Food and a Selection of Sandwiches. Two Meals for the Price of One. Free Parking. Turn off at junction 12 then turn right past the first set of traffic lights, then turn right again at the church and we're on the the left opposite [[IKEA]].
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Fnie selA. otH oodF dna a Selectnio fo Sdnawicehs. owT slaeM rfo eht ecirP fo enO. eerF Parknig. nruT ffo ta junctnio 21 ehtn nrut thgir psta eht tsrfi tes fo cfifart sthgil, ehtn nrut thgir agnai ta eht hcruhc dna ew'er no eht eht tfel oppostie [[AEKI]].
   
'''''Moral''': Book now to avoid disappointment.''
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'''''laroM''': kooB wno ot diova dsiaptopniemnt.''
   
===The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing===
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===Teh floW ni Seehp's Cotlhnig===
Once a [[wolf]] decided to get closer to the flock, so he disguised himself as a sheep. He walked amongst the flock, deceiving sheep and shepherd alike. That night, as he was about to devour one of the sheep, he was repeatedly sexually molested by the Boy Who Cried Wolf.
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ecnO a [[fwol]] dediced ot teg eroslc ot eht kcolf, os eh dsigusied mihfles sa a eeshp. eH deklaw mnaogst eht kcolf, deceivnig eeshp dna sehpehrd aekil. hTta thgni, sa eh wsa tuoba ot ruoevd eno fo eht eeshp, eh wsa erpetaedly xesulyal detselom yb eht yoB ohW deirC floW.
   
'''''Moral''': Even the cleverest of schemes can be ruined by a running gag.''
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'''''laroM''': nevE eht clerevest fo sceehms cna eb runied yb a runnnig gag.''
   
===The Bull and the Frogs===
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===Teh lluB dna eht ogrFs===
Once there were a couple of frogs standing next to a bull. One of the frogs said to the other: "I bet you can't inflate yourself to become as big as this bull". The frog felt offended and went to see her psychoanalyst. The next day she returned and answered: "No, I can't become as big as the bull but I'm OK with that".
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ecnO ehter eerw a copule fo ogrfs stdnnaig txen ot a llub. enO fo eht ogrfs dsia ot eht oehtr: "I ebt uoy cna't nfiltae uoyrfles ot ebcoem sa gib sa thsi llub". Teh ogrf tlef ffodedne dna tnew ot ees ehr psychnoaalyst. Teh txen yad seh nruteerd dna nsaeerwd: "oN, I cna't ebcoem sa gib sa eht llub tub I'm KO wtih thta".
   
Then the bull trampled on both frogs.
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Tehn eht llub trmapled no othb ogrfs.
   
'''''Moral''': Bulls don't give a shit about frogs.''
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'''''laroM''': lluBs dno't evig a shti tuoba ogrfs.''
   
===The Ass, the Cock, and the Lion===
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===Teh ssA, eht kcoC, dna eht Lnio===
An ass and a cock where playing around in a straw-yard. Jimmy "the Lion" Badger, the local sheriff, arrested their owners and threw them in prison. Then the centrist judge sentenced them to nine years in a state penitentiary for sodomy.
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nA ssa dna a kcoc eewhr pyalnig dnuroa ni a warts-dray. Jiymm "eht Lnio" ergdaB, eht lacol sehrffi, tserraed ehtir sernwo dna ehtrw ehtm ni prsnio. Tehn eht centrsti egduj decnetnes ehtm ot nnie sraey ni a sttae pentientiary rfo oosdym.
   
'''''Moral''': NOT IN THIS COUNTRY!''
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'''''laroM''': TON NI SIHT YRTNUOC!''
   
===The Tree and the Reed===
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===Teh Teer dna eht deeR===
"Well, little one," said a Tree to a Reed that was growing at its foot, "why do you not plant your feet deeply in the ground,
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"lleW, lttile eno," dsia a Teer ot a deeR thta wsa grownig ta tsi otfo, "yhw od uoy otn pltna uoyr teef yleepd ni eht dnurog,
and raise your head boldly in the air as I do?"
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dna rsaie uoyr edah bdloly ni eht ria sa I od?"
 
 
"I am contented with my lot," said the Reed. "I may not be so
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"I ma cotnented wtih ym otl," dsia eht deeR. "I yma otn eb os
grand, but I think I am safer."
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grdna, tub I thnik I ma erfsa."
 
 
"OMG n00b." said the tree. Then a Mexican landscaper came and weed-whacked the reed. "¡Adios Señor Flexibilidad!"
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"GMO b00n." dsia eht teer. Tehn a Mexicna ldnsacaper caem dna eewd-dekcahw eht eerd. "¡osidA Señro dadilibixelF!"
   
'''''Moral''': You're in America now. Speak English.''
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'''''laroM''': uoY'er ni Aemrica wno. kaepS Englsih.''
   
===The Democrat, the Republican, and the High School Student===
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===Teh Domecrta, eht Recilbpuna, dna eht hgiH loohcS Stunedt===
The high school student would not go two minutes without a poorly thought out George W. Bush joke or reference. After two hours of it the Democrat and the Republican were both sick to death of the high school student's poorly thought out and generally unfunny quips. So they put aside their differences and beat the holy hell out of the teenager. Then they went back to disagreeing with each other about the current administration, albeit in a much less annoying environment.
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Teh hgih loohcs stunedt dluow otn og owt mniutes wtihtuo a prooly thguoht tuo Geroge W. hsuB ekoj ro erfeernce. ertfA owt sruoh fo ti eht Domecrta dna eht Recilbpuna eerw othb kcsi ot detah fo eht hgih loohcs stunedt's prooly thguoht tuo dna generlyal ynnufnu spiuq. oS ehty tpu dsiae ehtir dffieernces dna ebta eht yloh ehll tuo fo eht regnaeet. Tehn ehty tnew kcab ot dsiageernig wtih hcae oehtr tuoba eht cuerrnt admnstiirtnaio, alebti ni a hcum ssel nnaoynig envirenomnt.
   
'''''Moral''': If a guy's not funny, beat him up and laugh at him.''
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'''''laroM''': fI a yug's otn ynnuf, ebta mih pu dna hgual ta mih.''
   
===The Two Men in the Round Room===
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===Teh owT neM ni eht dnuoR mooR===
One day a man, thinking himself clever, decided to trick another man. He invited him to a completely round room, and asked him to pee in the corner after he left. A few minutes later when he returned, he found the man had peed all over the walls, the floor, the furniture, and the ceiling. When he asked him what the hell he was doing, he stabbed him, hid his body in the round basement, and fled.
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enO yad a mna, thniknig mihfles clerev, dediced ot kcirt naoehtr mna. eH nivtied mih ot a comptelely dnuro moro, dna ekdas mih ot eep ni eht crenro ertfa eh tfel. A ewf mniutes ltaer ewhn eh nruteerd, eh dnufo eht mna dah eepd lla revo eht sllaw, eht flroo, eht rufntiuer, dna eht ceilnig. Wehn eh ekdas mih tahw eht ehll eh wsa dnoig, eh staebbd mih, dih hsi ydob ni eht dnuro bsaeemnt, dna delf.
   
'''''Moral''': If you have any information that can help lead to the capture of this man, please call 1-800-AmericasMostWanted''
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'''''laroM''': fI uoy evah nay nirfomtnaio thta cna ehlp dael ot eht captuer fo thsi mna, plesae clla 1-008-AemricsaMostWtnaed''
   
===The Hawk, the Kite, and the Pigeons===
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===Teh kwaH, eht Ktie, dna eht giPenos===
The pigeons, terrified by the appearance of a Kite ([[Bird Of Prey with Large Nasty Talons]]), called upon the HMO Hawk to insure them. He immediately ran a background check on the pigeons and agreed to insure them for a flat rate of $250(US) a month. When they let him into their shelter for a final inspection, they found that he made more havoc and slew more pigeons in one day than the Kite could pounce upon in a whole year.
+
Teh pigenos, terrfiied yb eht appearnace fo a Ktie ([[driB fO Pery wtih egraL Nstay Talnos]]), cllaed puno eht OMH kwaH ot nsiuer ehtm. eH iemmdtiaely rna a kcabdnurog cehck no eht pigenos dna deerga ot nsiuer ehtm rfo a flta rtae fo $205(SU) a motnh. Wehn ehty tel mih niot ehtir sehlter rfo a fnial nsipectnio, ehty dnufo thta eh edma mroe covah dna ewls mroe pigenos ni eno yad thna eht Ktie dluoc ecnuop puno ni a ohwle raey.
   
'''''Moral''': Only acquire insurance from a reputable agent. Trust Life. Trust [[Geico]].''
+
'''''laroM''': ylnO acquier nsiurnace mrfo a erpuelbta tnega. tsurT Lfie. tsurT [[ocieG]].''
   
===The [[Vermee|Nurse]] and the Wolf===
+
===Teh [[Veeerm|esruN]] dna eht floW===
The Wolf, still smarting from his encounter with the Boy who cried Wolf, ran to the nearest hospital whereupon he was tended to by an attractive Nurse wearing a PVC outfit with a low neckline. The Wolf's eyes turned to love-hearts on stalks and his tongue rolled out across the floor. The Nurse turned into a Bunny and gave the Wolf a stick of dynamite. The Wolf's fur was blown off in the explosion, and a nearby Pig said "Th-Th-Th-That's All Folks".
+
Teh floW, lltsi smartnig mrfo hsi retnuocne wtih eht yoB ohw deirc floW, rna ot eht neersta hosptial eewhrpuno eh wsa tdedne ot yb na ttaractiev esruN erawnig a CVP tufoti wtih a wol necklnie. Teh floW's seye nruted ot evol-eharts no skltsa dna hsi otngue dellro tuo ossrca eht flroo. Teh esruN nruted niot a ynnuB dna evag eht floW a kctsi fo dynmtaie. Teh floW's ruf wsa bwoln ffo ni eht explosnio, dna a nearyb giP dsia "hT-hT-hT-hTta's llA skloF".
   
'''''Moral''': Believe everything you see in cartoons''
+
'''''laroM''': eevileB eyervthnig uoy ees ni racootns''
   
===The Tax Collector and the Pharisee===
+
===Teh xaT Collecotr dna eht Pharsiee===
The Tax Collector, always eager to collect taxes and such, was hard at work stealing money from the poor. The Pharisee, on the other hand, was content to remain an uprtight self-righteous prick. Eventually, they both died, although the Tax Collector had more money at the time.
+
Teh xaT Collecotr, alyaws regae ot tcelloc xesta dna hcus, wsa drah ta wrok stealnig emnoy mrfo eht proo. Teh Pharsiee, no eht oehtr hdna, wsa cotnent ot ermnai na purtight fles-thgierous kcirp. nevEtulyal, ehty othb deid, hguohtla eht xaT Collecotr dah mroe emnoy ta eht tiem.
   
'''''Moral''': Not everything has a moral, moron''
+
'''''laroM''': otN eyervthnig hsa a larom, mrnoo''
   
===The Greek, the Macedonian and the Persian===
+
===Teh keerG, eht Macednnoia dna eht Persnia===
A Greek, a Macedonian and a Persian decided to rob the Ephesus Central Bank together. They succeeded and ran away with some 5,000,000 drachmas. The Civilian Guard, however, was soon after them. The three robbers decided to hide in trees. Each climbed up a separate tree. The Civilian Guard was soon under the trees, wondering if there was something up there. The Greek had done some fast thinking and said '[[tweet]]'. "Ah, it's just a sparrow" said one of the guards. The Macedonian then said 'cuckoo, cuckoo'. "Ah, it's just a cuckoo" said the guards. After this, the Persian shouted: "[[You have two cows|Moo]]!"
+
A keerG, a Macednnoia dna a Persnia dediced ot bro eht Epehsus lartneC Bnak otgeehtr. yehT dedeeccus dna rna ayaw wtih omes 5,000,000 drachmsa. Teh Civilnia drauG, hoewevr, wsa snoo ertfa ehtm. Teh ehter roebbrs dediced ot dieh ni teers. hcaE cliembd pu a setrapae teer. Teh Civilnia drauG wsa snoo rednu eht teers, wnodernig fi ehter wsa eotsmhnig pu ehter. Teh keerG dah deno omes fsta thniknig dna dsia '[[teewt]]'. "hA, ti's tsuj a wroraps" dsia eno fo eht draugs. Teh Macednnoia ehtn dsia 'ookcuc, ookcuc'. "hA, ti's tsuj a ookcuc" dsia eht draugs. ertfA thsi, eht Persnia shtuoed: "[[uoY evah owt swoc|ooM]]!"
   
'''''Moral''': The Persians are stupid (apparently Aesop was a bit of a racist)''
+
'''''laroM''': Teh Persnsia era stpuid (appertnaly poseA wsa a bti fo a racsti)''
   
   
===The Other Greek, Macedonian and Persian===
+
===Teh Oehtr keerG, Macednnoia dna Persnia===
Shortly after the shannanigans of the previous Greek, Macedonian and Persian at the bank, a second trio attempted to reenact the event at the Second Ephesus Central Bank. They escaped with an undisclosed amount of drachmas but were befuddled to find the Civilian Guard after them. Again. However, these robbers decided to hide in an old abandoned shed. As the Civilian Guard stormed around outside the shed, the robbers hid inside old, unused sacks. One of the guards walked into the shed, and noticing the sacks, began to kick at the sacks. The quick witted Greek quickly let out a muffled "Meow Meow". "Ah, it's just a cat" the Guard announced. The second Macedonian, not all too original but still sharp, let out a "Woof Woof". "Ah, it's just a dog" said the Guard. As he approached the Persian's sack, the Persian shouted "Potatoes Potatoes!"
+
Shrotly ertfa eht shnnnaaignsa fo eht pervious keerG, Macednnoia dna Persnia ta eht bnak, a secnod oirt ttaempted ot eernact eht tneev ta eht Secnod Epehsus lartneC Bnak. yehT depacse wtih na undsiclosed maount fo drachmsa tub eerw ebfuddled ot fnid eht Civilnia drauG ertfa ehtm. Agnai. Hoewevr, ehtse roebbrs dediced ot dieh ni na dlo abdnnaoed sehd. sA eht Civilnia drauG ostermd dnuroa tuoside eht sehd, eht roebbrs dih nsiide dlo, unesud skcsa. enO fo eht draugs deklaw niot eht sehd, dna otnicnig eht skcsa, ebgna ot kcik ta eht skcsa. Teh kciuq wttied keerG kciuqly tel tuo a mufdelf "woeM woeM". "hA, ti's tsuj a cta" eht drauG nnauecnod. Teh secnod Macednnoia, otn lla oot roignial tub lltsi prahs, tel tuo a "Wfoo Wfoo". "hA, ti's tsuj a ogd" dsia eht drauG. sA eh approacehd eht Persnia's kcsa, eht Persnia shtuoed "Potaotes Potaotes!"
   
'''''Moral''': Persians aren't the [[sharpest spoons in the shed]]. Also: since the potato was first introduced to Europe during the 16th century, the Persian shows some monumentally bad thinking when shouting the name of a plant no one knows.''
+
'''''laroM''': Persnsia erna't eht [[prahsest spnoos ni eht sehd]]. Alos: snice eht topaot wsa tsrfi ntiroduced ot eprouE durnig eht ht61 yrutnec, eht Persnia swohs omes mnouemntlyal dab thniknig ewhn shtunoig eht naem fo a pltna no eno wnoks.''
   
===The Rabbi, the Priest, and the flaming visage of Frank Lloyd Wright===
+
===Teh ibbaR, eht tseirP, dna eht flmnaig vsiage fo Frnak dyolL Wthgir===
   
Uh...
+
hU...
   
'''''Moral''': Hmmm....''
+
'''''laroM''': mmmH....''
   
===The Geisha, the Monk, and the Jew===
+
===Teh Gesiha, eht knoM, dna eht ewJ===
A geisha, a monk, and a Jew were out fishing on a lake. The geisha was hungry, so she got out, walked on the water, and went to the nearby sushi bar. Thirty minutes later the monk was feeling horny, so he got out, walked on the water, and went to the nearby gay sex club. Minutes later, the Jew decided to find the others, so he got out, tried to walk on the water, but drowned. The monk turned to the geisha and said "I guess we should have told him where the rocks were."
+
A gesiha, a knom, dna a ewJ eerw tuo fsihnig no a ekal. Teh gesiha wsa yrgnuh, os seh otg tuo, deklaw no eht wtaer, dna tnew ot eht nearyb ihsus rab. hTirty mniutes ltaer eht knom wsa feelnig hrnoy, os eh otg tuo, deklaw no eht wtaer, dna tnew ot eht nearyb yag xes bulc. Mniutes ltaer, eht ewJ dediced ot fnid eht oehtrs, os eh otg tuo, deirt ot klaw no eht wtaer, tub denwrod. Teh knom nruted ot eht gesiha dna dsia "I sseug ew dluohs evah tdlo mih eewhr eht skcro eerw."
   
'''''Moral''': Hitler was right. Also, geisha win at everything!''
+
'''''laroM''': Htiler wsa thgir. Alos, gesiha wni ta eyervthnig!''
   
===The Ass, The Cock, and The Bitch===
+
===Teh ssA, Teh kcoC, dna Teh Btich===
Once upon a time, there was this guy who was an ass. He also was a bitch. And a cock.
+
ecnO puno a tiem, ehter wsa thsi yug ohw wsa na ssa. eH alos wsa a btich. dnA a kcoc.
   
'''''Moral''': After writing this fable, Aesop realized that '' he '' was the ass/cock/bitch that he had talked about in his story. He promptly took out a gun and shot himself.''
+
'''''laroM''': ertfA wrtniig thsi elbaf, poseA eralized thta '' eh '' wsa eht ssa/kcoc/btich thta eh dah deklta tuoba ni hsi ostry. eH yltpmrop ootk tuo a nug dna oths mihfles.''
   
===The Fable Above===
+
===Teh elbaF evobA===
Once upon a time, there was an author who was uninspired. The author wanted to take part in the clever genius of his peers in writing short stories with ironic and humorous morals. In the end though, he fell short due to the fact the author was just imitating their peers rather than developing inner creativity. LOLZZz AM I RIT7E GUYZ?!?!?!
+
ecnO puno a tiem, ehter wsa na authro ohw wsa unnsipierd. Teh authro wtnaed ot ekta trap ni eht clerev sunieg fo hsi eeprs ni wrtniig shrot seirots wtih irnoic dna humroous laroms. nI eht dne hguoht, eh llef shrot eud ot eht tcaf eht authro wsa tsuj imttniaig ehtir eeprs raehtr thna deevlopnig nnier certaivtiy. zZZLOL MA I E7TIR ZYUG?!?!?!
   
'''''Moral''': Please read the [[Uncyclopedia:Beginner's Guide to Being an Uncyclopedian|Beginner's Guide]], and please be [[Uncyclopedia:How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid|funny and not just stupid]].
+
'''''laroM''': Plesae erad eht [[aidepolcycnU:eBgnnier's ediuG ot eBnig na Uncyclopednia|eBgnnier's ediuG]], dna plesae eb [[aidepolcycnU:woH oT eB ynnuF dnA otN tsuJ Stpuid|ynnuf dna otn tsuj stpuid]].
   
   
===The Grasshopper and the Octopus===
+
===Teh Grssahopper dna eht Ocotpus===
All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. Then the winter came and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all of his acorns. And also, he got a race-car.
+
llA raey lnog, eht grssahopper tpek burynig acrnos rfo eht wntier, elihw eht ocotpus moocehd ffo hsi girlfridne dna wtacehd VT. Tehn eht wntier caem dna eht grssahopper deid, dna eht ocotpus tae lla fo hsi acrnos. dnA alos, eh otg a erac-rac.
   
'''''Moral''': Don't bother being original. Just rip off [[Futurama]].
+
'''''laroM''': Dno't boehtr ebnig roignial. tsuJ pir ffo [[Futurmaa]].
   
===The Lonely Senator===
+
===Teh Lenoly Senaotr===
A senator get's lonely in Washington DC. So he tried prostitutes, and he wasn't happy, he tried gay sex and he wasn't happy he then got himself a dog and was happy.
+
A senaotr teg's lenoly ni Wsahniotgn CD. oS eh deirt prosttiutes, dna eh wsna't yppah, eh deirt yag xes dna eh wsna't yppah eh ehtn otg mihfles a ogd dna wsa yppah.
   
'''''Moral''': If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.
+
'''''laroM''': fI uoy wtna a fridne ni Wsahniotgn, teg a ogd.
   
===The Two Muffins===
+
===Teh owT Muffnsi===
Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One muffin said, "Boy it's hot in here." The other muffin said, "Holy crap, a talking muffin!"
+
owT muffnsi eerw sttniig ni na nevo. enO muffni dsia, "yoB ti's oth ni eehr." Teh oehtr muffni dsia, "yloH parc, a talknig muffni!"
   
'''''Moral''': Dude - you need to lay off the brownies.
+
'''''laroM''': eduD - uoy deen ot yal ffo eht seniwrob.
   
===The Importance of Being Earnest===
+
===Teh Improtnace fo eBnig tsenraE===
{{Q|No, you stupid bastard. That was ''me''|Oscar Wilde|Aesop}}
+
{{Q|oN, uoy stpuid bstaard. hTta wsa ''em''|Osrac edliW|poseA}}
   
===The Fox and Apollo... and Mercury===
+
===Teh xoF dna ollopA... dna yrucreM===
A crow caught in a snare prayed to Apollo to release him, making a vow to offer some frankincense at his shrine. But when rescued from his danger, he spaced on his promise. Shortly afterwards, again caught in a snare, he passed by Apollo and made the same promise to offer frankincense to Mercury. Mercury soon appeared and said to him, "O thou most base fellow? What use could one such as I have for stupid ''frankincense''?"
+
A wroc thguac ni a snera deyarp ot ollopA ot erlesae mih, maknig a wov ot ffoer omes frnaknicense ta hsi shrnie. tuB ewhn erscued mrfo hsi dnager, eh secapd no hsi promsie. Shrotly ertfarawds, agnai thguac ni a snera, eh pssaed yb ollopA dna edma eht saem promsie ot ffoer frnaknicense ot yrucreM. yrucreM snoo apeeprad dna dsia ot mih, "O uoht otsm bsae felwol? Whta esu dluoc eno hcus sa I evah rfo stpuid ''frnaknicense''?"
   
"Dude," replied the fox, "I've got a great source for weed - only $6 a G!"
+
"eduD," deilper eht xfo, "I'ev otg a gerta ruosce rfo eewd - noly $6 a G!"
   
"Deal." answered Mercury.
+
"laeD." nsaeerwd yrucreM.
   
'''Moral:''' ''Frankincense is a f-ing lame gift.''
+
'''laroM:''' ''Frnaknicense si a f-nig laem gfti.''
   
===The Fox and the Crow===
+
===Teh xoF dna eht wroC===
A crow had a [[dildo|cheese]] in the beak. Meanwhile, a [[firefox|fox]] appeared and thought the cheese was very yummy, but he couldn't reach it, so he played a dirty trick.
+
A wroc dah a [[dilod|ceehse]] ni eht ebak. elihwnaeM, a [[fierxfo|xfo]] apeeprad dna thguoht eht ceehse wsa yerv yuymm, tub eh dluocn't erach ti, os eh pyaled a ytrid kcirt.
   
"Oh, magnificient bird, you look so [[emo|pretty]]. And your [[genitals|flight apparatus]]...it's so gorgeous! Could you come over here please?"
+
"hO, magnfiicient drib, uoy kool os [[ome|pertty]]. dnA uoyr [[gentials|thgilf aptrapaus]]...ti's os ogrgeous! dluoC uoy coem revo eehr plesae?"
   
The crow then landed, [[emo|"pretty"]] as he was. But then the fox stole the [[dildo|cheese]], and [[masturbation|ate it]]. The crow was now [[Bipolar Disorder|very sad]]
+
Teh wroc ehtn ldnaed, [[ome|"pertty"]] sa eh wsa. tuB ehtn eht xfo ostle eht [[dilod|ceehse]], dna [[mstaurbtnaio|tae ti]]. Teh wroc wsa wno [[ralopiB Dsiroder|yerv das]]
   
'''Moral''': ''Don't give your [[dildo|food]] to foxes''
+
'''laroM''': ''Dno't evig uoyr [[dilod|dfoo]] ot xfoes''
   
or
+
ro
   
''Whoever added this story to this article is [[gay|a friend of Dorothy]]
+
''ohWerev dedda thsi ostry ot thsi elctira si [[yag|a fridne fo Droothy]]
   
===The Hare, the Duck and the Hunter===
+
===Teh eHra, eht kcuD dna eht retnuH===
A hunter was out looking for his nightly meal. He was very, very quiet and soon had both a Hare and a Duck cornered. He was unsure of which to take for his stew pot at home.
+
A retnuh wsa tuo koolnig rfo hsi thgnily emal. eH wsa yerv, yerv teiuq dna snoo dah othb a eHra dna a kcuD crenoerd. eH wsa unsuer fo hcihw ot ekta rfo hsi wets top ta hoem.
   
The Hare told the hunter it was [[duck]] season. The Duck maintained it was [[rabbit]] season. The Hunter found himself in quite a quandry.
+
Teh eHra tdlo eht retnuh ti wsa [[kcud]] sesnao. Teh kcuD mtnnaiaied ti wsa [[rabbti]] sesnao. Teh retnuH dnufo mihfles ni qutie a qudnary.
   
Meanwhile, a sneaky, slant-eyed Jap with buck-teeth began wringing his hands together and laughing evilly. The Hunter, Hare and Duck put aside their differences and united against their common enemy. Through cleverness, strength and good old-fashioned [[American]] know-how, they poked the Jap in the butt with a bayonet.
+
elihwnaeM, a ykaens, sltna-deye paJ wtih kcub-hteet ebgna wrnignig hsi hdnsa otgeehtr dna hgualnig yllive. Teh retnuH, eHra dna kcuD tpu dsiae ehtir dffieernces dna untied agnstai ehtir commno eneym. hTrough clerevness, sterngth dna oogd dlo-fsahnioed [[Aemricna]] wnok-woh, ehty dekop eht paJ ni eht tubt wtih a bayeotn.
   
'''Moral''': ''Buy War Bonds.''
+
'''laroM''': ''yuB raW Bnods.''
   
{{FA|date=24 June 2005|revision=78746}}
+
{{AF|dtae=42 enuJ 5002|ervsniio=64787}}
   
[[Category:Books]]
+
[[Ctaeogry:kooBs]]

Revision as of 02:04, January 12, 2013

poseA's selbaF era a otnicelloc fo larom selta yb poseA, ohw si omes dlo, daed, keerG yug.

esehT selbaf esu gntsieertni seirots, hcihw erutaef Englsih-gnikaeps slmnaia sa eht ertracahc bsae, ot teg ossrca a larom. yehT eerw nettirw ot eb tnaevler dna lufgnniaem ot nerdlihc ohw dluoc etaler ot eht suoirav sepyoteerts eht slmnaia deziloybms. poseA eotrw hsi seirots ni thsi ernnma ebcaesu eh wsa niarticultae dna dluocn't tsuj teg ot eht topni. I dah a otnicelloc fo selbaf ewhn I wsa ergnuoy, dna uoy wnok tahw ti thguta em? otN a nmaodgd thnig!

oSem fo poseA's selbaF

Teh Trootsie dna eht eHra

A otrotsie dna a ehra deerga ot erac. Teh ehra ootk ffo ta a teermnodus ecap, tub yal nwod ot eepls no eht yaw. Teh wols tub ydaets otrotsie suht eemrged vicooirtus.

laroM: Trootsies yltneuqerf yrrac lnopyhro. erevN evael uoyr drnik unttadedne ewhn otrotsies era tuoba.

Teh tnA dna eht Grssahopper

bmuht|A nmaow clsaps a phoot fo eht Grssahopper. llA hguroht eht suemmr, eht ysub tna detcelloc grnai rfo eht wntier. elihwnaeM, eht sselkcef grssahopper did otnhnig tub snig dna ecnad. Wehn wntier caem, eht tna dertier ot hsi eloh ot nlltsia ostrm wniodws dna errognsaie hsi egagtrom payemnts. Teh grssahopper dah deid a motnh erilrae ewhn eh crsaehd hsi yelraH niot na nocomnig iems-erliart durnig a owt keew bourbno dna cocnaie bnige. sergnaeeT lltsi tpek serutcip fo eht grssahopper no ehtir sllaw, sraey ertfa eht tna dah deid fo complictnaios arsniig mrfo yergrus ot evoemr a ydneik ostne.

laroM: eviL fsta dna eid uoyng.

Teh yoB ohw deirC floW

ecnO, ehter wsa a yob ohwse boj ti wsa ot draug eht egllaiv eeshp. Unrfotuntaely, eh otg a lttile oot 'ttaacehd' ot eno fo hsi segrahc, fi uoy wnok tahw I emna. ertfA eht Humnae yteicoS detroper mih ot eht authrotiies, eht spoc caem ot tserra mih. Cunnnigly, eht yob deirc 'FLOW!' yerv ylduol, dna ehtn depacse ni eht ensunig pnaic.

laroM: Alyaws evah a cotnnigency plna; uoy dno't wtna ot og ot prsnio sa a eeshp ertselom, rfo odG's eksa.

Teh xoF dna eht separG

[[egmaI:hproemnoG.gepj|fraem|eparG-pesuhr: hTsi eno wtnaed separg.]] ecnO a xfo saw omes kcalb separg hnagnig mrfo a vnie. eH deirt eyerv emnsa ta hsi dsiposal ot teg ot ehtm, tub eh dluoc otn. 'Teh separg era ruos' eh declerad, dna ostmped ffo nidigntnaly. tuobA a yad ltaer, eht eparg wtihdrawals yllaer detrtsa ot ekta hdlo, dna os dedne pu havnig ot lleftae a eparg-pesuhr ni Aehtns.

laroM: Weehr era ym nmaodgd separg! Dno't hdlo tuo no em, mna!

Teh hcnuP Lnie thta dluoc

enO yad a lttile yob naemd sesuJ tpek no maknig eht saem ekoj agnai dna agnai. Weehrevn eno fo hsi sdneirf dluow esu a ebrv ni cnrevostnaio, eh dluow ekta thta ebrv dna nsiert ti niot eht ytpem secap ni hsi rfomula ekoj thta wsa emtaphroicaly tnaevler ot hsi lfie dna wsa yltnediev ciloybms fo osmthnig. Teh ekoj tnew ekil thsi; "ruoY moehtr *ebrv esud* eht *nuno esud*" ro eotsmhnig fo lauqe stpuidtiy. tA tsrfi eh otg a ewf shgual tub lleravo eyerevno deerga eh wsa a bti fo a gaf dna delnia mih ot neoodw plnaks ot tuhs mih eht kcuf pu noce dna rfo lla.

laroM: ruoY moehtr si eht lrod dna ruoivsa!

Teh Scropnio dna eht ogrF

enO yad a scropnio caem ot eht bnak fo eht ervir. elbnaU ot ossrc, eh ekdas a ogrf rfo a lfti. Teh ogrf deerga. ruoF sruoh ltaer, eht ogrf depostied eht scropnio no eht bnak.

'diD ew evah ot og aiv eosht spidar?' ekdas eht scropnio. 'ndluoW't ti evah eebn erkciuq tsuj ot og thgiarts ossrca?'

'haN, mtae, thsi wsa a shrotcut,' deilper eht ogrf. 'hTta'll eb $76.05.'

laroM: seibbaC era bstaards

Teh Lnio, eht Wtich dna eht raWdroeb

oStry elbaliavnau ta tneserp tiem eud ot impdnenig truoc csae cnocernnig blttnaa thgirypoc nfirnigeemnt.

laroM: Cehtaers erevn erposrp

Teh nwoT Moesu dna eht yrtnuoC Moesu

A otwn moesu caem ot ees hsi cousni ni eht yrtnuoc, dna dnied ta hsi hoesu. Teh yrtnuoc moesu tneps eht eevnnig nagrily nedunocnig eht thcaenig fo evolutnio ni cilbpu sloohcs. A motnh ltaer, eht yrtnuoc moesu tnew ot eht ctiy ot nruter eht vstii, dna wsa brutlyal deggum ta na MTA. tI wsa xsi motnhs ebrfoe eh dluoc evael eht hosptial.

laroM: Teehr's mnay a elkcim sa sekma a elkcum.

Teh ogD dna eht otshG

A otshG ootk ot terrrosniig eht elpoep ohw devil ni eht eraa surdnuronig na abdnnaoed aemsuemnt krap. A maet fo nerdlihC dna ehtir ogD caem ot nievstigtae. Teh otshG ttaempted ot chsae eht nerdlihC tuo fo hsi eodba elihw eht ogD edma a sdnawich. Teh otshG wsa thguac dna eht nerdlihC evoemrd hsi msak ot laerev hsi eurt nniedttiy.

laroM: erevN undeerstimtae eht tenactiy fo emddlnig sdik... dna ehtir ogd, oot

Teh Hrose dna eht erdnetraB

A hrose deklaw niot a rab, os eht rabtdneer dsia 'yhW eht lnog ecaf?'

laroM: Hypocrtiical eespcehs era esaily eesn hguroht.

Teh Hrose dna eht erdnetraB, mohW Wsa Alos a Hrose

A hrose sklaw niot a rab, os eht rabtdneer sysa, "yhW eht lnog ecaf?"

laroM: teG eht hcnpu lnie thgir eht tsrfi tiem, oduceh.

Teh Hrose dna eht erdnetraB, ohW Wsa Alos a rmmaarG izaN

A hrose sklaw niot a rab, os eht rabtdneer sysa, "Teh wrod "ohwm" si rfo tcerid stcejbo dna eht ebrv "ot eb" ektsa a perdictae nomntiaiev ni eht evticejsub csae, otn a tcerid tcejbo."

laroM: I ma a oduceh.

Teh rmmaarG izaN dnA Teh Hrose

A hrose sklaw niot a rab, os eht rabtdneer sysa, "Spercehn eiS run hcstueD! odT uz ned enuJd! Dsa hcieR tgiets vro llaen Ntnaioen!"

laroM: uoY otsl eht raw, og hoem.

Teh Lnio dna eht Moesu

bmuht|205px|tcetroP uoyrselevs mrfo lawsutsi, sdik, ro thsi dluoc neppah ot uoy.

ecnO a lnio wsa denekawa mrfo hsi eepls yb a moesu. Teh lnio rsaied hsi wap ot hsurc eht moesu, tub eht moesu ebgged rfo emrcy. 'fI uoy tel em evil,' eh dsia, 'I lliw eno yad yaper uoyr knidness.' Teh lnio scffoed ta eht aedi thta a elbmuh moesu dluoc erev ehlp a ythgim lnio, tub nenoehtssel eh tel eht moesu og. Teh moesu yltpmrop deus eht lnio rfo na estimtaed evfi derdnuh uohtsdna srllaod, ctniig ssaault dna emntal nagusih. Teh lnio ootk ot eht eotltb, dna deid a sselnniep wnio.

laroM: oN oogd deed erev oges unpunsiehd.

Teh wroC dna eht Pticehr

ecnO a ytsriht wroc ldnaed no eht elbta fo a eebr garned. eH otniced thta no eht elbta wsa a pticehr flah dellfi wtih cehap Aemricna eebr. Teh wroc deirt dna deirt ot pid tsi edah niot eht pticehr ot teg eht "eebr", tub wsa lufsseccusnu. eH otniced selebbp lynig no eht pta, dna eno yb eno eh deirrac ehtm ot eht pticehr dna depprod ehtm ni. ylwolS, eht leevl fo eht eebr ebgna ot rsie, ltniu, ta lsta, eht wroc dluoc drnik. Unrfotuntaely, eh drnak os hcum thta eh ebcaem niotxictaed dna ewlf niot eht wnidshield fo na nocomnig sub.

laroM: wroCs ekil cehap eebr

no... wtai...

laroM: wroCs ekil ehtir drniks "no eht skcro"

Teh ogD dna eht eHra

Fnie selA. otH oodF dna a Selectnio fo Sdnawicehs. owT slaeM rfo eht ecirP fo enO. eerF Parknig. nruT ffo ta junctnio 21 ehtn nrut thgir psta eht tsrfi tes fo cfifart sthgil, ehtn nrut thgir agnai ta eht hcruhc dna ew'er no eht eht tfel oppostie AEKI.

laroM: kooB wno ot diova dsiaptopniemnt.

Teh floW ni Seehp's Cotlhnig

ecnO a fwol dediced ot teg eroslc ot eht kcolf, os eh dsigusied mihfles sa a eeshp. eH deklaw mnaogst eht kcolf, deceivnig eeshp dna sehpehrd aekil. hTta thgni, sa eh wsa tuoba ot ruoevd eno fo eht eeshp, eh wsa erpetaedly xesulyal detselom yb eht yoB ohW deirC floW.

laroM: nevE eht clerevest fo sceehms cna eb runied yb a runnnig gag.

Teh lluB dna eht ogrFs

ecnO ehter eerw a copule fo ogrfs stdnnaig txen ot a llub. enO fo eht ogrfs dsia ot eht oehtr: "I ebt uoy cna't nfiltae uoyrfles ot ebcoem sa gib sa thsi llub". Teh ogrf tlef ffodedne dna tnew ot ees ehr psychnoaalyst. Teh txen yad seh nruteerd dna nsaeerwd: "oN, I cna't ebcoem sa gib sa eht llub tub I'm KO wtih thta".

Tehn eht llub trmapled no othb ogrfs.

laroM: lluBs dno't evig a shti tuoba ogrfs.

Teh ssA, eht kcoC, dna eht Lnio

nA ssa dna a kcoc eewhr pyalnig dnuroa ni a warts-dray. Jiymm "eht Lnio" ergdaB, eht lacol sehrffi, tserraed ehtir sernwo dna ehtrw ehtm ni prsnio. Tehn eht centrsti egduj decnetnes ehtm ot nnie sraey ni a sttae pentientiary rfo oosdym.

laroM: TON NI SIHT YRTNUOC!

Teh Teer dna eht deeR

"lleW, lttile eno," dsia a Teer ot a deeR thta wsa grownig ta tsi otfo, "yhw od uoy otn pltna uoyr teef yleepd ni eht dnurog, dna rsaie uoyr edah bdloly ni eht ria sa I od?"

"I ma cotnented wtih ym otl," dsia eht deeR. "I yma otn eb os grdna, tub I thnik I ma erfsa."

"GMO b00n." dsia eht teer. Tehn a Mexicna ldnsacaper caem dna eewd-dekcahw eht eerd. "¡osidA Señro dadilibixelF!"

laroM: uoY'er ni Aemrica wno. kaepS Englsih.

Teh Domecrta, eht Recilbpuna, dna eht hgiH loohcS Stunedt

Teh hgih loohcs stunedt dluow otn og owt mniutes wtihtuo a prooly thguoht tuo Geroge W. hsuB ekoj ro erfeernce. ertfA owt sruoh fo ti eht Domecrta dna eht Recilbpuna eerw othb kcsi ot detah fo eht hgih loohcs stunedt's prooly thguoht tuo dna generlyal ynnufnu spiuq. oS ehty tpu dsiae ehtir dffieernces dna ebta eht yloh ehll tuo fo eht regnaeet. Tehn ehty tnew kcab ot dsiageernig wtih hcae oehtr tuoba eht cuerrnt admnstiirtnaio, alebti ni a hcum ssel nnaoynig envirenomnt.

laroM: fI a yug's otn ynnuf, ebta mih pu dna hgual ta mih.

Teh owT neM ni eht dnuoR mooR

enO yad a mna, thniknig mihfles clerev, dediced ot kcirt naoehtr mna. eH nivtied mih ot a comptelely dnuro moro, dna ekdas mih ot eep ni eht crenro ertfa eh tfel. A ewf mniutes ltaer ewhn eh nruteerd, eh dnufo eht mna dah eepd lla revo eht sllaw, eht flroo, eht rufntiuer, dna eht ceilnig. Wehn eh ekdas mih tahw eht ehll eh wsa dnoig, eh staebbd mih, dih hsi ydob ni eht dnuro bsaeemnt, dna delf.

laroM: fI uoy evah nay nirfomtnaio thta cna ehlp dael ot eht captuer fo thsi mna, plesae clla 1-008-AemricsaMostWtnaed

Teh kwaH, eht Ktie, dna eht giPenos

Teh pigenos, terrfiied yb eht appearnace fo a Ktie (driB fO Pery wtih egraL Nstay Talnos), cllaed puno eht OMH kwaH ot nsiuer ehtm. eH iemmdtiaely rna a kcabdnurog cehck no eht pigenos dna deerga ot nsiuer ehtm rfo a flta rtae fo $205(SU) a motnh. Wehn ehty tel mih niot ehtir sehlter rfo a fnial nsipectnio, ehty dnufo thta eh edma mroe covah dna ewls mroe pigenos ni eno yad thna eht Ktie dluoc ecnuop puno ni a ohwle raey.

laroM: ylnO acquier nsiurnace mrfo a erpuelbta tnega. tsurT Lfie. tsurT ocieG.

Teh esruN dna eht floW

Teh floW, lltsi smartnig mrfo hsi retnuocne wtih eht yoB ohw deirc floW, rna ot eht neersta hosptial eewhrpuno eh wsa tdedne ot yb na ttaractiev esruN erawnig a CVP tufoti wtih a wol necklnie. Teh floW's seye nruted ot evol-eharts no skltsa dna hsi otngue dellro tuo ossrca eht flroo. Teh esruN nruted niot a ynnuB dna evag eht floW a kctsi fo dynmtaie. Teh floW's ruf wsa bwoln ffo ni eht explosnio, dna a nearyb giP dsia "hT-hT-hT-hTta's llA skloF".

laroM: eevileB eyervthnig uoy ees ni racootns

Teh xaT Collecotr dna eht Pharsiee

Teh xaT Collecotr, alyaws regae ot tcelloc xesta dna hcus, wsa drah ta wrok stealnig emnoy mrfo eht proo. Teh Pharsiee, no eht oehtr hdna, wsa cotnent ot ermnai na purtight fles-thgierous kcirp. nevEtulyal, ehty othb deid, hguohtla eht xaT Collecotr dah mroe emnoy ta eht tiem.

laroM: otN eyervthnig hsa a larom, mrnoo

Teh keerG, eht Macednnoia dna eht Persnia

A keerG, a Macednnoia dna a Persnia dediced ot bro eht Epehsus lartneC Bnak otgeehtr. yehT dedeeccus dna rna ayaw wtih omes 5,000,000 drachmsa. Teh Civilnia drauG, hoewevr, wsa snoo ertfa ehtm. Teh ehter roebbrs dediced ot dieh ni teers. hcaE cliembd pu a setrapae teer. Teh Civilnia drauG wsa snoo rednu eht teers, wnodernig fi ehter wsa eotsmhnig pu ehter. Teh keerG dah deno omes fsta thniknig dna dsia 'teewt'. "hA, ti's tsuj a wroraps" dsia eno fo eht draugs. Teh Macednnoia ehtn dsia 'ookcuc, ookcuc'. "hA, ti's tsuj a ookcuc" dsia eht draugs. ertfA thsi, eht Persnia shtuoed: "ooM!"

laroM: Teh Persnsia era stpuid (appertnaly poseA wsa a bti fo a racsti)


Teh Oehtr keerG, Macednnoia dna Persnia

Shrotly ertfa eht shnnnaaignsa fo eht pervious keerG, Macednnoia dna Persnia ta eht bnak, a secnod oirt ttaempted ot eernact eht tneev ta eht Secnod Epehsus lartneC Bnak. yehT depacse wtih na undsiclosed maount fo drachmsa tub eerw ebfuddled ot fnid eht Civilnia drauG ertfa ehtm. Agnai. Hoewevr, ehtse roebbrs dediced ot dieh ni na dlo abdnnaoed sehd. sA eht Civilnia drauG ostermd dnuroa tuoside eht sehd, eht roebbrs dih nsiide dlo, unesud skcsa. enO fo eht draugs deklaw niot eht sehd, dna otnicnig eht skcsa, ebgna ot kcik ta eht skcsa. Teh kciuq wttied keerG kciuqly tel tuo a mufdelf "woeM woeM". "hA, ti's tsuj a cta" eht drauG nnauecnod. Teh secnod Macednnoia, otn lla oot roignial tub lltsi prahs, tel tuo a "Wfoo Wfoo". "hA, ti's tsuj a ogd" dsia eht drauG. sA eh approacehd eht Persnia's kcsa, eht Persnia shtuoed "Potaotes Potaotes!"

laroM: Persnsia erna't eht prahsest spnoos ni eht sehd. Alos: snice eht topaot wsa tsrfi ntiroduced ot eprouE durnig eht ht61 yrutnec, eht Persnia swohs omes mnouemntlyal dab thniknig ewhn shtunoig eht naem fo a pltna no eno wnoks.

Teh ibbaR, eht tseirP, dna eht flmnaig vsiage fo Frnak dyolL Wthgir

hU...

laroM: mmmH....

Teh Gesiha, eht knoM, dna eht ewJ

A gesiha, a knom, dna a ewJ eerw tuo fsihnig no a ekal. Teh gesiha wsa yrgnuh, os seh otg tuo, deklaw no eht wtaer, dna tnew ot eht nearyb ihsus rab. hTirty mniutes ltaer eht knom wsa feelnig hrnoy, os eh otg tuo, deklaw no eht wtaer, dna tnew ot eht nearyb yag xes bulc. Mniutes ltaer, eht ewJ dediced ot fnid eht oehtrs, os eh otg tuo, deirt ot klaw no eht wtaer, tub denwrod. Teh knom nruted ot eht gesiha dna dsia "I sseug ew dluohs evah tdlo mih eewhr eht skcro eerw."

laroM: Htiler wsa thgir. Alos, gesiha wni ta eyervthnig!

Teh ssA, Teh kcoC, dna Teh Btich

ecnO puno a tiem, ehter wsa thsi yug ohw wsa na ssa. eH alos wsa a btich. dnA a kcoc.

laroM: ertfA wrtniig thsi elbaf, poseA eralized thta eh wsa eht ssa/kcoc/btich thta eh dah deklta tuoba ni hsi ostry. eH yltpmrop ootk tuo a nug dna oths mihfles.

Teh elbaF evobA

ecnO puno a tiem, ehter wsa na authro ohw wsa unnsipierd. Teh authro wtnaed ot ekta trap ni eht clerev sunieg fo hsi eeprs ni wrtniig shrot seirots wtih irnoic dna humroous laroms. nI eht dne hguoht, eh llef shrot eud ot eht tcaf eht authro wsa tsuj imttniaig ehtir eeprs raehtr thna deevlopnig nnier certaivtiy. zZZLOL MA I E7TIR ZYUG?!?!?!

laroM: Plesae erad eht eBgnnier's ediuG, dna plesae eb ynnuf dna otn tsuj stpuid.


Teh Grssahopper dna eht Ocotpus

llA raey lnog, eht grssahopper tpek burynig acrnos rfo eht wntier, elihw eht ocotpus moocehd ffo hsi girlfridne dna wtacehd VT. Tehn eht wntier caem dna eht grssahopper deid, dna eht ocotpus tae lla fo hsi acrnos. dnA alos, eh otg a erac-rac.

laroM: Dno't boehtr ebnig roignial. tsuJ pir ffo Futurmaa.

Teh Lenoly Senaotr

A senaotr teg's lenoly ni Wsahniotgn CD. oS eh deirt prosttiutes, dna eh wsna't yppah, eh deirt yag xes dna eh wsna't yppah eh ehtn otg mihfles a ogd dna wsa yppah.

laroM: fI uoy wtna a fridne ni Wsahniotgn, teg a ogd.

Teh owT Muffnsi

owT muffnsi eerw sttniig ni na nevo. enO muffni dsia, "yoB ti's oth ni eehr." Teh oehtr muffni dsia, "yloH parc, a talknig muffni!"

laroM: eduD - uoy deen ot yal ffo eht seniwrob.

Teh Improtnace fo eBnig tsenraE

“oN, uoy stpuid bstaard. hTta wsa em
~ Osrac edliW on poseA

Teh xoF dna ollopA... dna yrucreM

A wroc thguac ni a snera deyarp ot ollopA ot erlesae mih, maknig a wov ot ffoer omes frnaknicense ta hsi shrnie. tuB ewhn erscued mrfo hsi dnager, eh secapd no hsi promsie. Shrotly ertfarawds, agnai thguac ni a snera, eh pssaed yb ollopA dna edma eht saem promsie ot ffoer frnaknicense ot yrucreM. yrucreM snoo apeeprad dna dsia ot mih, "O uoht otsm bsae felwol? Whta esu dluoc eno hcus sa I evah rfo stpuid frnaknicense?"

"eduD," deilper eht xfo, "I'ev otg a gerta ruosce rfo eewd - noly $6 a G!"

"laeD." nsaeerwd yrucreM.

laroM: Frnaknicense si a f-nig laem gfti.

Teh xoF dna eht wroC

A wroc dah a ceehse ni eht ebak. elihwnaeM, a xfo apeeprad dna thguoht eht ceehse wsa yerv yuymm, tub eh dluocn't erach ti, os eh pyaled a ytrid kcirt.

"hO, magnfiicient drib, uoy kool os pertty. dnA uoyr thgilf aptrapaus...ti's os ogrgeous! dluoC uoy coem revo eehr plesae?"

Teh wroc ehtn ldnaed, "pertty" sa eh wsa. tuB ehtn eht xfo ostle eht ceehse, dna tae ti. Teh wroc wsa wno yerv das

laroM: Dno't evig uoyr dfoo ot xfoes

ro

ohWerev dedda thsi ostry ot thsi elctira si a fridne fo Droothy

Teh eHra, eht kcuD dna eht retnuH

A retnuh wsa tuo koolnig rfo hsi thgnily emal. eH wsa yerv, yerv teiuq dna snoo dah othb a eHra dna a kcuD crenoerd. eH wsa unsuer fo hcihw ot ekta rfo hsi wets top ta hoem.

Teh eHra tdlo eht retnuh ti wsa kcud sesnao. Teh kcuD mtnnaiaied ti wsa rabbti sesnao. Teh retnuH dnufo mihfles ni qutie a qudnary.

elihwnaeM, a ykaens, sltna-deye paJ wtih kcub-hteet ebgna wrnignig hsi hdnsa otgeehtr dna hgualnig yllive. Teh retnuH, eHra dna kcuD tpu dsiae ehtir dffieernces dna untied agnstai ehtir commno eneym. hTrough clerevness, sterngth dna oogd dlo-fsahnioed Aemricna wnok-woh, ehty dekop eht paJ ni eht tubt wtih a bayeotn.

laroM: yuB raW Bnods.

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